The Source of Hope and Strength

What happens when the bottom drops out of your life?

Photo licensed under Public domain via Wikimedia Commons
  • When you experience a great calamity like the loss of your home through a fire or a flood?
  • Or suffer through an unwanted divorce, or worse, the death of a loved one who meant the world to you?
  • What happens when you must undergo lingering, intense personal illness or pain that just won’t go away?

Some lose their faith in God when they go through times like these. Others, however, find hope to endure, often discovering a deeper meaning to life as a result of their strong, deeply spiritual and moral convictions.

These brave souls see the proof that God is alive and is compassionate during those terrible times, as He cares for their needs and purifies their character.

You can too.

When the Bottom Drops Out

The great prophet Jeremiah stared into the abyss when the bottom dropped out of his life. He recorded what he saw and felt—and believed—in the book of Lamentations. Jeremiah lamented the horrid conditions of his people, the Hebrews, who had been carried off into captivity in Babylon because they had forsaken the Lord their God and turned their hearts to worship idols.

Even though Jeremiah’s “eyes fail[ed] because of tears” . . . and his “spirit [was] greatly troubled” . . . and his “heart [was] poured out on the earth,” he still hoped in the Lord (Lamentations 2:11; 3:23–24).

Amazing, isn’t it? The Message paraphrases Jeremiah’s words this way:

I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there’s one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,
his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.
They’re created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He’s all I’ve got left.

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It’s a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It’s a good thing when you’re young
to stick it out through the hard times.
(Lamentations 3:19–27 MESSAGE)

Photo by Fancibaer (Own work) [CC0], via Wikimedia Commons

Photo by Fancibaer (Own work) via Wikimedia Commons

So, let me ask you again: what happens when the bottom drops out of your life?

According to Jeremiah, you feel like you’re eating ashes!

But today, even with the bitter taste of poison on your tongue, Jeremiah declares that you can turn to the Lord and find a renewed strength and a confident hope, remembering that His merciful love is created anew every morning.

Let’s talk about finding hope in it all.

Question: What helps you when the bottom drops out? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

  • Jolene Philo

    When the bottom falls out of my world, I remember a song my husband learned as a kid in Sunday school. “When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot in the end and hang on.” And when I can’t hang any longer, I ask Jesus to wrap his hands around mine and hang on with me.

    • Jolene,
      That is so true! Sometimes He even asks us to let go so we may learn a new and deeper trust because He promises to catch us. Hanging on, tying the knot, and asking Him to continue to catch us when we are to let go. Thanks for this great word picture! Colleen

  • Sandra

    Hello Colleen, This is what i spoke of earlier wanted to read this blog,and exactly what I needed in now. Lamentations, Jeremiah , and “He’s all I got left”, Lamentations 3:19 27. ANd The post by Jolene, I will remember this ,what a wonderful thought….” to have hang on to the knot in end of rope and if cant hang any longer, ask Jesus to wrap His hands around mine and hang on with me” adding what you have said, wonderful and so real….in my situation especially as we speak the common surprises…”and asking Him to continue to catch us when we are to let go”.

    Thank you for a wonderful topic, I feel very passionate about Lamentations and Jeremiah. I am inspired to read more of Jeremiah life.

    Thank you
    Sandra

    • Sandra,
      I’m reading through your notes and observing various kinds of grief….the different “cries” are for different things. Some is connected to being overwhelmed as you were as a child, another is possibly anger coming out in tears because of fear…anger can be fear we hold inside, crying for all you have done and it continues to mount, and more. Never, ever think your tears are not valued by our Lord Jesus who weeps with you. He wept at the tomb of Lazarus, with Mary and Martha, and in the garden before going to the cross. Many, many deaths you are releasing through the tears; let them fall and don’t try to figure them all out. I know it’s exhausting, it’s confusing, it’s simply tiring….but there is a cleansing purpose in them that cannot be done unless you allow yourself to open up and weep. Yes, Jeremiah had much to lament over; 45-50 years as a prophet and not one convert…talk about feeling like a failure. But HE was GOD’S choice for a purpose….and so are you. I care deeply and will continue to read but wanted to drop you this note of loving care before moving on. Colleen

      • Sandra

        Hello Colleen, how dear of your heart to be reaching out to so many individuals that you know this makes a difference in each person moment, day, life, and to have received a post during a weekend of quiet. I am most grateful for all your thoughts and yes, it seems to feel like lots of grief,sorrow, and glimpses of pure excitement with every little reminder or experience that is moving forward in a positive flowing direction…….the no squirrels since i covered hole is truly a delight esp at nite when i had heard them for a good solid week destoying crawl space/beneath floor insulation.etc. I have slept too now without the noise and worry of what damage they are doing….I am so very Blessed I sealed hole for now,and wildlife consultant will be sure to direct me to all prevention and claims permanent sealing. I have listened and I have cried some over weekend,still not feeling enough. There will be a space I know it will flood out soon. I did not know the story of Jeremiah and did not know the 45-60 years….wow…..and not one convert. The information I read last evening was nobody knew where Jeremiah went in end??? did he disappear or die? I thought this must be the resilience you speak of, someone who kept speaking the Truth of God as a Prophet and not ever waivering , he continued I would believe with hopeful heart. Thank you for this note Colleen. I am working through some way to get wood here for a project to be done next Saturday as long as I can remove the old particle board from floor by then for contracter to come in and place plywood down,restore floor in this living room area first. Reik Master had mentioned would do on Fri, although that was not ever rementioned and did not occur Friday, so Lumber store seems as if order large enough will deliver, or contracter will pick up for 20.00 for me? I will keep you posted. I hope you have had a good rest ,as the time change does allow this extra hour of sleep, I do hope you are restored from good restful weekend.
        Thank you for this note, and I am always so inspired how well you know the Bible and wisdom of every experience/story to speak forth in every circumstance. I so wish this was part of my upbringing to have it so ingrained within my every cell, heart and soul as you have experienced.
        With so much Gratitude always,
        Sandra

        • Sandra,
          As I have studied the life of Jeremiah, it’s not real sure how his life ended…various opinions are offered. However, I did find this on Bible Hub that I thought would encourage you about Jeremiah as a person: Character. –Canon Cook says of Jeremiah, “His character is most interesting. We find him sensitive to a most painful degree, timid, shy, hopeless, desponding, constantly complaining and dissatisfied with the course of events, but never flinching from duty…Timid in resolve, he was unflinching in execution; as fearless when he had to face the whole world as he was dispirited and prone to murmuring when alone with God. Judged by his own estimate of himself, he was feeble, and his mission a failure; really, in the hour of action and when duty called him, he was in very truth a defended city, and an iron pillar, and brazen walls against the whole land.? Ch. (Jeremiah 1:18) he was a noble example of the triumph of the moral over the physical nature.” It is so interesting to note that his natural character was shy, timid, and often dissatisfied…yet as God filled him with strength to respond to the call of God on his life, he was an iron pillar, strong, noble, and bold. So it is with us all, without Christ, we are weak, needy, feeble, and complaining; yet with God who changes everything we are strong and capable of confidence that can only come from our Lord. Because God is the same ‘yesterday, today and forever’, His ways with us are the same. We can count on the same strength and empowerment that God provided Jeremiah in our own lives. God is not limited to human time and space; therefore, there is nothing He cannot do or provide. The end of Jeremiah’s life is not as important as the substance of his life…obvious human frailty combined with God’s promised strength. So it is for us all…to live by faith and not by any other means. Hope this helps. Colleen

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen.as I have mentioned many times your so well spoken with grace .it is so enjoyable to read ..your children are so very lucky to have you as mom….sharing Bible stories in their very heart forever just as you have eloquent ly described experience ,character ,example meaning in our lives today…Thank you for sharing Jeremiah so clearly for my understanding so fully..I would llike to explore Paul the same. .I reallyenjoy dvd Bible stories and eventually will have this way to learn more too. It is wonderful to now know Jeremiah so well.Thank you
            Sandra

  • Sandra,
    The life of Paul is incredible. I know we have many resources via Insight for living to download that are about his life. My dad wrote a book, one of the character study books on Paul. You would love it. Nothing about Paul or Jeremiah’s life…or most of those in scripture had it easy…life was terribly difficult. Some were left with nothing unless the Lord provided at that very moment as is explained via the prophet Elijah. What a story. So take it to heart that your life, my life, most who choose to follow Christ don’t have it easy, they do have one to turn to for every need. You do, I do just as those in scripture did. Bible Hub, Gateway, and Olive Tree are three sites that can offer much information related to Paul and other Biblical characters. My dad has written much on these people as well, look to the Insight for Living resource Library…topical studies…and you will find much there as well. Half priced books and other discount book sites offer used books like commentaries by F.B. Meyer, Spurgeon, Tozer, McClarin, Pink, Bruce…so many at an incredible price. Even Bible Hub offers commentaries on the Bible by various, trusted authors…free. You are on a wonderful learning path; use your waiting time as a gift of time to learn and grow…what a gift. God is with you Sandra, He’s near always. Colleen
    Colleen Swindoll-Thompson

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen, Thank you so very much ,so much delightful information in this post, as always inspirational wisdom. I truly would like to read your Dad book, i will look at Insight for Living Library, I have his Disciples little book. I have been using the Bible Hub as you mentioned in earlier post. I will seek these authors as well to see what I can locate….if I do find a dvd I will add to list.
      Colleen, Thank you, you have an incredible understanding, your insight is profound. Yes, to the other post, my father my dr. calls a master munipulator,and this is unfortunately patterns in my family that have not ever changed since I was born really….I can forgive and have forgiven even my mother at so many levels, abandonment,etc, perhaps not the neglect, and it is just this year I think that I have come to really see who the “players” are, and with the help of my dr repeatedly reminding me over the years and your blog to open up and help me ever so graciously seek the Lord and validate with the same understanding as my dr….(are you a Dr. in Pshychology?,you very well could be as you are incredible and remarkable in your understanding,wisdom and compassion) well over time what I have been validated I have been able to see more clearly and “take care of the little girl inside of me”. With that said, I can forgive and have forgiven, this course of new creation of me can forgive more as healing takes place yet not need to accept or take on or give into unhealthy patterns, and that is yes alot of great loss ,lonliness although yes the Blanket that is keeping me so very warm by God wrapping me and holding me (I have enjoyed the feeling so remarkable as this is what He seems to be providing me at this time) and this process is so very challenging as I am blamed along the way for making changes that are blind to those that have these unhealthy patterns, and that I need find the exact balance, or how I react or response or action that is still respectful yet keeping my boundary without guilt and/or the blame I mentioned. I need let go and let God so much handle this for me. When honesty to these individuals has been more kaos for me for lack of comprehension of reality, I do not like to be dishonest and say I am so busy is why do not call, it is not in my blood but to speak such truth of how i am feeling,although I cannot in this situation ,I can be cautious in any conversation that may come up and “walk on eggshells”, and see if there is a little truth I can fit in, otherwise I will be putting myself in a teribly uncomfortable place where truth is not accepted and embraced nor acknowledged positive and supported. The truth is that I am in a healing space and my boundaries are so raw and open and I am not up to listening without regard to my feeling about my neice wedding I have not been included, and hurtful cruel gossip,etc….I am simply just not up for protecting myself. And need to continue ask the Lord for His help in not feeling guilty or wrongful. (something came to mind recently, my mother when my oldest brother was still in high school, i think he was speaking in a way my mother did not like and she in “her humor” (which is not humor at all really but to her it is funny) she made my brother lunch and put the hottest of hottest Italian HOT peppers into his sandwich, she thought this will teach him……these are the cruel ways I have not found a way to listen even in this day, I can change subject, or say i need go, but i still have heard something I feel so hurt to have heard)……..my mother is also closest with the neice who is not including me in her wedding,they have similar personalities of “humor”, i do not know why I needed to post this. I am healing in this area I suppose. I am so grateful I can post in such honesty Colleen and Grateful to you for having your blog and insight ,compassion and wisdom to hear with acceptance and such embrace with comfort and supportive and constructive thoughts……if this can help another who is out there at some level, that so much better .
      I will let you know how wildlife appt goes and I am feeling so much that God wants me to rest and put aside tearing up particle board flooring,although contracter set to come Sat to replace with plywood in living room, I am not sure I can do by then, gauging my energy and time? I will keep you psoted and on water reading/bill?
      Thank you so much for your thoughts,as always, so insightful and filled with wisdom,honesty and truest of care. I am most grateful for the support through my healing journey that you have so much been a part.
      Have a Blessed Day
      With Gratitude,
      Sandra

    • Sandra

      INCREDIBLE, OUTSTANDING!!! Colleen, I found my way to the Insight for Living Resource Library….”Ariticles about Bible Characters”…..I know and I know you know too that God has led me to your blog and now through your guidance and direction to Bible character readings is exactly where God is wanting me to be, to know each and every character fully…and this is just the beginning of reading. I do so much wish to get the book your Dad wrote about Paul….I will look for this book.
      Wildlife consultant on his way,he called to ask address. so good news there. trustworthy is good. And i continue tackle picking up flooring,will not come up just yet but finding tools to help ….at same time physically and emotionally feel need rest and am fulfilled with thought of God blanket of warmth around me with most comforting embrace …Thank you again
      I will keep you posted.
      Sandra

      • Sandra,
        Don’t you love the resource library!!! I’m thrilled to know you found it and pray it provides you with sustaining strength in the days and months to come. I also read your note about the water issues…unbelievable!!! While I”m thrilled your friend has assisted, I am concerned he will want or expect you to comply with some agenda to say ‘thanks’ in so fashion. Perhaps that is reading into it, I tend to believe it’s concern for you and what you have been through, how far you have come, and his consistent manner of expectations. I pray you do not feel pressured but are given the gift of his time by grace alone. I am so very sorry the home issues continue to drain you….I have to wonder when they will slow…for all things that could go wrong, they have. So I will pray you get some relief soon. Until then, one of my favorite books in scripture was written by Paul tot he church in Philippi…while he was in prison. The book of Philippians was penned from a prison cell…a horrid place to be put yet the book if full of pursuing a contentment in attitude regardless of one’s circumstances. Hopefully, in these continuing days of discomfort in your hope, I hope you find comfort in His great work. Great to connect and I hope you rest well. Colleen
        Colleen Swindoll-Thompson

        • Sandra

          Hello Colleen, yes I look forward to enjoying this Resource Library further, especially with Paul and I find it once again so interesting we have a similar liking, I know little of Philippians, i did buy probably one of the most beauitful Christmas cards three years back for the oldes sister who is in such denial and has such anger directed toward me for I speak truth about what it is she keeps blocked….anyways it was my way of forgiving her for turning her cheek to my sister, my sister girlfriend as younger age they both were,and for myself, simply for her denial…..the card had a verse by Philliapians about you cannot rid me, we are sisters , I would need look up verse but she did email that it was a beautiful card…….i had not heard from her again ,nor invited to her children wedding, but that card I know I will never forget……I will look for Paul and this scripture. I too have thought this that this may be one of my very favorite readings of Paul……there as you say is so much contentment in his heart and attitude . I look forward to reading.
          I am quite exhausted,today will be rest….I am glad floor worked out so well with contracter, now I can see at least some movement to new official top to plywood at some time near future, i intend by February….I did run into the “attitude” yesterday as to the help I recieved and honestly could not have finished the picking up of particle board without Reiki Master although I did have concern for this to turn around about what is done for me……he even called later Friday nite and told me how proud I need be and how I did such good job, such praise,and said over and over how he does not do it for any other reason than that he sees I have nobody to support me and knew I was struggling and said it was the “right thing to do”, he repeated this and said to be sure i hear this is truth……yesterday my alarm stopped working ,yep, it was on 24 back up battery and finally last nite stopped altoghet….several calls to ADT Fri day and nite, they could only get service on Tues so when went out completely with no sign of back up battery yesterday , the Reiki Master stopped by to see floors and looked at security adapter with me and wires disconnected, so he reconnected after doing what he needed to do to get more wire behind rubber covering…..I am still having security company out Tues for the wiring sticking out at bottom and told it is brittle by friend, and it seems adapter wiring not siting in outlet well….as friend was leaving after fixing this for the now to have security for nite he muttered something like “I am just a slave”…..with comment coming after he had kept at me for one of his expectations…..I am doing all I am able and God allow /will to expand my support system,and I see this friendship i speak of as a dysfunctional family i am slowly growing to expand to more healthy God conscious relationships,where I know what truest care means.
          I am so happy to have read your post and I will rest much today….I still have the particle board from removal of floor on front porch where we placed, Reiki Master had said he will pick up with trailer Sat afternoon, that did not occur, so I do hope it is not there all week. I cannot lift,too heavy and several for all of living room …..
          The good news is contracter can replace the rotten wood siding in back of house for 200.00. I was so thrilled he said this not 400-500– as there are four 4×8 boards he need tear down and replace, remvoing window trim and then remove and replace…..
          I am going to rest now.I was unusally sick Fri nite with a stomach issue, and again yesterday at noon time, it seems a digestive upset…so i will rest all day today.
          Have a special Sunday afternoon
          With Gratitude
          Sandra

          • Sandra,
            In my last note, I forgot to ask what is happening with your flooring????? How I hope these issues come to an end soon. Should they continue, may the Lord give you incredible endurance. Peace to you tonight. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Thank you so much for your note and wishing me Peace..you are beyond the kindest most genuine hearted Soul I have come to know..and connect ….all in and of God plan.
            I am not sure if you had read about fllooring update.the plywood living room floor is clean and fresh and much more livable than had been
            .so I may get a carpet and thought of lookimg fir small sofa if possible in interim of waiting for time put down a wood type on top for a warm living room space…and would like fior sittimg looking at Christmas tree I intend cut down at farm and celebrate true meaning of Christmss in my space. .
            I am so lookimg forward to this experience …my intentiom for it to be so peaceful and jpyous moment with Christ.
            I did want to mention I read your Dad notr of being aware of savage times here
            .it all makes so much sense now to me in truth …of what I have been sensitive and aware..your Dad note in mail gave me validation and certainty. As much as it gave me great sadness ..I know I am on rigjt path and no better and so happy I have what you call rare so that I am able to endure and stay true . Goodnite now.I look forward to connecting and hearimg of the discussion with ministry I missed. And more dissvussion of Paul and Phillipians….stsying Humble
            With Gratitude
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I had not read of the recent flooring update…this is wonderful news. You know, some carpet places have remnants you can buy for a fraction of the cost…or they sometimes give them if it’s a small space. They are not always bound on the edges but that’s an easy fix or natural look to leave as is. Oh this is going to be a most warm and wonderful season for you. So much to reflect upon, to be thankful for, and to look forward to. And you have stayed the course regarding your boundaries. That is excellent. I would love to hear what colors you are using, what your design style is…I have also purchased furniture at used consignment shops or resale places and made them work. There’s all kinds of ways to make a home feel like “your space” and you will do that so well. Can’t wait to hear more about it. Thanks for the update. Colleen

          • Sandra

            So great to hear and connect with yiou always.Thank you again .Sandra

          • Sandra,
            If you have time, here is the link to the registration form for the conference and chat times. Fill out the form and you will receive a code; use that code to connect if you can tonight. Would love to see you there. Colleen https://www.formstack.com/forms/?1872511-92Ez69dtjf

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I want to respond to your other emails…..I am feeling quite down these past few days, sleeping alot…but I did want to say that I did just register and will look for the “code”??? …I have been quieting down at 6pm for remainder of nite to help me sleep , I will let you know that if you see me and then I say goodnite,that it is only because I will retire to bed at 9pmish…not full time of conference….Thank you so much for including me,and looking to see me there…so much more to comment on other posts. I just love the little book idea and that you arre hand making one for your daughter, so precious and loving. Ever so special…I will consider making one as you say with “blanket” feeling, that is so wonderful thought and I do love nature too.
            I will connect shortly.
            Thank you again,
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen , I am on with video running,and I love the “Bible Study” discussion…although it says to go through facebook…I do not have facebook, is there any other way to connect here? I do not see where to use code, and video came up without code use?
            Thank you
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I am signing off for tonite, this has been a life changing experience and I am most grateful to you in that there is something i cannot put my finger on but from watching your interview with your Dad and Ministry, I have it all wrong in my life, I am not giving enough, I guess I have not had a social experience where I would know who to give, there is something missing in my life that is surfacing simply by taking part in viewing this interview……as I said I cannot pinpoint but it has given my an awareness of me and my life that I believe is about to change in some way.
            I wanted to Thank you before i get ready for bed,and I saw at end that I can “tweet”, I may register for that to be able to participate?
            Thank you so very much for this awareness, I know with your knowledge and wisdom that you know what has occured within me tonite,and I am open to what this all means in your way you explain so well, you truly are most brilliant, and I love that your Dad and you both are so respectful and consientious of boundaries and compassion with the greatest ease to adapt and support each other….so brilliant! I loved the interview and seeing how well you both engage and discussed your learning from Jonathan and what it is he needs, and how to just be so natural with him. Greatest Love I see.
            With gratitude for your invitation and joy in my heart as you mentioned simply by listneing in …
            Goodnite
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Because Christ is in you and you have trusted Him, He tells us in the New Testament that the Holy Spirit lives with us…He sent the Holy Spirit as an advocate, a comforter, helper, one who comes along side us as we live. Acts, Romans 8:26, John 14:16 & 26, I John 2:1…in fact you can read about this on Bible Hub which I have referenced several times. The link is: http://biblehub.com/john/14-16.htm . When you mentioned you felt like there was something you couldn’t put your finger on or something missing, my first thought was there may be a prompting or a movement in your soul from the Holy Spirit that He is directing you towards. I don’t know if that makes sense but sometimes we really ‘cant put our finger on it’ because God is at work in us, developing and cultivating us for a purpose. With everything you have been through, God promises to work it out for a greater good….not always a comfortable good but a good work in our soul’s that is used to further help others. I don’t know what that is for you but as you pray, I would ask the Lord to show you where He is calling you. Right now, you are a witness to those who are helping you just by relating to them. God’s light shines through you. As things settle and you continue to get your feet under you, there may be a church or support group that the Lord will direct you towards for involvement. I have no idea but I would pray in that way… Lord, show me how to live and where you want me to serve… all He has done and continues to do is for a bigger purpose. So start by asking Him to bring you to that. Thank you again for your kindness…my dad and I have always had a delightful relationship and I treasure it. Not that it’s been conflict free because conflicts are a part of relationships; however, we are similar in many ways and I love him dearly. Have a wonderful day. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, it is always a pleasure to receive your posts and connect. I am focused on these questions today to ask God where are you calling me to? and Lord, show me how to live and where you want me to serve”. With this interview you and your Dad had with Katie (Thank you for name as I was not very clear headed I guess to miss her name).I felt my world so upside down, and remember saying to the Lord, my life is all so wrong, so upside down and just so wrong, a wondering state of how did it get so all wrong. So, I will focus on these questions. I did read some of John this morning you noted. I do need some involvement ,contact where and which feels safe for me. I am so happy for you and your relationship with your Dad Colleen, that is a beautiful occcurance and i can tell by the interview you both have such tender approach ,that is a true joy to discover challenges and simple things too that need attention with a smile and supportive discussion with such tender approach of LOVE.
            Thank you for sharing and for your thoughts with talking to God to determine this soul changing direction taht is right before me yet not yet known…
            Thank you , you are such a Blessing,
            With Gratitude
            Sandra

          • Sandra,

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen…I see maybe you connected slthough only see how you began note with “Sandra”…. I will go ahead amd read the second note.I am uncertain here and missrd not knowing your thoughts as always so insightful and good to connect on so many experiences. Thank you
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hi Colleen.I missed your thoughts as I know always so filled with brilliant wisdom and grace…sorry disquis must not have processed post….I wanted to let you know I am very inspired with chosing gold ornaments..sparkly shining different glass and nests and birds…to go along with blues and whites….the goldleaf type gold like mediteranean design when see painted furniture..mirrors etc..would it be so cool to have little goldleaf mirrors different sizes here and there remind me of reflection of growth closer to Jesus..I think of the gold color as His amber brightest light which i hsve seen and has come into my life….and maybe white flowers.and white lights
            Thank you for inspiring me and for connecting.
            Have a good evening.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I looked to see what may have been missed but couldn’t find it so we go from here. Your ideas are wonderful; craft stores have lots of resources and items this time of year that could be used. And yes, light is something that always brings comfort, hope, delight, and peace. So whatever you do, add a little sparkle to it and you will feel the warmth. Enjoy tonight, I hope you are keeping warm in this unseasonable weather. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I am up later than my usual tonite and saw your two notes, Thank you for feeling inspired with what the Lord has in store for me,and excited about His plan. I like the idea most like the one on one quiet setting like Joni painting and need someone to mix paints exactly as I understand color very well and know how to get exact color seeking. that actually is so soothing to me and to help another doing something like this would be so peaceful and good. I will see how God will use me in helping someone.
            And yes unseasonalby cool here and by you too, brrrrr. Thank you for connecting. I was up late, i came home from grocery store and found power out for police dept said two hours in area for a pole snapped for just decay really, no lightning,no wind , just snapped and caught fire down road. so i called police as even my alarm system not on back up battery,so dark, i found one flashlight,from now on i will carry one in car so no need walk into total darkness to locate the one flashlight i know i had in bedroom, so police stayed on phone with me until officer arrived,and he told me about outage down road to be back up by 945, it came on sooner by maybe an hour, so i was only here for maybe an hour by time back on and i could put all in refrigerator and have lights on,and heat….lluckily i have had heat on 70 and leave it there since cooler temps arrived, so it was 63 when arrived home and electricity had already been out the two hours….I am so happy it is on for me and all 700 others that i was told without power=without heat on one of the coldest unusual nites here in SC.
            I am happy to have checked email before heading to sleep now. I hope you also are enjoying your evening and staying warm too.
            Thank you and I will let you know what i find in craft stores too. I am inspired with these thoughts. And Thank you so much Colleen for believing in me, in all ways, with following my calling by God and all I am gathering with His guidance,and decorating too that will come as intended too for Christmas and in general within my home.
            Warmest regards,and With Genuine Gratitude,
            Goodnite now,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I’m so glad to hear you are safe and sound in your home. Power outages are never fun; especially when we are fearful or have PTSD. I so understand. I’m glad the officer was there to assist…great to call for help when needed. I am also excited to see what the Lord has for you in the days, weeks, and months ahead. Sleep well and we’ll talk soon. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Goodnite Colleen…yes I will be prepared for a time this may occir agsin…as it triggered fear as I walked into complete dark for flashlite and hoped nobody inside to harm me that turned all off
            That was when I called pplice and officer on phone said she wanted stay on with me until officer in car arrived .she was really nice and she I think could tell I had ptsd because I began forgetting when bill due as she had mot known yet power outage in ares and askef if i was up to date with billing..and i said i am good with payong on time and pay online and I exclaimed if I have somehow have made error ot payment did not reach them online then I apologize….and she said when officer arrives in car she will place me on hold and call energy company for me..she did and thst is when she too told me outage in area…she was really good in helping me .thank you for note.still up concerned for stray cat outside my door…
            I keep praying for God protect her and keep her warm..I pray she is directed to my ski jacket thst she has slept in the past few cold nites and days ..I placed it on top cardboard box and on front pprch beside front door ..
            I felt terible to leave her outthere esp tonite 23 degrees low…as she shakes head freezing and keeps running to door as if someone had her as a house cat once and she knows warm inside…i had to tellyself she is a wild cat although I am still concerned..goodnite and good rest .Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I’m so sorry I’ve not been on our blog for several days. Our daughter got married last night and I took some time to thoroughly celebrate her. However, I’m anxious to catch up on your stuff…..I’m so very thankful you have some excellent support. That is what you needed and so thankful the Lord provided. There are times when such support isn’t as thorough as yours was; what a wonderful gift. I will read you other notes and reply. I just wanted you to know that is why I have not replied so far. Can’t wait to catch up. Colleen
            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson

          • Sandra

            Oh my goodness, I am so very happy for you, your daughter, and new husband and your entire family together. What an unbelievably special nite for you and your daughter and family. wow. I do hope all went as smoothly as it could and that your daughter just loved the little book you hand crafted for her ,and all your comfort and support I am certain she will always keep so close to her heart.
            Thank you for sharing and I am so over the top happy that you both have such a dear bond,and what a great Mom you are to embrace every moment in time for this amazing celebration .
            I am very happy, i will connect with you when you return, if we do not connect, Happy Thanksgiving, what a wonderful time to have a wedding anniversary flowing into a soon to be celebration of Thanksgiving ,hearts of gratitude.
            Many Blessings,
            Sandra.

          • Sandra

            Hi Colleen, hope you are well and staying warm today……the cat never slept on the ski jackeet last nite as i changed position and have found her sitting with feet beneath her and frozen tear down her nervous face this morning….I have found she need be above box on top for protection and rest, not go inside at porch level…bummer.
            Anyway i switched it back to top of box and she on it this morning….
            then yep, another day God must want me sit in here as with power outage last nite i kept car bright lites on front porch as i entered last nite and took groceries in before police came out….and lights dimmed within that 1/2 hour last nite, and sooooo i thought maybe it will reenergize over nite, and just checked giving time to warm up a bit even thought still so cold out, and no start. Reiki Master said he will come by after work, in meantime i will contact car insurance ,they have free service so see if they can just come out and jump start ,otherwise will wait til later as Reiki Master passes by tonite from where he is today……I feel overall nerves on high wire today so going to take alot to hear clear what all these distractions are leading me…I know all sounds so trivial like okay all that is manageable and just every day challenges, it seems as much as i work to get beyond all these distractions they certainly have a way to appear, i will say okay God wants me here today maybe to be quiet.
            I would love to have a warm tea or coffee in your company during this season…
            stay warm
            Sandra

          • Oh Sandra, life continues…that’s what I say when circumstances don’t change. It is usually because God is changing us and not our circumstances. As the apostle Paul writes, he learned to be content in all circumstances in the book to the the church in Philippi. He was in prison when he wrote which make the letter of Philippians entirely amazing. However, he never says our human responses ingrained in us like fear, worry, and anger will be removed….he has learned contentment in the midst of it all. Sometimes I wonder if he ever had PTSD or trauma related challenges given all he endured. While we won’t know what is not included in the truth of God’s word, we do know His commands are to focus on Him, to find contentment in all things, and to remain obedient. It’s not too complicated but hard to cultivate a practice for it when life has been incredibly painful. You are staying the course and I’m so very proud of you. Looking forward to reading your other posts. Thanks for staying in touch. Colleen
            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson

          • Sandra

            oh my, I just wrote a really long note, lol, it disappeared…that is so how all going.
            I will go walk as have not in over a week and miss conversations and connection with God through His beautiful creation of nature; trees,animals,birds, and will connect again later .
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Oh I am so sorry your note disappeared again. So sorry. However, it may have been that God had you write what was churning in your soul…just to get your thoughts and emotions out. Sometimes we need to write and read to ourselves what is coming out…without realizing it, some surprises often come up. I hope you did get to take your walk, that your electricity has remained strong, and you are feeling safe. Your care for the cat outside is so tender. You are doing all you can; that is all God asks us to do. From there, HE promises to take care of the birds of the air, of all His creation, and of us. What an incredible God we serve. Can’t wait to read your next note. Colleen
            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson

          • Sandra

            Thank you so much Colleen for connecting. I will pray you continue to process every warmhearted, joyous and peaceful moment of the wedding. Yes, I agree so much with what you ahve said about thoughts and emotions letting out,and often surprises that we connect in those thoughts expressed.
            ANd yes what an incredible God ,as He has provided and is changing me so, and Thank you for other thoughts regarding Paul and interesting thought of what we will not ever know what was not included in Gods word, what we do know we have in writing. Thank you for connecting,
            Enjoy the rest of your weekend unwinding with having such a wonderful expereince last nite …
            Goodnite
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            It happened again..
            Lost another post…lots of thoughts.I hope you and yiur family are well tonite…
            In post lost I had asked if you could tell me more about David in regard to somethimg you spoke of on Key Ministry interview
            I also mentioned I am noticing changes in my being and thoughts of God consciosness hearing flow as natural thoughts. I see this and can recognize Jesus very real amd center as holy Spirit within me. An amber light…
            I also wanted to share in decorating Christmas tree I more likely going with goldish white antique like ornaments and sprays of white pearls and pearl cluster ornaments and white maybe feather birds ..gold ribbon or if can find a burlap ribbon with rejoice or scripture verse on it….I like gold ribbon or gold and white fine stripe u think with pearls and white tiny lites…maybe use burlap with verse on porch swags as using red ribbon on windows on wreaths…and white lites too.and forgot inside tree will have my bird nests tucked in tree too..
            ..I will keepsharing as I get this idea in action early December..
            Tomorriw I have both internet provider and security company repairs….I will expand on all this in another post.
            Goodnite Colleen
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            YES, YES, YEs….the colors you have picked are beautiful.. I have so much extra ribbon fron the dollar store…how I wish I could sent it to you. My daughters wedding was burlap, peach, bue, and soft colors of spring. Natural and beautiful. Hobby Lobby runs specials for brides in their wedding section; half off. Also, you can get burlap at Walmart for next to nothing. You can also look at may large hobby stores (Hobby Lobby and Joannes for some great prices. And look online for coupons. Let me know how it comes together. Colleen
            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen
            I just remenbered I have such a wonderful craft webste saved under my favorites…if I do not remember send you link when get on laptop tomorrow please ask me
            It has all wedding and event craft items and in general home and/orevents at lowest prices I thought..it has every natural item …birch branches twigs..grapevines and every other type berry vine and so much more
            ..goodnite now
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I am so sorry all these posts. My creativity is buzzing and I have not felt this good energy in a really really long time, look at the Texas tallow under the Christmas link too….oh my,just beautiful and from your home state! lol. I had wanted to share that a few years back when I was still renting i had dreamed of painting magnolia leaves gold or some lacquer bright pink or white, and I never did have the excitement as i do now that I have my own home and desire and am thinking with looking at this Christmas link of crafts to go ahead and paint some leaves gold,like magnolia and stick in my wreath on door or simply in tree as decoration….I wonder if can do with fragile leaves as skeleton leaf of gold, how pretty and delicate that would be. Okay, I wanted to share this, and please do enjoy this webpage too. I am seriously considering when repairs lesssen and have some extra money to buy me a sewing machine,I am now inspired to sew pillows ,even if I have not followed pattern since junior high school home ec…lol…I did play without patterns when working with Alzheimer Dementia population, i would wiz on the center’s sewing machine and make doll parts that i created from looking at magazine and that were made of fabric ,kind of like long pillow/sacks and then drawn through a wood block as body and each side arms and legs needed stuffing, so easy task for this population in early stage to stuff with guidance. and then after stuffing tied at ends of arms and legs with ribbon.the head i think i found some kind of doll head we were able to secure and sell for I think was a portion to Alzheimer Assoc. I did alot for Alzheimer Assoc fundraising, i was always told that creative marketing was my greatest talent.
            I know hard to visualize but my creativity was at height back then, over 20 years ago…
            I had not been painting but this type of craft was flowing as whole.
            Have a great day
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I have read all your notes but am having a problem with Disqus so my apologies for the delay in responding. I love hearing your ideas and as soon as this issue with Disqus is figured out, I’ll send more thoughts. Love the energy I feel as you express your thoughts. You are going to make it girl! Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen,
            Thank you for taking the time to read my notes and reaching out through a Disquis not yet working well, I realize there were several notes…Thank you for enjoying my expression of my creative being, who I truly am at that energy if can only hold onto me without any interferance……that is part of what I work on within and glad it is surfacing to the vibration it has with Christmas approaching and inspiration to decorate and be creative with Christ Bday.
            I wanted share that I read Psalm 139:14 again, truly good I focus on this …and it helps me so much feel so connected to the Lord in a very special truthful way, grounds me i think.

            This time reading Psalm 139:14 of all places dentist office, yes a Christ filled setting, Christian radio I listen to is on the speaker in dentist office and I know my Dentist is filled with Christ as his eyes sparkle every time I see him. He is so kind and I feel very comfortable in his care. So veneer back on lower tooth, no need replace which I was relieved for very expensive if needed rreplace with new one had one fallen off been split or broken to not seal ..

            I also wanted to share the following comments delivered to me in reply to mysimply being truthful in that customer care by a company I shop online extended in communication, price adjustment,etc, outstanding in custormer care for my inconvenience of a month wait, I wanted to share with you…..this is not first time I have been so appreciated this way, I was humbly feeling nourished by the acknowledgement in this way,as I was simply being me.

            “Hi Sandra,

            Can I keep you next to my desk? You’re SO wonderful and supportive. 🙂 Thank you! Your words really do mean so much to me. I am grateful.”

            and this one from same person was written to me

            Wow, you are the BEST! I don’t have enough thanks to send for that, and it’s hard to convey how grateful and thankful I am through email.

            “I thank you THIS much:


            I simply was truthful and let this individual know that I was happy with the customer care I recieved and in a survey I specifically noted the name and comment that customer care was outstanding ,and is truly the company image from this experience.
            I wanted to share as I truly enjoyed this connection and thought ah yes another tender soul out there who I connected.
            I hope that you are getting ready now for Thanksgiving, after the wedding I know you are still unwinding and having a full heart of all the connection with your daughter and family. I hope your Thanksgiving is as special as you! and your family all be well and all find the gratitude of holiday bringing fulfillment of joy and peace to your hearts.
            Best regards,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            OH MY GOSH!!!! How amazing! You must listen to these voices of truth, let them sink in and make your heart warm. I love that they saw “you”….the tender, compassionate, caring, loving, true, honest, kind, and endearing person you are! I celebrate you and what this person said as well. You need these reminders when the old “I’m no good” lies start to play in your brain. Copy this note, put it in your pocket and read it often because these words are true. The past is over, it’s now time to celebrate who you ARE, how you are made, who made you, and the grand purpose He has outlined for you as you follow Him. I LOVE this note. Thank you for sharing! Colleen

          • Sandra

            Thank you Colleen, Thank you for such kind thoughts. I will copy as you have expressed here and keep notes close for when I read will replace other thoughts that creep up. I truly want to do this, celebrate who I am. I believe the best place for me is where you guided me to read, Psalm 139, 139:14 specifically, this is my maker and a place I will find the belief in ME as God has intended, not to be knocked down for being tender and real and loving ,honest/truthful and kind, but that is Who He made me to be as completely intended that is OKAY. God is leading me and I am following His call,as you share through Him these places of rest, in His word, Psalm 139 is what I will take in by my Creator wants this for me to believe in His work ,
            Thank you for graceful note as always.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You are very welcome. I don’t say words I don’t mean…I really mean every word and description I observe in and about you. So thrilled Ps 139 has touched your soul. God’s word does that. Have a great evening. Colleen

          • Sandra

            I will keep this note too Colleen, Thank YOU! God was so good to me to bring me to your blog. I Trust in Him that has taken me to you ,and I believe in you wholeheartedlly,probably more than anyone I have known yet in my time. Thank you for taking such time to listen, to hear and to connect to my core being so openly with me in kindness and caring loving way and to know the truth of me, this has helped me open further. It means so much to me to know you,and know God calling is so much a part of our connection, He chose you to bring me closer to Him, and to know you is to Trust you Colleen, you are beyond the lovliest individual I have known. I look forward to viewing the interview you mention for next year? I know you mentioned and I can listen to your graceful way, as well as your Dad way from the Heart like “a melody”, it is so rare to connect for me with this most inspiriting truthful way of conduct and character. So I am Grateful and Happy to say..

            With Gratitude, and Thanksgiving joy.I want to leave you with a Christmas quote I found, more of poetry ,it reminded me of the “warm blanket” Jesus wraps around me and that I still need make the little book with a swatch of most soft blanket that takes me to this warm embrace quickly….here is quote I found. The Christmas cards I choose have scripture,and I usually add a poem for Christmas time too,I have not googled yet Bess Streeter Aldrich, but it reminds me of the “Blanket” you have guided me to imagine with Jesus comforting me, as in this poem it may not state clearly but for me “Christmas Eve” is Christ energy .He is the night of song….that wraps like a shawl here.

            Bess Streeter Aldrich
            Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart… filled it, too, with a melody that would last forever.
            Goodnite Colleen.
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Colleen, I had to say one more thing , With Psalm 139, it is by this that I believe here that God has captured the verse delivering it through you and has me in that moment of an about face in my life, if that makes sense. I have been told by Reiki Master ,and others to Believe in myself and I would be okay, for years now told this. And God has guided me through you to my very Creator and this connection with Psalm 139 is where I am going to rest a while,and gather this believing by it is God work I am to believe in! He created me just as I am, what a marvelous God. He knows me in and out and I have never ever been alone as I look back ,all those times I did not know, He knew every thought and has been with me through all. What an amazing awareness, yes guiding me to Psalm 139 has touched my soul in a such a vital, life altering way.I believe I have been guided to the foundation I can grow from, how cool is that….wow.Thank you for being you Colleen, for being so faithful, grounded in God word and enveloped and gifted in His love, amazing work how He has delivered this.
            With Gratitude,
            Goodntie now
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hi Colleen.maybe you can help me with this……I know a woman who i had encounteted by my spiritual growth with Reiki. I seem to fall into a trap where I find her words of care of me do not match her actions of silence. I recently had email from her as it was not many were going to a Thabksgiving pot luck and knowing the motive to imclude me in an email forwarded only to me after it had already been sent out to a group and not enougj attendees I knew not where i would fit in nor want to be. As an afterthought feeling used. Well I fell into another email of how I was always a favorite as told to me in email after the invitation. I emailed a photo of an antique hall tree with question of her help as someone good at decorating and with open heart and glee expressimg colors I havr in mind and a sofa for space in picture sent ..what I asked was what wall to place agsinst as foyer only space fits ends up behind door when open….and then no reply and silence…I then remember in grave sense that this woman has done this before and why did I let myself open up to her
            I recall when did not have stable living space I emsiled seeking anyone who may help in knowing of space and as well expressing dispair and silence then also
            .so this is a pattern of selective caring I cannot fall into again. My question for you was I wanted to write…i wanted help to umderstand your silence to my emails .Would you simply let go Colleen and move on knowing cannot control another response or would you ask this question knowing even then may reveive silence…I need say these are old contacts I realize were pattern of control , silence by selective interests that are more like family I let go of and know now I am seeking God conscious true caring friends.Thank you for listening Colleen .
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I wanted to let you know that I will always remember you in thought and heart as the one caring individual who listened so well and had a heart over the top with love and wisdom, and the one who God guided to have listen and direct to Psalm 139 (being specific to this Psalm, as at point in time believe most grounding ,centering who I am and to believe, the beginning truly for my foundation of Bible and closeness with God for my life changing and turning around…although you have shared so much wisdom,above and beyond,over the top gratitude for this of who you are, brilliant star shining on so many)

            John 418, it is by this verse that I see you and your family truth shine on so many,and therefore is no fear in love.
            I am still climbing out of feeling rejection of being so open and alive with the woman I wrote you of…..i want to respond although I will focus on what is good,and who I am by God creation to be, and those new connections as with you,and so many more to come that Shine with grace and love, and how I am embraced by Jesus blanket of warmth and brightest Love.
            Have a great day today. Sandra

            Love Comes from God
            …17By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. 18There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. 19We love, because He first loved us.…

          • Sandra,
            You sound good. I love that you plan to connect with the sweet woman and yes, you can write from a position of confidence and courage because that is in you! I continue to look forward to our friendship growing over time…your home settling, your heart shining, and your outlook brimming with peace. God is so good to us! Have a blessed Thanksgiving if I don’t talk to you before then. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hi Colleen, I am not sure I wrote clearly about this woman I connected, i seem to have been rejected by her silence,this has been the instance had occured before,if there is something in this that I can say that will not create defense in her, that was what I wanted to know …I am uncertain she will even reply to my thoughts with being hurt she did not reply to my house color choices and photos requesting help with placement of furniture piece….i feel hurt in gut and did not know if just let it go or write saying it does not feel we have a connection…that is what i was referring to in that note.I was feeling rejected, as we spoke her words by previous exchange of me have not matched her actions in interest of me or my asking help /thought with placing an antique in house.
            If we do not connect before Thanksgiving, have also also a special and Blessed Thanksgiving holiday, and Thank You for the warm wishes for my Thanksgiving day here….I will have oyster soup…and getting ready for signing Christmas cards to be ready mail out first or second week in Dec!!! yippee.
            With Gratitude and your thoughts so inspiring and kind thoughts of how you have recieved me,welcomed me as your friend.I do feel Psalm 139 taking me somehwere new and glorious!
            Thank you! I have so many things to be Grateful for. and I will be resting Thanksgiving Day in Psalm 139 and get to know this word of God here as where He is letting us know how inHis creation of us He knows every part of us.
            Much Love and Grace.Happy Thanksgiving Colleen to you and your family.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            So sorry I misunderstood your comment. Here is a vital growth step in your development. Because life was all about how you acted or behaved to receive/reject acceptance, it is a habitual default to take blame or ownership for what has nothing to do with you. It sounds like this woman has explained her distance….she’s overwhelmed, busy with Christmas stuff, family and work needs and demands…all of which have nothing to do with you but with her. So you have to take her at her word. She’s said she is busy and distracted….no one but God can know the exact truth of that. This was a huge hurdle in my growth…to let other’s be without trying to fix uncomfortable distance that was not mine to fix. It does not sound like any of her struggles have to do with you but with her life that she has a right to keep to herself. My therapist used to repeatedly say “you are not the center of everyone’s ife; they have lives that are as busy and full as yours so let them be”. It was a massive transition when I began to let go of any distance. If I wasn’t told there was a problem with me, I stopped assuming…and oh the freedom this brings. With my kids, I apologize for all they tell me has hurt them; but I add, if you don’t tell me, I’m not a mind reader and cannot know so you have to speak up. Sounds like she has spoken and you are free. In fact, if she is over burdened with stress, you may consider a kind thank you note for her service…with the anticipation of NOTHING in return. Remember when we run on empty there are little reserves to give. Has nothing to do with the gift or the giver and everything to do with meeting a need she may need. So instead of offering apologies and expecting affirmation (which is self focused at the core), you offer encouragement….a free gift of grace, mercy , and kindness. She may never forget that. Ask the Lord what He wants you to do without expecting anyting in return and see what comes. This is a huge step of grown….taking people at their word for we are unable to do anything else. Let me know what you thing. Colleen

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          • Sandra

            Happy Pre Thanksgiving Day Colleen, I am sure you are preparing for a full day ,my wishes for you and your family that all go smooth and all will be well for your Thanksgiving so you find the comfort and love of family as relaxing around a harvested meal fulfiling and restoring,after a joyous wedding of your daughter so short time ago lots to be grateful and reminise with full heart.
            I wanted to let you know God has provided answer regafding woman i wrote email, i received a animated Thanksgiving ecard, i wish I could share with you, alive and bears dancing to music in a barn open to lots of land and fire pit ouside,lots of light and joy in ecard, loved it! So I replied with Thank you and did mention my recent note simple and honest, mentioned that I hope all is okay as I had not heard back from my email where I opened up my heart completely with house and pics,and I was uncertain . She replied with warm thougths of excited about my being able to do things with house ,loves that fireplace and directed me to where to place hall tree I asked where to place, even though behind door when door open she said can see when door closed and just right for that wall….she said she was not ignoring me ,she is just busy as needed to work to have Thanksgiving time off. She sounded tired,and I am grateful for her reaching out to let me know ,as I did not know if I was being rejected or not. So I am glad she sent ecard as I had an opportunity to open up and ask.
            Thank you for listening to my journey with this, I am glad she has been reconnecting with me. The card said Wishing me a Thanksgiving of Abundance…I wish could share with you, you would love watching the dancing bears too….so much life in little barn house!!!
            Lots of Well Wishes and Gratitude, Peace and Joy for you and family this wonderful holiday harvest season.
            From the Heart, Sandra

          • Sandra,
            What great news! Just as I expected….this time of year every scrambles with their personal history, ungrieved sorrow pops up at the most unwanted moments, we have to press on and some just don’t understand or take it personally. I’m thrilled to know of your relief, that you let go of taking it personally and allowed her the freedom to be herself. I would suggest you let the holidays pass…who knows if she is dealing with a significant loss she can’t discuss or something deep that the holidays bring up. We never, ever know another’s path. So grace and mercy are necessary gifts to others. You are a giver of both in abundance. If you haven’t heard from her as the new year gets under way, I would send a note just saying you are thinking of her; again, without expectations of a response for that is the highest calling of love. To give without expectation of getting something back. I hope you had a warm, comforting, calm time of thanksgiving this year like never before. All my gratitude and love for your, Colleen

          • Sand

            Happy Thanks-giving Colleen….I wish I had been focusing on more than how i was going to make my day manageable solo with recipe lists as a distraction and more of where i needed to focus to keep in good space here …..I so much want to jump outside and still may do so and go find some homeless people and buy and give warm drink or would have made some food or something. One year ,i think it was two years ago i volunteered serving Thanksgiivng meal that a few people locally organized in a game room with kitchen. I washed after helping serve….I may take a ride to an area that can give something warm to drink??? I would have made something…
            I did walk yesterday and I prayed for Jesus to have His Loving compassionte and kind energy flow through me ,and I have had this energy of pure joyful contentment past few days, some really good days for me I have not felt in a while and I can feel and see the changes creating a stronger connection to compassion,gratitude and LOVE.
            Every year I have written a Thanksgiving Blessing email to my siblings, as you know the weddings of oldest sibling children I have been not included, and I usually had not heard back from these emails even before these weddings, for but 2-3 replies out of 6 over years, although a Thanks or Hope I too had good Thanksgiivng,so,. Last evening my warmth was shining as this is WHO I AM! and no matter what nobody can take my Light away,even by their actions over past few years with not including me in weddings or father 80th bday party. SO, as I relate very well to Bill Cosby and how people react to truth it helps me also be validated of who I am with having come forward with the truth and those doing all to hide me for their own denials. SO, that is not going to change who I am, I may not accept nor have or need a realtionship closer with each although I do find a greeting like this reaches out in a positive God conscious way around times of such reminders no matter what we will always have biological connection and sharing my compassion, gratitude and Love shows I will remain honest and true to who I am and by example to God will I believe keep SHINING. not have to accept unhealthy ways or their actions but I can Still share my Love during these times as a bigger person I will say. Maybe it will amaze them enough or shock them enough too as not what they anticipated their actions would bring from me…I will not wither up and die. I will continue to be WHO I AM.AND I am Happy with my New Life in development. and beginning to experience this change within me ,I am joyous of.It is not about hearing back from each as much as I wanted to share God Blessing and it was right thing for me to do I thought, It is God guidance to maintain who I am and keep standing in such joyous peace by Love of our Lord Jesus Christ! and honestly it is with intention of being an example of what that is. Who Jesus is in my Life, and by GRACE. This is my greatest learning and of Who I wish to be, who I am being guided as to better lead in Grace and in reaction maintain this Grace. Collen you and your Dad have been teaching me as I am guided to grasp and follow this amazing Grace you both share. This is my goal to maintain same,by God will for me.
            With all said, I followed God’s creation of me, and I did email my usual greeting from a loving compassion heart. I hope you can see it below. I have had one reply of Thanks and greeting for me from one brother who keeps contact with me, I maintain a boundary still.as he is very connected to all going on there and it can be hurtful sometimes, so I kind of do what i can to keep boundary to protect me. He still would not support me when family up against me, he is sort of fearful of the others and keeps in touch with me but with all else he stays out of it.
            I wrote and sent the following below copied for you to see, for all those that I can help by sharing, let this be delivered here.
            Have a wonderful Thanks-giving Day
            Sandra

            Scroll down and you will see signed as Sandy, in my teens I prefer true name Sandra, although family knows me by Sandy. I sign sometimes this way,but only for them.
            Thinking of you Colleen, and your Grace always!!!!!!!!and reading Psalm 139 and expressing my Thanks of gratitude To God today.Be sure to scroll page to right so you can see beside house is quoted Psalm 95.2, where i rested in last evening.
            Happy Thanksgiving
            Sandra

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            From my Home to yours, May your Hearts be filled with an abundance of Compassion, Gratitude and Love,
            Many Blessings.
            Happy Thanksgiving.
            Love Sandy

            Melody Beattie
            Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

            William Law
            Would you know who is the greatest saint in the world: It is not he who prays most or fasts most, it is not he who gives most alms or is most eminent for temperance, chastity or justice; but it is he who is always thankful to God, who wills everything that God wills, who receives everything as an instance of God’s goodness and has a heart always ready to praise God for it.

            Galatians 6:9
            Do not get tired of doing what is good. Don’t get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time.

            The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you. ~John E. Southard

            Love Sandy

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          • Sandra

            Hi Colleen, I see my post did not send the two Thomas Kincade cottage pics that were part of the greeting I shared to siblings, one had quoted Psalm 95.2 ,this Psalm was on pic,and the other was a charming little Thomas Kincade cottage with flickering animation of smoke out of chimney and meandering water flowing around house…It is beautiful, I wish it processed when I copied in previous post,although there is a blank of both…anyway, it was a soft generous and kind greeting I wrote, one of Jesus Love and offering example.
            And the pics of Thomas Kincade were perfect to add the peace and joy in message,so soft. and serene.
            So you can envision what did not make it through my copy and paste to your viewing.
            Best wishes for compassion, gratitude,joy, peace and Love today
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, It has been a long day, I made it through. I made a thai pumpkin soup by scratch for lunch and then just finished oyster soup ,a lowcountry SC Charleston recipe by scratch as well. This kept me busy .I do feel pretty well fatigued now, sttanding at stove with two burners not four ,and one of the two about ready to fail, i will add stove to list of needs eventually. For now oyster stew my favorite,flavor just delicious.
            It has been quiet day, i swept some leaves off porch front and rear and spent some time outside as rain passed and in 60’s today before another cold front comes in….and the cat bed arrived and SHE LOVED IT!!!! and even more SHE LOVED THE CAT NIP TOY I bought her for 3.00….she rubbed and frolicked with her new catnip toy, it was for sure enticing her as soon as i showed it to her…her name now is officially Coco, kind of mix between her coloring of dark and milk chocolate colors and my favorite perfume Coco Chanel, at least one of the perfumes this line i enjoy most for sure…Cat is sweet and precious.
            The bed will keep her warm with thermo core that adjusts to her body heat and keeps it at that temp of core warmth as if heating blanket without cord/plug.
            I am wondering if you decorated today or tomorrow for Christmas,or begun?
            I will begin getting wreath, and two burlap little evergreens i can plant for both sides of door, and maybe wait a week /good 7 days into Dec before get tree .
            I had one reply to my Thanksgiving greeting, the brother i mentioned, i did not hear from my parents,not unusual. so I telephoned ,not truly wanting to for the experience i had last time they playing game with me “if you want to talk to me” setting tone of call, not pleasurable…so I did get father as passenger,an aunt driving parents from neice home back to their home,it was short and i simply said wish mom a Happy Thanksgiving also.
            Nothing unusual. when they want me ,it is always different story, games, munipulation and guilt/blame…
            ANyways, I am grateful for the woman friend we connected a day before Thanksgiving and she emailed saying to believe in what she says,she thinks of me. and that is probably another email i need copy and hold onto for when if feels like she silencing me teribly as if i am a burden or needy and feels cold and as if I am not cared or loved when do not hear anything . like brushed off. but she assures me again she thinks of me and not ignoring me,just busy. and I do believe she is very tired, she is older, i think going over 60 now, maybe closer to 65 soon….and works a job she does not enjoy at all. Since that job is when I noticed a change with her being, like her candle went out….not as vibrant sparkling energy. So I need understand this. as I do believe she does mean what she says,that “I have always been one of her favorites” in who she has mentored with Reiki and followed through with helping attune with Reiki. She does want the best for me, it is just we may not be extra close as I would enjoy friendship to sit and have tea and really connect regularly,and another husband would be terific at Gods will, the companionship and truest of Love ,compassion and Joy,peace together is what i would really like.
            Goodnite,and I look forward to hearing how your weekend/holiday was too.
            Best regards,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            We did a bit of decorating but after my daughter’s wedding, we’re pretty wiped out. The soup you made sounds DELECIOUS….and cooking is a form of a creative outlet that will feed your soul….just as if taking care of that darling cat showing up at your door. Very nurturing you are! My thoughts related to family are the same. Step out of the dance. There is an established “dance” so to speak…they move, you follow with uncertainty but as a ‘good girl’, they step on your heart and you hurt but cover it up by saying you are okay when you are not. Step out of that dance. You are healthier than any of those you speak of. Yes, again grief is part of letting go…write letters that may never be sent, let the parts of who you wanted them to be go and there will be space for you to accept who they are. Time and more time. God will guide you but you have to step out of that negative, destructive dance for there to be change. Your longings will pull hard; especially during the holiday season. Take them to God for HE alone can supply comfort for our every longing. Remember, he too was estranged from his family…they thought he was odd, weird, and didn’t accept much of his life. It wasn’t until adulthood that James, his half brother who wrote the book of James (an excellent, practical work on daily Christian life) in his adult life. Until then, if you think about it, how hard it must have been to be his brother or family member. So accept the distance as what happened with Christ and see what he did…follow his lead in the gospels and how he focused on what WAS possible instead of grasping for what he could never control. It shifts your focus and frees you to become all you were and are made to be. Let’s talk over this further in the weeks and months to come. All my love during this season my precious and faithful friend. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen
            I knew this time of holiday wad the perfect time for rest and relaxartion after wedding.a good solid few days .happy to hear block of time came as it did and light and open to choose some decoratong for Christmas or just be. Thank you for your effort to have read all my notes upon returning….I was sleeping and awoke to find your thoughts. I am happy for that I can bring my longong to you…and over coming months to share thoughts.believe it or not I feel excited to read what you have noted regardimg James…again I had not been aware Jesus had been viewed as he was by his family and ti have had rejection in His life
            I will read James..
            thank you so much for pointing this out for me
            .I also need go back to read another thought where you do encourage distance..and I need clarity as to does this mean do not mail christmas cards to those in family that have not responded and/or discontinued including me in a mailing or invites…i was not certain if that is the distamce I will need.
            is to let go completely in this action
            I have need keep distance from parents as I noted i do step into what you call so well a dance..thst is exactly what it is .I did not give into it last time called although it stirs up more wamtimg stay away. So I will remain silent however if I get a call I am not good at iignoring ptessure to return call so may need work on connectimg with Lord.during these times you have mentioned. It is interesting as I believe I began this over past few days as I.found myself redirecting myself to who does and has comforted me..God. I find myself asking for His loving embrace that blanket of comfort and I found I did this when only 2 siblings replied of 5…it was not as it has been in.past when i sensed no reply as i put it out knowing and not seekimg reply altjough that instinct to go there and tthen sometthing refirected me faster than usual and then again with another feeling of silence experincing. I found myself redirecting to God comfort..I could then refirect and feel His warmth within
            and I walked yesterday and today again and fri too and talked in prayer within myself in this same way to God and our Lord Jesus Christ. I will as I have mentioned need help with how to remain silent for a time .what does thst mean in action no action .is it zero connection..do not send parents Christmas gifts? as my norm or send but stay silent? I usually send one sibling children something.last year..he is one sibling controling alot of not including me and no reply.last year hus children wrote me note thanking me first time and asked when I will visit…I have hard time cuttimg off that gesture for they only kids and I would not wamt confuse something I started by stopping suddenly. If you can clarify if I need discontinue this in beimg silent?
            I did write the woman I spoke of a thank you and so glad we had connected…it was good for what you suggested be just the best thing to do as she feeling overload of work hours..holidays etc. I was happy read that and realize great that was what I was guided do in the same day I knew she extended herself to reply to me..and I was not realizing I was being self focused in what my confusion of initial no reply was…so I need let that finally go with all I send out fro me..that my not having respomse not about me .that is tough one for me over time..Thank you for sharing your experience and your therapist voice in your example
            .I will go back also and read again your thoughts..Thank you so much for sharing
            I wanted to share too cat is so happy.she hardly is seen out of bed made for her.lol.she is so cozy .I am goimg take photo …not sure I can post here altjough she is precious with how happy with bed
            and catnip toy.
            thank you Colleen for such generous and kind thoughtful words of compassion and wisdom…you always bring me such joy to connect
            Enjoy your evening of rest and Happy December 1st…the month of Christ Jesus birth upon us. Enjoy all that this holds for you this Christmas season….I look forward to discussing James further and actions of my being silent awhile.I can hear the Lord guiding this is right and true to free me. I look forward exploring further.
            With gratitude love and grace
            Sandra goodnite Colleen.

          • Sandra,
            You have several things in your note below that I will touch on. The first and most important is about our Lord. The prophet Isaiah speaks to the truth that the Lord suffered much, was aquatinted with grief, was not viewed as humanly appealing in physical features, and was rejected in every way. I have attached a link here where you can read the passage. http://biblehub.com/isaiah/53-3.htm This is one of the most concise chapters in the Bible that refer to Christ’s appearance; although there are others. Isaiah tells us the Lord was despised, rejected, suffered in every way, was not beautiful or desirable by human standards and that he was a man of sorrows and crushed. How different this is from what society defines as successful or beautiful…we have it all wrong. Man looks on the outward appearance, God looks upon the heart (I Samuel 16:7b). The New Testament book of James is believed to be written by Jesus’ half-brother; born from Mary and Joseph; but James does not mention that in his book. Many scholars believe James resisted trusting Christ as the Savior until the resurrection (John 7:5 & I Cor. 15:7). You won’t find James refer to Jesus as a sibling in his book but other biblical references point in that direction. Next, when it comes to communicating with family…that’s a huge one. I can’t tell you what you should/shouldn’t do in regards to holidays and occasions where you have connected. I will say that if there is a pull in any way to expect a response or a longing to hear back, then you are connecting for more then just the occasion…it’s to be given something you weren’t given while growing up…I would suggest a sense of significance. There are three very good books I highly recommend…the first is by John Townsend and Henry Cloud called “Boundaries”. We have talked about this before, there is a workbook as well…both would be extremely valuable as you move forward and make choices for interaction. The next is by Robert McGee “The Search for Significance”, and the third is by David Seamands titled “Healing for Damaged Emotions”. The amazon link which has them all listed is: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1/184-1115626-4237910?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Search+for+significance . What you have to explore is your motivations…why you are doing what you are doing. From your history, acceptance, validation and feeling significant for being YOU are probably deep longings that were not met. As a result (and without realizing it), it’s easy to have a hidden agenda…not deceptive but a deeper longing that cannot be met by people who don’t have it in them to give. This is why you examine other’s reactions so intensely…because you long to be understood and valued…we all do. Most of us have been deeply wounded in not being valued somewhere along the way because the person who was to value us didn’t have it in them to give. It’s like returning to an empty bank account again and again, expecting at some point to find money there. It won’t be there so we ask the Lord to direct us to those who can offer unconditional value, significance, mirroring, and can make emotional deposits that fill us. This is a HUGE subject so we will spend a lot of time on it but a good beginning. For now, I would take your questions to the Lord…ask Him what you should do, to open the eyes of your soul so you will see your motivations and then follow His leading. I’ve dumped a lot of stuff here which will take a while to digest; take your time….no rush. You are doing some deep work that most never do and you will find new growth and joy you have never experienced as you chose to live without fear but in God’s freedom and love. Warmest wishes my dear one, Colleen

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen, I looked into my soul to be as honest as I can with myself, the first thought I had and this is pure honest what another may not admit was with my not being invited/included in neices and nephew wedding,most recent the one neice i would have thought more of me, i thought of where i had thought read in Bible that to treat the enemy with kindness,and I thought this first, what would be unexpected reaction to not being included is kindness. So from there I told self I do not need a reply to Thanksgiving greeting, I will simply share the warmest of wishes and mean them really,although catch the enemy off guard i will say and maybe put out some of the uglyness due to shock ….Then I did see that I fell into checkign email and who did reply,although I had let it go faster than i thought would have in past as exactly what you have said , this area is bankrupt and not truly those I wish to connect.
            With that all said, I have been reallly confused today. The Reiki Master had praised me for sending the Thanksgiving greeting as bigger person even without having any response he had mentioned that that shows my growth…I know that my dr. and you also have a stronger protection of me in that the way that you both say same thing in regard to silence is okay to choose for this is and has not by history been supportive family for me,and to look at boundaries also,creating healhty boundaries….I will for certain look at these books you have mentioned. The workbook is the “workbook” I could not recall who was author a while back and could not locate in prior communication we shared when you initially mentioned it to me. Townsend is a joy for me to read, his writing for me like a song or waterfall gently cascading in a natural rhythm, as from the book you recommended,”Hiding From Love”, Dr. Townsend….so I will look for these.
            I also am delighted with scripture you ahve provided,and insight into truly Jesus life, and how corrupt we are not seeing the purity of the heart, as He so strongly died for us and did and does so much for us, incredibly Faithful. So, I seem to have alot more work to pick up on.as I seem to have thought I did what was right and true, although have to work through this process of letting go, and not feeling like I gave up, or have not loved in God eyes so completely ,even an enemy. Maybe I am mixed up. I think I am….lol….it is okay.
            I did want to reply and let you know that I am excited about the scripture you have mentioned, yes, James I hear more of the story through you than I have been able to connect in Bible,although I will keep at it all..
            I am certainly disconnected today. My walk did help and bringing the warmth of embrace of blanket continously by the most Soveirgn and Faithful Lord and God.
            I will go back over these posts ,I am so very grateful for your genuine caring love and interest to help guide me for my best interest, to let me know wholeheartedly that I am safe with our Lord and God and happy to connect as alwasy. I do feel stronger connection with how I divert self to God Colleen, it is a change I am grateful and find ever so fulfilling that I have Him and His Love no matter what always,into eternity.
            Thank you for your kind thoughts and insight with all this process.
            I look forward to connecting again and I will share more from how I process your thoughts too.
            With Gratitude,
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, you are right with exactly what you are saying with Melody Betties…….the communication I shared seems is coming from initially a place of control….although good in area of kindness even to those who have and may mistreat or not come from the heart, it still was a way to stop saying wrongful things and treating me as I am the wrongful one….so I will so try understand all of this.
            I am amazed and excited to go back and read Isaiah as you have shared this evening.
            I need let go and I think I am having a difficult time,as I do not wish to be an enemy although if I werent an enemy I would be doing the “dance’ we spoke of and getting stuck in a very unhealthy dynamic….I have listened and God does want me to be silent with my parents , I want to be sure I am hearing in all clarity. and I will Pray on all the other issues of cards, Christmas patterns of mailing a few gifts….honestly, and from my soul, I think I am exactly that, fearful that I am not being of goodness of God ,and to abandon what little connection of family, I can hear the anger and despise be fueled toward me,when I am honestly not an evil person, it is difficult for me to accept that is so toxic …I will go to the Lord in quiet and hear His guidance, and pray for this direction to be ever so clear I will not doubt being from Him.
            I am sorry if I am sounding so confused, I am willing and have been changing pattern,and I do wish to stick with my calling as God knows me ,who I am ,the thougths I have and I even prayed Thanksgiving after emailing siblings for Him to not let me think the way I was initially taking kindness as a pill to enemy, I asked Him that is not right thoughts ,let me just have sent the email from my heart ,and not have any thoughts of see I am good! see I am happy ! all the lies spoken are false, I am finding fulfillment and Peace! I asked the Lord to let me not have that tone of boasting to self…..this is all very interesting, and I am sure for you and others may it help in some way my honesty out here.
            Much Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I wanted share one other thought that has come to me regarding the Thanksgiving greeting….it for me relates to your friend in movie theater with her I believe son and all they wanted to do is connect with society and watch a movie, and then with hurtful gestures,words from viewers at theater, your friend gracefully removed herself and her son…..I cannot speak for her thoughts that went through her mind and then heart,although it landed in her heart,she turned around and said with all the Love in her heart by Jesus Love flooding her,she said Merry Christmas!…that is kind of best who I can relate to my action,and truley came to this is the Love I need to share…I do not know,but did anyone reply to her and say yes you and your son and family have a Merry Christmas….this is where I have been struggling…..when do I let go completely? how do I find the way to silence? I need to pray alot on all of this. As you so compassionately speak with Jon, “What does Jesus have to say “, and I know He will answer for I want to follow His guidance,and He knows me, who I am and what He has willed for me to do.
            Thank you for listening to me work through all this. I know that you are there and will help guide me to the Lord and what is good as the books you recommended and scripture to enrich my heart further in His word.
            Have a goodnite,and good nites rest.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Regarding my friend, no one said anything kind as they left…it was heartbreaking. But, someone in their church rented a facility and over 300 people came and watched a movie and it was a grand occasion. About the “silence” concerns. This is another hard growth area but you have been raised to think in terms of black and white, right and wrong; very rigid, strict lines of demarcation. As you grow, you will find there are very few stark black and whites; there are many gray areas. God does not say “always send cards” or “don’t send card if..” because He’s looking at the formation of your soul. I’m thinking the silence you want to strive for is the silence that is connected to peace in YOU. Not an outward, family members deal; a peace that you have whether you write, call, talk, answer, connect….anything that is ‘other’ directed is secondary to what happens in you. Connection with your family does seem to quickly trigger a lot in you, disrupting your peace. And “letting go” isn’t about shutting out any chance of a relationship; it’s letting go of the expectation that there will be a desired or expected reply. That is how God loves us; it’s His choice, we have no say in the matter. It’s your choice how to love other’s; only you decide. If you can love with an open heart and not be wounded if there is silence, then great. However, if you feel a sting or gut response in you when nothing or when continued manipulation comes back towards you, then it’s wise to use caution. It would be wonderful to speak from your gut if there is interaction… “dad, what you said was hurtful, I need to say good bye and pray”…that is you speaking for you. His reply is not your responsibility. We cannot control how anyone responds to us, we can control how we relate to others and honesty is always the best policy. I wish we could role play this a little; it’s very empowering. Either way, keep sending your thoughts but keep in mind, the real issue is about being mindful over your soul. Everything else is secondary. Hope that clarifies some things. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, yes now I have a better understanding, this clarifies very well,to point I will copy this and carry to read back to myself. This is same idea that my Dr. speaks to me of, and yes, role playing would be very good, I can take this thought also to my Dr. appt Jan 15….and ask to practice this too. I will reread all these notes and through this I will hope that I do become much more flexible and God has given me so much more confidence, the fear still lingers with the part I cannot control how anyone responds,if uglly that is not my responsibility…so I will pray on all of this wholeheartedly.
            Thank you so very much for clarification for I realize alot you need to repeat for my understanding and grasp,I am grateful for your sincerety with me.
            Thank YOU!
            May you have a good evening,
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, yes I I would like to discuss insight of this further as you mentioned here for it seems to hurt very deeply all of this not being accepted although be so loving always with open invitation of all to my home/space,and truthful to all to protect and stand behind only, realizing how I can always better self in truest of love and taking care of my wellbeing.
            I will read James today, feel like running behind her,lagging a bit over few days, so I will read today. I feel like a day or hours behind and creating anxiety within me as cannot accept the lagging feeling and want to press forward in what is inspiring me, reading James, walk in town, Christmas clean windows and decorate porch first, etc…..and stay course of what we have shared here, follow Jesus word/life story in how James will impact my life….I look forward to your clarifying the silence I neeed to act uupon. As you mentioned too, cooking and creativity in this, i have another soup that I enjoy at organic grocery store and I am goign try to make, African Peanut soup, all organic ingredients and a cole slaw without mayonaise ,i feel like i have the ingredients like cabbage but time going by so fast past me that it seems some things going bad quickly before i focus on using,creating somethign yummy that i had not made before. That is my distraction,although not terific cook and only two burners.lol….it is a distraction for right now in way. The cooking i do by scratch takes time,and all this seems pressing right now. I will breathe and let it all go to God will for today and see what he has in store for me to do, even if it is slower spead/restful things.I think best way to describe how I “feeling” is unstable ,unsteady in my brain from this lagging delay of process…and a racing within to get what I desire in place…..and have the precious time with God in talking and listening to His guidance in walk ,and when reading His word…have a gasp today in body need be slower than all inspriations and that need be okay.
            I wanted to say that before i did fall asleep last nite ,and after wrote you how amazing the connection you have to Melody Betties books and reading them all,and my quoting her, there is something about these synchronicities I enjoy so much…..well then i googled her and this quote came up. how perfectly divine is this!
            to our conversations and similar enjoymnet of Melody Betties-“I used to spend much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people’s lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life.”
            Melody Betties
            Have a good morning there Colleen, I so wish that if you ever had a retreat that was affordable and/or a class of some kind that I will be able to come to Texas for such wisdom and grace…and have that cup of tea

          • Sandra,
            That quote is EXACTLY what I am talking about…for you to cultivate your own identity. Who Christ says you are, how He has made you….so unique with qualities and gifts abounding. No kidding, you have so many creative talents but they are hindered by the worry over what other’s may think or some rejection. Understandable, but that is not freedom; you are still in bondage. Maybe it’s time to start writing down all the things you like to do…you love to sweep the porch, nature, cooking, creative outlets like refinishing furniture, sewing, cleaning, helping others, giving, listening…and more. What is called a “defensive mechanism” or a ‘coping skill’ which you developed for protection at a young age-watching, scanning, being acutely aware of everything in and around you so as to prepare for a sudden harm is the very thing that is now limiting you. God is your protector, provider, keeper, He never sleeps nor slumbers; you can trust His good care. Yes, things will still go wrong and there is still suffering all around because this world is fallen; but you don’t have to be on “high alert” any more. You are Sandra, you are safe. You are preparing a beautiful home with your gifts and talents…maybe you could offer sewing classes or teach other’s how to paint or whatever. I don’t know what God has for you; but by letting go of fear, you can embrace His love and direction. About reading James, it’s a very straightforward book…similar to Proverbs in the Old Testament. I don’t know if it will be of comfort since you are already pretty rule driven. I would stay in the Psalms for comfort, the gospels for direction and how Christ modeled living, and in Paul’s letters. While James is one of my favorite books, it’s very direct. There is much wisdom. It seems to me your reading on boundaries and significance would be immediately helpful and listing things about you that you like. Let’s see where God takes you. This is exciting! Colleen

          • Sandra

            Thank YOU Colleen.I wanted to let you know I have reread your thoughts., insights with wisdom and will go ahead a order the books….begin with reading “Boundaries” with workbook and jotting down what I like to do.
            Thank you so muchfor taking the time and effort to listen, hear and address so many issues in my growth process. I am delighted that it has been you beside me with some deep wounds i am healing. And joyous for your shariing wisdom of scripture and so many Christian authors of self help and other books of calling.
            With deepest gratitude
            Goodnite
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Great choice! It will be extremely helpful!

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I wish I could hear the entire Bible story as you have so much wisdom and by nature talk about the characters,stories so fluently. I will go to Bible to read more Isaiah as I see the verse ,although would like to explore further. I will pick up these books today.
            Colleen, it is you that is such a divine graceful individual/woman, who you are by your Faithfulness and wisdom, your compassion and knowledge of development,with truest unconditional loving care and support, you are one of the most tender compassionate caring woman I know.If there was a family I would want each member to share in your gifts of character.
            Thank you for sharing you, being who you are and in a very real true way helping me (and so many others) find God direction,and healing.
            Have a great day today
            Sandra

          • My dearest Sandra,
            You just made my day. What kindness always flows from your words. I don’t think it’s me that is so grand; it is from much hurt and God’s divine hand of providence in my life that I continue to change and grow. I have so many broken places, so many needs and flaws but I take them to the one who made me and He does what He wills with me. I have been close to walking away from the Lord many times because deep pain has come and I couldn’t see any light. So I understand the struggler and those who wrestle with life’s difficulties. But I am no different than anyone else; maybe it’s just God’s way of putting you here, on this path for us to walk together and grow and learn together along the way. I had an incredible therapist for three years that took time to help me with so many wounds; so this is a gift I offer out of God’s abundant gift He gave me when I needed a lot of help. May He do the same with your life….I know He is and will. Bless you, such a dear and tender soul. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I am glad my thoughts made your day….that is how I am with all your notes…..you have such a tender graceful way, it is yes an abundant gift God has given to share a path with you beside me as someone that has and continues to have such a tremendous positive impact on me as I grow through this. and if I share anything along the way that comes close to how you have inspired me and comforted,then I will be thrilled about this too.
            I appreciate so much your being so real and true, and that you understand so well ..It may be good too if I go back and look up the Christian hotline to find perhaps a dr. who can work with me maybe more often although a fee more affordable to visit regularly,as my dr. adjusted her fee to 75.00 although it is still not affordable to see her as often as I would benefit I think…I will look into this again.
            I will keep you posted on book(s) ,workbooks we have spoken of and when they arrive .I am so glad you had someone so good to help you Colleen with so many wounds…..I wish to have this success as you have wished the same with my life,and as you say you know He will…I believe He will too. I am a little excited about the books and all really, these tender days of open wounds still are lesser than the inspiriation and joy I am feeling deep within ready to come forth.
            With Gratitude,
            Sandra.

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen,a trusted friend…whew, alot of information coming to me,I do hope to sleep tonite and keep one step at a time i need take here but i found this video by Dr. Townsend…..i know it is a jump away from books i have coming…..this all is so scary yet so exciting..I have so much to learn from this …I am so glad you have guided me to “Boundaries” and this video a step beyond but still amazing awarenesses….frightening although i can do this. I think what most scary is who I am is the most honest and open hearted character,,,,some say i am most honest person they have met,others have said i wear my heart on my sleeves….i can make efforts to protect myself although my character is who I am and so much me that someone just take a glance at me and sees who I am?
            I will learn more.
            I am so thankful for your Christian guidance ,”grace,truth and health”….
            Thank YOU!
            Sandra

            .http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=boundaries&FORM=VIRE5#view=detail&mid=03EE92A6021FD3DA089F03EE92A6021FD3DA089F

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, as you have said to me you do not say anything you do not mean. I mean all I say and my actions follow these words in always speak highlly of you to those that conversation of Church and/or conversation arises where I say good things of you, your blog, your father…especially have said to some employees at Christian book store I frequently stop in for card or just energy of looking at those heartfelt books, trinkets, Gods word everywhere. I am so excited about Dr.Townsend “Boundaries” and all guides to read. I did not sleep well again last evening although I am going to have Reiki and massage to help me with increased energy and calm for sleeping too,release what holding onto so energy increase will be good …
            I have something I would like to offer something old by Audio Company in Michigan? , box not mint condition and I am not sure you will find interest,although I would like to offer and see if something you can sell and put money toward Autism organizaiton or Insight for Living? It is a 1955 box of book with leaflets that have “records ” in them? and each leaflet has illustration of what reading on record there is, it is the “old Testament”,which I am uncertain you will want this,although it is old, not sure of value but I would like to offer this if you will receive?I am not sure who has a record player these days….the point is that it may have some value for that is rare today. Just let me know and I will package and mail to you Colleen.
            Thank you for your interest in helping so many follow a Calling to God and journeys for wellness,serenity and peace,with Joy to come.
            Best regards,
            Ssandra

          • Sandra

            Thank you again Colleen for genuine character of such integrity. I did not feel release from Reiki as most other times, sure hope it does bring some emotional release and flowing energy through me. I will walk and I know that God will bring me an abudnance of energy with this and at His will.
            I did just become frustrated after that visit yesterday as i saw a message on cell phone and it was from my dad ,i was going to delete although began to listen,i heard the smite tone in his voice acknowledging me with dear daughter yet it was not sincere voice and with a tone of long drawn out syllables of each word with that evil underttone that is like the mad scientist who is about to give you at tonic that you turn into toad and PRETENDING TO BE THOUGHTFUL…lol..not truly funny but seriously like that big gooey smile yet a massive dose of what truly is behind the gitty smile, and long narcisist or sarcasitc syllables ,false false and false front with motives of disrespect and lacking genuine care of who calling that does not get by many, as if back sticking just in those few words so i deleted there,did not finish listening. and I will not call back,for the “mocking” type voicee and not sincere loving tone but sticking or scheming childish bully behavior all in the tone. That is best I can describe .just too much negativity there with that voice,so I released some anger and have to move forward with today.
            Have a good day , and I will let you know as soon as open “Boundaries”!!! Yeah!
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hi Colleen, I for my life and heart can never understand …yesterday was perhaps a day that turned out so high spirited and had not had in long while such joyous connection, and after a week of such unexpected ,alarm stop working week before and then internet router install no work and left with device but installer did not take time or interest to go the distance to connect to my computer properly,he gave up and left knowing and stating his pay is on how many jobs he does in day and he has done the install and all really responsible for…well, then my computer repair person said he would come by yesterday morning and he said will fix, then my dr. called said she had cancellation for same time computer guy coming and my car battery had died nite before with power outage and i left car off and high beams on house so i could get in with groceries, well, then i wanting to go to see dr., but needed sit here and have ins.compnay come out and jump start, provided by God a wonderful thing there,and then computer guy no show and I had told dr. he said he would be there so did not take her appt….then today alarm company and another tech from time warner supposed to show up,and i have some veneers(kind of long story ,one i am not so proud of and not noticcable but not like subject much of a mistake by dentist i chose to put in years back for discolored teeth from antibiotic as child-dentist had put in incorretly,so they fall off easily and need be glued back on, i know miserable to go against nature is my learning with that), well now veneer fell off and dentist day off, i have call into dentist and yet still have appts between 2-5 at house…if dentist calls i will postpone appts no matter what.God did provide the credit of first cable internet tech and gave me 20.00 credit……so there are Blessings still but why I will never understand such kaos or miswiring of me.
            I hope truly you are having a brighter much more smooth less distraction joyous day and your family is well and safe today
            Best regards,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You said something very specific that I want to mention. In the end of your note, your words “I will never understand such chaos or miss-wiring of me”…YOU are not miss-wired! That is a core belief that you carry when there has been so much to deal with….from childhood on, you were led to believe you were ‘wrong’ or ‘miss-wired’ which is what happens when dysfunctional people don’t own their own broken and corrupt places. You are wired exactly as GOD planned and created you to be…He promises that in Ps. 139. I think it would be great for you to read the passage and write down all the ways God knows you, created you, and loves you….there is no other Sandra. For example, Ps. 139:14 speaks of each person is fearfully and wonderfully made. From a commentary I found these words which expand our understanding of our creators good work in making each individual: “the formation of man is not of himself, nor of his parents, but of God, and is very wonderful in all its parts… every bone, muscle, artery, nerve and fiber, are nicely framed and placed to answer their designed end…” You are a work of God, there is none other like you. In every way, your ‘wiring’ is present; while the sins of man have complicated things, the work is there. Our responsibility is to ask God for help in “re-wiring” us where they have been twisted or turned in ways done by man, but not our God. For this very reason, we need others who help us re-wire our understanding of ourselves and God….just as our homes are wired for certain works…cables for phones and T.V.’s…so our lives are wired for His purposes. This is where we must begin in our understanding of God, of ourselves, and of His purpose…how He wants to use our lives in the most unique way. Perhaps the continued frustrations can be viewed as reminders…the help you need for your home to function correctly is the help all humans need from our creator. Otherwise, and like your home or car, our lives will not flow in order as God designed. So you are in the re-wiring business like we all are. Some have more tangles; I believe they can be used most significantly by our God because they understand the work and difficulties of life and know God can and does reconnect our wiring for His great honor. When you are frustrated…and I would be ENTIRELY frustrated with all you have had to deal with, stop and remember God has made you and is at work in you just as you are at work in your home. I would also ask myself “why do I have these challenges with those who come to help?” Like the electricians, the computer people, the contractors…..ask God to reveal how you may interact differently so there is a better end to the problems. One communication tool is if you ask a question, listen to the answer, then repeat “this is what I hear you saying about______; did I understand that correctly?” Then allow them to clarify if there is miscommunication. If not and they break their word, you go on to ask someone else for help. Ask the Lord to give you ‘ears to hear’ correctly….not ears filtered by fear, mistrust, doubt, or angst…just ears to hear. I hope this is encouraging to you as one must believe God has made them sufficiently and is always at work in and through their lives. May God’s peace rest in your heart this day. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, what an amazing and lovely note. Thank you so much for your insight and wisdom as always ever so comforting and calming. Yes I will read today this Psalm 139 and write down as you have suggested.And I will continue later with Paul.
            What amazing insight you have, and wisdom brilliant really. you are so graceful in expressing every thought even if a challenge, such ease. I thought you and your Dad in Key Ministry video had this thread, and I believe your approach to all even may have created this characteristic stronger within your Dad. It is who you are,you inspire me ,and I am so glad you are the one God has chosen to be connected to me and my journey, evolving every moment in His hands He took me to your understanding by insight and wisdom and tender heart. I so much am grateful for you to take the time to hear me so clearly and respond as you have so wisely.
            With gratitude
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Goodnite Colleen
            .I am so proud of who you are. I may be stuck in some ways and taking so much of me to take care of myself yet you inspire me to get out of me a little more to maybe reach beyond the me I struggle with emotionally and just maybe help another…I can listen to you and your Dad as well for hours on end…something like music to my heart by my ears delivering what sounds and penetrates naturally ..I do not know that I have experienced this with any other (s) before ..I think if I was able to do all over agsin and had the positive Christian role model I would have lbeen blessed to go to Theology college with degree…..I value you and your experience greatly…you are also do much duplicate in many ways of your father…you both communicate with such grace…x2 ..both equally compassionate and brilliant and wise all loving beings.
            I also want to respond to posts regarding my home space…I love mediteramean blues and whites…I have paint for living room yarmoutj blue by ben moore..kind of like bird egg blue..and have one little antique seat accessory thst is french..I love french furniture but accent piece is all for that theme in now..I love french country and simple farm house country…burlap bow or garland even for tree at Christmas and that country chic sparkly accents like bird ornament with glitter or feather or vintage ribbon on mercury glass ornaments
            .I do not have but what I envision ..i do have some nests witj bird and Christmas glitter or ribbon to place in tree..like you say too alot in nature can brimg in
            .I would like make magnolia wreath and placesomewhere.birch tree sticks have such beautiful texture too for in plant contsiner outside or somewhere
            I love beach lowcountry style too…eggsell blue door and e entually lite grey house instead of blue grey it is
            .it need be painted and I intend do that myself next Spting..I would love find a sm all sofa off white on sale or wing back chair in time. I know that is quite diverse but with the country can mix all these …to work
            I am not good at decoratimg but good at matchimg colors well..
            My kitchen going be silvrrbells by ben moore…it is very lite grey with tad of lavender..I cannot wait..have alot to do with walls in there before get thst far.
            But all my visions o have had here
            Hope you enjoy hearing about.thank you for asking inspiring me and including me in online Ministry conference.thank you Sandra

          • Sandra,
            The colors you have chosen sound amazing. Beautiful, serene, calm, like one of my favorite places on earth, this is the island of Santorini in the Mediterranean . The colors speak of nature as well. My daughter’s room and wedding are very similar…natural, burlap, blues and silvers, touches of texture like bark and woods with decorations that have birds and nests. How cool is that! I love hearing about that. And, if I ever could make money at it, I would be a decorator because I love taking old stuff and using it in ways similar to french country design. Very similar which tells me you have a very tender, permeable soul. I think that is why you have been so moved…deeply wounded and yet, deeply directed towards the healing process and thus helping others. As I mentioned, I would ask the Lord where He wants you to serve. There may be a special needs school near you that needs help with decorating or designing stuff for programs. It doesn’t have to be a special needs school but anything with the city where you live. You can go to the city office and learn about volunteer work. I will say, one of the tools proven to aid in ones growth out of depression and trauma is serving or volunteer work once a week. Hospitals, schools, stores, shops, soup kitchens…many places for you to offer your help. Start slow but consider it…this may be where the Lord wants to use you. I am anxious to see where He leads and we will keep talking about it all…what wonderful hope and joy this is to know you and be part of your growth. In His Grace, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, lol, yes another similarity, I like that very much! I love that you too find these colors so serene and calming, I will look this up Santoini in Mediterranean , beautiful, the gardens too , rock walls with the most interesting blooming flowers cascading down from cracks and crevices inspire my soul to be surrounded by these beautiful natural textures and color….I also love that your daughter room and wedding too are and will be so beautiful ,her room of burlap,blues,silvers,birds and nests, sounding so beautifully placed together…..I am not very good as you at what sounds like a true talent of yours, decorating! I cannot seem put together things, I find color much easier and can pick out items but terible with placement. I think that is such a wonderful gift to put it all together so it flows and the smallest item together with the other right items blend and sing with balance and calming rhythm…that is terific. Thank you for your encouragement as I find balance and purpose Colleen, I certainly know deep within that I am depressed more lately and interesting that once a week is proven to help, even from trauma…..I like your thought, I will ask the Lord for direction with this, honestly too I was thinking to ask someone up the street if they ever need their dog (a Sheppard) walked and it is friendly,that I would do for a small amount of money per hour. I will see where the Lord will have me for volunteering ? I feel so disconnected yet I too am interested where I am being led to help? I do need start slow as you mentioned, but I will be keeping it in thought and consciously listen for the answer.
            I did want to mention this that every year I volunteer for Wreaths Across America although that is an hour of service…..I go to the service locally at public cemetary and hang after service wreaths with others along a fence of cemetary for all Veterans who rest there. I did volunteer once at a Fort cemetary in Columbia SC, and that was probably 5 years back, one time per week that only lasted a few weeks….I become paralyzed and forget things from social anxiety at this particular setting where the Leader I felt extraordinarily pressured to be perfect in performance and I ended up literally in bathroom from digestive issue more than I could be of service and forgetfulness,numbness did not work out. I know the Lord will guide me to where is most comfortable and of a Heart I can give .
            I do feel a bit hardened lately by circumstance that have been part of my growth,and I hope in time that Loving Heart that is so much a part of who I am will be restored to balance and Love to the utmost way and greater for I will be of truest of Peace and Joy I pray for .
            Thank you for connecting today.
            Have a really peaceful afternoon and Sunday evening there with your family.
            With Gratitude
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I’m not that great at placement either but I look a ton of stuff up online… “Do it Yourself” sites like Better homes and gardens, DYI, Home makeovers….you can find some great ideas on Pinterest too. Also, look up Google images; put in things like “serene rooms” or “calm rooms” and see what comes up. I get a lot of ideas from pictures. Regarding your heart; I so understand. When you have been working so hard at life, especially with how tender your soul is, it’s easy to feel suffocated in your soul. You need time to breathe, listen to music, yes, walk the dog if possible, just be without working hard on ‘the next step’. Go to the bookstore and look through the decorating books or hobby sections that interest you. This is very refreshing. You have had so many demands…the home and all it’s work…you need time for enjoying what feeds your soul. It’s not about trying harder, but being more restful in moments that are not demanding. I hope that makes sense. Give yourself room to just be. I think that will feed your soul in many ways. Enjoy your night. Colleen
            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen
            I love the idea of looking rhrough books of decorating ideas….I had gone to library this summer past and had fun going through magaxine recycling bin and Library issues rready give away and then cuttimg out photos of my dream home and life. I still have here in folder..I recently took out some tthat have Christmas decoratimg ideas .thry brimg me warmth and one iidea with red bows on wreaths every window..michaels last year gave free bags of goodoes and I have something like 25 red velvet bows can use.
            We again have this in common although there are diy ideas I never find confidence or know how bring together…I used to do some crafts well when worked woth elderly…I believe that flow of creativity will retirn as I get ready for Christmas and have all inspiring ideas and creating space here in house…..
            I will build on this idea…
            And maybe there is somethimg by this idea I will b able reach out and help another …in creating something. Like mixing paints for someonr who cannot use hands well…or for an artist like Joni? Something that creates a welcome and helpful bond and creative. I may join a pottery class tjis next spring too as I had in past and wanted take more time to learn…maybe some way I can help someone I meet in class or later after class with creatimg something from clay??? By hands on rather than a wheel…Thank you again for your kind tjhoughts….I look forward comnectimg again.
            Goodnite and good rest by you.Sandra.
            I will remind self to not work at all so hard and thank you for seeimg me so much as who I am so tender soul.Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I love your ideas! There are many who long to be just noticed, made to feel important like the rest of us. A little attention, time, and gift of grace sinks deeply into every soul. So whatever you choose, however God leads, you will know because there will be peace. I look forward to hearing about how God uses you in other’s lives. He has a plan, you have continued to obey, let’s see where this leads! I’m excited! Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hi Colleen.
            I wamted to say yes Jesus endured so much…to such unconceivable suffering by torture …although emotionally His pain I feel…When I viewed tje movie I think called “Crown” ??? The one movie portraying his being hated amd taken to the cross…I could not continue watching as I hurt inside teribly …yet he lived this and kept pivking himself up speaking the truth no matter what
            I adore Him for His truth and honesty and endurance and overall His Love for us.Goodnite Sandra

        • Sandra

          Hello Colleen, so wild, i had write that as what I know today of Phillipians and Paul, and forgiveness, how is it that the card of my lesser understanding was so before me at a dollar store three years ago for my sister for Christmas…I am certain it read slightly different as if “she could not rid me”…..I cannot recall, although I found this on BIblegateway and I am certain it was of this message by verse, maybe slightly different by another Bible??? on card about like minded and sisters I thought was why it i thought said she cannot rid me???…but I sure a version of this same verse…”2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.
          It was forgiveness that I followed God in picking up and was a strong loving feeling, no better than it having been so TRUE as verse is so powerful in following God love,that which I can truly relate to and understand by reading in the NOW.
          Truly amazing Grace at work all along.
          My stomach still acting quite unusual….I am resting today…
          I did want to also share that if I am being used by God to help another, this is who I have spoken of in belief that this is case,my Reiki Master friend, and that perhaps I am delivering God to a very broken soul that seems terible mixed up relationally in his life..although the greatest in his profession and outstanding in his work reputation, it is knowing this individual personally that I can say this truth of I know there is a higher action in this?I only have control of my actions and self and can only be repsponsible for this of self, and I literally needed help so sometimes get tangled up in this that I need stand stronger than I would like to have put on myself
          Have a good day
          Sandra

        • Sandra

          Hello Colleen…..My greatest intention was to rest this morning extra for disruption of floor tearing out and plywood carpenter installing,,,my concern of digestive tract and fatigue . The water company finally called me and left voicemail and said they reread and it was correcct ,that i may want to check for leak……I called carpenter to see if he knew anyone, he said he can fix and for me to first check meter when all water off and see if dial spinning, that is then a leak if spinning……and to call him back and he will take care of without paying plumber just to come out..I am grateful I found this contracter/carpenter,can pretty much do anything…and he as well as Reiki Master both have told me that the rural water co. is not trustworthy,same high bill came to both and carpenter even in a house he now live in said he was able to go with another wather company and was happy ,in 20 years did not have problems he had with the rural service as I am working through now. well I for the first time in my life read the meter and it was read upside down. And the dial was not spinning so there is not a leak. I had to call back rural water to do as they asked, have “compare ” of my reading….lol…so the update a little added stress but grateful to eternity that NO LEAK! Yeah. these are some crazy twists and turns wreaking havoc on my gut…
          I so much wanted to share that Phillipians and my sharing that Christmas card without truly knowing about Paul and/or Bible Chapter sits with me eternally today for I am now aware of my growth for the very first time , as you keep reminding me and my dr. keep saying and Reiki Master has too mentioned that I have grown and now this is the very first thing for my list that I can see as a positive change …..I am so much more connected to Jesus, God word in such a way I cannot describe, this Chapter I speak of simply fulfills me and the connection to the card without knowing really what it all meant, fulfills me even greater to now know the significance of the verse on the card,the meaning and how I listened without truly knowing but i trusted it was the right thing to pick that card up…I remember I had left that dollar store three years back and returned to buy the card driving back to the store as I hestitated when first was being guided, of what was such love in my heart yet hesitation, God was calling me to act. Amazing…..I look forward when I can rest here and have the heart and mind without distraction to read Phillipians and Story of Paul.
          Most other changes others speak of have not “felt” as positve as this one change brings me so much Joy within…I hope that makes sense as I describe.
          Thank you for being there, so patient of my long notes.
          With Gratitude as you truly have been the one who has taken me under your wing in many ways that have guided me through our Almighty God calling, in the ways that I can now see have brought me the greatest Joy. Amazing, again to see now this has paved a new direction. I am truly changed with greater foundation than ever in my life…and I finally found where I wish to rest in the Bible.
          I am so pleased with this greater awareness .
          Thank you Colleen,
          Sandra

        • Sandra

          Hello Colleen, I did want to share that I called my parents, I wish I had waited again longer….there is first my father, he answered phone and commented where is my “lost daughter” with a sort of giggle as if fun game….I am not lost at all , I have been so very found by God and I am thrilled to know I have been so found to be so very Loved by God, Jesus is who Loves me so very deeply…..I reluctantly asked how my mother was knowing she was right there and she has had a target on me for not calling more than my usual, so I was feeling that energy less than positive ….he said do you want me to hand her the phone, and I simply said sure if she wants to say hi, as i know often she is busy or on other phone….well she said “if she wants to talk to me”,,,I thought here we go with games….I refuse to play games anymore…it did get my not wanting to speak with her heightened and some anxiety with that not of fear but they simply do not live in reality…I call really not much less than ever and suddenly they are sitting around more with walkers and my mother venom is for me as she wants to start her usual game that I “do not call her much anymore”….so i kept it very short, she began with tone of game playing,and i kept changing conversation to how she was doing, and she tried to lecture about a rattle snake i found on property this past summer she heard of by my one brother that heard this from me……the conversation is minimal and I simply said yes we have snakes in SC, as most places, and learning to identify which are poisonous is what one does. I did not let her try to instill her usual fear provoking talk to me, and I am proud i ended conversation when i saw it was not where i wanted to be…I simply said I had just gotten home from errands and was goign prepaire dinner and i would let her go have dinner too…she seemed saddened,and said it was good to talk with me….I need be in different space and have more of me to get around their munipulative speaking at every corner…..whatever she is going through is not about me and for whatever reason none of my family will ever look at themselves to truly be honest with how to treat others and how they have treated others may have something to do with why one would steer from engaging too long ,but run fast. It is more crazy making for me as they are so disconnected from reality,they have no true reality of my life,nothing, I do not share much for they just do not get it ….so conversation i usually listen to them and often about things that are hurtful to me as my neice wedding being not included,etc, they disregard any emotion i have,the conversation strictly is about them enjoying their time never acknowledging my not being present with that kind of thing……It may not sound too much from an outside perspective,but it is full of self interest and highly munipulative and because from so many different levels ,it is unhealhty and confusing to be connected….and they like making others responsible and target for their own issue at hand, and that changes continusouly ….I am actually somewhat proud of myself that i am keeping a new boundary that will not be involved in gossip, slander, target,munipulation…NO that is not who I am in character to even be a bystander or receiver without requesting this interaction, I need to have a boundary established ,and find the way to be GRACEFUL is intention, I need find a way to be GRACEFUL….and at Peace.
          I did my best to keep shining, just could not hide my voice I do think/tone of disinterest and will try again another time, probably Thanksgiving Day as I call every holiday . I know them well enough i am now “who” they are talking about as if such a bad person ,they truly amaze me in that not ever once do they look at themselves and how treat others…sorry this post has helped me in supportive way to express myself and try to stay focused, Thank you for being there.
          Thank you for listening
          Have a good rest of week.
          I am going to open book of Phillipians tonite!
          Goodnite now
          Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I have been reading your notes and wanted to tell you how amazingly proud I am of your commitment to continually grow. You are really amazing. I know there is much help needed in the house and your friend is very kind in offering his time. In addition, it is clear that your growth has led you to see there is some manipulation in his offers; all of which you seem to be very aware of now. Do you realize how rare that is? Really, you are allowing the proper offer to happen…his assistance in what you need help with and yet, no strings attached. That is fantastic, incredible, and very rare. Stay strong because as you continue to stay strong in this area, you will be strong in other areas as well. Such as with your family. How we all long for our family members to grow or change and yet, when they don’t or won’t, we are hurt. You are wise to keep a good boundary; knowing your limits yet wanting to honor them. It may never change which is a deep grief you will carry with you….I think God uses our pain to assist other’s through theirs. Since families and family systems will continue, your experience will be of incredible help to others. You may not see that now, but in the future, you will be there for someone who is longing to have their parents acknowledge their lives as honorable and worthy of respect; only to find they are not capable of giving that and they will face the same deep grief. To the degree you walk through all this, you will be equipped to help others without being manipulated. Incredible for a healing person to become…rare is the one who can be empathetic, loving and remain separate and open. To be honest, it is a great accomplishment to be considered different from your family of origin. As I have heard you explain some of your experiences, who would ever want to by in a toxic system like that? While there is much pain over what is not present, you must look at what is present….a new Sandra, one who is developing, growing, learning, caring, loving, independent, strong and of good character. We must remember always that Christ was never in the ‘IN’ crowd….He was hated, rejected, and resented. So be it. He made it through and you will as well. Yes, there are little deaths along the way but you will not be sacrificed for the sake of acceptance. You are choosing not to compromise whom God has made you and is making you. What a magnificent work He is doing…I am continually moved by your faithfulness. Stay the course my dear one, you will be proud of where God takes you. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Thank you Colleen.imcredible grace and wisdom always
            ..Thank you for such kind and supportive thoughts…I do hope to be able help others someday as you mention
            ..thamk you for such present encouraging thoughts
            ..my Spirit seems to be dimmer .
            I look forward to staying the course and getting to that level of sparkle again and peace with joy so can help with energy encouragement and wisdom of God and this life experience …
            Squirrels still away and need still find good way seal the door to tjis space.odd size and have bricks and wood over gaps for now.
            I know I will be most Grateful this Thanksgiving for what I do have..my growth..you ..your care…your encouragement with insight and great wisdom bringing me so far in most trustworthy support and guidance ….of a very genuinre friendship..and
            ..Jesus appearing in my life so loving and think of His warm blanket of Love aroumd me…and for His moldimg me…my acceptance of His will. Thank you so very much for again the kindest thoughts.Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I just had an idea for your thanksgiving holiday season. Since you are so artistic, why don’t you think of making a little “book”…meaning, paper from wherever, using nature to write on maybe…leaves, chalk, whatever, and then bind it with twine. You could write on each page one of the things you have put here…one page have something like a blanket-feel for paper reminding you of God’s comfort, another could be leaves reminding you that there is a purpose for each season, another page could represent friendship, another growth with a ruler or measuring stick of some kind. I have learned in planning my daughters wedding that there’s all kinds of natural beauty around us and it’s free. So I have been putting a little book together for her and bound it with twine. It’s not fancy but it’s special. Something like that for you since you are so wonderfully creative would possibly give you time to reflect on the positive things this year. Sometimes, I’ve even gone to the counter of hobby stores or wood stores and asked if they have any scraps they are throwing out. If so, I ask if I can have them at no charge and have made some pretty cool stuff. It’s just a thought but could be a really cool adventure for your soul. Thinking of you, Colleen

          • Sandra,
            I’m online tonight for a chat with this incredible ministry summit…check it out. http://go.mediasocial.tv/keyministry
            Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello dear Colleen
            I had not yet responded to other two posts…thank you for your thoughts and support with encouragement of who I am being rare..
            I was resting today seemingly much needed retreat in quiet..I awakened here from my sleep and found this wonderful post..I am sorry I missed this message tonite.I am grateful you sought me out to share. I would have been delighted to sharr in this experience…please keep me in thought again
            I will respond to other notes further. Thank you.with Gratitude of your thinking of me
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You can join us tonight too. It’s all online and free. Your spirit will be so filled with hope and joy. Mine was last night just listening to amazing people who understand suffering and help us through. Here’s the link and line up. Go to http://www.keyministry.tv Tonight we are holding a “group chat” I’m co-hosting with Steve, Key Ministry’s President and founder. Starts tonight at 8:00 PM-10:00 PM Eastern. Check out the line up of speakers too. AMAZING! Video schedule:
            8:00 PM (7:00 CST) Joni Keynote
            8:15 PM (7:15 CST) My interview with Joni and Ken
            9:25 PM Mike Woods video
            9:35 PM Emily Colson
            9:50 PM Beth Golik
            Each of these folks have stories of hope and truth. I hope you will be able to join us tonight. Much love, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I am sorry I was not able to chat…I am viewing video without using code and I wanted to let you know what a terific video interview with Ministry and you and yoru Dad…..you look wonderful,so brilliant and what a wonderful mom, your Dad so delightful and I know you cherish the support and love , the discussion was so wonderful. I can learn so much by listening to you and how to let go and be so graceful….and how your Dad mentions what is unexpected routinely…there is so much love and patience and empathy ,what a special family you have and are. I am so glad to be able to view this interview….I may not be comfortable with facebook idea ,at least not yet, but I enjoyed viewing,and being to comment with connection here…I wish there was a way like this blog to participate…This is such a wonderful interview and i wanted to also mention the Ministry did so well in that she mentioned to teach the children in the Church to understand those with special needs, she i thought truly listened and wanted to blend your story and family story with the Church ,so valuable as she will not only listen but shares thought of action to help empathy for all, in such a gentle real compassionate way .
            Thank you so much for inviting me, I will need retire after this interview for tonite,
            Thank you
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Thank you for your kind words. Yes, Katie is a wonderful interviewer and she was wonderful to work with. That was done several years ago…I think two. Since, we just recorded another which is going to air in January. My dad, me and a gentleman from our church who lost a daughter in his arms when she was 5. It’s a blessed interview and I know you will be encouraged. Thanks so much for your kindness here. You are always full of grace. Under His Divine Mercy, Colleen

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen, I wanted to update as I mentioned i would…I have called rural water co. at least three times and still nobody has come back out to repeat reading….today reason was there is a water main break and the reading probably now next week…at lease clerk also agreed awfully high and probably reading error not of leak…I would hope not with time going by and not knowing….

      particle board living room up, somehow someway,it seems sometimes in a struggling moment Reiki Master appears and finished pulling up nails for last 1/4 of room and he pulled up boards where i had removed nails.and used small saw to help more manageable size to pick up and he took up all boards. I am so in need of a good rest really. feeling under demolition. Contracter coming tomorrow to put down plywood and I will seal until later time add a wood type flooring in this living room space. with plywood will be livable. My intention is to have Christmas tree in this room and possibly have a sofa finally. I will keep all in my prayer of “desires”, and I know God will continue to provide what i need, maybe one desire would be outstanding joy.

      I hope to find the time this next week to explore story of Paul. I found your Dad book, and did locate coursework on Paul on Insight for LIving, will look again for more of article reading of Bible Characters,and in search of the movie/dvd to add to my collection.

      Thank you

      Have a very good weekend Colleen and your family too.

      Sandra

  • Sandra,
    Amazing, I have read almost all of Melody Bettie’s books….wonderful growth in her over the years. Time, time and more time mixed with loss and pain. But look how she helps us all in times of need. My only suggestion is that you consider being silent with your family for a period of time…not as a rebuke, but as a time for space, silence, and thoughts. God is at work; He longs more than any of us to mend relationships. Perhaps He is preparing them for reconnecting in the most miraculous ways; yet His ways are most often not our ways. If you have experienced silence, then time and space is needed. Not that you disconnect in prayer for this healing; but take the time to pray instead of trying to figure out all that may/may not be happening. It takes tremendous discipline for one to harness the imagination…you must stop every thought of worry and assumption and replace it with truth. God is for you, He is for mended relationships, He is for our transformation, He is sovereign, and He alone controls all things. So pray that His will be done. There may be some grief in the process as it may not go as you wish; but we cannot change anyone so you will have to grieve the losses and I can help you with that. This opens the soul with space to accept what is, knowing in heaven all will be made right. God knows your heart and theirs; some space and time may be helpful in the process. Let me know what you think…how your gut responds to these thoughts. Colleen

  • Sandra,
    First, you don’t confused, you sound overwhelmed which is part of the process. Learning how to diffuse the many issues and keep a level head is hard for EVERYONE; especially with the kind of history you bring to the circumstances. Life if hard, Sandra, and I see and hear from you a most sincere, authentic desire to honor the Lord. That is the core of everything in life…what is in our souls. I also hear someone who has endured so many hurtful arrows that have hurt, then been blamed for saying OUCH! So you have every right to be confused or feel overwhelmed. That is why I say this is a process. You can’t pull all the arrows out at once but you can pull one out at a time and ask the Lord to keep healing those open wounds. We all have them, those who have been wounded most seem to have the most empathy and grace because life has forced them to go deep and work hard to heal. I keep thinking of the verse where Jesus calls us to himself….”Come to me all who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). As one commentator says: “And I will give you rest; spiritual rest here, peace of conscience, ease of mind, tranquility of soul, through an application of pardoning grace, a view of free justification by the righteousness of Christ, and full atonement of sin by his sacrifice; and eternal rest hereafter, in Abraham’s bosom, in the arms of Jesus, in perfect and uninterrupted communion with Father, Son, and Spirit.” (Gill’s Exposition). In all these things, and specifically around the holidays, you are over burdened with worry… should I , should I not??…and there isn’t a right or wrong answer which may drive you nuts. So the right answer is to through all your weary burdens and worries onto Jesus as a child runs into the open arms of a loving person. God will guide. He will work all things together for a greater good; whether cards are sent or not, His first concern is with the care and keeping of your soul. God’s work is to prepare hearts, ours is to obey. Who knows how He is working on the hearts of your extended family; no one does. So just find rest in whatever you choose to do and trust Him with the outcome. You are a treasure, let Him warm you with that blanket of love and grace and He will watch over you. Much love for you dear friend, Colleen

    • Sandra

      Thank you Colleen for your kind thoughts and understanding. all you explain so well, so eloquently with gracee. I keep asking the Lord for direction,and I know He will provide. I will also jot Matthew 11:28 down to recite again.I really love “Gill’s Exposition”, how comforting to me, and I will explore this as not have been aware of Gill’s Exposition. Thank you. I did not realize how overwhelmed I was, even after not being able to get to sleep last nite, I was awake most of nite tossing and turning ,and as much as I prayed,focused on letting all go handing all over to Jesus, I could not feel the blanket of love and grace although I knew it was there and with me,just I was too wired. When I read your thoughts here, tears flowed from my eyes so gently yet so full,and I had stayed in today thinking it would be good day to rest. Strangely the older man who does landscaping at neighbors and comes to do my yard to remove leaves and mow what little grass i have in shaded yard, he showed up today and usuallly here on Fridays ,I have him do like once a month …so the tracter and blower were buzzing around house for past few hours….lol….i maybe missed my que to have left, I just did not have the energy to face society and drive about today,and it seems what i truly needed was to shed some tears,and that happened so naturally just now reading your kind hearted tender supportive and so understanding thoughts .
      I am Thankful, I will let you know when book and workbook arrive, “boundaries ” will be first .
      Thank You.
      Sandra

  • Sandra,
    Wow, that is cool that you found that. I’ve not seen it. He is also on a daily radio show called “New Life Live” with Dr. Henry Cloud and Steve Arterburn. They may have a You Tube channel; Dr. Cloud does a ton of great stuff on You Tube. And yes, one step at a time…slow, baby steps. The best way to grow is by taking it one step at a time. God’s work will happen. So proud of you! Colleen

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen, yes I thought great to have found , I saved to favorites on computer. I am very good as I am told at research,and I enjoy it as find things that others cannot..so if you ever need something researched , you too can let me know,I will find it or do all I can to find it…..someone calls me “research Queen”…lol…it is even in my Master degree work, the professor would always say I find the most interesting articles and another would comment that as well interesting material. lol…I guess I add that to my list as I do enjoy that too.
      I ordered for starts “Boundaries” and “Boundaries WOrkbook” Townsend and Cloud, today at Christian book store, it made most sense for with shipping other resources would come to same or more..and I have a coupon can use at store downtown. I will have book first as in stock,can literally pick up tomorrow or at least by weekend,and workbook will be coming in i think she said next week? I am so glad we connected on this as I know you did mention in past,although I will work my way through all these books you recommend…I particularly fond of Dr. Townsend as his writing is so smooth for me and easy for my understanding. I guess he and Dr.Henry Cloud wrote the “Hiding from Love” that i mention easy to read and so enjoyable ,tender in approach,,,Christian approach! I am happy about this material ,beyond the fear now ,ready to do the work before me for the truest unconditional relationships can come,and like minded healthy relations…my bettering self ultimately is key….I will look for this radio or on utube maybe I can find the program you speak of. The soft tender approach is so wonderful,and honest and true,real and with exact knowledge of developmental layers, behavior and of our being. .
      I did have Reiki and massage, I wish I did not hold in some crying,released some and I was told that I will feel probably better to have a good cry. and I know I have been looking so pale and tired….I was a little bummed that although accepted the honesty that I have looked like a just going through motions lately,and like a zombie really ,not having peripheral vision,just like a deer at headlights as it was described to help me see this…,that I do look depressed,and that I did look a little better after treatment,and I will be feeling the energy work overnite…I like knowing the truth so I am not offended at all, just was a little sad that I seem to be looking the least of vitality that I had always a glow with my demeanor…I am working on so much and i know God is truly my Savior and with me,and will bring me to a place again even if in Heaven in all eternal life, I will radiate and shine again.
      I think I will glow again here on Earth,good things to come,although it is all God’s will…and I need feel safe no matter what, He has all under control.I believe you and your guidance and I believe in God work, and how he has connected me to you and this material …it all is truly one of the most awesome feelings.As you say and to keep in perspective is “slow, baby steps…The best way to grow is by taking it one step at a time”…”God’s work will happen”.
      Thank you for being proud and happy for my listening to this calling.
      Thank YOU for making so much of this available to me and my growth.
      Have a good evening,
      Sandra

      • Sandra,
        I’ve read your notes and want to say you are on a good path. Our physical features do change when we are in process…it’s just the way it is. In some ways I think it’s good that the Lord allows what is in us to show as we need support and sometimes don’t know how to ask. A good cry would be very wise…I have them often. Grief is like a balloon in that it can get so big with all our sorrows either it pops and flies everywhere or it’s kept under some control and we take time to listen and learn from it. I’m thrilled you have the book ordered…consider it as a gift to your life rather than a reproof for wrongdoing. It’s easy to approach change as if we’ve been in the ‘wrong’; when actually, we’ve done the best right we could do all along. God see’s and knows that and is honored as we put forth efforts to continued growth which you obviously do. There’s no reason for fear, only great hope and anticipation. Like building a home, this work will equip you with more tools for building your life. Healthy, grounding, peace-giving tools that will help put things into greater perspective and you will feel more confident and controlled than ever. I’m so anxious to hear how it comes together. For now, may God’s great grace be with you this weekend and may you find time to rest and relax. In His love,
        Colleen

        • Sandra

          Hello Colleen, I guess these features “in process” I forgot and I did see in early 20’s but so different than now in many ways….back then when realizing what had happened all my younger years,coming forth confused and with no supportive ear to hear and accept what I was saying was truth,not because i am an angry person wanting to cause kaos in a family or individuals of family lives….In the now, I have Jesus with me,so incredible,and that there is a depth of something so different,yet it is as you say more the physical appearance,fatigue,and wondering when I will be ready for the other side of this process and be ever so inspired and joyous of truest kind…….interesting how i guess forgot about these past years I was working three jobs and putting myself through my BA Degree, bounced from three different schools until I focused so intently and had a very deep dip of depression as needed to move out of parents for my father inappropriate suggestive behavior with me every time I would bump into him at the house i grew up in. There were No Boundaries…….I did almost fail out of undergrad in second /third year for this depression was probably first real major depressive episode i had experienced. I essentially did all on my own without guidance or support accept for help of a high school guidance counselor before graduated who saw i was talented in watercolor,gosh those independent studies and work study kept me from making true connections with those around me, interesting ….i would leave high school at 1 or 1:30 and go to work until 7pm. sometimes i worked another part time or up to three part time jobs to be out of the house i grew up in….With the help of this guidance counselor I did not even know , i jsut trusted the process then more so, not knowing I was with winning watercolor awards and had a watercolor piece at an impressive town museum gallery…someone wanted to buy it,my oldeest sister called me an “indian giver”….that is the one who is so much in denial of all things,, anyways i had given that painting to her but showed it at gallery,so I did not sell it. With all these awards I recieved scholarships…and first year essentially I paid my savings at 17 of 2,000-or 3000.00 as I began working really at 14 before legal age honestly at a 7-11 where one of my brothers worked, so with this savings and all the scholarships/award money i went through my first year in Fine Art Private school….when i got the bill for second year, I was shocked and had my very first major anxiety attack and ended up transfering to a local school back in family house, that is when to catch up to where i was speaking was a Fine Art Program and I borrowed money to finish those years, in between i attempted another fine art school, and ended up with this final one as a concentration in Art Therrapy,(then my grades bounced back to 4.0 as my first year at private college where was away) Art Therapy i had focused on Dementia and elderly using art for self worth mostly…I say all this as I guess wanted to share that I was the only one who had put oneself through college, accept now for the one neice who just had a wedding.
          I do know you have not received the information regarding the individual with special needs non profit he spoke to me about…I am believing that God has directed me to answer the question you had put before me, what do i like to do? ANd with this new connection, I have been flooded with my schooling, undergrad and graduate was something to always have if I will need, BS Business with Human Resource Management….and not really who I am, but the Human Resource side is more along what i could use if ever needed…..and i suddenly hear all those things i enjoy, “qi gong”—I was told I could be an instructer about 3-4 years back when i practiced, people thought i was the teacher, like yoga but a free form release type qi gong,natural movement when one focus and concentrate on your own energy ,body flows naturally how needs to for release….and my Art Therapy, use of energy by Reiki , nature,nature,nature…so I am very curious to see if I can be a volunteer with this organization when his program becomes actual and is rolled out…..these are some gifts I can share to help someone with special needs connect or just be able to move a little with even a second focus, maybe this is the calling for me..and then see where God will take me with it.
          Thank you for the note, I look forward to when you recieve the info I sent regarding this exchange regarding new special needs program locally…and how “Boundaries” is beginning take form for me.
          Thank you for post,and I will say my usual prayer for you and your family, gratitude and Blessings .
          Colleen , I cannot leave without saying that I do realize the enormous time it takes to go through my and so many other posts and other business…..I truly am most grateful for your generous interest and effort to keep up with me, and take such amazing grace when you yourself I know need to have rest. I realize I seem to go overboard with expression. Although I am happy we connected, I will yes find Healthy grounding peace giving tools, and I am sure with some of where i leave so many posts too, i can find some sitting with what i own a little longer than bubbling over the top, journal….i guess it is like a hyper ventilation??? where I panick and have this feeling of a need to be heard every thought /experience I have??? The “Boundaries ” book I know as well will shed some perspective on this behavior when excess is not best….. That too can be helpful balance for how many notes to read and for you to reach more in greater ease too, not only for me out here.
          I am Grateful for our knowing each other and your being there,
          May you find the rest and peaceful joy this weekend,
          Best regards,
          Sandra

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen, I wanted to apologize for being so up and down next minute lately….I was and have been angry for I realize good reason with alot of family concerning me and new boundaries I am learning to take better care of my soul. I somehow need to be heard, perhaps going back to journal this would be helpful for me too…..
      I did want to let you know that I did pick up the “Boundaries” book today. I have not yet opened just picked up this afternoon. 12.14 i think it was this and after coupon cost. ANd workbook on its way as special order and that is less than this book,and I will use yet another coupon 25% off. So I press on here, and I was told that although I thought I looked teribly vacant in eyes and face today that I had a smile and life again on face….
      I did speak to someone came across that has a Christian company,and shared information on a Special Needs project that he is sending letters out now to get approval for non profit ,has 5 acres I think it was and showing those with Special needs how to connect with nature….fishing ,hunting, and just being outside with nature. How amazing is that! It was a delight to listen to this individual as he had focus on integrity and compassion,he even said he spoke up to a male friend for mocking him, that the traditional church is “perfect” when nothing is perfect, he told his male friend in reply to a question what will he get from it, he replied putting male in place that it is from the heart and if he can reach out to someone it is not about his gain….I truly enjoyed conversation and I told him about you Colleen, Insight for Living, he knew your Dad by name and Ministry and I told him about your blog, Special Needs and who you have intereviewed, Joni and Pure Ministries too…and how so focused on compassion and empathy across the board. I thought to myself and even said I wonder what God has in mind,he has me speaking to this individual and connecting me and I am hearing all those things that mean so much,integrity, compassion and if I could tell you the name he chose but cannot share for paperwork not final, if I could share with you the name from Bible verse, you will know that this individual has it right, these individuals with special needs will be safe as he can with those he will bring into create a safe place and connection to nature …amazing. I thought maybe there is a place to help connect with God energy in nature for me to volunteer when up and running….that would be so special or creating a leaf imprint on paper and feeling God energy from placing hands so gently on tree. Would that all be outstanding…I do not feel ready but I know God will be guiding me with and through your recommendations of how to heal with Jesus always with me ,developmentally heal and create healhty boundaries will help me function easier and stronger too.
      I wanted to let you know all this,as you were the first person I thought of to tell….how great this seemed .
      On a positive foot forward,
      With Love and Peace, to come into balance for truest of Joy,
      Have a good restful evening.
      Sandra

      • Sandra,
        Thank you for thinking of me with the special needs material. There are so many organizations out there; it’s getting the word out that seems more challenging. I’m thrilled to know you got the Boundaries book and will love hearing how you interact with it…I hope it proves to be very encouraging and enlightening. All the best my dear friend. Colleen

        • Sandra

          Hello Colleen, u r always welcome, I speak so very highly to all I speak of when it would include you and your work and the Insight for Living Ministry, along with your Dad and his work, always exclaiming, someday just may find me in Texas at this church!!!! lol….I wanted to say the Boundaries book is sitting, God must have a plan of His intention for me/His will is that there will be just the right time for me to begin reading…in the meantime Colleen my life is a whirlwind here of the greatest flow I have received not in over three years now……oh my goodness. this weekend was terific and so fulfilling, i visited two open houses, one was a Plantation open house for 230 years anniversary and Christmas decorated….free charge and the other both local not even 4 miles two different directions, the other was a Sheep farm had an open Christmas House with vendors of all crafts and sheep wool blankets (pricey but so unbelievable and on a major wish list!) . I took some pics of baby sheep with red wool coats…and then the Reiki Master I speak of, he had a client in 90’s who said if he wanted anything from her garage to come by for they do not need anymore,husband in Florida with daughter and no need anymore for all this garden and landscaping items…so he picked all up and gave to me! He said he does not need any of it and he knew that i could make good use of and what I really cannot afford go buy all these things. so i felt like Christmas gifts,good wheelbarrel, good blower with a separate bag attachemnt i can put on and a hedge electric trimmer and other garden tooks. a metal rake, a hoover little car vacum and gosh more …oh a hand saw never opened with a special curve attechment…i have alot need be trimmed so I am over the top thrilled and excited about all this. ANd then I spoke to the owner of the small grocery market i shop for all fresh and organic items and he told me after i posted with his approval on His bulletin board in store what i am selling, he claimed him and his wife sold alot on Craigslist and do you know Colleen, things are flowing suddenly in the most positive way.. I posted a Cedar Wardrobe this morning on Craigslist and it sold in one hour!!!! I have found a new hobby to help me out…I can buy small things and sell and selll alot of what I have been downsizing and just sitting or too bulky for me anymore….I am very excited to tell you all of this. I will be careful.Ieven signed the posting as a male name and just San with that name.and have asked Reiki Master,he said he will arrange to be here for the pickup of item so I am safe .
          I will let you know as soon as I open the Boundaries book, and I am so grateful this instant, I cannot describe…maybe it is time now for the wait to have had its time….I know there will always be times of wait ,and I have learned such patience,although this flowing positive energy is so wonderful to experience for a long ,very very long wait of receiving.
          Many Blessings wished upon you and yoru family
          With Gratitude for your warmth, grace and inspiritation,by over the top caring loving Soul and wisdom of brilliance of our Lord .
          With Love and Peace,
          Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Oh my gosh!!!! I was about to stand and cheer but I’m in my office so I had to refrain. I should believe it because God does stuff like this all the time…but I cannot believe how He has SHOWERED you with His gifts and such grace. Oh my gosh….I am so excited, thrilled, pleased, delighted, joyful, ecstatic, full of cheer for you. And do you know what…I also love power tools!!!! I have made desks and tables from scraps left by houses being built in our area. I have walked to the builders and asked if I could take their ‘trash’ and turned it into stuff I’ve used for years. It’s incredibly satisfying and such a gift as not all can do creative stuff like this. So YOU, my girl, are one amazingly blessed and loved woman by Jesus and me and those who have been walking with you through this time. I would love to see photos of stuff you make and sell…what a joyful delight. You can also sell on Ebay, Etsy, and Zazzle if you are interested. Thank you for sharing this celebratory news with me…I can’t wait to see what God will do from here. All His love, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen! I love your post dancing all over the place for these Blessings here for me.Thank YOU! I have to say I keep getting a headache as in awe, and moving so quickly, I have not had that kind of opened up pace of things moving in over three years….I seem selfish to say 3 years when Paul and Joseph and other Bible characters led so many more years without any movement. And the Bible Character, was it that spoke for Jesus his entire life, I cannot think right now so overwhelmed with these Blessings, but He did not have a reward of an entire life . I am amazed right now in all. It is interesting as I have had the distractions of issues and these are distractions of what issues may have presented disguised Blessings, these are without presented issue of halting me in place at first. So I “Feel” like your friend at Christmas in The Theater with her dear son Max?….I “Feel” like what it was like to have been given the party afterwards for her and Max…as I cannot say honestly I would know that unbelievable magnitude of what she did truly feel, I can never own that exact feeling, although the work of God is Faithful and So Brilliant at moments we could really be lifted by His presence in these ways.
            I love too that we share a creativity movement Colleen, you are inspiring me to do so much, opening my heart to explore hidden and surpressed creatitivties and joys, mere pleasure of the heart, letting it flow. I have not made as many things as you craft, although I will certainly take photos and of what i did with my lanterns and the decor of evergreens from nature of so many kinds…and jsut simple. I will be making some things I think, out of old vintage things I think to sell over time here. I so much wish to take a walk with you to some of these salvage restoration homes and what joy that would be. I would scavenger for the wood as well,particularly for sign making and porch type tables and trays….and jsut as a wall covering as is. we share this inspriiation in the vintage country style.
            I will check these other sites….and I as soon as I settle to read Boundaries, it is so waiting for me to open and begin
            Thank you for connecting and sharing your warm thoughts and grace today.
            With Gratitude
            Sandra

          • Sandra,

        • Sandra

          Hello Colleen, I hope you and your family are well, finding moments of rest after full end of last month and Christmas on its way so soon to come now. I am thinking of you and believing your daughter is home from honeymoon if had taken,wondering if it was a romantic place like Mediteranean or romantic and charming in states. I know all this is exciting for you and your family this Christmas,so much to reminice.
          Thinking of you,with Gratitude,and the decorating for holidays….the Plantation house that had 230th anniversary had much natural trimmings leftover from there land and decorating, camelia branches,magnolia, holly, evergreens,etc, mounds that at end of visit they were letting all visitors take some home. I have been using all these organic pieces of nature to decorate,saving money and nothing is more beautiful than seeing holly with berry in a decorative lantern on porch,etc…so have more to go with this…using my first time today the blower to remove some more leaves as I am surrounded by mature oak trees and lots of leaves still…then will put out some Christmas lights.
          I intend to open Boundaries this evening. Last nite i had a migraine so did not read,and have only truly slept one nite over past two weeks…..I have to say something on my heart, that with all the flowing positive happenings, I am not certain as some have told me that until one lets go of some negative tie(s)/cords that one will not have this flow….well, my father did telephone two times,as one i had mentioned was obnoxious tone,and then this week another time. I could not bring myself to return call, the first time it was very hard and then the weekend came and i focused on all the good beginning happen, then this week, I still could not bring myself to call espcially knowing how the gamble of how terible I coudl end up feeling afterwards,and being zapped ,jabbed,or in their ridiculous “dance”, so as guilt at deeper level still haunted me , I kept moving forward ,then the sale of cedar wardrobe occured, so I had to wonder is it because of my letting go??? I do hear the old pattern voice saying I am a terible daughter based on not returning parent(s) telephone call, terible feeling within me really for I do not like to ignore even though have been ignored at so many different levels…..so I place it all in God hands, and I know that as you have said silence is necessary, and maybe by my life flow here that is truly the right and best thing, even if until I can handle or cope better with the negativity? I hate that at a very deep level I would believe it is hurtful not to hear back from me, so yes, guilt is tough no matter what.
          Best regards,Have a day filled with peaceful and joyous moments.
          With Gratitude
          Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I have several thoughts. First and foremost, you are growing by leaps and bounds and the enemy does not like that. Very often, after a wonderful experience with Christ, there will be an occasion, a disappointment, a struggle that arises; I believe it is to get out focus off Christ and His goodness and back onto self and how to handle our problems. Remember, they are not your problems…they go to God. Give them to Him; place the guilt, sorrow, fear, distraction, and worry into His hands. Always think…FOCUS on JESUS…turn towards Him and His truth. Secondly, God’s truth-in His word, He says we are perfect in His sight, His loving-kindness lasts forever, He will never leave us or forsake us, nothing can separate us from His love, He knew you before He created all things…YOU, SANDRA, you were in His thoughts, the apple of His eye. The “old tapes” are part of the enemy’s ways to distract your thoughts on such truths. I sometimes say out loud, “Thank you for pushing me to Jesus, for these hardships which cause me to RUN to my Lord”…and we have to keep doing that repeatedly because the entire pursuit of the enemy-of Satan-is to steal, kill, and destroy you. John 10:10-11 states: “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices his life for the sheep”. Gill’s commentary expands God’s words by saying “That is his [Satan’s] first and principal view; to steal, is to invade, seize, and carry away another’s property… seek to deceive, and carry away the sheep of Christ…And to kill and to destroy; either the souls of men by their false doctrines, which eat as doth a cancer, and poison the minds of men…” This is not to say your family members are “Satan”; but, the enemy uses people in ways that do pull us off center…especially when our wounding is deep. This is why I have said to use caution when choosing to speak with them. It tugs at your core which is in a very soft and tender place…the cement hasn’t hardened yet or you would not find this such a struggle. This is part of growing out of our dysfunction…choosing to take care of our hearts and minds, to think differently which feels so opposite of what you think you “should do”. My suggestion is to quiet your spirit, go to Christ and tell Him of your guilt, struggle, confusion, and need. Ask Him what is best for your soul…you can’t know right now because your still ‘coming out’ of the mess. Ask the Lord to guide you, to care for you as a Shepherd does His sheep, what is right and best. Then do as He leads. He may be silent, wanting you to wait-no one is in a hurry-in the waiting, write down what comes up…turn to scripture for the truth, then move forward. Don’t let this steal the joy or blessing of all God just gave you; enjoy it all and pray. He will lead you. Colleen

        • Sandra

          and continued from last note…Colleen, I did notice with not returning the call from father, I was driving and was directed to the Lord, as He is my Father. And it so comforted me to know that I am so unbelievably Loved and Cared for by Him, My Father. so I was comforted in this time of guilt and having doubt of call or not call back.
          With a Heart of Gratitude,
          Sandra
          ps the Boundaries Workbook has come in, so now will need pick up by end of week and i then will have both Bood of BOundaries and workbook of Boundaries at hand to get started soon.

          • Sandra,
            You are getting it…there is NOTHING you need to feel guilty about so give it to your heavenly Father and enjoy His blessings. You are precious. Colleen

        • Sandra

          Hello Colleen, I happened to be googling Insight for Living Ministries…..and I found your page adapted to UK! You are so Brilliant. I am always amazed by you and your work,oh my goodness, over the top ,way over the top . I am going to look at this later, I cannot imagine how many individuals you connect with to help grow through the very Spirit and Grace of our Lord,and Heavenly Father .
          I found this link excited to go back later to read. With best wishes for peaceful joy today and throughout holidayand winter season.Sandra

          “Believe”: Sometimes Found in Stars over the Porch

          Topic: Special Needs

          • Sandra,
            You are so funny! Insight for Living has been in ministry for 35 years now and is global. Their offices are around the world…the team of people leading the ministry is amazing. So, I’ve very little to do with it all; I have one small spot in the whole ministry which I pray continues to touch people’s hearts. But yes, it is amazing how God has used my dad’s voice and his faithfulness, my mom’s vision and love for Jesus to reach so many lives. You are so kind; it’s all God’s work. Enjoy your looking, the store is especially wonderful to look through and the web team is out of sight. I can’t say enough about how blessed I am to work with truly incredible men and women of God. Thank you sweet friend. Colleen

        • Sandra

          Hello Colleen, I miss you out there, and I know I have written too many notes for your return. I am sorry to inindate you there,with only you to go through all posts and find the most compassionate thoughts with such fine attention and grace of examining all happening with all individuals and not to mention your family, Jonathan. and all you have going on this wonderful Christmas season.
          I just wanted to let you know,all is moving so fast here, i am trying to keep up, I just posted another item antique cedar chest, again on Craigslist and in one half hour, or even less someone texted me to buy,and will mail check form out of state across country and wait for clear and then we will arrange shipment, i have requested we determine cost of shipping and be included in this upfront payment if no shipper to pick up and mail. Oh my goodness. I am in process of yesterday cedar wardrobe antique check of 570.00 being mailed to me by that individual and this trunk 275.00 as it has slight split in top and chains missing. Both are great use although I am looking to part as I have small home and need other furniture,like a sofa! and some of those repairs.
          I am over the top amazed today again.
          I will keep you posted and I will look forward to connecting with you soon. I will hold off unless somethign really necessary to reach out to you until we get through all these notes
          Haave a wonderful and very Blessed Day COlleen
          I do hope you and your family are well
          Sandra.

          • Sandra,
            What incredible news. I wish I knew your site because I LOVE what you are describing…I have several antique chests at my home as well. What amazing gifts and talents you have. I just thought, if you get iTunes, pull up some podcasts that are interesting to your development and growth. I always listen to sermons, disability news, Christian teaching, of course my dad’s messages, and others. As you use the time to work and don’t need the quiet time, listen to good teaching. Put as much truth into your heart as possible. Sometimes it’s nice for silence but it’s just a thought. I hope God SHOWERS you with meeting all your financial needs and continues to grow your work. Oh, never, ever worry about writing too much! I will respond when I can; I was sick this week so a bit slower than usual but you are free to write. Who knows but that others may be learning so much from your own journey. All my love, Colleen

          • Sand

            you are truly so wonderful Colleen!!! Such an amazing brilliant bright shining star, yes all God’s work,, you heard Him and His calling and what an inspriation you are. I am proud of you. I am sorry to hear you had been not well this week, I believe it is our body saying we need rest when we have a sickness. I did read all your posts and later will go back to the one I wish to touch upon when not running two different directions, the one with Satan. As just this morning my heart was in thought that I am creating a Heaven with the Lord presence in my very home and that is what I am inspired to live in His word as I learn more of it and knowing I will rest in His arms at end…and my thought led to the opposite that unfortunately my family is the Hell I would describe and we are at polar opposites of God Love and Consciousness in truest of form. so I had to choose listen to this. and I will go back and read your post again and probably aggain to absorb all your thoughts and guidance with all that. With the other post, you are so humble which makes you so much of who you are, a wonderful grace , it was you I located first on the UK Ministry, and it did not pull up your Dad first, you are so much a part of all that is being created globally along with your family, all individuals doing such Great Work of God calling. I was not senstive enought ot know the content of what is beneath the stars, I was instantly fixated on how beautiful a title and was going to read later this evening,although I just read and I thought oh my. My heart goes out to your friend son and to her as a mother that lost belief in such shock /trauma really, she is so connected to her son that she I am sure if so connected as you are to Jon and the sorrow with this story you shared. I wanted to come back and be more senstive to the subject. I also wanted to share that this ending is so aligned with all we are speaking of Heaven and Hell, Jesus and Satan. I leave with this for this moment in time. I look forward to connecting again and sharing more.

            Take good care today Colleen, I will say a prayer for your comfort and rest. I so much will look for what app you speak of? I am not technically saavy but think of you often as you find all these accessible links,and I know that you are comforted by Hymns and may you find music tranquil and peaceful while you rest,and God word be with you….If You ever need any help Colleen with anything from a far, whether with Ministry mailings, or some creative generating reason??? whatever it is, I am here for you .

            Best regards,
            your Friend,
            Sandra

            “At times in life, we all stare into the expanse, perhaps filled with confusion, sometimes numb, but often wondering when a ray of light might peek its way through the ominously dark sky. The circumstances will be diverse; the need is always the same: waiting and longing for HOPE. Every soul who does not know Jesus Christ is shrouded in darkness. It reminds me of the statement describing C. S. Lewis’s Narnia during the evil reign of the White Witch: “always winter, but never Christmas.” Frozen and hopeless bondage is the life without Jesus Christ. If you do not know Jesus, please sit down tonight and ask Him to fill your soul with His warmth and light. “Jesus, I cannot go on anymore. I believe that you died on the cross and rose again. I ask You to come into my life and fill it with Your presence and light; my life is dark, and I’m lost. I invite you into my soul. You are my only hope.”

            If you do know Jesus Christ, seasons of frozenness will still send shivers up your spine, often challenging everything you said you believed. But for Christians, life is “sometimes winter, but always Christmas.” If you are currently shivering in the circumstances of life, struggling to sense the light and warmth of the hope that is yours in Jesus, why don’t you take some time and ask Him to strengthen your faith in His presence, His sovereignty, and His goodness? Maybe tonight He will toss out a “star” just for you.”. Colleen Swindoll Thompson, Insight For Living Ministries”Believe” SOmetimes Found in Stars Over the Porch”. Brilliant!!! you are.

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen, I have not gotten as far as wanted with reading tonite, I did want to respond to this note as I reread and I do not have a website in particular, I have been selling my items on what is called Craigslist. If you google Craigslist.com ,and /or search Craigslist, antique chest or trunk, mulitiple listings will come up.Today i had been searching prices to gauge what i was going to ask for cedar trunk and I googled “primitive cedar trunk or chest and if you do this you will be amazed how many sites come up. I think I ended up looking on ebay link that came up with this search i did and it had new, old, antique, so many I could not see them all through pages listed.
            So give that a try and let me know if you find enjoyable. I love antique chests, I someday will have as well, and that fit into my style more than the cedar trunk i had, it was very bulky for me….Great for storage of blankets, sweaters . Thank you aggain for your prayers and inspirition with all. I am going work on putting the Truth into my Heart as you noted…and listen more to the itunes …yes my favorite are your interviews and your Dad’s messages by newsletter and/or radio…I resonate .
            Thank you again,
            With Gratitude,
            Sandra

  • Sandra,
    I’m touched deeply that the Lord is using such words to get into your soul. He is sovereign; sometimes it’s hard to believe when our pain is so, so deep but that single truth has kept me hanging on many times. May you be blessed today, finding peace and joy, without distraction, full of hope for you are truly a gracious, tender, loving friend. In grace, Colleen

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen, Thank YOU! You Are everything I say and more. God knows that!. May you also be Blessed today and be well soon. Thank you for connecting and accepting multiple notes bubbling with finding my way.. I am glad I am “getting it” as I am directed to the Lord more naturally, like it is right there more automatic lately,and it is the most comforting I have ever experienced…He simply is there, unconditionally, peaceful and gentle,and He accepts me so completelly,and Knows ME as He is my Maker/Creator ,as you and all.
      In my heart I believe God has opened up all movement in positive way as He is letting me know by my prayer to let me know please if I am right in not responding, as you too said that there is nothing to feel or be guilty about…I will simply accept the surge of goodness, and let it be as it is is best way as if I run into any issue, I will be less likely say oh, i must have done something wrong. I have alot of work to do internally as I fear a future time of exchange ,even chance of an angry voicemial where i am blamed or ridiculed, as a dominance increases with me not responding. I want to go back to your posts and read and focus as you say on the Lord and His word and naturally like this one experience the Lord appeared before me as my Father, and those are the feelings of warmth and embrace I am most fulfilled in ways I would not ever imagine. Then there is Joy…and whenever challenge and doubting He is listening and/or there, we have each other, like minded Christian friendships that help remind us and then there is always our Lord appearing at those moments to remind us in a passage and/or someone sharing His word of exactly what we needed. We have each other to continue hope.
      I look forward to connecting again soon.
      I did just finish using my first major power tool today.lol…..a 230 mph blower….lol…it is electric so there was limitations in distance but two power cord -extension cords and got all those leaves away from front of house,driving the leaves toward area where can leave around the oldest mature oak tree on property and to side where it is okay leave the leaves/mulch ,etc.. I thought well Thank You God for this limitation of distance for my body,arms and energy can only take as You have provided….lol…Colleen I do see one post did not make it trhough. I always wonder what wonderful thoughts were expressed, your thoughts and wisdom are those one does not ever want to miss. They are that special.
      I do hope you arise tomorrow feeling a little better each day. Rest well and peacefully , lots of warm tea and comfort.
      I will keep you posted ,just maybe tonite I can open Boundaries book up!
      Good nites rest wished for you Colleen,
      With Gratitude,
      Sandra

      • Sandra,
        Oh my, a power tool! What fun. I was doing the exact same thing yesterday; blowing the leaves from our trees off the grass and cleaning things up around here a bit. I hope you enjoyed the time and felt better after things were cleaned up. Yes, there are many old “tapes” that would make guilt/shaming remarks in your head but that is why I suggested podcasts and things to fill your mind when desired. You have NO reason to feel guild or shame; any and all things are forgiven by our Lord and staying current with Him is our number one calling. I’m proud of the work you are doing and know God is preparing you for a work just as He is with all of us as we submit to Him. Have a blessed weekend. Colleen

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen, I hope you are feeling better. I am concerned for the sales I told you about ,as i noted under “scams-be aware,be aware” on Craigslist where i had possted ads,and states sell local, beware of “cashiers check and wiring”, both individuals for each piece were not local,and one sending me check and when clear texted me to text her and movers will come for shipping item…the other stated sending me cashiers check,and will add fee for me to wire money to his movers to come pick up…..As soon as I read the BE AWARE and these seemed skeptical, I called local FBI as Craigslist forwards to that information for complaint,well FBI woman was all over me stating mam it is a SCAM, as soon as i mentioned cashiers check and wiring,she cut me off and said it has been going on for a long time and in papers and on the news,and it is a SCAM, she told me just ignore anything i am to recieve and they may harrass me but just ignore…Is this just life continuing,kind of crazy making. The one check I am in need to find out further how to know if fraudulent now..the other i will give to FBI I think when receive cashiers check….I am concerned .
      Also I had to go to dentist for pain, go figure I will need a root canal on dead nerve in tooth where pain was….oh well, I am not sure what to make of all of these new developments, guess life moving along.
      Have a good evening,and I am very open to your thoughts
      Best regards,
      Sandra

      • Sandra,
        If there was one concern I had, it was this…the FBI person is correct in that stuff like this is everywhere!!!!! However, there are companies that do offer insurance and “fraud protection” plans. I know of Zander insurance through Dave Ramsey’s site, Life lock, Identity Shield, and some sites through the government dealing with identity theft. I would suggest you thoroughly check out those protection agencies as you enter this field. Each company offers background checks on people, social security info, and the like. I wouldn’t get paranoid because there’s not a reason for that. You are in control, extremely gifted and smart and make good decisions. Check out these sites as well as other’s and see which would work best. Many people have on line companies so there is a way to do it; just be wise and informed…I know you will be. I’m so sorry about the tooth deal…oh how painful. As always, God will provide! Remember what we talked about…often when something good comes through, the enemy puts a huge piece of junk out there that quickly distracts our focus if we are not constantly aware. So stay focused on what God promises….to protect, to care, to be there for you, and to provide…you will stay at peace. In His care, Colleen

    • Sandra

      Hi Colleen, I am a little frightened as I gave out my address for forward check and cashiers check…I did just text the one individual most skepticle with cashiers check and including money for me to wire to his movers. I texted “it was sold to antique dealer .sorry ,it happened quickly after we texted” Please do not let anyone come here form Las Vegas to harrass me? I do not believe that could happen although do not like idea of this. How would you suggest I can sell more safely.bummer , So cedar trunk not sold as of now ,and the other is a check that coming from NY, I am going to investigate by someone Reiki Master knows at bank and police office to determine how to know if fraud check or not? before i would proceed or not with Cedar Wardrobe sale. Bummer Colleen, I do not think good idea give out address again. Have a good nites rest. I will post if anyone harrasses me from Las Vegas text number, just now after I made aware sold cedar trunk locally,
      Maybe etsy not like this???
      What are your thoughts of my information and concerns,and what would you maybe do if me? in selling,and safety with all this.
      With concern,
      Sandra

      • Sandra,
        I just thought of two other important issues. If you are going to make a business out of this, then you need to apply for a small business license and a business ID number. If this is your form of income, you will have to report your earnings and losses, and all that is protected within small business guidelines. Also, do not ever give personal information. Even if the work is out of your home…and many today are doing that, sign up for a Post Office box for all mail. You may even need to make up a name, business cards, and the mailing address and phone will not be personal but for your work. It can be done out of your home but keep the two VERY separate. You can pick up business forms of all kinds at Staples, Office Max, Office Depot for minimal costs. You can even make your own checks and invoice documents plus countless other protection and business documents. This is where you probably need to go from here. Have your friend and the FBI check out any identity issues for these things you have written about. From here on out, I suggest looking into forming a name for your business and keeping your personal info out of it…meaning opening a bank account for the business and following the outlines offered in many books and packets at the stores I mentioned. Keep looking up and moving forward. Experience is a good teacher and you are an outstanding learner! Colleen

    • Sandra

      Hi Colleen,very concerned….i am now certain i stepped into scams,i have emailed after text stated email them,and then given full name and address and reading this is all they wanted,,,,i am on phone with post office as the craigslist scams take to change address at post office………and seeking personal info,have my info for setting up falseaccts ,which hard for me believe can set up accts without my soc sec number or lisence….police do nothing,say cannot speculare or tell me what to or what they would do???
      gosh,
      Sandra

      • Sandra,
        Having endured identity theft like you cannot believe, I understand how uncomfortable this is. And, I also know the police do VERY little to nothing unless you can prove a loss of income somehow. That your bank statement shows money’s spent that you did not spend. As I’ve suggested, follow up with identity theft protections…there is a great gov site that walks you through that. Make sure to have an extremely protected internet connection if working from home…change the password often, utilize a security system like Symantec, Norton, MacAfee, and go to the social security office or on line put a block on your number if need be. I also suggest getting credit reports from the three credit agencies. They are all listed on the Identity Theft site. Monitor as much as you can and then ask the Lord for peace. It’s choosing to be as responsible as possible but then knowing God will lead you. It may not always be easy and there may be times when you are scammed; but that doesn’t mean God isn’t in control. Also, you may want to close out your bank account and open a new one at the same or a different bank. We do not pay our bills on line because there’s too much that can happen so we still use the old paper checks and look through each statement monthly. It’s just smart to do. You will be okay. Colleen

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen….yes this post perfect from earlier in week…”finding peace and joy without distraction”…..Satan is beyond the cruelest of cruel. I am very sad today although grateful for becoming aware before depositing fraudulent checks. God did caution with red flags to alert me….just the intense swing up and down . I keep telling Satan he as big fool as the scammers in that I am too bright for him in that what distraction from Jesus and Love and Light amd abundance he try fool me from only bring me closer to Our Lord so joke on him
      feel better Colleen …
      with all Heart
      Sandra

      • Sandra,
        YES!!! Exactly what is the best thing to do. While I don’t like ‘talking’ to the enemy, I do say out loud sometimes…’so you think this is going to distract me but it has forced me to run into my Saviors arms…so thank you very much’. And yes, note the positive and good things that come from this…growing intimacy with Jesus, learning to trust Him, focus on Him, peace through the rough moments, so on. Stay the course…you are doing all you can do and God is with you in it. Loving you much, Colleen

        • Sandra

          Hello Colleen, it has been some time now. I hope that you are well and that you are well rested for what has come so quickly upon us, Christmas Day!
          I just wanted to post a very Merry Christmas to you and your family. I am thinking of you and there was a little package delivered to the Frisco PO Box for you, I do hope you get it soon. MERRY CHRISTMAS! AND THANK YOU FROM MY HEART TO YOURS AND HOME TO HOME!
          I did not find anything positive from posting furntiuture and honestly it was simply to rid what not using and with greatest intention to have some money for other projects and furniture, so no business thought with what i was doing. I have not had Thank God any changes made in mail,etc that are to my knowledge,I have been being told that these individuals truly wanted me to cash and wire funds ..all about money for them.
          I appreciate your thoughts .And I was over the top in joy when I read the post a while back about power tools…..so wonderful to connect and understand so well what independence we have as woman to be so close to Earth in landscaping and gardening,and empowering that yes we too can use these tools …although I do have an arm that has been out of commission from “caulking” and continued use on these power tool blower etc projects….I was so happy that the 80 year old man that does my yard with his mower mostly during summer to keep weeds down by woods, but he showed up just to check what was out here and on neighboring lawns before he was away for holiday ,and he insisted he would blow leaves off driveway and from rear and front of home where they re-accumulated,and I told him I okay i have a blower although he was able to go much further down to road off driveway as his is gas and mine electric so I would need like 4 100′ cords to get as far as he did, so I was truly Blessed .I gave him a fresh quart of Strawberries from a local winter Strawberry farm here, he was so happy to receive just that.
          Life continues on here, so much really , briefly I do get root canal tomorrow as antibiotic helped while on it and now off I was told not good to wait as it wil cycle and become reinfected as pain already beginning to return off atibiotic,so that need be done. I sure did not want to do just as Christmas is so upon us. I do have my tree up. I got it half price from a nursery that closes during winter,closed Sat and here I have a beautiful full 6-7 foot tree do not know how i got it in house ,for only 26.00. I have used the cuttings from bottom for trim and made swag for mailbox with these cuttings and also some wreathes ,simple country natural circular wreathes….I also have been called by parents quite a bit asking why I have not called house. I wrote my mother a letter, filled with what my Dr. told me is wisdom in note and around process. She supported me as I was not obligated,and my mom not on email as used to be ….I did write note. I am not sure how that will sit although I did say alot of what she is experiencing is much to do with changes with herself and not as much me. Our relationship has been distant and perhaps her aging and/or homebound has left her wanting to connect more with me. She may notice on my end I stated that I have been developing healthier boundaries and although I have forgiven the wrongdoing that I have spoken truth in past, where I was not heard nor supported, that this does not mean I need accept negative behavior such as gossip, pinning one up against the other and all the mistruths spoken of me. Due to her schemeing that i was not calling and angry at her and I find distance easiest at this time….for none of this is true and for her to please stop pointing her finger target at me with this false story being stirred up. I could have remained quiet, afterwards I thought yes I could have done that,although I did wish her a Merry Christmas ,sent along some Christian little notes ,a hanky embroidered she loves those,and honest straighforward thoughts that i always stand by. It is not my control what or how she will respond to this note, all I can control is how I respond,and this is how I thought i was being led by God. I did write in note for her to open Bible and read , read about Joseph and Peter and even Paul and Jesus, that God knows us all and He is the driver ,and He knows the outcome of all for all of us. So be it , so it is, this is what i did.
          I do wish you the very best Christmas ,your daughter first Christmas married, and so much reflection of her wedding and I know you will have a very warm space in your home for her and your family.
          Many Blessings…..oh, and I did do something I saw from Ragamuffin? movie I told you I liked so much this movie……he was asked to write a letter to himself of love from his Dad who had passed and had been very cruel/abusive to him throughout life not accepting him as his boy…..and embracing his true talent and qualities of who he was…well, I bought the most beautiful Daughter Christmas card , so beauitufl, and so filled with LOVE. I signed it with words that spoke ot me from what I would like to hear from my mom, that if she was with me this Christmas that her embrace would be lingering with the warmth and most tender unconditional love…and I wrote some other things, and I put stamp on it and I will probablly receive tomorrow in mail…how special for me is that!
          Much Love and Peace Wished for you Colleen,
          This Christmas and New Year too.
          Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I was about to send you a note as I’ve been worried about not hearing from you and wondering about your business ventures and what has come of it all. I don’t think all is lost; I think it was a time to learn to be cautious but your so gifted in what you do that I would suggest you trying with a bit more caution. I tend to be a very trusting person so when something or someone takes advantage of my simple mindset, others may see it but I don’t. The fact that the Lord has kept you safe and opened a door doesn’t mean it has to be shut because people are broken; perhaps it was a confirmation of your gifts and a message to be cautious of yourself. I don’t know God’s mind so I don’t know the whole of it but I do believe you can’t let this gifting go…you are obviously able to work with your hands constructively and create beauty from what other’s may not see. What an incredible gift that is. So don’t give up. Additionally, I wanted to say the fact that you bought a card and wrote what you have longed to hear is HUGE…what an incredibly HUGE step. Reason being, you feel valuable enough to receive…THAT is HUGE. I’m so delighted and I hope you wrote words of love and tenderness to yourself. You are showing wise boundaries but also feeding your soul with goodness; like vitamins, we need the good stuff in there to function. Thank you for the very warm wishes for this season. It has been a crazy year. My daughter and her husband are staying with us until they relocate for her to finish her degree in Vet science. I’m glad they are comfortable enough to stay for a few weeks. With my step-kids, married kid, single kid, and special needs kid there are a lot of needs and opportunities to take stress and turn it into something productive…like playing music and games together. We never know how much time our sovereign Lord has allotted us on this earth so I am trying to sit with the messiness and enjoy each moment. I so wish that you will have a wonderfully, warm Christmas. I don’t know one person who has the holidays as they expected…life changes and is not what we expected but that is what being transformed into the image of Christ is all about. Just think of what Mary and Joseph must have felt a time or two…so out of the “normal” and in circumstances God planned for us to have eternal life. When discomfort tends to hover, I have to think of so many the Lord allowed to be uncomfortable for a greater purpose and that is what keeps us all walking by faith and trusting His good plan. Wishing you the warmest Christmas ever. I’m so proud of you, for you, and can’t wait to see how this new year unfolds. So thankful to hear from you. Your friend, Colleen

          • Sandra

            My Dear Friend Colleen, I am so happy to connect and so happy to hear your thoughts,and your delight in what I had done with the beautiful Christian Bookstore Christmas card, when I receive I will actually take photo of how beutiful saying and lovely delicate ribbon on card and what i wrote,and I will mail you photo along with the photo of my stray cat out on porch. I picked up a bale of straw to replace the cardboard box that was beneath to keep her off porch as I can see she prefers safe feeling of snuggling on top with my layering of ski jacket and bamboo throw and finally her cozy self heating fleece mat and a wool scarf tossed in for her to snuggle in…..as you did wish to see this, I will mail you photos sometime over holiday/New Year…..Thank you for your kind thoughts and words ,and concern for me as always.I am sorry that I cannot bring myself at least not yet to attempt selling anything especially online, this really has been uneasy for me. I have been overwhelmed and saddened and shocked really that I gave some information as I did too freely. That is behind me now, and I know that another avenue /path will be provided by God. and yes, I agree with you in that it was to show me perhaps the talents that I do have that remain hidden are still vital within me. Which brings me to this book….I have Boundaries and Boundaries Workbook and I just have begun reading,and now with this book my Dr. left me a return voicemail as she ever so kindly always will if I ask for her help between appts, so she gave me this book, amazing as well, I will leave you this link as it is core to what we are discussing , these issues that keep me “hidden”. It is called “Daring Greatly”, by Brene Brown. I have so many resources open to read all excellent for my growth. It essentially discusses “vulnerability” which I asked my Dr. what she is always speaking of,so this book is preparing me for our mid Jan appt,where I will discuss further what this means. So, you know me, before I get book, I look online and here I find the utube videos of her speaking. I am sharing this one with you here. And Colleen, maybe I can also mail you photo of what I am selling, just maybe someone by you that you know well maybe interested. I think I will resort to local people and hang flyer if I can get beyond with what just happened online.
            It is so good to connect, and I absolutely love to hear how accepting you are of your married daughter temporarily nesting with you….lol….what a Blessing truly, to have a Mom as open and as graceful and willing to pay attention to these precious moments and what God has in its creation /happening for you and all your family is ultimately the Gift in some way we may not know.
            I am so happy we connected.
            I know I will post on Christmas Eve or Day, although I will say again Merry Christmas and Thank you as well for the warmest wishes and Blessings as well
            Sandra
            http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Brene+Brown+TED+Talk&Form=VQFRVP#view=detail&mid=95E493CE358180F5527195E493CE358180F55271

          • I love Brene Brown!!! Her book titled “The Gift of Imperfection” has been wonderful. She has done several TED talks on authenticity… She is great. Tell me how you like her work. Thankful that you are doing well. Colleen
            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I am so not surprised, I could not wait to hear your reply and I knew you would know this author! I love it. There was a link I did view online of this imperfection, what wonderful resources at hand . I will say I am doing well, I did tear up with our initial post tonite, I seem that crying necessary tonite off and on. I am dear to myself tonite and so much do not wish to have this root canal procedure. Thankful it is just that and it will be done with in an hour ,some pain,overall not something more than just what it is. I did want to let you know something.This weekend God had a different idea again for me. I had seen a wing back type chair at an Antique consignment shop about 1/2 hour away last week, and after leaving I thought about it and I called owner….well owner had terible cold and had just lost an inlaw so she was not feeling great however she asked which piece and she would hold it for me so I can pick up Saturday,this past Saturday i speaking of, and that she would give me 10% off the already low price of i think it was 80.00? I am not sure as then she said price would be 74.00, so you get idea, great buy I thought. It had a little soiling mark, and she said it was not professionally reupholstered so over time i would want to get reupholstered but fine for the now and all needed was professional cleaning.. I had heart set on this as it was also great color, robin egg blue with fabric that had white stitches throughout, and curved feet…..I get there Saturday and I walk up to counter after arranging car to be suitable space to put in for transport to who I was taking it to for cleaning,and she said you are not going to be happy, a gal there sold it to someone else…..Well no chair. I was really let down about this. I had to believe that God knew more of something about this that was not for me. And that is all I can believe.
            So glad we connected. and yes I will let you know as well about this book, along with Boundarires too. Alot to work on this Winter ,Jan and February focus.
            I will be thinking about you,and wishing you peace and joy this holiday .and for those moments of music and family treasured moments to be ever so balanced and warm.
            Best wishes, Merry Christmas!
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I know I have sent a few notes close together but in this note, I wanted to highlight something you may not recognize in your growth. While I am so very sorry about the chair, your way of handling the disappointment was amazing! I think before you may have clung to not getting it and been hugely disappointed; here you expressed your disappointment but it didn’t send you into a downward spiral. That is tremendous growth!! Really, to be able to express disappointment yet keep it in healthy perspective is difficult for most of us. All that you have endured, it would be natural for such deep, past pain to enter the current irritation but it didn’t. Instead, you put it in perspective and moved on. That is huge! Many who have not endured what you have find this developmental step difficult. For you, it reveals how devoted you are to grow and be healthy through and through. I am amazed…you are a survivor and growing towards health every time we connect. What a beautiful thing it is to see a healing process unfold in another and celebrate the steps towards freedom and joy that come with growth. Hope you are not in too much pain and that you are able to find rest this afternoon. Colleen

          • Sand

            Colleen…you are so wonderful….amazing woman I so happy growing to know…my goodness right now I can say I am doing good….only between pages 36-39 and wow the Boundaries book has been delivered just as God intended timing…how great is that….I truly need follow our discussions of being more flexible in that I was more ancious feeling like all too fast and I behind on having opportunity to focus on this book and it was intended all in its time of now..how great to read exactly where I am at defining healthy boundaries
            with my family….these ecxact pages..wow.and I absolutely love the scripture verses noted for further reading..I have a few gifts wrapped beneath tree for me..I think tomortow after root canal I going back to Christian book store to use coupon for a Bible easy for my reading…I think you said Tinsdsle? NIV?
            Ok so much good on this nite afterall.so glad we connected
            best regards and Gratitude.
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen…I just wanted to say root canal complex someone misplaced instrument and then my mouth small and hard to get tip xray of root…lol…well most co m plete with temporary filling..go back new yesrs eve for completion.more expensive than imagined or told…I did check Bibles…if you get this let me know if Tindale Niv is good…I saw a womans “one day” bible different for daily reading??? I want be sure it is as true Bible reads cycling through year. Enjoy your family gathered together
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You will not believe this but I have a crown that broke on one of my teeth so I’ve been to the dentist and experiencing all the joys of shots and the work that has to be done. And yes, it is so expensive…but the Lord will provide. I pray you are not in pain! If you are, sometimes what is used when babies are teething is called Orajel. It’s over the counter and sort of numbs the tooth pain for a bit. So sorry for all you are going through! Yes, Tyndale offers great Bibles. I use their New Living Translation…and have several types…one is the life application study Bible which is great. So good choice! I hope today is restful and you are feeling God’s peace and love through these holidays. Merry Christmas to you dear friend. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I as well sorry to hear of your crown, lots of shots and work, I am glad it was before Christmas Eve for the Dentists at least here take the long break until Monday….so that is an amazing grace right there as I for me when loose one veneer or crown, it is uncomfortable,so now you will be able have more peace around that inconvenience we share. I believe too that yes the Lord will provide, I truly beleive Colleen, and seem to be somewhat calm after 675.00 on my charge card,yeek!!! honestly I just have no control and it was infected root so It needed to be done.
            I will maybe go down again into town Christian Book Store and look tomorrow early and I have one 5.00 coupon I can always use. And today I did poke head in there, I just love the store energy,and I did buy for like 5.97 the Nativity DVD, I was told very good.that will be my Christmas tradition.
            I seem to be very emotional today ,maybe just catching up with me. I wonder if I am feeling my biological mother sadness of my not calling her right now…whatever it is I seem to be sitting here crying.
            I Thankfully and pleasantly surprised on the other hand that I am not in pain! I was as I left Dentist office but novacane weared off and nothing ,zero pain. that is amazing as normally I know more pain from this type of procedure?. I will keep the Oraljel in mind,good thing to have handy at home for those times. The Dentist also Colleen is Christian Dental office, Dentist has the 89.7 Christian radio station which I find very soothing to hear during this work. We have that in common, good constructive use for stress is Music….I hope you receive your Christmas gift Soon.
            Merry Christmas to you also Colleen, so glad we connected and have a true friendship across the miles.
            Many Blessings for a comfortable tooth on your end, treasured moments of peace and joy with your loved ones,and amazing if God has provided your daughter company to help you ,and have some surprising moments of rest to do something you enjoy for You this Christmas time.
            WIth Love,
            Merry Christmas!
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            With growth and change comes the reality of pain as well…that’s why most don’t make the choice to grow through their pain. I’m not surprised you are feeling emotional swings…you have a lot of sorrow in your soul and you are allowing it to come out. When we have sorrow that is so deeply connected to our primary relationships, the loss of what was wanted, expected, desired, or needed is sweeping. Some of the greatest pains we feel are those connected to realizing those we trusted to supply an adequate amount of internal structure and strength, love and life, didn’t….and failed to even try. In fact, realizing YOU were expected to fill the adults empty spaces when, as a child, it was their responsibility to be present for you, to provide and fill you, is extremely painful. It is exhausting. You are coming to terms with how much you put out there and yet it’s led to being alone at Christmas and an empty season that is ‘supposed’ to celebrate togetherness. This is why most don’t grow…they stay in unhealthy stuff because there is a deep valley of sorrow one must walk through to get to the other side of healing. From what you have said, it appears you were the ‘good girl’ who didn’t make waves, who complied, who made everyone happy; hoping there would be some relational connection in return. But the only thing you got was “play by our rules or we leave” which is exactly what has happened. All the wishing and wanting, all the working and striving-to the compromise of yourself-has led to being alone…what you longed for will never be unless the others choose to change. Letting go opens the gap for God to fill with His presence. You no longer strive for what you ‘wish’ or ‘hope for’; as Christ becomes your comforter and keeper. He promises to provide, to shepherd you, His precious lamb! Just as you have cared for the stray cat so lovingly, how much more is God’s love and care for you!!! We can’t begin to understand how much love He has for us. But, until you open that space to Him, you fill it with addictions, unhealthy coping choices, and wishing others would ‘get it’. They may never ‘get it’ which hurts to our core because God created us for relationship. That primary damage HE can and is and will continue to heal but it takes time and truth as well as people who will care for you through the confusion of it all and lead you to healing. Sandra, this may be the hardest holiday season…but it will be the healthiest for you. You are choosing not to compromise yourself, to become a wise woman, to let God into your heart for healing. You will never forget this time…it is the making of you. While it feels so lonely, and is lonely…it is the way THROUGH. So let the grief come out…weep, cry, allow grief to surface and give it to Christ. Just tell Him how sad or mad or whatever you are…talk it, write it, whatever…pour your heart out. You won’t be in this place forever but it is for a while. I am so proud of you. I can see amazing growth in you. You are not trying to fix your family members. Yes, you miss their voices but you are realizing you cannot and will not do their work. And old book I’ve mentioned before titled “A Shepherds Look at Psalm 23” Explains the ‘walking through the valley of the shadow of death”. He was an actual shepherd and said twice a year the shepherd led the sheep THROUGH a valley…up to higher ground in the summer, to lower ground in the winter. The walk through was terrifying for the sheep; but essential for the best food and health. You are going THROUGH…God is with you my dear friend. Just cling to Him and know you are moving to higher ground. Much love, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, wow, what brilliant insight you always bring forth, Thank you for being proud of me, something I am most grateful and for your acceptance and understanding so well my journey. I will believe and I will for certain write and talk with God about this and express my pain through this time. He is my Heavenly Father who I shining His Love upon me here,and I lean on Him for this support and guidance more than ever. yes, I am not sure even with my expression in card sent to my mother that she will “get it”, nor anyone else there. That is heartbreaking for me, although as you say the gap that is opening allows Jesus to come in and fill this for greater healing to take place and I will be amazed at what is in store for me! It seems like 2 or 3 Christmas’s now that have been isolated, these years I had chosen to pull away, this is the first year though that truly boundaries are being set by me and I have expressed distance is my choosing,keeping the distance from telephone contact where was the contact shared over these past years. I know it is all so confusing although you have a very good perspective on my truth and this situation…I enjoy the story of “A Sheperds Look at Psalm 23”, interesting,and I will look at reading this Psalm . Thank you so much for such supportive tone and thoughts and that I can completely Trust He is with me as my Shepherd…
            Merry Christmas Colleen,and Thank you so very much for your notes, your thoughts are so meaningful and supportive. Thank You! I am going to re read your thoughts as trully so much stated here.
            With Gratitude,
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I find your thoughts so insightful, reading again so understood of process of the exact journey I am being guided. I did not realize how many have not made growth a choice due to pain, the reality of pain keeps so many with what my xhusband would say “satisfied with mediocrity?” I think that was what he would say with my family . During divorce he said he would have done alot differently,and that he had not known the extent of what transpired,until this time when I began Reiki and I was having more flashbacks and purging and becoming more aware at that time for that initial opening of who I am was beginning to occur…… he knew enough in our marriage that he by instinct did not like my giving gifts that were sent during hoidays as he said I was not appreciated or acknowledged by my family. He would have me travel alone often to visit, although he remained genuine and freindly ,he was not happy with my contact for the good of me really that I realize now so much clearer what he knew.
            So I am growing and seeing more clearly. I think that is what i said to God today as I did need go out, I went to grocery store to pick up final items I wanted for Christmas here for me, and my thoughts to God were He must have made me more aware than my familly for a reason. I of course was sad before I left to go out,and asked why He has me know so much more than a family, parents and siblings? as you have said it would be different if any one of them listened to what I would say as truth, but it is not comprehensible,so in car I talked to God in heart saying these are those I pray for, those that truly have no comprehension of the insight of growth i have learned and keep learning and seeing truth in. I literally felt bad for them for not being able to see,to hear. I have a ray of hope for my mother Colleen, for she did see Jesus before her, many years back she had some mild strokes and said He came before her and some other relatives that had been passed for some time approached her. I have made numerous efforts to bond although she is not trustworthy,she will talk so negatively about me to another, and/or be ugly tone of my not truly mattering . So that was why her suddenly calling me more was hurtful for me was that I have not seen the changes and consistent enough, or maybe never that would bring me to want to have that closeness with her. There is so much truth in your thoughts. I am glad that I can speak such truth with God, such a wonderful relationship that I am developing and I am really feeling my way with things like chair,etc, that I am saying well, God must have known something that I cannot see, as much as it hurts and is so painful and crushing what I thought was a dream come true that would be a reading chair, it was what God knew that I did not about the chair,and He stopped purchase,not someone energy, not my doubt ,just God knowing more than I and not for my understanding.
            I wanted to let you know that the stray cat seems to be having a digestive issue, I so hope she is okay. I read I can give her pepto bismal? or some other remedy , I sure hope she does not have anythign serious, maybe just digestive discomfort a few days now. I could not get her to a vet ,I have thought numerous times but she does not like to be cornered,very independent and she has scratched and bit at me if I catch her off guard and she believe her safety at risk, so there is no way i can do that to her to get her into a small carrier and not know if she would attempt jump out and run and then be very lost…as the vet is a mobile vet on other side of town i live, I checked into it, but they will not come here,not even at end of driveway where i know this cat follows me, she is so sweet, she would for sure follow me to where i wanted,but to take her out of her teritory and threathen what she knows is simply not good for her or myself . I will let you know how she is doing after few days I observe her , loose stools often.
            Also I have the thought in mind with mention of Shepherd and Lamb, and I can probably guarantee you will know what I am speaking of here…….there is a Christian card selection I think called “Woolie Shepherd???”, oh my they are one of my favorites. I may need get one for when I send you photos of what we have spoken about! I know though you have seen for sure. We have so much in common , they seem to be popular to be in your area too that you would adore as much as I.
            With Love and Gratitude,
            Peace Be With You COlleen. (I actually was going to add a bookmark to the Christmas card sent along with package, it said “Peace be with You”, and I looked up the verse and it was at Christmas that I found this verse was upon Jesus birth. I had wished I picked up when seen at that point of knowing truth of words….for this season of Christmas … I had not gotten back to pick up after reading the verse to see if would be good to place in your card for Christmas idea…..Although it comes to mind to share with you)
            Goodnite Colleen,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            The way that you describe your mother sounds like what some would call an “ambivalent” attachment…unsure, insecure…as the dictionary describes it as ‘having two minds’. Sometimes she feels secure and will relate but then pulls back (due to her own inner conflicts and problems) and is callous, cutting, and rude. This is the most difficult kind of attachment for many reasons: the child is never secure in any relating because they never know when they will be rejected, the parent believes they are kind and in denial of how damaging they are, and usually it’s associated with some kind of personality disorder which means they see life through colored lenses. This leaves the child always hoping, always wishing, always believing that the ‘nice’ parent will eventually show up and stay and there will be a relationship of security. This cannot happen unless the parent get much help and takes responsibility for their own pain. That is why you are left with this ‘wanting’; there was just enough of something good that you believed your own actions would cause the ‘good’ mom to stay. Which is why you accommodated and behaved exceptionally well. The deeper pain is that she will remain this way until or unless she enters her own therapy process…INTENSE therapy process. She will continue to hurt you as long as you continue to wish for the mother she will never be. That is why I mentioned the grief being so deep…it’s like a death to the dreams you have clung to. And, as I also mentioned, it is why you must face the truth, grieve, and move forward as this will free you to understand and accept her as she is without the expectation of her changing. When you have grieved and allowed others to care for you as you are, then you are not so deeply wounded by her…your needs and wishes change. You won’t look to her to give what she will never give; the Lord will have provided others who fill you internally and yes, you will have compassion without being hurt. Also, a vital truth is that when a kid is placed in this position, they grow up extremely focused on their behaviors which results in many believing they have the power to change others. This is a self-absorbed focus. The truth is, no one has the power to change anyone else. Some raised in this setting have narcissistic tendencies; they believe their relationships are dependent upon their behaviors and thus have enormous power (or control). Realizing it is God’s work combined with their choices to change is the only way relational change can happen. Of course we are called to be responsible for our attitudes and actions; but must always understand these character qualities are ways of being…outlined by God…not used to control or manipulate others. That’s a whole lot of information there but essentially, that is why the pain is so deep. You are letting go of the mother you longed for, facing the pain of who she is as a damaging person, the belief that you cannot control others, and a realistic understanding of having no power over others…that is why sending cards and phone calls can still be an unhealthy choice. By sending them, the expectation or belief that you can control their responses or the wish that they will relate differently is a false, self-focused belief. There is a lot to unpack in this so just sit with it, read it through and ask the Lord to bring to the surface what is in you that He want you to let go of, false beliefs you need to release, and come to an understanding of who He’s made you. Let’s talk this through…I spent months and months working through thoughts like this so take time…God is never in a hurry and will sit with you through it. I am so proud of you! Colleen

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen, gosh your understanding is so fine and exact,your knowledge shines through these perceptions so clear and true. Thank you for taking the time to share such depth of thought in regard to what is happening in this process. I do still hold onto the cards and gift as if that is as you mention. I so much saddened that this is to let go to further release this pain and realistic on my part of what truely I am doing with this action. I am grateful for your thoughts and understanding. I wish it was easier,although I am certain finding those like you and my Dr. that are so unbelievably supportive,knowledgable in the behavioral and social aspect and so delicate and tender in supportive tone and helping with understanding the real truth of all. and most of all keeping me focused on the greatest healing that is upward as in the Shepherd and Lamb….I read Psalm 23 last nite on Bible hub.com. I enjoyed tremendously. I still thinking of Bible purchase, I may be able to get downtown still today. It is downpouring with no real letting up today and over nite and yesterday also off and on. Today windy also. I do wish to go out, however ,if it is Friday I get to the Christian Book store I will be okay with this as I have so much here to read through, like BOundaries book and if I do venture downtown to pick up a Bible, I will email you and let you know which I chose.
            My family does not believe in Therapy, so in regard to this , there is no comprehension and very unlikely that this ever will be different. I will keep opening the gap for God to fill on my end and I know He will be leading me truthfully and Faithfully in direction intended for me with all of these processes you mention.
            I am so glad to have connected. I did take photos of the precious cat outside, I calling her “away in the manger” today…lol. she on her straw bale, and cozy and out of rain. She so very precious. I am going believe her stomach will be better soon.
            Take good care today and throughout Christmas Colleen,
            I hope that your tooth as well is feeling back to normal, no further discomfort.
            Much Love and Peace,
            MERRY CHRISTMAS!
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I needed to say I am so grateful for your taking such time and care with such precision,and tenderness in bringing all this to my better understanding and greater awareness in my process. I wanted to leave one more thought that this is why i have always felt frightened, as long as can remember, in any connection with my mother, not knowing for certain what reaction I would be receiving, warm in her way or gesture or rejection or mean or silent or angry and as if I was so terible or wrong in just being myself. This is very interesting, and I can see in a friend here from same experience of mother ambivalent that he is much more complex than I in I chose much more healing,although I can now see the hurt and insecurity in this individual from what you have expressed. This is so helpful in greater awareness. I do not believe I have this narcisitic behavior, I will ask my Dr. when I see her,although I do not think it is predominant, I do see it in this friend ,although I think my healing can shed on this individual from observation of what i am going through,and the help and insight I am receiving. Although as you say I cannot control others nor their choices. so I will do exactly as you have mentioned “ask the Lord to bring to the surface what is in you that He want you to let go of, false beliefs you need to release, and come to an understanding of who He’s made you”. That is most of all what i wanted to express, I will write this down so clear to take to Lord.
            Thank you again,
            Merry Christmas.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I was hesitant to mention the narcissistic part of these complicated relationships because I don’t see it in you either. However, I keep in check the motivations for my actions and have to ask myself “Am I doing ___ for me or for another reason?. It’s just a good self check question. However, I don’t see it in you. I have suggested to some the book “Walking on Eggshells” and I think to you as well. There is a workbook associated with it. It was written for those living with one who has a Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Disorder….they are extremely self consumed and unstable in behavior. What happens is they depend on what is called a “Narcissistic Supply”…a person or thing that makes them feel important/valuable because their internal self hate is so huge. When that supply is cut off..such as what you have wisely chosen to do in healing, then they can become extremely difficult and unstable. There is an increase in the difficulties before there can be a calming of sorts. When they find another way to feel important (another “supply”) they settle but it is never an easy relationship to deal with. Personality disordered people make everyone else feel crazy when actually they are the one with reality distortions. So, you are on the right track my dear….get through these days and the New Year is going to be fantastic….I bet your best one yet. All my love, Colleen
            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson
            Special Needs Ministry Director
            Insight for Living
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          • Sand

            Merry Christmas Colleen.I had kept phone off and computer on netflix Christmas music all nite Christmas Eve and kept making wreaths for door and around circle for tables both porch and in bedrrom from tree trimmings until all gone.honestly I had the very best Christmas Eve and morning of Christmas day ever in my life…I had a smoked fresh mullet fish had bought from local catch seafood company .and as I was so tired in evening I have to tell you I stood for an hour and half watching movie on tv..no chair or sofa until eyes could not stay open any longer and legs tired…today I used kitchen chair to watch some tv in living rooom…I thought of you as so many special needs organizations in Texas with parade on tv and all programs available there helping others.
            Thank you for expanding thoughts as you have with this issue…I find interesting that you say “walking on eggshells” name of book as the last note I had written i was going choose these exact words as I have been doing that with regard to all family for as long can remember..I found even here with setting new boundaries how I was feeling terified and tense with what will come my way for staying my path..I did just turn on phone for a second today and there my dad was calling….I fell into saying let me just answer get over with so they lesson seeking my return call. I kept it short.I realized he began sayong had large group at house and I stopped hom saying I had to go and he stopped and I just did say glad you had good Christmas and glad you liked sweatshirt…
            my mother was in shower when he called and essentially he wanted say my mother needed xray ofblungs today by dr request.I did say let me know how that turms out..I kept it as brief as possible. I did receive card for Christmas from parents.my mother wrote I do wish I knew what going on andv that they thete for me if I need them….they always look for what wrong as if it me …when I am not the crazy bad or wrong doer….so yes I relate to all you have said and grateful for your incredible insight ..you master human development/behavior and society….like you have stated the individual moves on after very unstable and that part always fear but within I know pattern thst has played out over all these years and realize my mother and right now she with father on targeting me but she will move on to who next focus and often goes up against my father….but whoever it is her game not mine and I am proud of my learning I am okay and very okay to keep boundaries.
            Thank you so much for connecting and helping me through this process. I have cried again last nite and today but the joy and peace on sweep other way squashes those moments of pain…I truly created a wonderful Christmas and it did feel like my home with warmth even in repair zone no furniture I was Blessed to have this very first Christmas in my home.
            I do want to say I like your thought what ask self to know if action about self or other…I will keep that question fresh in heart and mind and I will ask my dr if she ever seen anything narsistic with me.I think still not but will ask. I do believe she too will say no and maybe laugh at idea because I the giver who those takers usually the narcissistic type across from me…at least I think that true. I will let yiu know mid Jan appt.
            Thank you for incredible insight. I look forward to hearing from you and how Christmas was for you and your family.
            with Gratitude and joy with the inspiration of what you and my dr see as growth that I will be so much better than relstinships I had known and kept for fear of being blamed or hostile toward for new set boundaries.
            goodnite.
            Thank you.
            Merry Christmas
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            P.s. even though the card stated we are here for you…even if I had need this is not who I would turn to. I have not been supported thst does not change with minimal comprehension with these players as you have said so correctly that it would take alot work to change before I would see change in old patterns …
            Thank you again for tremendous insight and understsnding.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Exactly….what is said vs. what is done makes the cycle totally crazy for a kid. Now that you are able to recognize their incongruence, you will go where firm support and care is given. Also, it isn’t what we say in life that matters nearly as much as what we do. I’ve said often, I can call myself “wonder woman” but that doesn’t mean I can fly…I can’t fly, I’m not wonder woman and that’s okay. You are really getting it. = )

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen..Thank you agsin for these insightful thoughts that are real and true in tender way to comfort and support….
            I looked in mirror tonite and I even look different..there is no longer a far away look but I see someone so filled with experience and growth really..but it looked like a depth of wisdom most of all.not empty. But full.and yiu had mentioned awhile back make list of how inhave grown….for to look on my bday…one thing occired to me today is I have accepted the journey of change even though I endured and enduring some harsh realities and pain…this tells me I have a courage or strenghth that is more “rare” as you have said..than I knew.I have a feeling of belief inyself by that thought.And want to Thank you as well for believing in me .
            I wanted say also you did mention yout daughter in vet school…I thought of your mentioning after I left note about cat not feeling herself. What an amazing field to practice. This reflects the tender thread I sense thtough your family.it takes a special person to take care special needs and special gentle manner to work with animals…
            I will let you know as well about which Bible. I am excited for being able read boundaries for one reason and take verse noted to Bible reading to expand as to me intended the way Boundaries written.
            And my last thought was that I do wish Hobby Lobby closer as about 50 minute drive. I really like the ribbon and even fabric dept the most…I had bought just 1/4 yard of burlap with gold thread through it to covet an antique box turned upside down as porch table.it made perfect runner.I will include photo of this as well.
            I am very happy with this store experience
            Thank you again for comnecting with me.
            I will be thinking of you and hoping extra hands there to help meal making easier for you during holidays.
            With Gratitude
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            and yes Colleen, I wonder as well often what Mary and Joseph must have felt. I am inspired to continue reading of BIble characters, seems like have been all over place with readings, although I seem to find myself speaking more of these characters to others that I am continuing to learn. I so much look forward to hearing how you enjoy your gift, it for me was so who you are…if I say any more and in what way it will give it away…however you mentioned one of the ways you find “something productive to turn into from stressful source”…it kind of will come in a different form, that is your hint.lol…..I wish I could tell you, not good on surprises although you will see,and understand soon. I look forward to mailing you some photos soon. ANd my first tree maybe I will send one too…I did find the greatest selection of ribbon as you mentioned at Hobby Lobby, wow!!! and it all was 1/2 off. The bows I made for tree were a yellowish/hay color type burlap with a delicate lace trim at edges….as we discuss the not as expected, I thought i would have 10 more bows at least from two spools but did not, I accepted it and it is sweet for my first tree. not perfect by any means for the light hanging is not my nitche at all, no talent there for placement, so kind of like no corridination there.
            I will look forward to hearing how your holiday was and how creative and what wonderful exchanges transpired in the gathering of all your family in unexpected ways this Christmas and New Year. I get the instinct that there are going to be some really super special moments in the evening while unwinding by a Christmas tree, and with quiet conversation or tranquil music to share before a good nites rest. Maybe your daughter too will be able to help where you will have some added rest, I know she has studies as you mention,although maybe there is God giving you that extra hand during Christmas and New Year holiday at home.
            Many warm wishes for this time at home with a good bunch to embrace and be embraced.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You are so very kind to send a gift. So incredibly generous and thoughtful; I am so thankful and grateful for the friendship we have built. Your tree sounds beautiful…I’m sure it is! Yes, the ½ prices at Hobby Lobby are amazing. And you can pull up weekly coupons from the internet if you go to their site. They are a fabulous company who was started by devoted Christians so I think you will like going there. If anything, it’s great for ideas if you into making stuff like we are. I will look forward to your most kind gift and thank you in advance for it. Have a beautiful day. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen….you are so very welcome Colleen in advance….lol…. I am also happy and feel very Blessed and grateful too, to share in friendship with you. Thank you for your wonderful notes, I have read through and I will like to go back and reread each of them. I like that you know that Hobby Lobby was started by devoted Christians, I knew there was an energy in this store that seems consistent and good. I will look for coupons for the next time I travel there.
            I did have some very minor pain in tooth from dental work today although it is not too bothersome really. I am grateful for that.
            I did want to say that I was not as good at getting beyond the chair being sold ,I so appreciate such good thoughts from your perspective and I will believe what you are observing. I will say though it took me probably a very good 12 hours to get over the shock I think I had of it being sold. I will say I did place blame on someone that i had told about the chair the day before and I was asked why do I want to buy a chair? So here I was believing that this indiviudal energy of the chair no big deal and why would I want…..I have no furntiture for me was enough to be so excited and for the color matching my theme and such little money…..and here I at first blamed this conversation on taking the positive energy away from the purchase being completed the next day…..And I felt deflated really. I did find myself going to the Lord and saying that He had something else in mind and something I did not see clearly there He saw,and changed the course of purchase. So I did not do as well as I would have liked with regard to how you expressed thoughts. I so much hope that I have grown in these ways. I do know that I was more hurt by the lack of sensitivity to finding a chair and good reason for me to buy,and the owner stating that it happens that way sometimes!. I did feel crushed as made the trip the distance without a call. so I did really have maybe a shorter time of process before could move on. I am most grateful for your kind thoughts and such support of my every effort to change for positive.
            Thank you so very much.
            Have a good evening,
            Sandra

  • Sandra,
    I will certainly pass along any site that appears to be profitable and worth looking into for you. I don’t have too much time to look through the internet as I would like but, should I have some time to do so and find something for you, I would be delighted to pass it on. Keep up the amazing work. I think it would be fabulous if I came across your items by surprise. How cool would that be! From one crafter/tool lover to another, Colleen

  • Sandra,
    Would love to know what Bible you chose. There are so many, I’m thrilled to know you were directed to a great one. My Bible is a treasure; I’m sure you will find the same as you make notes and read it through the year. Blessings, Colleen

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen, yes, I will let you know as soon as I pick up. I am attracted to this one i mention of a Womans Bible, one day Bible? it has daily readings ,and I can look at the others as well while there. I like that about you that your Bible is a treasure and how you make notes and read and know it from the Heart so well.
      I will let you know what I decide. And I will enjoy Boundaries book further.
      Thank you, so glad to connect
      Sandra

  • Sandra,
    About the cat, since she is a stray, you don’t know what she has gotten into…eaten…if she has a digestive illness of sorts so my daughter’s thoughts are to be very careful. If she’s that afraid, most likely she’s been abused and you just need to be cautions. Any scratch can lead to you becoming ill. You may want to call the humane society or a group that can get her and care for her needs. We both think you need to be very careful. Also, you can order anything online from Hobby Lobby and don’t have to drive there. The most secure way to do anything financial exchange on line is to purchase a pre-paid visa card. They are sold everywhere. You pay the money upfront, “purchase” the card for the amount shown, then use it to purchase your items. I never use a personal card for on line dealings. So if you want to buy something, use a prepaid card, then toss it when it’s used. It’s not attached to your bank or name…if ‘stolen’ from the internet, it goes nowhere because it’s been used. Hope that makes sense. Finally, I am wishing you a very Merry Christmas my sweet and dear friend. May your soul find rest in the peace of our Savior’s birth, life, and grace. Colleen

    • Sandra

      Thank you so very much for your and your daughter insight with this cat. She is so precious, although I am glad i followed my instinct to be very careful as you so much have expressed concern for scratch or bit. I will further seek a group that may be able to help. Thank you again and for your daughter thoughts.
      Thank you as well for the information regarding Hobby Lobby, my favorite craft store now…lol…I know we share this in common as you have the routine I hear in how to shop when distance to travel. Thank you and Thank you for such amazing warm wishes and kindness, I could not have stated it better than you, so for you as well exactly as you expressed for “your soul and family to find rest in the peace of our Savior’s Birth,life and grace”. That is so perfectly stated.
      Be well and I look forward to connecting and hearing how your Christmas was shared with all of your family at home
      Merry Christmas Colleen,.
      Sandra

      • Sandra, you are so welcome. I have a feeling you could make almost anything! Don’t give up on the idea of having an online business…there are ways to make that work. Until then, making cards for other’s or little things will warm your heart and bring you joy.

        • Sandra

          Colleen.Thank you for such dear kind thoughts and a friendship that has opened me to renewed inspiration and believing. I will stsy the course…it maybe take longer for me to process where God guiding me although I am really feeling His energy within me as if I am changing with His flow of direction. It does feel like it is creativity that has been blocked so long awakening .it is gradual but I see and feel it is right and so true .
          I forgot mention also Christmas Eve I read the card I sent to me..more than once..the first time it felt wonderful and then another time sad as if was not in space reveive but as I read a few times it penetrated and felt as good as I intended.I will copy and share by mailing along with photos of all I mentioned.
          Goodnite now
          Merry Christmas
          Sandra

  • Sandra,
    It is no surprise that your family does not believe in “therapy”. Scripture tells us there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors…and I believe there are some very wise, healing counselors out there. Yes, there are some odd ones but what study or discipline is without a few odd ducks. So, you are very connected to your core and in your understanding. God seems to be enlightening your eyes and soul quickly which only reveals how open you are to His leading, loving, and healing your life. I’m so sorry for the countless family disappointments!!!! In heaven, we all will be healed; until then, we endure and cling. You are a dear and so cherished. Hang on to Christ who will lead you through. One last thought, when there is such loneliness, there is always an option of volunteering in a shelter or soup kitchen or church…offering those without homes and hope a warm greeting, smile, and gift of love. If you begin to sink in loneliness, I would encourage you to pursue visiting even a hospital and just passing through rooms telling those who are stuck in such a difficult place that you care for them. I’ve done this before and there are few joys to the soul like giving to those in need. Just a thought. Colleen

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen
      I see a few notes.this was so many good thoughts and I am grateful for your checking in with such genuine good thoughts and wishes for me.I could not be more joyous within for your thoughts that see how open I am to follow God ..to my eyes and soul being enlightened.
      yes my family does not see anything wrong with themselves and this type counseling not understood or comprehended…they simply are not connected to heart and soul of core self ..it is like they all programmed to laugh off and shut out what is real and true and quite normal to accept help as needed this behavioral wsy and to become aware of self
      Thank you agsin for connecting.I look forward to sharing more.
      goodnite
      Sandra

  • Sandra,
    You awareness and insight continues to grow! You were so wise to answer and keep the phone call brief, to recognize and admit your wishes related to your family relationships…or lack thereof. You may find that as you establish clear boundaries, the ‘family intensity scale’ (so I call it) goes up…meaning, as you step out of your unhealthy patterns, they will step up the pressure or ‘need’ for you to fill that void they will begin to feel. For your dad to mention your mother’s health is a good example; essentially, he is running her errand by telling you her needs which used to be a hook you bite…fill yourself with worry or rescue by word or deed. Your mother is a grown woman and is free to share her health needs as she desires; the fact that your dad mentioned this is so typical. But you are seeing this now for what it is and not running to fix. How freeing! And yes, you will feel at times filled with fear or terror for you are behaving in ways now that were “big no-no’s”…you paid a heavy price for noncompliance so of course it’s terrifying to change. However, the only thing that has changed is your response to their messes. They are stuck, you are not…you are beginning to breathe for yourself for the first time and with that freedom comes responsibility. Being responsible for responding wisely (sometimes that means not responding at all…that’s okay), relating kindly but firmly, and stepping away (short phone calls) when your internal churnings begin to surface. WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL! I’m thrilled to know you enjoyed a delicious meal, warmth of your home, and peace…God is leading you and He always will lead with love and care. Have a good day, stay the course. Colleen

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen, I am delighted for your connecting with me. I have been in blue space this day, and last evening. I have not wanted to hide although turning off my phone and not checking email I resorted to for this fear of being retaliated by siblings for those that are close and submissive to these behaviors and I thought for sure I would hear from a sister or brother ,how history would have that kind of response….As you say I am only responsible for my changed response and working at perfecting that during this process. I find it much more peaceful at this time to stay silent in my very own space I have created,especially Christmas Eve was like a dream, for the first time I had been so content and joyous and peaceful and yes warm and with shelter and no issues being present was such an amazing grace and restful content feeling. I was resting all day today as I do go out of town tomorrow for a few days for my 50th Bday is Monday. Today I was feeling lonely and to be alone traveling out of town not yet sure what highlight will be.I actually would like to stay home actually although once I am on way and arrive I know that i will be happy I did plan this for 50th. I will soak in Hot Springs Mineral Bath, it is usually 15.00 but I have a credit they gave me from last time, long story they had not advised me they put up more wood facing river from bath and I mentioned to them,they gave me credit so my bath tomorrow evenign will be n/c really. I am ambivilent whether i spend Monday in Asheville, NC which would be routine when go out to Hot Springs, and where staying there only 1/2 hour from Asheville, alhtough I am tossing aroudn thought to go over border into Tenn where I have never traveled,and for 50th know that I did venture something new like stepping foot into another state. I know Knoxville about an hour from Hot Springs where staying? or where God will lead me I am open to hear ever so clearly.
      I keep saying the prayer you stated for me, that Please Lord show me what you want to surface and release,and show me who you have made me to be.
      I did not have the focus to go into shopping in town ,and for Bible there, after Christmas so this coming week when settles down I will venture to pick up the Bible I so much have had in heart and mind.
      Today a program on tv was so good to listen, a Religious program offering who Elijah was and what God did with word in Bible in hand, and all of what we have prayed for in 2015 has been released by GOd, now we just need catch up and put belt on for all is already released and will come, so be prepared for this as we catch up with our Faith and Faithfulness.
      I am so glad we connected. I do hope so much you had extra hands to help with the full house you have had at Christmas time,and that you are able to find some rest as well in your home space.
      Best Wishes, and Thank you for thoughts and understanding,and yes, actions over words. And simply knowing at every level who I am.
      Thank You
      With Gratitude,and Peace,
      Sandra PS I did take some photos and will download next week and mail you some photos…..Take care today and this weekend.
      From my Heart,
      Sandra

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen, yes I would like to learn more as I have been so accustomed to this “running errands” for someone else coming to me, usually my middle sister who is quite submissive to my mother and my mother best friend there, she was abused and came forth for me she claimed a few years back ,that is when my neices began to not include me in weddings,for my sister supported my claim but nothing specific about what happened and she opened up her story to some siblings ,not all and not the neices and nepehwes….and my mother could not quite believe her either,saying how could you let that happen. My sister kept a close tie to my mother in relationship of speaking to her how this happens,etc, and my mother listens to her at some level she is still in denial at deep level, so as we have discussed her focus or heart/mind go in and out of what she ignoring or not addressing in the lives surrounding her there.My sister was not supported by siblings either. She became more isolated these past three years than ever and did not change ,very submissive to all, she did not find the courage to go beyond dysfunction. That has been her choice with all this.
      I am putting this behind me now it seems,as I have been more focused on the boundaries I am establishing and what you have mentioned how I stuck with what I thought God directed me to keep short,and to pay attention to the “running errands” and keep strong boundary from listening to what does not include me or that is less than sensitive to my heart and soul.
      Thankyou so very much for sharing your thoughts with this.
      Have a restful nite and weekend.
      Sandra

      • Sandra,
        Again, it is no surprise that your family is connected to other unhealthy families. Like gears that turn, we fit together with what ‘feels’ normal; dysfunction ‘fits’ with dysfunction. The mother, sisters, brothers, nieces, and now friends are part of the whole package you are dealing with. This is why so much exhaustion will surface at times. In many ways, you are re-living your childhood and young adult years but making different choices now. It happens much faster of course but the fact is you are choosing wisely which takes much effort. In so doing, every exchange or interaction is evaluated for now. It will become habit just like your previous behavior was habituated; only now you will be living instead of pretending, hiding, and hurting. Stay with the boundaries, let go of guilt one may attempt to put on you…you are responsible to our Lord first, then to you and living congruently…the same on the inside and outside. That is the pathway to vulnerability; when we have nothing to hide and understand wise boundaries then we relate to others in freedom. You are on that exact path and it’s a lovely thing to watch unfold. I am honored to be part of this process with you. How great is God to have placed several people in my past who taught me these things which now I can pass on to you; and in turn, you will pass on to those God has planned for you to meet. His ways are beyond our understanding and always good even when we can’t see where it’s going. Have a very warm and wonderful evening. Colleen

        • Sandra

          Hello Colleen.I am sad today as ever so lonely.yes I pray ti Heavenly Father today to bring to me his will for good 50th bday of truest joy and peace to guide me which direction go for special day. I am out if town .I gave great sorrow in my heart and believe I needed stay home…at least I know I have accimplishef my feeling of home comfirt and joy by decorating for Christmas still there…no furniture yet I feel I have what I need there.home.
          I will look at botanical garden today..I so much would wsnt not be alone and to have gone away these few nites alone may not have been good ideA. It magnifies nobody celebrating me with me..have a good day today Colleen. I staying close in heart to our Lord.
          best regards for peaceful joyous day
          Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I can hear the anguish in your heart…I am so sorry for how alone you feel. I would expect it to be almost unbearable. I think this is what the Lord felt when, in the garden of Gethsemane he asked his closest friends to pray and they fell asleep. He was about to be betrayed, beaten and crucified for them yet all they did was fall asleep. How lonely, terribly alone our Lord must have felt on that final night. So He understands this too. While we may know that cognitively, the feelings are present but will pass. You probably will never feel this alone again…my hope at least. Knowing that your Savior, our Savior understands means He has the ability to comfort you as no other. It doesn’t mean the feelings will go away immediately; but you can run to the one who understands the most and be embraced with understanding and acceptance. The truth is, you are grieving much! All those years you hoped your efforts would provide the loved you longed for have resulted in this utter aloneness. We never expect it to pierce so deeply, sting so sharply, or hurt so completely. However, in it, you are going to get THROUGH…keep remembering, these first experiences won’t last. They will indeed change you, cause you to firm up your boundaries and become more stable; but for now, let the tears fall for our Lord is holding them and you. All my love dear one. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen.Thank you so much for your remarkable understanding. I leaving hot springs to home now…..I had still difficult nite awake for some hours so angry that this sister I mention could not use self control and boundaries for a day so significant for me…and my vulnerability once more slipped into what was so not genuine and for certain with zero reality of truth. I did so much pray to our Lord..I did have glimpses of such amazing loving embrace and light overfloweth by Him and trust in His work and guidance for me…it still sits so deep that I been begging him release what is at my core with guidance and further awareness so this being so alone will move beyond to who and what He has so created me and a flow to life and living without terible grief and lonliness.
            I Thank you so much for connecting. I have so much work to contonue on this pathway of healing and I truly need focus on Lord not anyone like sister who doubted anyrhing in me for good I am pursuing of wellness. in reality of God
            in Truth and peace
            Happy New Year for yiu and your fsmily abundance of hhappiness and health this year
            Sandra

          • Sandra, One thought that came to mind is anytime you are contact by a family member who causes internal churnings or frustration or that sense of “I don’t know what to do here”, just tell the Lord “thank you Lord for being my protector and shepherd. I don’t know how to respond and this makes me uncomfortable. Will you lead me to the response you would have, help me in my forgiveness and understanding of ____, and show me how to move forward with peace”. That way, you are depending on the Lord to show you….and if you don’t sense His leading, wait. He will show you but may be working in their lives or another’s life and the waiting is for His work to be done before stepping in. Give yourself some time to catch up and breathe too. We ALL have work to be done so there is non hurry. May this next year be one of grace and peace for you. Happy New Year my dear one! Colleen

          • Sandra

            Colleen, Hello there, Thank you so very much for your thoughtful suggestion and so many thoughts .I am sorry if i have not responded yet, for I came home last evening with migraine from temperature fluctuation /air temperatures became colder,and i slept with it and awoke with minor one this am still….i took exedrine migraine before had dentist second visit for root canal work continued…..I actually lyed in chair and tears flowed down my cheeks, I kept quiet and could not hold it in, from despair of lonliness to have felt good upon coming home realizing that the Hot Springs soaking did cleanse me as needed and did realize it was good i went away a few days as I had, and this morning migraine and I could not take in any more pain, even this time physical to cope with. The dentist so gentle said so softly that this is quite an ordeal for you isnt it, and all I did was say yes it was. It lasted a few minutes and he was preparing for procedure beside me,had poked around in mouth just before i began to tear . After he said Thank you for Christmas Card,and we chatted about Hot Springs how it is like a “nest” there and he and his family will be looking into as it was something they would enjoy. He is very good dentist,and from there finally migraine began to relieve from exedrin and we moved forward,,,,it did take another three hours, 11-130ish, so under 3 hours,and I will need go back as area still too sensitive,so for final filling go back in three weeks, i have a temporary filling now.
            I do have migraine suttle back. I did want to respond to let you know I am processing all, and I still feel an enormous sadness with some unstable feelings of all, although I know so well I am being guided by our Lord and I keep praying. I love this prayer you have thought for me to say, and I am so grateful. It all will be okay, I know this, I just need to get through the silent part wihout too many attacks that are old patterns of as we talk of , being a terible daughter, or person, for doing what is so right and so right by God first! I will do all I can to embrace myself and not to let these thoughts bring me down that are seemingly forever played in my head Today I even went to Christian book store after dentist in hope to pick up the one Womans One Day Bible I had in my heart to get, and they closed early…I wanted to read and read and I did listen on way home to radio station on way home last evening from Hot Springs,NC, a Chrisitan station and program,and I made so many notes ,while driving,yes but during rest stops jotted down notes, and I will elaborate more on these later, although I will say I felt so NORMAL. SO ACCEPTED to all that was being said about Truth and Grace and all which we speak of ,and validation it gave me from instance with sister reading mother note and adding that to what was not genuine interest to say Happy Birthday but to be so saaavy in munipulating in text that she knew and read note, but not directly saying so, although ever so certain as I processed what just happened as pattern. I will take my time,and I will say the radio program discussed what we speak of about feelings, not feelings but actions! and it was so clear finally what this means. I am so grateful for the cleansing Bday I did have,and now I am ready to get beyond, ever so ready to do whatever God intendes for me to do so I can cut this final cord of what keeps me behind,and in so much pain off and on.
            I wanted to mention all this and tell you I am also practicing asking myself what are my intentions and reading Boundaries,and need find the Brene Brown book that not sold in stores,so need order online. I am excited for I can feel this pathway I am on so much more defined for me. So much more confidence coming my way when here radio program and hear your thoughts, all that are so unbelievable validating and supportive to relieve my head of old patterns of not being any good or even terible person for doing what is right.
            My sister text even downplayed and downgraded who I am and who God has me becoming,in that she doubted all I am,and “only hopes” that I become what I say of the Light…..that was how i knew she read my moms note and of course that I must know that I was brought into world ever so loved and nurtured into the beloved beautiful woman I am….so I leave this behind me now, and FOCUS on The Truths , God Word, and with intention of the Grace and Peace that God wants for me and you Colleen so much wish for me.
            Happy New Year for you also Colleen, Many Blessings in abundance, enjoy these precious moments at home this New Year holiday,and with all those loved so close with you.
            Thank you for endlessly inspiring me with this journey of keeping me focused on our Lord and His work unfolding so miracoulously even when it hurts so deep.
            With a full Heart,
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Happy New Year Colleen,So many best wishes for you today and all year!
            I will look forward to connecting this week,and hear how you are doing and how you enjoyed a hopefully restful and unwinding holiday.
            I wanted to mention something from today, i missed Christian book store again today, there was a distraction with a/c heating unit. I was going through my electric company for a 50.00 rebate /year to install their energy wise energy saving attachement that works primarily during summer months but they do install free of charge and give free gift in additon to the monies in rebate per year of 50.00. SO i questioned the customer care dept multiple times before i had made my decision …i asked many different individuals in this energy wise program whether it would effect my a/c heating unit outside and all had told me absolutiely not, it will not effect unit at all…..well i had it installed yesterday and all way through nite my unit was not working as normal. heat would not shut off but fan would keep running and blowing cold air continously until i manually reset thermostat off to on,etc, and still fan blowing cold air bringing my temp down in hosue. so finally with some effort this am was sent out one of their techinician n/c and they removed and it is working since it was removed back to its good condition of running cycles as thermastat has set,and turning off once fulfill that cycle of warmth…..I was told by tech that is what she would do,and best thing to do. She had said there is another brand of unit that this attachment effects thermastat,so I was grateful she so upfront with me about all information she shared. I am requesting they replace any damaged part of a/c unit which is only phyusical but where there was a hole made in top can effect the interior wiring of unit so have put in a damage claim with them, the customer care seemed very accomodating by phone . So i again did not make it to Christian book store for Bible my heart is set on. I did call them,they had two more minutes being open, and I was told that this “Womans one day Bible ” is filled with Bible of Old and New testament, Proverbs and Psalms for daily reading,it is not a “Bible for bringing to Church ” I was told…as it is not sequence of reading. SO I will go when have time this week and really take in what available and even if i buy this one,can always have the standard Bible for reference and for my reading . What i came to tell you is that with a/c Heating unit,and my beginning to cry initially before tech arrived as I did not know if any permanent damage created,all for trying save money and energy, that did not work, but I asked the Lord for guidance and do you know for the very first time ever, I heard LOUD AND CLEAR ONLY “WORDS, READ THE WORDS”. I still am in awe that that is what I heard in firm voice. So Now I am more than admament about getting this Bible and reading daily. I am belieivng more than ever that is the direction I have been guided and no more delay for it is all right before me. I remain Silent and now “Words” is what I am hearing. I have remained silent as intended by what is which I believe being guided to self care and healing ,and not to remove current boundary of silence, it is truly helping me in strength,and I look so much forward to meeting with my dr. in few weeks to expand on all we have discussed and how great this year is going to be for I will put all my energy and focus into catching up to where God has been guiding me for some time,although the “cord” I realize that has kept me behind is my family issues and those I have had in life that are of similar pattern of “punishing me” for taking good care of myself. I say NO MORE PUNISHMENT, and Learning boundaries is as you say so helpful ,and more to learn and read of God word,further getting as much of His word within my Heart so I can hear myself repeat in times I really need this comfort of God word in my heart,let it just be there like a song I know by heart.
            I have been able to catch up and breathe here this past day, Friday was wonderful sensation of what I had not had since Christmas,and this day Friday after New Years Day was even more restful relaxing day,even with one hard chair and channels 1-13 ,i sat by tree with lights and have found all my decorating had made me so comforted here in under construction mode ,so peaceful amongsst what has been truly flipped upside down, and I am not going take down trree until after next weekend,it still not dry where needles still alive and well on tree. I do look forward to getting photos to you soon.And I do hope you enjoy gift as soon as you return.
            With friendship and care of how you are today,
            With Grateful Heart,
            Sandra

          • My dearest Sandra,
            Oh the work you do continues to amaze me…your are a persevering soul and I know very few who try as hard as you do in this world. I also know with the trying and working comes many disappointments but what I see here is your ability to problem solve has grown tremendously. Before, this would have set you back for a long time; now you have bounced back….allowing yourself to feel the typical emotions that one feels when stuff doesn’t work as expected…but you didn’t stay there. You took it to Jesus and WOW, what a response. Amazing. I also want to mention something I have learned when having to wait or a delay comes my way. God is at work in all ways and sometimes what we have to wait on is not the object we think we are waiting on but for God as He is working in others in ways we can’t know. Perhaps the people who had to come out another time were part of His greater plan…He wanted them to meet you for a reason. Maybe or maybe not but I’ve learned to filter God’s apparent silence or quietness as His work in what I may never see or understand. Perhaps the individual you will meet at the Bookstore when you do go will be a divine appointment from Him…the person would not have been there were you to go when you planned but is present when God plans. Of course it’s normal to be so very irritated over life and house stuff; but if we can remember that God is always present, always working things in our lives and those of others together for a greater good, then it makes the irritations less powerful. I hope that makes sense. I’m very glad they did fix the problem and hope you have been able to get the Bible you wanted. You can also check Olive Tree, Gateway, and Bible Hub online for Bible readings until you can get the one you want. Great to hear from you my friend. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I so am so happy to connect with you. Thank you so much for the unwaivering belief in me and the Lord working with me so divinely as with us all. It is quite inspiriing. I seemed to have heard the guidance from this calling, and God everywhere with me, I just watched the “600 Club”, Christian broadcast on tv, just put on tv to check weather and there it was. Last nite I opened my calendar and “Choose to Believe God The Sum of Your word is Truth. Psalm 119-160”. “Your peace, soundness of mind, and effectiveness all depend on what you believe–and whom you believe. If what you feel, think, or hear ,does not agree with the Word of God, it is a lie. Don’t miss knowing your worth and purpose by belieivng lies of men or the musings of the mind.Choose to believe God.” Just a Moment With you, God, by Kay Arthur is day to day desk calendar. wow! I seem to be identifiying the cords i will call them that I have been in fog with not understanding nor knowing, God has shined the Light for me so I can see clearly this year beginning. I have a spot physically seems to be at liver where as soon as there is bondage it feels tight and stuck right there. I am doing all I believe God is guiding me here to refrain from those that bring this intense sensation of bondage. God first ,so I bring it to Him and pray for this to change, how to respond is my responsibility and how do I do this, and I pray for any individual that has not gone before God nor follows Him as guide.
            I look forward to connecting more. I have not been to the part of town where can pick up Bible yet, I sincerely am intending go there with the time I need to really absorb and look and select the one I wanted or another Bible that I am guided to . I still like the idea of one i saw but would like added time to really follow guidance there. I intend by this weekend. In meantime, I have been enlightened with God message of “word” before me, in mind and heart. I heard something on radio and I could not get out of car before I heard it, I wish I could recall right now, maybe later I will, all which we speak of, so validating so true,so real for me, it reminds me so very much that I am so okay.
            And I believe as you have stated so miraculously God work that He is working in all of us, and regarding the “will be a divine appointment by Him ” for any delay going to bookstore for Bible, it is all in God’s work taht this will be as intended for such a wonderful appointment by Him.
            I wanted to connect before need some groceries. I wanted to see how you are doing Colleen, have you been able to rest well this Holiday season, I hoped that Jon was well and your family well and embracing the time in gathering in your home as a true Blessing for God plan for you to have extra hands and for whatever He has in store for all of your during this time .
            I do hope too that you did receive your Christmas gift there or very soon a smile will develop in its presence, my intention. I continue to ask what is my intention with all and reading Boundaries,and awareness of others and those i have let into my space without good boundaries are all in process of changing, I wish to follow Jesus so fully on this new path I stepped upon with Him.
            I did want to mention God sent me a tree trimmer ,someone older and had been ill, sold all equipment some years back thinking going to die,and he survived, he sort of dapples now and at his age in a renewed tree service, small jobs and not about the money but more that he is still alive and wanting to be connected to what was the number one tree service back 12 years ago when he well. He charging me just under 200.00 where others estimated at least 600.00 to trim back large limbs away from house so prevent some squirrels jumping on and storm damage. Winter can bring wind and ice so I thinking for both reasons . He said he will come out Monday if no rain.
            I continue through projects here, with somewhat a better flow for after my Birthday I do feel I have better boundaries and with myself and God coming first for me and my following this calling. There is one thing as you mention some of the irritation I sense still upon me at times, not as severe as I can recall which I seem to be noticing within me,and I say who is that in me, more appeased i think is word.yes, I looked this word up and this is exactly the correct word for what i am describing. Appeased! it has all begun with my stepping away from those that i was guided as hurtful and bondage for me. With this I sense life flowing .I can only follow Jesus in belieivng this work is the life He is choosing to guide me. and as you say less irritations will be more natural with living this life here on Earth all for my eternal life with Him. I am far from perfect as you know too, I have so much to work through and processing so much that i do wish to perfect, a deep lack of forgiveness still for my mother issues, seemingly thought there was forgiveness although I do have irritation there for continue to not speak with her.It is placed aside for as you say God is working through all of us and no knowing what work He is doing here, but I know for certain in His timing and when He shows me the time, I will be ready to do whatever He guides me,for now He has me remaining silent and protected.
            Many Blessings today thought of for you and your family Colleen,and I do hope no ice storms for you ,stay warm and safe
            Best regards, I look forward to connecting again very soon. ps I still have Christmas tree up, so comforting in my space and I will keep another week.I will take copies of the photos i mentioned soon and mail to you.Have a really good day Colleen, safe and warm day if icey where you are in Texas.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            It is so good to hear from you! Your name makes me happy as I can see boundless growth in you. When we started writing, you were far more depressed, had a smaller voice, and interpreted other’s behaviors as your fault. Now, I hear a ‘Sandra’ who has grown in strength, joy, peace, freedom, and truth. You are doing exactly as God calls us to do…to trust Him in all things. He knows exactly where you mother is on every level and is working in you for the appointed time to talk with her. Please do not feel guilty for the boundary set; it’s set as a protection for you. And you have chosen to protect you which is another incredible strength growing in you. It’s never our job to “take care of” or assume we can “take care of” someone else’s emotional status or problems. It’s their choice and a responsibility we all have to make. You sound wonderful. I know the holidays were tough and your birthday was less than what you desired; but you made it through and THAT says so much about you. I’m so proud of and for you…stay the course. God bless that tree-trimmer…what a gift. I would love to see your creative work on the tree and whatever. I know it’s beautiful! Enjoy your weekend my friend. Such good news and good time to connect. Thanks for the update. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen.Thank you wholeheartedly for the warmth and kindness expressed. It means so much to me and our connection so directly through our Lord work which my words cannot begin describe the impact for me in most positive way I have ever experienced…in such a healthy caring way..my first true friend even.
            I think my 50th birthday being so excruciatingly painful at my core of lonliness and despair was amazingly God work for me at such a deep loving level of self….He allowed me thtough this amazing pain to see me so directly and for first time really say if nobody love me there is no more wait..I literally must love this tender vulnerable soul who screams at her very core self to be and know the truest unconditional love
            so it was me who needed step up and love me so truly from that day forward and accepting this as a cleansing and clean slate forward to no better time to as a New Year…I have not as difficult time as in past once I too related the physical sensation of bondage and how and what not my responsibility …to learn that I am not the terible person my family had me believing but such a loving sister, daughter..aunt who did all I could to speak truth to simply protect them from unhealthy wrongs abd wrongdoing andspeak my very truth …..which I am continously validated by God and you and my dr.that I did no wrong and I am not a bad terible person to feel so ashamed and unloved…I have my Heavenly Father….my very Shepherd to guide me and to love me so greatly…and who lead me to your shining grace and for my first time in my life by connecting with you Colleen experiencing what unconditional caring loving friendship and grace is.I am profoundly grateful. Your kindness is enormous.Thank you so very much.
            I will let you know how I am liking new Bible…the book store by telephone did hold me one for tomorrow I will pick up and the one on sale I was surprised for 9.99 is hard cover…the paperback was 19.99 that I first saw before Christmas so I was thrilled even better sale is a hard cover
            I hear squirrels and am being ever so patient until next week when tree trimmer coming out and catpenter too to repair where they beneath my shingles of roof..literally gap as lifted shingles so I leaving it to God as He will provide what I need to remedy this problem…
            part of it already underway next week with tree trimmer at jjustright price for me and willing to really help clean up and cut back as much limbs away from house as can while here for me .
            I will have so much to share by next week.
            Thank you again for your unwaiverimg support and truest of friendship
            With a grateful heart
            Sandra

          • Sandra,

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I am sad that your thoughts did not carry through with this note….somehow just my name appeared Sandra, and your wonderful thoughts not posted. I want to say your thoughts are like diamonds in the sand, and I so much enjoy opening each one to connect and process all you have expressed so well, shining and sparkling notes I think of when open.
            Thank you so much for all your thoughts today,and book recommendations too.
            I will let you know how it works out for cat. The gal from Fire Dept is in agreement to rescue her for me, now I just need find the best cost in vet care, the mobile vet will not take ferral cats as not enough space to care and if aggressive cannot care with mobile van. So I will be focused on affordable care this week,calling Humane society as you had suggested in past thoughts to see if they can guide me to a most local facilty for her care and my be able to manage.
            Best regards, and stay warm too.
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen. Oh my it was cold here…I slept toasty with sleeping bag and rice microwave heat pack until out of bed air and space cold…ac heat service called 7. am owner I trust did troubleshoot he said if fan as he had me put on works then not motor…techs that cane out looked and said motor bad and I said owner thought not motor and I askrd them to che k again…I called owner he said they put in his unit at home so know what doing here.. and after checking all they said it is working and do not know what wrong…no odor while here and heat on…..God either protecting me and unit will be okay or it just was overworked with cold nites??? And had rest last nite off …all I can do as they saud wad keep eye on it…I will feel very Blessed if all clear and okay witjout cost in the now.have a good morni g…I going absorb feeling heat…and unwind to warmth for a few minutes
            I will keep you posted
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Yes, do keep me posted. Sounds like the belt broke which is usually rubber and makes that awful smell. Hopefully it’s all fixed and you are warm and toasty in your home. Enjoy! Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I wanted to give you this update of tree trimming….how can it be really. it went well yesterday and today owner needed come back to finish what he left for he really retired and does not have the equipment anymore, but I did not know he would just be bringing ladder to job . I let it go thinking okay see what he finishes up today,and he left one limb for he cannot get to ,but end of branches he just reached with ladder are left simply broken off, and not what we discussed. He said just give him 50.00 for today, yesterdaty i gave him the 100.00 which was to be 200.00 job total with including what he now leaving undone,so I am going to give him the 50.00 and need find someone to finish what he left . He does not have equipment and I do not know why he would have agreed to remove a limb he cannot reach. So be it, so it is. I know God is working somehting here.
            I am happy with what he did in front of house. Those trees are trimmed back enough I bleieve where squirrels will not be hopefully getting in that side of house.
            Have a great day,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Hopefully he was able to secure any openings they may have crawled through…at least that could have been done. If the branches remain, we’ll tackle that if it becomes a problem but it sounds like he did a fairly decent job at protecting your place. That is good news. And yes, you are getting it…who knows what God has in the works. Much love my dear friend, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen.I will look at cd of Bible story of Job. Thank you for sharing..also I love your daughter has special place …I love your togetherness and wanting too to think of sharing her apartment color..It sounds so divine and soft settling ground ..I guess her and her husband is this and probably you have put alot of time and creativity in helping with this great sounding space. I can visusluze just enough space and a soft nice size sofa to fall into its embrace…this sounds so inviting. With trees I do believe cut back accept this one branch I speak of where think squirrels stay off house/roof…the final branch still need trim to be sure complete away from house…the carpenter supposed come here sat to seal up where squirrels last got in so this all coming together to deter squirrel traffic. Thank you for thoughts…and support with this and boundaries as well…today being pressed with self interest of Reiki Master and seemingly irritation building in me.and glad dr appt tomorrow to help too…I am really making changes but this lack of genuine support of my changes by someone who has been big part with Reiki healing is becoming fiercely sickening to me….I am doing all to remain focused and reading reading reading and do not want to become depressed for someone having so many more issues than I imagined and trying keep me the same. I am grateful for your support as there is alot of twists toward me thst claim I dispatched his care and other insane tjoughts from soneone professional in Reiki…like isvthis person real.I am sure you sense my irritation
            I am letting it go and handing over to God now and I already have asked God help for this person….as you always say we just never know what work God is doing and by us to be as well for others to be in working of God .
            Thank you again so much for sharing and caring support
            enjoy visiting apartment…sounds sweet and I also love that you agree with creating cedar chest as table painted…yes I will look for semi gloss this month.
            working on painting trim for to be put up on house where some decay and then gutters installed so on my list if creative joy …even if end of month or beginning feb.
            have a wonderful evening and stay warm Colleen.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            For this note, I want to speak to the issue of Reiki. Part of the reason people don’t change is for this very reason…there are losses that are a part of change. As much as you are growing and gaining in freedom and strength, you will also feel losses you never expected…this may be one of them. However, I learned during my years of growth and profound change that God had put certain people in my life for a reason and for a time. While I thought it would be forever or that the relationship was not conditional, it ended up to be limited and with conditions. I have grieved the loss…that being what I expected and the disappointment of the good that was present and over time, been able to settle with the fact that God brought people into my life during a certain time, for a certain purpose. I would not be where I am today without their support during the specific time in life when it was needed. While I expected the relationships to last longer, they didn’t. The hardest part of letting go is that you shared a very deep part of your life with someone and it can feel like that was taken without care…that you really never mattered. Don’t let your mind go to that place because the truth is, you both needed the support that was present at that time. Now you are in a different place…not better or worse considering the relationship and where it was… but different. You cannot give or receive the kind of support offered wanted because frankly, it compromises you and that is not an option. Some people stay in our lives for a long, long time; other’s are planned by God to be present when He knows we need it most. So we are thankful for His provisions; and are free to grieve the space that is vacant because they no longer can fulfill the kind of friendship you need. It took me years to understand that…I didn’t want to let go. Your truest friends will be the kind that love because they choose to love, not because they get something in return. The person you are having to release is unwilling to release you to be you and instead want you to be one who he can use when he chooses…that is not a friendship you want. So I cry with you my friend because I know the deep sting of loosing a friend you thought would stick by you. I’m so sorry…so very sorry. I thank God he was there when you needed a place to stay and help to make it; God provided. I wish I could give you a hug right now; instead I will pray that our Lord comforts you and bring to you those who will care without expectation. In His loving hands, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen….what an incredible note..I could feel your embrace and so grateful for your understanding and beautifully stated prayer to God ear for me…that is exactly what I am praying for too and I so much believe…my Dr could see too the connection I have within and how this comfort of believing in God faithfulness like never before and having let go the fear I have previously carried for me breaking ties that as you say too that God will bring the love that is not me first but so much unconditional loving relations that will go beyond with me…as I mentioned in earlier post that I cried in therapy about this…those that have not come forth with me most family , my x husband included and now a Reiki Master/friend I believed in. Honestly though Colleen our Lord has filled my soul and I have no fear as I would have in past but an awareness and God consciousness that us strenghth within I have not ever known and I believe wholeheartedly God is going provide . I am grieving yet so very excited with joy and what I think therapist called it a peace with my choices….pretty sure ..I know for certain she acknowleged a peace . That has been my goal and have work to do but so glad I feel this from much of my work knowing and connecting with you and strengthening my love by ultimately God shining His embrace and teaching of unconditional love He has for me and coming from you Colleen by our amazing Lord…our Shepherd.
            very touching note….Thank you so much
            from my heart
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            As I am reading through the notes you have written, I hear peace. Yes, there is so much loss in what you wanted and desired…for your family and those you have cared for to give back as healthy relationships are supposed to function. Letting go of the wishes and remembering all the work you did to try and attain their favor must be hard, sad, and so very disappointing…also confusing perhaps. When we come from a place of trying to please or gain relational connections by our behavior rather than by choice, there is most likely going to be a fall out. As you come to know who you are even more, you will choose who to trust…slowly but surely…new relationships will for that will be affirming, loving, supportive, and full of grace. And it will be by choice, not by you having to do a bunch of work to gain favor. How relieving that will be for you. Yes, there is sorrow mixed in with it all but there is also peace as you come to know who you are in Christ. And yes, how perfectly protected we are as He carries us through those stormy seasons. You are cherished! Colleen

          • Sandra

            Thank you so much for such lovely supportive thoughts Colleen, I was thinking of you today and here you are. It is always such a pleasure to connect and that you so truly care with genuine thoughts of interest and what is for my best interest. I return to see my dr in a few weeks, so this is and will be very good this year. I am tearful today,as you mention there is a great deal of sadness although there will be there is a wholehearted belief and faithfulness that exactly what you say here will be ever so true, a great relief will be instore for I will no longer need such a huge bunch of work to gain favor by me , God will simply provide, not to say relationships are not effortless,althougth I may be ever so surprised that I will no longer have the fight from another to be so loved and affirmed and supported as you say, wow that will be so very amazing to know from someone that will walk with me into eternal life as a significant other will come. Thank you for sharing as you always do Colleen, such amazing grace has shown me what is in store for me. And my dr. , she too is so positive for what will come, as she says I am healing to attract healthy relationship(s). I think today i was feeling down as I did not want to this year go there,but I keep the same effort of keeping the boudaries is exhausting and hurtful when still not being accepted by Reiki Master. I feel a stopage within me that i did not want to return for I need be strong that I do not need someone to micro manage/control me and my life and/or accept invitation to visit for lunch because i say i will be in town that day ,or time he looking for someone to stop by to fill his time open when I know that I most probably will feel sarcasm or mocking or some comment that is not going to support my direction of wellbeing.It brings me unneccessary anger building up with me for what seems like bullying and discouragement in what was is no longer what i belived a friendship .It is sad but I find this individual is destructive of love,and keeps at it like a hand in a swarm of bees if not happy with my saying no I will be in town but I have other things I need get done when he wants to say hello. I can say yes,this individual is very insecure and talk about it, but been there repeatedly and there is no acceptance of self there where i can be working with realty, and that hurts for me. so I understand why this individual cannot serve me well, as my needs have changed where I have ownership of myself by God work before me, His ownership of me is only One who has this as my Creator and all at His will not of my own. I am happy for the comfort you thoughts bring ,and i know that all will be okay. When I do not hear God guidance, I remain still and quiet,for He will connect with me when i least expect Him to shine His word and/or some connection to bring me His Light and Loving embrace. Thank you so much again for your thoughts and beautiful understanding.
            I have been doing alot of yard projects, trim was put up in front by carpenter although he left the nail heads for me to putty over and then i need sand and touch up with paint i had already painted. I have difficulty on ladder, he said he will do those i could not reach and need come back to pick up old trim that removed/rotten. I physically cannot do the higher trim in back of house as i thought ,which I was discouraged for it is just too high up and I do not want to take too much risk on ladder….we will see. That trim need just painting before i can have gutters installed.
            I know all will be okay. I will get some rest in between as I have done today, I just felt squashed and have rested to regain self again.
            Thank you so very much for recognizing the peace that has filled my heart recently, today just a blip in the process, I so much embrace and know the peaceful heart of “wholeheartedness” will return with the same power of God that I have welcomed, and each time it returns will become such an amazing continuous flow of Peace and Joy!!! That is where I wish to hang my hat for into eternity.
            I enjoyed connecting so very much. I hope the weather by you has been quite pleasant ,a small dose of Spring to come. And your daughter apartment visits good and enjoying this phase of her life as your daughter grows too.
            Many Blessings prayed for you and your familly,
            WIth Loving Grace
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I have several thoughts after reading your note. First, the house sounds like it’s coming along so well! I’m glad you have some help and it’s extremely wise NOT to climb on a tall ladder. When I first moved into my home, I was on an unstable chair trying to hang curtain rods in my son’s room…well, the chair went one way and I went the other and landed on my neck. My right side went numb for a bit and the neck injury sustained reminds me often to be more than cautious. So, you are much wiser than I in this area. Next, about your Reiki friend…because I don’t know all the communication that has happened, I’m wondering if you have spoken to him ‘from your gut’. Meaning, if you have said “I feel _____” when I am with you and that pushes me away from our friendship (or whatever feeling you have). When I started learning how to communicate my true self to others, I had to listen to my ‘gut’….which is really the Lord bring up in me what I need and can communicate in a relationship. I practiced this with some friends as I was cultivating this habit because I knew other’s couldn’t read my mind and the distance could be misinterpreted. Instead of silence, I chose to say “I feel uncomfortable when _____”, or “What I need for our friendship to work is ______”, and then it was their decision if the friendship was going to be one they found desirable. In all, it’s showing up as you are, expressing who you are and what you need, and letting the other person decide if that fits into their “friendship” direction. I hope that makes sense. And you may have already communicated that to him or others and there is a decision on their part to remain distant or not desire to change. That is painful when they decide since you don’t jump through hoops anymore (which is never our job in a friendship) to fill their empty places they prefer to walk away. I found it helpful to communicate where I was and then let them choose. Almost all previous friends walked away but that was time I took to the Lord and learned how to grieve and how to find hope in the midst of sorrow. Let me know if that makes sense. Finally, when you get the same message from several people…me, your therapist, so on about your positive growth, then you know you are headed in a good direction. And, there is a peace that God provides when we are aligned with Him as you are. Oh, and it’s to be expected to have days that are ‘blips’…some days we have to catch up with ourselves and that may mean we cry or need solitude or space or simply sleep and rest. It all is part of becoming which takes time. I am so very proud of you…I know only a handful of people who have remained as motivated as you are for growth. Stay in there friend…do some hobbies, painting, sewing, looking through antique shops, just resting as God continues to grow you into His beloved image. Much love for you my friend, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, Thank you for sharing your heartfelt thoughts with both friendship,communicating clear and what projects found to need caution in choosing. I did almost get up on high ladder as only one to do, but kept looking and hesitating greatly for fear of so risky. I do get up on chair pretty often too, it allows me to think more closely even with chair. I was on 12 foot ladder yesterday and wood shaky leg ladder , I need find the paitence for God has got this,and I will need let go until carpenter returns. I was anxious for rain in forecast coming and nails need putty to seal before can touch up, but it is actually interesting how I am saying with awareness, and grabbing my own attention that hey, God has this! let go even the anxiousness, for all will be taken care of. So as of today I need move away from this to something else,and rest as needed with acceptance that this all will take time. The friendshiip with Reiki Master as you have expressed was for a time for both of us met some needs that God provided and even x husband,other people, In these relations i mention i have found I was not heard when i speak of how i feel,nor when escalate to more than a year time of speaking what I needed and how my needs changed/developed. That is heartbreaking to say and hear me write ,however why therapy is so vital this year, to begin to attract someone /others who do hear me and acknowledge what i need. Is that not amazing! well, i had communicated the gut feeling with Reiki Master as others and it brings up a defense on the other persons part where i am to blame or I am either told do not be silly, or brushed off my feeling(my vulnerability!) or mocked at later time, of that is not what you wanted with sarcasm and lack of accepting my mention and it has been over a year i have made multiple remarks of wisdom,and the next hour or next day the same boundary pushed or acted on. So this year I lessened my response for what i have made so much effort to be heard of what i needed and still not heard loud and clear. I have become angry,still not heard loud and clear,but even thinking other things that i have not said for reason of distance and not understanding why i have been frustrated too. I certainly can continue to practice communicating for if there is a tone too soft? or as my dr has told me in past I have reinforced that with pressure I let go of what i needed and continue ,although this is no longer who I am to be.
            Yes, I understand this that so many do not listen to hear, and change or adapt to bringing a friend we thought we had forward. I am glad that you did share in your exerience there were more than one you needed bring to Lord your sorrow in letting go. That is so helpful to me to know, as it is so easy to believe in old messages inside head that I am not good enough for anyone. That is absolutely not the truth! God shines upon me this morning in His reminder that yesterday was a blip,today will pick up and continue my path of His grace and peace and truest of joy will fill me to share and have mutually shared with another and others so soon.
            Thank you for sharing and connecting with me on this sorrow and understanding so clearly the process of healing my heart and soul, and my house too!
            I will be keeping you posted.
            With Gratitude, Have an amazing day Colleen.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            This is another amazing note. From the time we started talking to now, you have cleared such a path of reflecting and listening to your own voice. Do you know how many people never learn to listen to their souls? Most rebound, respond without considering what is really going on inside, or they try to meet an expectation they have assumed the other person has…none of that works. But here, you said about the home… ‘God’s got this’…and how fabulous that is to let it go. Before you may have become stuck in a revolving pattern of worry, working yourself up because for most of your life, you had to be your own protector and provider. Now you know and have created the habit of mentally focusing upon God’s promises. What amazing integration of your life and faith…I think this is what we call ‘walking in the Spirit’…knowing, trusting, believing, and resting in His good will for us. There may be some leaks, there may be a mess; but in all, He may be allowing such to happen because there is someone He will bring to help clean up the place and that person will need your comfort or His touch in some way. Who knows His grand plan; we just need to keep remembering His ways are always right even if we are in a mess we couldn’t avoid. Also, I have to agree with your counselor that you have done PLENTY to communicate your needs and to continue to try would be futile if the response remains the same. You should not have to endure sarcasm or digs from anyone. Those who don’t want to listen, who have their own agenda and everyone is to cooperate is crazy making. I think you are on a good path…keep it all short and simple…and if there is any kind of dig made against you I would immediately hang up or walk away. It’s just not acceptable to treat another person like that. Since I didn’t know if you had tried that, I made the suggestion. I should have known you would have tried every avenue because you are incredibly determined and persistent to grow. Yes there is grief but there is power every time you step up for you in a respectful way. And it gets easier to do as you practice. You are created in God’s image, His daughter, His precious lamb…if people would remember those simple truths, I think most would pause before digging into someone but most just get mad and fly off. Just walk away and remember you belong to the King of Kings…and yes, He’s got you! = ) Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen.what a wonderful note.I am so inspired by your thoughts.thank you.and I love the greatest belonging known to the King of Kings, beautiful. Thank you so your unwavering comfort and support with wisdom and grace always. I am so happy you have observed and see me developing here and grateful you walking with me here and grateful today for amazing insight ,acknowlegement over what you have observed with my growth and truth.
            with Gratitude
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I thought of an example I had not communicated from gut but asked for Reiki friend to call before stop by. There were multiple times after my asking and even when I asked where I could have communicated how I feel about this because he would say that I did not pick up phone and he was concerned and wanted to check if I was okay, he would become then defensive and say in tone that okay you do not want me to check on you anymore. No that was not what i communicated, if I say that I am going to rest and be quiet that day then I needed to be in quiet , and I did not communicate well here. It continued awhile and I did remain silent when he showed up and he then became defensive that I was “distant” or unhappy with his presence, which was my frustration he did not call first as asked. With this thought, yes I can always practice better communication, and I am delighted that it was a thought that you shared for the insight has been with me this morning to better my communication where i may have let it be that someone can “mind read” in some areas. It is interesting just recently after about 7-9 months of asking, suddenly he does not show up without calling first and if i okay with that, and has stuck to this, so whether he finally acknwoledged or for he was deciding this not okay, he did stop,especially this last month with consistency. I will say Thank you whether either way, that is something very much need to acknowledge.
            Other times I do know that I simply am not heard for I did communicate it well, so I will be more conscious overall where to pay more attention.
            Also one of my favorite movies is “Fireproof”, yes, that is one I would like to hand out to so many as I did not have this happen in my marriage/friendship too, where communcation breaks down and I know I will ahve someday at God will a lasting friendship that understands Faith and follows through with me to other end of eternal life journey.
            Fireproof for me is popping up not only for marriage, as friendship in general there comes a time to put all into it or not under God, in Faith.
            Have a wonderful day COlleen, hope the weather is going to pass you , no ice storms,and safe travels for you today.
            With Gratitude,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Don’t second guess yourself. You have clearly communicated…it’s not complicated. He doesn’t WANT to get it or do what you have requested which is just flat out rude. The key to boundaries is consistency. Since you have made an extremely simple and socially respectful request, every time he shows up I suggest not answering the door. If you feel you need to answer, I would simply say… “I’m sorry that you chose to not call as I have asked once again…I am not able to speak with you and kindly request that you leave”…then shut the door. You may feel guilty or as if you “should” try harder…NOPE…you have done enough. Stick to your word and believe that its right and honor it fully. As you practice this discipline, you will find strength and dignity in yourself. Stay at it girlfriend. Enjoy today!

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen
            yes that is what I decided this weekend I would need not answer door if occurred. Thank you again for connecting and supportive insights…I will continue stay the course.
            girlfriend…I liked that.
            have a great day as well
            Sandra

          • Sandra….WAY TO GO!!!!! You got it!

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, second thought to tree trimming, is I am not going to pay him the 50.00 until he clean up the limb of tree he left simply broken off in back. I will pay him the 50.00 but not until at least he clean up what he has done. If he take entire limb off as I had asked then it would have been 100.00 today to be total work yesterday 100.00 and today 100.00 totaling 200.00. I do not think he will be happy but it is only right I gathering that he clean up what he did. I will let you know how that works out. I do not expect he going to be happy, but it is only fair what I am doing .
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I think that is a great idea…I hope he returned and completed his work as he said he would. I also want to mention you would have never set a boundary like this before…I am so OVER THE TOP proud of you. Way to go girl. You are doing such an incredible work and I’m thrilled for you! Let me know what happens. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen..you really are so great …so amazingly kind with me.Thank you so much for genuine and supportive thoughts…I cannot ever communicate the gratitude I have…….as you over the top thrilled for my truest efforts and acknowledgement of seeing the positive changes is so meaningful to me. Thank you.
            I did have my appt this morning with Dr. I am scheduled each month through May on appt book for now and intention to continue..I did cry alot for the recent pressure by Reiki Master and my increased awareness good but to give me hard time about something so good for me and another I need let go that will not be moving forward in my new life is difficult choice but necessary lessen contact where my relationship with God is being mocked and my positive changes being viewed as I am terible and blamed and guilt pinning for lessening those who I have really let control my life …in session we discussed alot of vulnerability and not having been vulnerable did not give me opportunity for good boundaries. I needed be vulnerable first. And learn take care of me. And we talked much of the past I was pleaser and the me first people attracted to me…so “relationally me vs. Me first people…”now I am bringing me into my life and will learn balance by “choices”. I am reiterating how I processed…I will read notes I read and update tomorrow ….I am so supported by you Colleen and my Dr…right now you are ultimately the two individual’s who truly care and supportive and kind hearted with me with tremendous wisdom and knowledge and tender gentle caring approach with me. I am so grateful to have two incredible woman in support of me. And God overall brilliant and I even shared with Dr.your website and what wonderful woman you are and how much our connection and friendship has comforted and helped me greatly . She was really supportive and happy for me .
            in regards to the tree trimmer he did not return..I called the arborist I thought more expensive but eventually he will come out and do cleanup and for 300.00 he said his guys clean up and get alot done in short time. Honestly Colleen I wish I simply hired him first…he is expert in taking care of trees by Clemson univ training. I actually liked his approach too..seemed honorable when walked through yard before I went with lesser cost retired man….I did learn by this. 300.00 is minimum charge come out and I have added to my list. I do believe squirrels not back in where had shingles lifted and I will find out sat hopefully by carpenter what they did structurally and if had been in attic or not.I will keep you informed
            Thank you for connecting..I am on a very good path..and eveny Dr. Noticed my new strenghth or consciousness of self care amd making the choices for my wellbeing…Thank you so much for cheering me on Colleen
            goodnite With tremendous gratitude
            Sandra….

          • Sandra,
            You have no idea how excited I am over this note! I am so happy to know your therapist found your growth and development to be fantastic, that you were affirmed, that there was a recognition of your tremendous desire for setting boundaries and being wise in choosing who you trust and relate to. You have done the most incredible job at pursuing your health…in many way not just emotionally. The fact that you are cultivating hobbies, interests, and enjoying life more than ever is wonderful. While there are some relational challenges and still deep pain, you are choosing to move forward and that is such a brave, courageous, and mature habit to cultivate. You have waited to see the therapist…I can only imagine how incredibly delightful the time was for her to see your growth. I am so sorry there is pain in growth…but it’s pain you are releasing which will not last forever. Let it surface, cry and work through it, and then it will dissipate. You no longer have to carry the burdens of sorrow and your joy will only grow greater and greater. I am so proud for you and with you. Sorry my response was delayed…it is great to connect today. Much love, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I wanted to say that you are an incredible individual, an amazing woman and someone who has become dear to me and my heart and soul. So tremendous! Thank you beyond these words and I wanted you to know this.
            I am crying as you shared and it seems natural now for today to let this all go that is pain and growth and will dissipate for tomorrow.
            Job seems to keep coming up every where i turn or glance, since you had mentioned how much the Book of Job had supported, comforted and inspired you through great challenge. I wanted to share with you this from my dailly calendar the other day,and one of my very favorites “The Lord is Merciful”, “We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful. James 5:11” “Grace calls you to get up, to throw off your blanket of hopelessness,and to move on through life in faith. And what grace calls you to, grace provides. Grace is power.” (from Jan 18, “Just a Moment with You,God”, by Kay Arthur).
            I thought i read somewhere while going through James??? regarding not ever being wrong in our doing with the Lord??? I am sorry I cannot remember what it was I read that I wanted to share,or from where i read it!!! It may have been in Boundaries book? I will comment further when i can gather what i had read and where, for I wanted to share as it was so appropo to my experience in creating healthier boundaries and how others may press that i doing so wrong.
            I wanted to also say that I am going let go what i cannot do here and not feel so helpless if I do not feel safe on ladder so high . I know God is going to provide ,and I need let go and see how He intends this project to be completed for me and my safety here.
            I am so happy we connected today, and I am truly so very excited when we connect in where my journey is taking me, where and what God has instore for me here is going to be truly tremendous. That is my inspiritation!,
            Have a very restful evening,
            With Gratitude,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            What profound words you shared from Kay Author’s writing…to THROW OFF hopelessness. How I needed to hear those words today. Trying to adjust to the quietness of my home with the kids gone and some work with Jon has some grief mixed into it all. For 22 years I have lived with my priority of mothering my children and now that they are on their own in many ways (even changes with Jon who is growing up) is requiring an adjustment in my focus. For us all who endeavor to live life fully, change and letting go and embracing new directions continues for us all. Just as you are experiencing these adjustments from living in one direction for many years, so I am involved in a changing process…while different in those involved and levels of pain, change is what we do when God works in us. In all, there can be moments of hopelessness which is why we need other’s to speak truth as you have here. Thank you for sharing the quote and I am clinging to it today. Isn’t it wonderful how God provides just the message He knows we need to hear at the right moment. Thank you. I hope today is restful, peaceful, and calming to your soul. Your friend, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen.Thank you for sharing that this was what you needed today and yes how God provides …the very miracle of His presence through all of us for each I f us. I am happy to know and your expressing this brings me fulfillment in that I was a vehicle in delivering the message of hope and comfort and direction. I know your home went from full house literally to absence and this time of year too after holidays can be filled with incredible new beginnings. I can see this time as an adjustment and I can see it as God providing what may at first seem uncomfortable at different levels from who has been right beside you for your fullest of attention to every detail of care and love, in this case your dearest of dear ones, your very own children but I see an expansion of how these very loving relationships will be evolving for greater enrichment and growth over time stronger and a renewed focus of self and selfcare and what it is God will be delivering you in guidance and direction. I never had children although I have mentioned the one dog english setter Ihad now 4 years since he passed was then my primary focus.although different and he on the other side…..it is still the grief with different perspective of what purpose waits for you at home. This sole giving of attention /purpose for your children may quiet for your children independence adjustment for a time although will rise again as their lives begin to where I wholeheartedly believe that your relationship and bond so loving that will evolve closer and in renewed enriching way.I look forward to hearing how you are guided and what will develop in your heart and home and renewed connections that will help soothe in that so much similar experiences with children remind you they still very much need and are comforted by the connection you all hold dearly and so much deeper as as a unit are simultaneously evolving …initially and over time . I embrace your thoughts and hoping I have delivered as tender petspective as you would have for me.
            with Gratitude for our friendship so real and true and how God provides each of us through our connection
            from my Heart and a hug your way. May you be guided to what will be so inspiring and soothing for you in this process of renewal and evolving.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Yes, your words are so comforting today. Even I have down days where I dip a bit and the Lord lifts my spirits…though messages like this and ways only He can provide. We’re in this together. = ) Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen.I am glad for you found this comforting. God delivered! Embrace with His blanket around you today and all will be as little Christmas surprises without a doubt for you..it will take your feelings to renewed hope.I look forward to hearing what God delivers .
            there are always grandchildren …lol…God has rest before they will fill your home.
            so many Blessings wished for you and your family .
            With best regards of Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen…something came to thought that maybe you will be teaching more during this time as you truly are so gifted with our Lord word and work…truly amazing and ever so inspiring to me and I know to so many…may you find the comfort near you today. I am glad we connected today. And I wanted share that for my comfort after holidays I did keep my tree up still…at nitetime the lights still add toy space filling it with the peace of comfort. I will need replace with something that brings me the same soft visual effect and soothing my soul same time. I intend bringing tree outdoors for birds by woods here but no rush..it is not dry yet and there is no rush.
            may you find your day fill with comfort.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            That is so interesting because we did keep a small, lit tree (purchased, not real) which sits in my kitchen and stays lit all the time. I said to my husband that the lights were comforting and we could hand things on it for each month…February will be love notes and hearts, March and April probably celebrating Easter and so on. It’s so comforting to see it and Jon gets up at night sometimes so it keeps him safe and comforted too. That’s cool. Also, I do love to speak and teach which is something I have not done much of in recent years due to time and family needs. Insight for Living is getting ready to publish a book…it’s actually a compilation of blogs I have written so I guess you could say it’s my first book. My hope is that it encourages people through any kind of challenge, difficulty, suffering, or just confusion about why God allowed pain into their lives and now seems like He’s not there to help. There are so many things about my life personally that have forced me to SEEK for God with my whole being…painful times that I don’t have words for. That being said, I do love to write, study, learn, and teach so maybe that will come about sometime. If not, I am content knowing God’s got me like He’s got us all…and He is always faithful. Thanks for your wonderful words of comfort, reflection and care. You are a treasure. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, wow that is amazing , you as well have kept a little lit tree, another similarity between us. I love that idea that you and your husband share in creating something special for each and every month,and the love notes and hearts, i can think of psalms and God word for another month? not sure which one but how wonderful is that! and it keeps Jon safe with some hint of light for walking at night hour and comforted in his own being at nite. wow,yes that is really awesome!
            Thank you so much for sharing that. I think too I will get a not real type tree that may be a artifical branch cluster or plant that i can place the white light on for continuing in my space. I kind of like the branch idea ,I have seen so many at Hobby Lobby and TJmaxx stores,and online too ,interesting idea.
            I am so proud of you Colleen and with your book you have mentioned.wow. That is truly great, an author! And I understand your being without words for pain you have endured, that is the deepest kind of hurt . I embrace you for what that is and knowing fully what that feels like and to not have words for. It is your work and wisdom that does so inspire me, so God as you always have expressed that God created you to be who you are and amazing in the way He has, sometimes painful and without understanding,but to bring us closer to the One, and He did call upon you with this journey intended, so much kindness, grace and wisdom, compassion, empathy that i have not ever experienced by another truly. As you say God has us all and keeping us connected for His purpose of provision. Pretty cool. I am excited about your book for that will be in time. And if you read my note on the garden, my thought was afterward that I can see you with a harvest overfloweth and in baskets for your daughter and family members to have in abundance a crop of veggies that save all money too, I can visualize your daughter and you with this project of garden to help all, and connect in planning. This may not be what will work with schedules by you,and proximity of living, but I can visualize it ever so well that is what i can see. Baskets lined up ready for pickup…lol. and connecting in the creation and harvest on your property. I am a dreamer…lol….it seems like a really sweet dream for me to see and I hope you enjoy as well. One never knows too, it may be true some day.
            And I love your thoughts that remarkable contentness that I have just learned to know, such a small glimpse of it I have learned, and isnt that what it truly is all about. Amazing content peace we find within by I guess the Holy Spirit in us, God is always Faithful is and has been an incredible journey in sharing with you Colleen, little blips as you say here and there, and then the very next page is His amazing grace with presence that keeps our heart and souls ever so comforted.
            I am glad we connected today, and I will keep you in my prayer for Blessings always,
            With joy to connect to someone so precious and kind,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You are right…what powerful words…HE has called “you” to this journey. Sometimes we think life happens to us when in fact, He calls us to live it fully with Him and in His strength. I love those thoughts. And thank you for your incredible empathy…there is no way to understand another’s pain unless they have experienced deep pain. I have often related it to giving birth…it’s one thing to go to those natural birthing classes and pretend to ‘breathe through’ a contraction; but when in labor and one puts you on the roof, breathing isn’t quite so easy! So you get it and I thank you for your words of comfort. I don’t have as much land now so having a big garden isn’t possible but a small one is good and we love the fresh taste and good health it brings. Have you seen on line those indoor hot houses? It’s like a little mini hot house where you can put the plants that need the heat and moisture even when it’s not so warm outside. They look really great and it keeps the critters out. Speaking of, how is the critter situation? I hope you have had help and have kept off the ladders and chairs! Take care of you first, the animals can wait! Much love and appreciation. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, It is good to connect. another similarity we have, I was thinking about a green house/hot house at some point, what a wonderful way too to place some tender summer plants so to over winter protect and be able to have when Spring comes again.
            I am so glad that my words have been comforting and meaningful for you too. I love my new Bible and am being drawn to read and read and read so it becomes a part of me,and who I am so deeply. I cannot say I have given birth, more in later life curious how it is too late but within feels like oh, if I meet someone we can make a beautiful child, not a yearning but would wonder about that I think with the truest love that will come my way, although God has that all planned where there may be an older child of who I will meet at my age. For now my wish is simple and true,to have and hold in marriage someone, and if there will be family attached at God will,that will be.
            For now, I cannot imagine the natural process and you certainly are commended by me for that experience, wow!!! I do believe it was a very good and well understood example for me regardless of my experience of giving birth. I know literally the emotional pain of “giving birth” to me was probably as exhausting and sometimes as deeply agonizing of endurance and “pain”. So somehow I understand the example.
            I almost got upon ladder today Colleen, it began to rain as I headed out,and wanted to cover nail heads before rain, but did not. I am hoping that carpenter is well to come by tomorrow. I know he was at the hospital for precaution this morning when I spoke with him to see how he was feeling and whether he was up to stopping by to cover nail heads, he said the dr. was testing for blood clot from his history of having one in past and on blood thinners, so precaution test to be sure is what is happening there. I did tell him I would say a prayer for him, with all good intention he be well. I am not sure yet of squirrel activity,two nites in row i heard what was pattern sound of them although I could not identify attic or crawl space. Carpenter was going to check around house and roof for me ,although this also on hold for now.
            I know you will have read my other notes of I may need locate a back up for helping,and that is exactly what God may be intending for me, maybe someone less expensive? whatever it is I know He has a plan in this. a good intention for me here.
            Have a wonderful afternoon and weekend Colleen, and Thank you for your kindness and all of your grace. I heard soemthing on Christian radio this morning, that God wants us to rest and be rested so that when people look at us, they will see Jesus Christ within us . That told me yes, I do need some rest ,and working on that here for remainder of today and intention for low key weekend.
            I wish you the same Blessing,
            From my heart and soul,gratitude for our connection
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, one other thing come to mind regarding the light, I have been actually given at Christmas by Reiki Master friend a nite lite from Lowes that you can plug into wall and image is on ceiling, mine is ocean with coral reef and fish swimming in deep water of ocean. it does comfort me as I thought of Jon when you mentioned he as well found comfort with getting up at nite with tree you have lit. I wanted to share as it really has just enough light in bedroom and comforting image. I know they have different options. That was a gift that I did appreciate from friend ,I believe he had good intention with this kind of thougth? to create comfort in my atmosphere here. I did acknowledge that was thoughtful and I found so comforting to look up at fish on ceiing,bright color and yet soft light.
            Do you ever speak or teach on the cruise your Dad offers?That seems so amazing too.
            There was one other movie I also wanted to share, I just viewed yesterday, I think you will enjoy. It is “Twist of Faith”. It is a story I found on netflix, quite tragic of a twist in an Orthodox Jewish NY mans life, he finds himself comforted in Alabama I think it was Alabama, where a Baptist Church that took him in as he wandered with backpack, he landed where God delivered him….interesting movie . surely a tragic twist of life,but in the end He was delivered by God where he would be ,and be comforted and endure beyond what happened.
            I will look forward to connecting again soon.
            With Gratitude for our friendship – your warmth, wisdom and insight.take good care this evening, tomorrow
            “And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.Phiippians 4:19”, “Just a Moment with you God, Kay Arthur”.
            This reminds me of what i was thinking earlier today about your inspiring others and my relating it to Christmas, if we all had the compassion and empathy ,wisdom, grace and insight you do Colleen, every day would be living Christ-mas. Maybe with our trees it is symbolic of Christ-mas in our every day as the tree is filled with Light and Love and continues to Shine and comfort.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I cannot believe this but my husband got one for Jon last year…a little light that has a world globe on it so he can see the different states. He loves it. I think I have seen the movie you mentioned but I’ll check, it sounds great. Thankful for your friendship too. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I love that, is that not wonderful!!! I am so glad that Jon has this, how wonderful! It may be the same, the one I have is called “Projectables”,and I have tropical. I have not seen this until now and just love the comfort it brings, so that is so terific that Jon has one ,I can relate to the comfort and joy it brings. And how educational for him too, like an adventure every time he looks up at the ceiling, imagination and dreams come true. yes, this movie too was really heartwarming.
            Enjoy your afternoon.
            Stay warm and in His comfort there.
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I do not believe I told you about my gardening project. I had researched and read that to begin a no til garden, no equipment necessary, DrMercola.com has great article on using wood chips ,simply placing on top soil and wood chips decay and naturally create the good earth/soil for garden/crop. So I had found tree services will deliver at no charge as they routinely pay to dump the chips and debri, so with a small tree cut down i saw outside my property i asked for the chips to be delieverd. I had the wood chips placed where i could take wheel barrel and shovel up and bring into what is side but appears like a back yard for me here. I have the section that temporarily using large paver bricks found here to outline and almost have area filled with wood chips layer of about 6-8 inches i think . and my arm so sore, it has been injured for some time with caulking and taking up floor is when began injury, but i take some back to garden area each day, yesterday excluded from some days in a row. My intention is to be self sufficient as possible with vegetable garden, and I look forward to planting herb perennial and perennials intermixed where I have read those plants that they keep out pests if in garden, and even for fun plant sunflowers out there too. I will then put up fence as i have woods here and dear come through and fox and racoons, so will be sure to do what i can to keep veggies all good to eat. I wanted to share as it is such a wonderful time of year for us as enjoying the outdoors and nature, being close to God creation and life growing before us from seed, kind of parallel to our lives really. I look forward to this time for develooping/planning a garden. My intention is to have kale,brocolli, eggplant, cucumbers, i am not as much a tomatoe person, so some other items,like even garlic and onions, and I know i am leaving out alot, organic zuchhini, sweet potatoes, some root veggies? organic beets or carrot or parsnip? I will need to check how long article said that it will take for wood chips to decompose for earth be set and soil ready for planting. I hopeful I can still have some garden this summer even if need begin plants in pots before can get into ground, so it may be a fall crop???? harvest time! I was hoping sooner but have first step wood chips now accomplished.
            It will be fun to make a scarecrow and pans out there to clang away an intruders too.
            Enjoy your afternoon.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            OH MY GOSH….I LOVE to garden…this is so cool!!! Yes, I have read on it, probably not like you have but have grown a lot of organic plants. This past summer it was so funny because I grew okra in my front yard. The plants were tiny, itty-bitty in fact so I thought, how big could they get really…just put them there by the rosemary, onions, and other small veges. Well, they grew…and GREW…and GREW until I couldn’t reach the tops. It was a bit embarrassing but they were totally delicious. I would love to know what sites you find that are helpful. There is one gardening site and podcast I’ll look up that is fantastic. The hardest part about Texas is the soil stinks for some of this and it’s so hot in the summer. I used to have a tiller until it broke from use, used compost and did a bunch of stuff like that. I can’t wait to hear what you plant and grow. That is fabulous. Enjoy and keep sharing. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen.I wanted say Thank you for the heartfelt grin by your sharing okra grew and grew and grew…sow and you did reap..lol…I thoroughly enjoyed this ecperience of growing okra at front of your home..I will be smiling of this joy and fun you had
            much love
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen. I had another thought thinking of pic I took page from magazine with small boxwood plants rounded and in planter at each side of doorway….my further thought was would it be so inviting and welcoming home to see them with white lights.with warm glow..adding on my dream list. have a good evening Colleen
            goodnite
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            That is a beautiful thought. Do you do Pinterest? It could make one a bit crazy with all that’s there but they do have some good ideas. So does Better Homes and Gardens and HGTV…home shows are some of our favorites…so many great ideas. Have a blessed weekend. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Colleen, yes I have googled and Pinterest comes up and I love browsing all the beautiful decorating I find. yes there is alot,but during those times I am ready to browse so continously it is unending joy it brings me,and great ideas. I love home and garden shows too, right now have not seen as many as i have channels 1-13, the shows I always have enjoyed are the before and after , I honestly would love to contact one of these shows to come help revitalize /restore the pieces that need be repaired here, sometimes they have entrees to win.
            Thank you for sharing, and you as well have a very Blessed weekend Colleen, i know you will have so many little surprises by you that you will know you are so Blessed and be a peaceful weekend.
            Happy Planting! even in a tiny itsy bitsy place/space like the okra…lol….what tremendous joy that little seed brought and delicious too. Enjoy nature and earth, Spring to come soon will be creating every blossom. I wonder by you if cherry trees are there and probably in next few weeks beyond storms they will bloom by you?
            Enjoy your weekend there, stay warm until Spring for certain does blossom.
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I hope you are doing well today and finding your day inspirational and comfort surrounding you today.
            I thought of you at the Christian book store today and I picked up a 50% off sale item advent table calendar book,hard cover bound at top and colorful with opening up and over to read each day verse for next Christmas! just beautiful filled with each day an inspiriation of His word during December month . The page I opened to reminded me of our thought with keeping a tree lit for comfort and joy. It is this page, “Enjoy The LIghts”. ” I am the Light of the world. Whoever follows Me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.John 8:12″. (page of December 18 ,”A Time for Joy advent calendar””Countdown to Christmas with this unique tabletop devotional”, by Dayspring.
            I did have completion of root canal today, glad complete! again costly, God does have a plan for me as all of us. And squirrels are in house/attic i believe, i have been up two nites with their activity during early hours, and carpenter injured his knee so he not able to come back today as intended to wood fill nail heads of trim work before rain tonite into tomorrow and unable to look where I cannot see by chimney where squirrrels came in??? It is a mystery as I cannot find any opening at ground level. He by telephone thought they may have been what caused a/c heating unit to shut down with burnign smell that day , even though ac heating company did not locate a squirrel, it is possible as that morning i heard the squeel of a squirrel just before the a/c heating unit smelled so terible like burning rubber…I need keep going here, so again I am handing all over to our Almighty amazing Lord, and be faithful in His care in providing all. I still may need a little cry later of being exhausted today but have a new Bible and lots of reading that will nurture me.
            I did want to mention the One Day Bible did not work for me, it was very confusing and I found the fact it was out of cronological order too confusing and wanting to continue reading for example James and it jumped to Matthew and then I needed to locate reading of James on another day. So I realized gratefully that this type of Bible I believe is for after truly reading the entire Bible and knowing its chronological order and maybe not for everyone this One Day BIble. The Christian BOok store kindly exchanged me and I picked up the Tinsdale NIV Bible with Christ words in red,and I am beleving this is exactly what I was seeking and pleasing to me. I am inspired I have Christ word to connect with in red and the word before me that I can read and process. Now I can go direct to James, Job, etc.and feel more comfortable with that.
            I am grateful Christian Book Store so accomodating for me.
            I look forward to connecting with you soon.
            Have a fulfilling weekend ,giving yourself this time to embrace the changes wholeheartedly and taking good care of you. I look forward to hearing what new creative projects you are creating.I thought of your joy of making those little paper bound photo journals and how precious a time to go through and make another for your daughter, like the one you made for her wedding. This was in my thoughts today, and do you watch American Idol! I do not watch alot of tv but this is one program that i truly enjoy so much, so much talent this year in the mix.
            With best regards,
            Sandra.

          • Sandra,
            Well shoot…I wish the little animals that are getting in would have their final day and be shut out but as you have said, all in God’s time. If you have a washer or dryer hose, sometimes they can crawl into their as it’s warm and cozy but IN your space. I’m so sorry you are having to endure that but you are indeed enduring well. Maybe some earphones with quiet music would help during those long nights when they DO NOT SLEEP! I’m thrilled to hear about the Bible. I do love red letter editions because seeing Christ’s words jump off the page in bright red is wonderful. And it’s great to know they worked with you…another blessing to be so thankful for and I might add, a revelation of your character because it doesn’t always happen that way. Usually, simple kindness goes a long way and that you are! I will wait to hear what passages have meant a lot to you as you read and if you have questions, ask away. I love the study of our scriptures…timeless and always true. Have a blessed afternoon and peaceful weekend. Your dear friend, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I will for certain be sharing my readings with you,and look forward to connecting on my Bible readings that i am really excited with. Yes, I have the same thoughts of Christ words in red, so wonderful to share this similarity.
            I like the idea of earphones for those nites that i cannot determine where these critters are, and sleep so much more vital and important for me , I would love to learn more of what you speak of regarding “podcasts” and other ways to not use data from phone maybe that i can rest and listen and when sleeping have the quietest connection to sounds, perhaps nature sounds. They do sell those natural sounds, like rain, and thunderstorm that are background noise without earphones too. I was considering that for it is at the Inn I stay at in Hot Springs when visit, each room old connecting doors that are locked but noise very much travels room to room,so they have these for personal sense of quiet in rooms, and adjust to how loud and what is most soothing. That is something i will need remember to look into and the headphones too for when even sitting still awake would like to listen to something as you have always mentioned. Christian programs and music too,
            Thank you for listening so carefully,and being such a gift of friendship .
            Many Blessings for you and your family, and Thank you for your kindest thoughts of who I am. I am most grateful and happy.
            With Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Couple things…I hope you have not gotten up on that ladder girl! I know it’s driving you nuts and if it were me, I probably would have already so I totally get it. However, I would prefer to have you safe than sorry and have to deal with another hard thing. Also, the podcast idea comes from the app selections with either an android, apple, or goggle chrome system. There is also Pandora, a free music app that you can download. I just go to iTunes and search “Podcasts”…actually it’s an app on my phone already. Then in the podcast section, you can search for what you want…like “calming music”, “instrumental music”, “yoga” or “spa” music…so on. Then, it will show you all the selections, you can check them out and hit ‘subscribe’ to the ones you want. They update when you select in the podcast settings. You can also get podcasts like “Insight for Living” has a podcast for my interviews as well as the broadcast which I often listen to while commuting. So there are a variety of ways to get info without having to have a public account. I hope that helps. Oh, and if you are at home, then you don’t have to stream them which is using data…if your phone can connect to the internet, then you can use your internet service provider at home and they will play. Very cool since the data thing can get very expensive. I hope you are staying warm as the east coast is being hit with a huge storm…praying you are safe and secure. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I wanted to share a thought I had on roadway where i was stopped behind a schoolbus dropping off younger aged children to a day center and community center next to it. I sat there watching these tender precious little children, and with background watching and wondering how any individual could ever harm someone so young and precious, let alone anyone in general. I then thought that God had a different plan for how he created my journey in my learning the developmental stages that needed through healing and by age of 50 just realizing ,not yearning, a simple awareness of how sweet of a mom I think I would have been. I am very encouraging. I would not have enjoyed the social part of mothering with school system, other mothers that may not be as welcoming to me, and/or all the things that a mother would do in the community for her children. I am not sure about all of that, although my thought came to how remarkable my thoughts were of you! And ultimately what I wished to share here. It was you Colleen who I believe was one of the greatest mothers for your children, understanding and providing the nurturing and care with God conscious approach, how you speak with Jon “what would Jesus say about this”. etc. I am pretty well certain that this focus on you and of course your husband too and what you gave your daughter and all of your children is the greatest gift ,a foundation that is so precious and supportive and for each to have those wings where they know you are still there and yet they are able to function so well in the world with what YOU and Your Husband have provided so incredibly well. That is something I think rare and something to know that is pretty special and to acknowledge that you did an unbelievable job at parenting! I just thought wow, that I need to share as for me that would be the encouragement that I extend for you there with your daughter now in her apartment and growing into her independence that you so finely and gracefully created her to have through God guidance ,through Him the care by you and through you to her the ways that have provided such an incredible foundation of God, self and Home. This is so amazing to me and I hope that this comforts you in a perspective that you really are already aware and knowing there is so much love and care in your family. What a great inspiration for me to have this awareness today. and celebrate the great work that you have provided for your children.
            May you have a weekend filled with so many Blessings, around each and every corner of life moving forward,
            WIth Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You are the most encouraging person I know…honestly and truly. There is so much I cannot say publicly about my history but it has not always been as strong and grounded as it is now. And, there’s much room for improvement still. However, who my kids are today is really a result of God’s miraculous work in our lives. We are very broken and have sought help through extremely gifted, wise therapists and programs to learn how not to be so messed up. I mad many, many mistakes and failed a lot! But, it was the desire to grow that kept me pushing forward; sometimes that led to being all alone or betrayed but so be it. For these reasons, I do understand much of your path…because I’ve walked a similar growth path and am still on it. Though our experiences may be different in ways, the reality that I didn’t start to learn a lot until I was in my 30’s means age doesn’t matter…it’s our relationship with Jesus Christ, how we honor Him and reflect His work in and through us that matters. God is timeless, we are limited…that’s what you may see. It’s that God has and continues to do a profound work in my life just as He does in yours and in anyone who chooses to submit to His work, His way. It can be beyond difficult as you well know, but when you become aware of the need for change, I believe one must take responsibility and move forward in obedience…otherwise, we say “no” to what God is doing in our lives. Saying “no” to God is not a good idea I’ve learned so I simply try to do the best I can in whatever circumstances He may allow, asking for Him to light my way. If I had not been so broken Sandra, I would have never known how to walk with you through your change process, I would be far more judgmental, proud, and self focused. But it’s been the most painful things that have also been the most soul changing as well. They go hand in hand. This is why I know you are walking with Christ…just watching and being a part of His work is an honor I will never forget. I am so thankful and humbled that He has allowed us to connect and continually blesses the work being done. Sorry for rambling, suffice it to say, thank you…my family has and is a work in progress which is okay. It’s incredible walking with you as you grow, thank you for allowing me the honor. Stay warm. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I feel so connected with you through your expression,as if we lived a same truth. When you say you found beginning learn in 30’s is when it began for me what i thought i had no issue pressing on with blocking out all around me really,just married without realization of who I truly was and what I had been carrying with me, suddenly diagnosed with PTSD after what was an emotional breakdown I lived out emotionally alone as my xhusband had said we had a business relationship and did not have acceptance or understanding for anything but pressing on,God Bless him now for he understood for lack of security of his own,and I understand he speaks so highly of me as he finally saw my strength of courage homeless and still pressing on….that 30-35 age was the beginning of unraveling and then always when i thought I had healed ,life unraveled further after 45 that hit like a brick wall what i guess I had been avoiding my calling and God said hey, I need to work in you and create this of who I am. I can honestly say it am happy that it did all happen as it did now that it is bringing me so close to our Lord and through you and your genuine character created by Him to be on my path for the inspiriation and friendship I did need, He provided. The one thing that truly is rare is what you have mentioned in truth and so real and deep within me, is your saying” it was the desire to grow that kept me pushing forward; sometimes that led to being all alone or betrayed but so be it”. I have no words how that feeling of that is so much a part of who I am within my very soul essence.wow. I cannot think of any other word.wow. someone truly knows what that is. I am happy to be drawn to you by God and He provided you as a great example for inspiration and acceptance of what this is ,such a very powerful thread we once again share. Thank you for sharing and encouraging by understanding and wisdom and grace.
            Best regards, With much Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Hello my dear one. It’s been far too long. I did see your note from yesterday and will reply but I want to catch up on your other notes first. I’m thrilled to connect again and hope you are doing well and that the home repairs are coming along. I’ll be in touch. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I am thinking of you in Texas! i heard something on the radio a short while ago, Proverb 22:6 and yes I thought of you and your family. I thought how cool is that, a continuation of my heartfelt thought yesterday. Amazing. I celebrate you with this for your family you have created so well.

            Proverbs 22:6 New International Version

            Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

            Reference: biblehub
            I also was at a farm store where a young girl, only very early 20’s in age has been in Africa already serving as a teacher,and she will return this summer . It occured to me that i would tell her to look up Insight for Living,and Special Needs and all the interviews that are amazing that you have completed and what coming too. She actually knew of Joni and her husband, and I told her there is an incredible interview you have of them on your site. She was so thrilled and will look up with great interest. I also told her look for Pure Ministries interview with Mr Glover? and Patsy Clairmont? i told her Patsy simply a joy to listen to, so inspiring. I was so happy to share such delightful experience that i have had with you and the resources available on your site and your Dad’s. I know this gal will really enjoy. I told her about your Dad mission to teach those that are sent all over the world to start a Ministry and I saw her interest peak and she was very interested in learning more about Insight for Living and Special Needs. I was thrilled to share for i knew she will enjoy tremendously, like a diamond in the sand finding an entire website of resources and wisdom, and my gut told me she may become involved at some level? It was just a sense of knowing who she is and how young starting out with missions to teach, these resources I thought may be so helpful to be aware of for her interest of exploring and for her very journey.
            I hope that you are enjoying your weekend with rest, peace and joy around every corner. Many Blessings wished for you and your family today,and weekend.
            Sandra
            PS I think Psalm 22:11 is a verse I wish to see in my home here, the Christian Book store engraves on wall plaques ,etc, and I think this is one I would like to see before me often-
            To me ever so beautiful ,resonates deeply for me.
            Pslam 22:11, Biblehub
            “One who loves a pure heart and who speaks with grace
            will have the king for a friend.”.
            In the King of Kings Heart I will rest, may you be comforted in His rest today too.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Oh my goodness…what an amazing story. I do hope she find Insight to be a strong resource for her as she does God’s work. You are so kind to share it and yes, I know my dad’s teaching is so sound, strong, timeless really because God’s word is timeless. What a wonderful connection you made, thank you for the encouragement. Colleen

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen, I hope that you had a restful and well weekend. I look forward to hearing and connecting.
            I had some challenges emotionally and mostly due to physically worn out and mental fatigue, and sore from projects and needed give in completely to rest and not attending projects, it was hard to do and lonely afternoon became so I sat with it and cried some too. I have not walked in weeks now with not alot of extra energy with other projects,and not sleeping well at nite creates less of me, although i need start up again with milder temps,for it helps me in great way and i am feeling getting out of physical wellness for me and relates to emotional wellbeing.
            I did want to mention that I found this morning oneplace.com . Listening to your Dad sermons have been great as I eat breakfast and while here at home.
            Have a wonderful morning
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, Thinking of you. I did receive the invitation to view Feb 2 Key Ministry “Inclusion Fusion”, and exicted to view , i think I can do without facebook or any other sign in password, it seems to be open for viewing.
            I look forward to hearing how your weekend is, and thoughtful in that your daughter live close and visiting together will be easy for you both.
            And I LOVE My new Bible! So pleased with this new beginning of reading Job, Peter,Psalms, etc.
            Having difficult time without carpenter and also realizing i will need replace Christmas tree with something else too . The comfort has been incredible, I will keep it a while longer. Although I will be looking for another helper/carpenter as this individual hurt knee, he in 60’s and maybe I will need a backup going forward.It is alot of process/effort to seek out ,so I will leave it with God and I know He will provide the exact person without too much expended energy on my part.
            Many Blessings wished for you and your family,May you find comfort and rest and joy around each corner this weekend
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            My dear sweet friend. I’m just catching up on my notes and have several from you I will reply to in one note. I just wanted you to know I have received them all but don’t want to stuff your mailbox with tons of emails. I’m so glad you love your Bible…my Bible is more than precious to me and I know you will experience the same. The older it gets, the richer it is to my soul. I’m so sorry about the carpenter and look forward to reading more to see if things worked out. I hope you are doing well my friend. Stay true to you, for you are the only you God created which means that you are pretty special. Always, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hi Colleen, it seems this morning I may have carpenter talk with one of his contracter/business owners of carpet and flooring he works jobs for and this individual may finsih for me what need covering and I am told on my time frame of before rain arrives. So yes again I will be provided,no ladder I am grateful .I will keep you posted.
            I did awake this morning and the thought that came to me was that I wanted to say I am sorry for whatever experiences that you endured so much pain and cripling discouragement of that time. I learned through you and your interviews with great people who endured that when we travel to where God had intended to call us that I thought as you have helped so many with compassion ,empathy ,understanding, acceptance wholeheartedly,wisdom and grace
            that is where our hearts can gather greater and pull out of same directed place of grief the deepest grattiude on the same prepared heart from depth by sorrow, it is its amazing transition of his work. This for me is an amazing awareness of inner strenght and comfort that i never had, that all will be okay as in God’s hands. ALthough not to ever wish upon any other pain, nor want to relive a teenie tiny part of a second, we find the gratitude so immense on the other end that the gratitude overfloweth for God work. It is so incredibly amazing,and I wanted to share as I understand and understand God does have a plan even in my circumstance, when beyond the pain, we are never perfect and life continues, let us hope that those most painful moments are behind us. I am happy in the whole sense of things to have this learning,and by your experience and wisdom I can find such inspiration, as well as all the readings of the Bible that shine such truth and real lives of Bible characters that help us find balance of existence over time of sorrow, and hope.
            Have a really especially good day, today is a gift!
            with Gratitude and sunshine
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, Thinking of you as well wondering if you are having the snow and ice I hear of in Texas. Hoping you are warm and safe today and through weekend..
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Really unbelievable experience Colleen, can you believe before I could do as I had mentioned in last thought, the owner and his peer left. They did not knock on door for any additional 50.00 and I did not need say I want the limbs clean cut in back to finsih what he did in back there before i pay him the 50.00 (the back yard work was half of what we discussed even yesterday morning before began work as review of when he quoted me)——and I will go ahead find someone to finish what I intended with rear limb.
            I wanted to share as interesting, this is why from online i read really need contract,not even did i think needed for someone retired and telling me straight up at that age what he agreed to in conversation.
            I am okay, just going to move on here,and see what i can do to remedy tree trim completion/clean up what done and not completed.
            Have a great day….Thinking of you with reading Bible, I have some readings on my mind from Boundaries book I wish to look up…One was James,and Galathians? sorry I do not know verse, but will proceed.
            I do hope too you receive the small gift mailed at Christmas time.
            And I do have heat, I am grateful. On tv this am, Christian channel was speaking of those who walk 2 miles each day to pick up water three times a day this walk,and how a well was put in for the family/village, and how child with cleft palate was able to have surgery, all by Christian network and those that give. I know God has a plan for me and I staying the course, how rewarding to help another, I so wish I had the money in this sense to make that big a difference in a child or family like this. I know there is small things I can do, the larger impact I cannot imagine the surgeon overwhelming gratitdue that can give something so huge. Amazing . I do realize what is being provided to me, and it all does feel so huge for me, the impact you have on me and my growth Colleen for me fits right up there with huge impact. Thank you so very much for being there and being who you are!
            Take care today, With Gratitude,
            Sandra-

          • Sandra,
            How totally amazing…they just left? What a joke… I’m so sorry. However, as I said in my last note, the fact that you prepared a good boundary should be incredibly encouraging to you, if nothing else. I’m sure you will find someone else but it still amazes me that people will do stuff like this. I do know there are several places that sell forms: Office Max, Office Depot, and on line at Legal Forms.com. You can find any kind of form for business work out there…great idea!!! OHHH and I did receive your gift today…YOU are the kindest! Thank you so very, very much!!! I almost cried. Now, I will think of you every day as I look on my desk. You are far too generous and I thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Have a wonderfully warm night. Your friend, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Helli Colleen…
            yeah! I am so happy that you reveived the Christmas gift…I am touched that you enjoyed so much…I always remember your mention of pleasure by listening to hymns so I think of you each time I come across any mention of hymns. I am glad you will enjoy!
            I look forward to connecting again soon.
            have a wonderful evening…and thank you for this web link too.
            Warm regards
            Sandra

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen
            can you believe my ac heating unit failed this am..it sounded squeaky in fan and then just about hour ago there was very strong rubber burning odor so I turned off and have a call into my service company..temp going down fast in house . I turned back on and odor more burning so without heat as I turned off til have someone come out. I wanted to say all was seemingly flowing and as I know this is just life going on I will say coincidence always of when Reiki Master not accepting without negativity toward me boundaries I set something seems always happen with my house..I am serious.he is controling person and if I say no not goimg out or say no no no ..he becomes one who is holding me in bondage of not wishing me best in changes I am creating and I unhappy he not unconditional friend .worse coincidentally something bad happens when he not accept I am not available fill gaps of time he “expects” from me when in town and nit stop by his office or do want be in quiet at home and rest without talki ng or texting .he become negative toward me and I did not want this this year….he puts more pressure than family and says very nasty things. I will stay my course and I certainly hope he not causing thesr mishaps by his angry unresolved self issues coming at me because his own issues if controling others.. great at profession of Reiki but personally I beginning believe he has personality disorder like my mother…kind one minute..nasty as abusive anger the next if not how or what he wants.my dr.has told me he is not my friend..he is too mixed up be my friend.I continue ask God help him see the Light. I am going need stop talking with him more than even boundary I established recently for omly God has control over me.I am freeing all relations that are not unconditional consistent and truest of care and LOVE for my best interest and welfare and mostly wellbeing..me and my house.I no longer want succumb to be responsible for others lacking courage to change at core self what us unhappy and angry with responsibility placed on me as if I bad person for knowing different and healthy choices I am led to take by God
            I will keep you posted
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen.i did not hear from ac heat service.I looked up online and I guess no longer 24 hr service.I hope hear first thing in am.going down 23 degrees tonite raw cold outside ..have sleeping bag out scarf wrapped around head and using a buckwheat microvable pillow to wrap around neck and between hands…I will keep you posted. I know will be resolved soon …look so much forward to warmth of heater. I did not have floor heater but if needed go into town at least I have electricity to use
            goodnite Colleen..hoping you have had good weekend of rest and joyful peaceful moments
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Oh my goodness…did you make it through the weekend? I pray you are okay. Do connect so I know you have received help. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello dear Colleen.your thoughts and speaking so well of me always bring me such a wonderful comforting warm embrace. It has shown me so much and so much that if we all could treat each other with God conscious caring unconditional love we would be so relaxed and secure on Earth. It is something honestly until our connection I had not known and I am beyond grateful for your genuine character and grace in friendship. I am so Blessed and have faith knowong God did lead me to you .
            thank you so very much for being you!
            I wanted tell you…get ready for another great work of God as we have spoken He leading us always…well I just today received Christian book store sale flyer..Yep! The exact One Year Bible for Women is on page 6 ….and starting yesterday 50% off!!!!!!! From 19.99 on sale for 9.99!!!!!! Yes this was why delayed getting downtown to store. I know you have the biggest smile as I do..laughing how about that..I am so thrilled. I will venture by weekend and pick up…also the library has copy of brene brown daring greatly that I will be able go through for my dr. Appt next week thursday…and will be able order online not worrynow when arrive.
            I sure hope you are well Colleen and you and your family warm and safe if any winter weather by you there.hear very cold freezing weather…I think sweet cat ok..I did buy her soft recommended food to help gastro issue..not certain she still having a hard time. I am going to ask someone I know from fire dept who helped me move ..she captain…and I know she rescues cats all the time.I want to see if she will use a cat carrier help me take to mobile vet in town….I talked to pet store and they saud put down carrier a d let her choose or not choose go in…I would love to help her if I am able..thst is my gift to her for being so dear here looking for me near her and seemingly she really likes my presence..she wants play and simply sweet.
            goodnite Colleen…I will let you know how buying one Year Bible and if another standard Bible with and what reading. I know you are happy for me with sale and Gid delay to provide savings He knows my finances and so Faithful!
            Goodnite Colleen
            best wishes for a restful happy peaceful nite and weekend too
            from my heart to you and yiur home
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE!!!! Not really, because we knew God was at work but when His work unfolds so quickly, it’s remarkable. He is so connected to us whether we feel it or not. That Bible is now 50% off…totally amazing I am almost ready to stand on my chair and cheer. Yes, a huge smile crossed my face! Oh my gosh, what timing. You will forever treasure that Bible as it represents not only His word but also the way it came to you as you put the situation in His hands. Wonderful to hear. The cat idea is a good one. You don’t want it hurting and if the person can help get it to a facility that will figure out what is up and help it heal, all the better. Do let me know what happens. Oh Sandra, I hope you are staying warm and relishing the greatest gift of healing which is freedom, joy, and knowing God is faithful. Enjoy your weekend. Thank you for always bringing such encouraging words to this conversation. You are precious. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Thank You Colleen for sharing with this joy! I just picked up The One year Womans Bible, it was paperback and this okay for me, of course forgot the Joseph Blessing book, I must have been excited and distracted. I called and they will hold the Joseph Blessing for Monday or Tues when I can get there as sale item also. I began reading the One Day Womans Bible and I am excited it is by Tyndale Publishing as well as you mentioned this is very good publisher I thought. I am going to begin with this .I am feeling a little confused, if you would help me understand better. This One Year Bible begins with Genesis , as I thought is the chronilogical order of standard Bible..My question is that the One Year Womans Bible begins Genesis for January. Can you guide me as to what you are reading in Standard Bible in January so I can get a good idea. I guess I can google also, when you explain it is always so clear is why I ask you. I see too all the Books of Bible characters are here also in this One Year Womans Bible ,and a how to use “Ways to Use” so I am really glad about this .I will begin here.
            I did also pick up the Brene Brown “Daring Greatly ” book from library for now until can purchase my own copy.
            I will connect again with you , I hope you also enjoy a warm safe and peaceful well weekend COlleen, I am glad you found my thoughts encouragin. It is you who I am so delighted to connect always. Thank you too!
            I did wish to mention that yes, I think I am feeling sense of freedom for the first time in my life, still looking closely at this process I am experiencing and the gifts God is bringing with my following His call and guidance, I am so glad I am listening to Him for it is so freeing for me,and I want to stay the course greatly.
            I remain conscious of His work,and it is so wonderful to know He is so much my Shephard.
            Enjoy your weekend Colleen, I am happy we connected today.
            With Gratitude and Heartfelt regards to you and your family,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I’m not sure what you are asking but I think it’s that is the Bible you picked up the same as the Bible most of us read in it’s organization of books and chapters. Is that right? Our typical Bible has 66 books, divided into two sections, the Old and New Testament. The Old Testament has 39 books and the New Testament has 27. The Old Testament is arranged in our common Bible thematically: Genesis-Deuteronomy is considered to be books of the “Law”, also called the “Pentateuch” meaning “5-volume”, Joshua-Esther is historical or the history of the Israelites, the Judges, and the kings, Job-Song of Solomon are considered Poetical in nature and Isaiah-Malachi incorporate the prophetical books. The New Testament is broken into four sections: Matthew-John are biographical…the life of Christ, section two is Acts-the historical account of the birth and growth of the church, section three is Romans-Jude which are doctrinal in nature (21 letters by 6 different writers), and finally section four is a prophetical book titled Revelation. There are Bibles arranged chronologically but very few follow that order; we usually read and use this thematic outline as it’s easy to follow and understand. I hope that’s the answer to your question; if not, let me know. I hope you are enjoying it so much. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, Thank you so much. I place myself out there for I do have drive to learn,and I knew you would explain the basics to me in a way I can keep and understand. For winter /January for Church reading, is the reading Genesis? and /or does it skp around depending upon sermon is what I truly would like to understand.
            I know you are probably surprised I do not have this knowledge. Is that the “thematical sequence” ?
            Also I did want to say I am enjoying the One year Woman Bible, I am happy to have purchased and read . I find Genesis hard to follow in some regard, not the creation but its actual sitting and reading details of family generations for I have no connection at this time to who these names are and cannot remember so many are listed , although I will stay the course in its chronological order, and absorb what I am able.
            I am also reading “Daring Greatly”, this is not an easy read either, Brene Brown wonderful in presentation and information, I prefer seeing her on video online ,for me easier to process. My easiest author to read is “Boundaries”, I seemingly keep picking up and flows well ,easy to process for me. I will as I had mentioned when reading “boundaries” I will go to Bible and now read more of what scripture is cited during “Boundaries” reading.
            I wanted to say that yes I have heat, not sure yet if God has provided me a miracle of miracles? I believe He has even if amazing for now heat has been on and working and where odor disappeard? I have no idea . I am uncertain yet ,temperatures to go below 30 at nite again this week so I will keep close eye before weekend as that is a terble feeling, thinking of Jesus without a home and more even Mary delivering baby Jesus in a stable, without this heat body and all physiologically not relaxed and rested.
            I will keep you posted. The critters I have not had any I believe with weather of winter? cold winter. I have had on mind and trying to seal all I can before Spring arrives and will spray something outside so deters any from coming in …fireplace not working yet ,need someone to clean and check and the scrreen need be sealed well, i know it has a flute but I know some get in this way, and outside I am having carpenter caulk as many areas outside as possible to help. I am caulking all kitchen cabinets, that is ajob, my arm has been injured for several months and cannot seem to do alot with it for some time as per things like caulking really triggers pain and stiffness in arm, so I am doing what i can before Spring.
            And gutters I hope will be up in a few weeks,keeping water runoff away from base of house, all preventative and see where I am in Spring, that is my least favorite thing ,critters! then probably squirrels.
            I will keep youposted on this, Thank you for asking and your concern for me here. And for concern with changing who I can trust. Normally I would have contacted Reiki Master with no heat,and I did not , I have really emphasized greater boundaries as there is no understanding and I will continue to stay my course forward not be sucked back into what is unhealthy . I thought to change my number this weekend as I told myself I am following guidance of Lord that I am on such a wonderful path of growth and that I will not take hostility or being held in bondage by someone else not being able to acknowledge how good I am doing and how good it is for me, not for his/her insecurity and dysfunction . I now turn phone off and say goodbye or goodnite,and at least the message is clear not to stop by when not invited,and I do not invite as I have seen the pattern and all I can do is have control over how I respond, and if someone else will not change and I have no control over that, I cannot place myself in this position of possible target of hostile remarks,sarcasm,that I too good, etc. I have Dr appt this week and will speak about these issues there as well.I kept a few text messages I will talk through with her that accused me of blaming family and Reiki Master and not taking responsibility ,that was from Reiki Master, and I thought today wow, that is so very sad. I am the one of all these old patterns that am in therapy,working at the deepest of core self to improve and making changes for greater good,and with God as my focus, and if that is not responsiblity to look so directly at self core and truth of God, I thought wow ,how can I know all this and let go of what I cannot control in others,even if ever so inaccurate. So I leave that all with God in prayer for those that have no understanding and He is working in all of us, so I let go and pray for Him to show me ,guide me how to pull myself away and toward Him and others that are conscious of Him and truths.
            I truly am so excited to work so much more deeply on myself this year,it is so clear I am on the right path .I will stay the course and do all I can to not get caught in what i thought was a friendly hello,and see what intention is later to know that it is not for my best interest, so I am welcoming more and speaking to the Lord for those to come into my life that acknowledge where I am at and healthy relationally. Letting go is coming easier lately as I am becoming more aware and seeing how can I let myself be in a situation that will hurt me, I believe I am truly Loving myself deeper.
            I also am thrilled that you recalled the interview with Patsy Clairmont coming up ,and Brene Brown. I will be looking closely for these as these are the energies that I am being so inspired and attracted to being near, JOYFUL Souls of God consciousness. and as you Colleen filled with Grace and tenderness,wisdom and support above and beyond.
            I will read through your notes again, and I believe I was able to put all in one note for your easier reading too.
            With Gratitude and Have a restful evening and stay warm Colleen,
            Best regards,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Most “read through the Bible in a year” Bibles do jump around…some Old Testament, New Testament, a bit of poetry, and various gospels. So if your Bible is a ‘read in one year’ then you will be jumping around. Also, don’t worry about feeling ignorant; people have been studying the Bible for centuries and are still uncovering things. The first five books can be very dry and difficult to get through…it was the “law” written by Moses to chronical the passages of certain eras. In all actuality, some scholars believe Job was the first book actually written which speaks to our human condition in spades. For what you need, I wouldn’t get caught up in some of the deeper stuff and would stick with what is understandable and applicable to life. You will find the New Testament very easy to understand in that the writers give accounts of Jesus’ life from various perspectives. Also, you may be an auditory learner so reading books may be more difficult than listening to them. There are some accessibility features-text to speak-and other programs that you can get as software which speak the words. I know listening to most things sticks with me more than the written word. If you have a Kindle or software that offers this feature, I would suggest using that when reading material like Brene’ Brown or anyone you have a hard time comprehending. There are various learning styles; finding what sticks for you makes learning easy and quick. Glad to know you are warm tonight and continuing to hold boundaries with your Rikki Master. Interesting, some who have helped you the most may be the most unhealthy attachments because they were made when you needed them most and that fit into their “need” gear quite well. When you become more self-sufficient…not as dependent on others but able to think for yourself…some will feel intimidated and angry. That’s not your problem; they need to figure out why they need dependent people to make themselves feel good. Keep choosing what is best for you and let the other’s handle their own issues. You are doing great. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen..as always you are so brilliant with exact thoughts and encouragement. Yes it is interesting the dynamic that you mention of how the Reiki Master helped while I needed more of his expertise until I began expanding and growing in developmental and spiritual awareness thst he was not any longer the one so much in charge.I realized a tough leason with a few mentors that it was more about the control of others when any vulnerabilities or insecurities arose .yes yes and yes my focus is on God first and he control only and my need to keep clear boundaries and work on not taking on this issue of another. Right now that one text about my blaming family and Reiki Master has me in some discomfort for not truthful and I need keep asking our Lord help me not take on others issues in these matters we speak of. When someone does not understand nor speak what true for me I cannot be in bondage. I made another reservation for cleansing in hot springs for Valentines day time ..just a few days before special of two nites 89.00 including 20.00 restaurant voucher. I know money tight with all but I need stay the course. believing God will continue to provide as it was good for me during Birthday even though one of hardest deepest painfully deep awareness and despair during Birthday I found soaks and time was cleansing fior me. Amongst all I am continuong celebrate life even if alone need get out and enjiy these places that I can work deeply from experience. If that makes sense. I also will need find a Christian connection locally to help.I wish my dentist was single for a goodvtrusteorthy Christian connection to speak of that I know . I will continue ask the Lord provide and I know He will be providing without my asking ..as I can feel His work opening up these channels of awareness for me and naturally will be filling these gaps with enriching relations of purest good intention. So thank you as always Colleen for being amazing in understanding wisdom and our connection.
            I did develop migraine tomite…I think from temp change..pressure change with Reiki Master pressure too to keepme under his wing if you will say that way…when I am bbeneath onlyGod care ultimately now and forward. I am reading God first others second then me…..i look forward when I can have more focus on others second as time and healing for me balance as you have expressed all in time .
            I am so warm tonite.more warm than heat has felt in while here ..maybe there was an adjustment today as it does seem warmer and more efficient heat at same temp set at 69 degrees in house. I did have another leak in ceiling from rain.carpenter supposed to come sat for that area to put up new trim I will paint friday before he put up and had temporary fix on this area where cause of leak is..he was going fix permanent and with trim then can get gutters up.all aligned to happen as God will. And this morning tree trimmer ro come and also help rid squirrels. I will keep you posted.
            before I forget I have on mind read Job and look at your Dad book of Job. And as you say find those readings on tape that I can listen and process more easily. I do not have kindle and not sure how to use apps and not go over data yet? So for now may find way with dvd? Or online some way I know how.
            I hope you are well Colleen, I thought and was hoping without cold and feeling well.
            Thank you for sharing your thoughts , wisdom and supportive insight and enciuragement……I did want ask creative question
            Would you paint cedar chest with flat trendy powder paint or flat wall paint? I thought if cannot sell cedar primitive trunk thst a little too bulky for me maybe if I paint it will have more appeal and use as table somewhere. Like robin egg blue with off white strip across top? I still am going mail photis..just need go walgreens with flashdrive and copy to photos. And i hope you receive gift soon from Christmas…as per tracking it arrived at Po Box address by Christmas. I look forward hearing it arrived at your desk.
            and I look forward to connecting again soon with you
            have a good day and I hope you are out of storms I see in Texas and safe and warm too.
            with wholehearted peace and joy by God work as my very focus and endeavor
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You are right when you say you cannot take on another’s shame or guilt when you establish boundaries. That is their stuff to address; as I have said to my kids many times…give them the gift of themselves! You will find many who fight like a crazed animal against the boundaries but just think of a toddler throwing a tantrum…it is their problem to deal with if they can’t play cooperatively in the ‘sandbox’ of life with peace. You stay the course as you have been doing so very well. I’m sorry for the disruption it can cause; allow it to reveal where you have come from and the growth you have made since then. About the Job series, it is available in CD format last I checked. Go to the Insight for Living site, click the store, and see if the Job series is there in CD form…I’m almost positive it will be. If not, there are other ways to get it so let me know if that does not work for you. As far as the chest, the color sounds exquisite…like Tiffany’s…a delicious jewelry store I have walked through once and almost had a panic attack at the prices. But, I do love the color and would use regular wall paint; perhaps semi-gloss. I think it would make a beautiful table or piece in your home for sure. I wish you were closer and I could show you my daughter’s apartment which has those colors…so calming and serene. I’m thrilled to know you are warm and continuing the path of enduring growth. I’m so proud for you and can’t wait to see how the year will continue to unfold. Many blessings to be showered upon you, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Helli Colleen what an amazing note I wanted to say again after rereading. I love what you say to your children. ..what a great insight and acceptance. Thank you…and at dr appt.I will let you know how all goes…have a great day
            Sandra

          • Oh my gosh…Sandra,
            I didn’t remember it was today…how did it go? Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen
            I had to tell you also in addition to 50% off there is a coupon for 25% off…lol.I am so happy…and I turned page and the Bible character have related to in his suffering by family actions hurtful Joseph…well there is another book on sale 11.00…..called”The Joseph Blessing” by Jordan Rubin and Pete Sulack..I am not familiar with book or author but wow it sounds really good in description how to learn how to realize your dreams ftom vision to fullfillment and adversity all from scriptures “most powerful dreamer Joseph”.
            I will keep you posted.
            Goodnite Colleen
            Sandrs

          • Sandra,
            Again, God’s faithfulness abounds in your life. Wonderful. I have not heard of that work; I do know my dad wrote a book on the life of Joseph that is fantastic! Also, I’m interviewing a guy who wrote about Joseph and waiting and suffering soon. The interview is scheduled to air in August or September. Anyway, he is a very reliable resource with a pastor’s heart and brilliant in biblical theology. So if you are curious about Joseph, those are the two I would recommend. I’m sure there are others but I know these two the best. Another character study my dad wrote on was Job. I read it during the hardest part of my life and it’s what got me through. You can find them in our ‘store’…not sure the price but may be worth checking out. Much love to you, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Thank you so much Colleen, I will look for your Dad book, both Joseph and Job, I am so glad that you shared ,if you kept The Book of Job close to your heart, then I know I will thoroughly enjoy and have a similar thought and heart with book….and will keep your Aug /Sept post of interview , What was the interview that you had menioned coming January/Feb? , I will need to check what you have posted for there was a very specific interview you had let me know to keep an eye out for this year? I will try to recall and explore your postings to see if it comes to me.
            Thank you so much again, and yes I will let you know how week goes with squirrels , I am grateful for your thougths to help me with this process too
            Have a pleasant weekend Colleen
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            The interview I mentioned related to Brene’ Brown and I mentioned her in this upcoming interview with Patsy Clairmont. It’s set to air next month…the First Tuesday in February. It will remain available on our site, iTunes, and Vimeo as well as podcast indefinitely but highlighted through February.

          • Sandra,
            I’m so sorry I haven’t replied in a while…I will get to your notes now. Great to connect with you; I miss you friend. Colleen

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen I am glad tree being trimmed as update with sqiirrels..I have been watching where got into attic and carpenter filled hole…well just near there squirrels been lifting shingles and gap below and some trim chewed. I checked again today and lifted more but tree trimmer coming monday and carpenter sick so will be out a week from saturday. I am very tempted put later up but I realize physicslly ladder catpenter left there too heavy.so instead worry I giving it ti God.and see what is provided. These Individuals all discusing need kill squireels to rid only wayso tree trimmer bringing pellet gun monday. I am not one to kill any animal although I am accepting that even wildlife specialist come to house foranimals in house or doing damage kill by state code. Not a pleasant doing for me becoming seemingly necessary to rid these squirrels. I wanted update happenings with squirrels and my needing let go at moment until help arrives.
            With warm thoughts
            Sandra

        • Sand

          Hello Colleen
          rough broken hearted start and here and there during.day ended I accepted this is a 50th birthday of cleansing and took another one hour 15.00 natural hot spring mineral bath here where visiting for bday…was finally feelibg calm down even with fatigue from such sorrow physically solo celebrating. I prayed all day with guidance to what it is at my very core that our Lord wishes to release to bring my life onward with Him and what he has made me for. I then checked text and the middle sister I mentioned so tight with my mother texted me and being so vulnerable today as so many tines in.past I missed a so familiar step..I think I fell into her usual munipulation even tjough she wanted “say”things that sounded good..my gut now backtracking what I now believe was just her way of saying she read my mothets note I mailed…Colleen. if I post her text can you help me over next week in that how did I fall Into..I wish to share as so ridiculous I stepped into it by not being awake enogh until after I wrote thsnk you for warm wishes…this is the game I wish to share with you as each family member saavy manipulators and to go beyond boumdary of mentioning so saavy witjout saying right out she read note.I so wish I did not respond. I cannot give myself too much criticism here..I am not happy I slipped. And the part of text be aware of is her protection of mother. She writes how I must know I was bought into this life with love and nurturung.I so much would like to say listen here sis I have learned love and nurture self by guidance of our Lord..and those inspirong of our Lord love..as you and others genuine intetest in helping me not one other person in family. As we discussed reality false with this belief.
          I looked for brene brown book here..so looking forward continuing my path healthy and in grace of God.
          May we connect soon and If we do not connect I want to wish you Happy and Healthy New Year for you and your family.may it be a year of abundant Blessings you so share for so many.
          Sandra

        • Sand

          Hello Colleen.my new perspective is okay this is good…I am going to take and practice if ok with you and I will share as well texts with my dr. Both what received and my reply where I fell into being thanking in vulnerability it took until after thanked that my usual behavior is to react like that and not any longer who I am . I wish to know from what I will share later post of dialogue.what could I have said or needed remain silent.it was subconsvious behavior I accustomed to roll over the family lacking boundaries and jabs..so truly amazing how God is so good at bringing all to such awareness and consciuos level.so I am so proud of me for recognizing so much here. And I have no control of her reslity nor response ..only my own so truly that is what my intention bringing to you Colleen
          I know you will help me by what healthy way respond if receive anything of this kind munipulitive patterns of unhealtby biundary and communication.
          I look forward to working on tbis dialogue for healthier ways to respond if in instance again like this.
          best wishes for additional rest with Holiday weekend approaching…..around family gathering in your space..may you find God delivering extra helping hand around the Holiday for added time.
          Sandra

    • Sandra

      Thank you for your inspiring thoughts of growth. I know I mentioned my sister for she is usually the individual that begins munipulate for my mother, in the “running errands”. She had emailed to ask if i had texting and I had not heard from her in probably a year, usually Christmas,my Bday and New Years she has texted or emailed me . I do same with her . I thought the text was going to go further beyond boundary and glad it has not.
      I have been finding the peace that i have and freedom to truly expand who I am without pretending “all is good” to keep a boundary as there is no good comprehension of what is otherwise or it seems that the focus is to be something wrong and to do a woe is me to bring me into their toxicity, and I continously in past have literally kept a strong boundary as all is good here. And truly it is ,I speak in positive way for I believe in being grateful. so I limit what i ever spoke of..usually a listener.
      yes there are so many changes occuring, and I look so much forward to the Bible I will be reading daily and gaining more of God word in my heart and soul, as I feel the difference in where He is leading me, so much more peace and contentment for me,and truest of joy.
      Thank you so much for your interest and thoughts always, and grace with wisdom to share and help me see so clearly for my very best interest, so grateful for our friendship,and knowing God has presented this friendship for “catching me up” to what He has released already…I needed this support and He provided your gentle compassionate being with your insight of our Lord and mastering technique of understanding human and social behavior and being who you are. I so much can hope that I too have helped you in some way.
      This Bday as we discussed I leave with the changes for positive in my being,and life, courage seems to be at top of list for today, creative too.
      I look forward to so much, and the learning to come ….I believe part of what God wants me to look at is Authenticity. As I mentioned the author Brenne? Vulnerabilty book, and she speaks of this and I look forward to expanding more on these very aspects of good health and wellness.
      With Gratitude and enjoying our sharing similar interest in author and God word very much.The Christmas card I wrote myself from my Mom has this verse “How can we thank God enough for you and for the joy and delight you have given us?” 1 Thessalionians 3:9 TLB
      I have read and read again and again this card .
      My one brother has corresponded,I did establish new boundaries with him over past few years,he has behaved better and showing he does want to connect with me, he did say the frame I mailed him for Christmas was the best gift of the year…something simple although saying was speacial at bottom what makes a home.
      and he said he has gift on its way for my 50th Bday.
      I keep another boundary with him for I do need the distance from he is living within all that is of where my family lives. He has respected my boundary which is good, I just need maintain some distance to keep me here in present with my created space. He will tend to dump on me as the others at times as I believe his dynamic of his own family is not supportive emotionally. That is a theme of my family.
      I so apologize if any of these aspects are of my own being for not knowing yet,or not yet aware of healthy boundaries in sharing versus too much.
      I am glad you are part of my growth,
      Thank you,
      Sandra

      • Sandra,
        Everything I’ve read in your notes sound very grounded and strong. You seem to be giving with wisdom, considering your motives and intentions while interacting with your family members, showing respect without compromising your self, and focusing on what is right and true. All of that can only lead you in a positive, energy filled direction. Of course there will be days or moments that feel draining because you are learning to think differently. But that is the very thing that will bring you freedom and joy….which will provide energy and hope. Just think back to where you were one year ago…so incredibly different from where you are today. Your growth is amazing. I can’t wait to see how things unfold for you this next year. Many blessings, Colleen

  • Sandra,
    As always, you are free to send what you feel comfortable sending. I do want you to remember as we grow, we all slip back into old habits because they come so naturally. Change is hard because it’s different and we are not used to the feelings and challenges it presents. Like forging a new path…there are many road blocks you may encounter but that doesn’t mean you are on the wrong road…it means your on a NEW road that is leading you to freedom. So be kind to yourself when you feel you have slipped back into old habits. Remember the apostle Paul in Romans 7 struggled with this so often…”why is it that I do what I don’t want to do”…in this he was referring to sin but it can apply to any area of our lives that we are working to change. So gently remind yourself that you are loved and treasured; they will step up the pressure which will make it tough but not impossible. Hang in there and yes, send whatever you are comfortable with and I will do my best to help. Colleen

  • Sandra,
    Okay, notice two things you would have never said a year ago…(1) God is bringing you to an awareness of new things and (2) that you are proud of yourself for recognizing this. WONDERFUL!!!! Those are huge steps. Recognizing change and reflecting on how far we come helps us believe that we can make it with God’s help. Yes, He is present and helping you so keep moving forward with confidence. Much love and by the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I celebrate YOU! What value you have and I’m so thankful for your life! Colleen

  • Sandra,
    So glad they are at work…and finding ways to protect your home from critters. I know his idea of using a pellet gun is not one you prefer…hopefully it will scare them away but not kill them. However, it may be best for you to be out that day or at least stay in the house as I know that will cause you anxiety. Lets remember, there was a ton of anxiety and frustration when they were coming in and we don’t want that to happen again. Your idea of giving it all to our Lord is perfect. They know how to do their job and you need then to do it well. Letting God take hold of your heart is the only way we get through tough stuff. Thankfully, this will hopefully never happen again. Let me know how it goes. Colleen

  • Sandra,
    Oh my…yes, one of the painful challenges as you grow will be the loss of some relationships as you begin to recognize they are damaging or unhealthy. Like gears that turn together, we link up with others who are mentally and emotionally similar since it’s all we have known. What was know fits within our comfort zones. When we begin to change and grow away from unhealthy living, those gears don’t fit and tension is caused. Some relationships can be spared but sadly, most will be lost. However, the loss will not be as painful as those losses associated with longings. The loss of unhealthy people or toxic people in our lives is very freeing; you are an advocate for your life. The pull of anger, binding or hostile words no longer has a grip on your life so you can release it without feeling you have lost part of you. You are gaining more of you which is fabulous. Do be careful; such manipulative ways can be tricky but you seem intuitively aware of such manipulation and do protect yourself from it. If you have to change your number, do so. If he becomes hostile or verbally caustic, hang up the phone…cut off communication because that is toxic to your sensitive system. Listen to your gut…it will tell you a lot. You can also pull up a ‘feelings word chart’ on line…there are many of them. I think there is a site called “do2learn” that has some pintable’s. Anyway, if you can quietly ask “what am I feeling this moment” as one is speaking or treating you poorly, there are many words associated with fear, anxious, betrayed. When you can closely identify the word with the emotion, you are then able to ask the Lord, “what shall I do from here…I feel ____ and ask for your wisdom and protection”. The Lord will guide you as you take all these changes to Him. Let me know how things come along and do be cautious my dear friend. I am concerned but believe you are in a strong, good place. Much care, Colleen

  • Sandra,
    I’m so sorry to hear you had a hard weekend. Yes, the physical and emotional work is exhausting…and it sometimes feels like we will never be done. Actually, we won’t be “done” per say, but it will get easier as you learn to think in new ways which I already observe you doing. I’m glad you did allow yourself to cry; that is hard for high achievers or those who have gained their self acceptance or worth by doing. I do know of “oneplace.com” and get some stuff from them. I don’t know what phone system you have but Insight for Living also has an app that you can download for free and hear the broadcasts. I have to listen to truth every day, Sandra. I need it and it sets my feet on a straighter path…when I don’t remain engaged with Christ and His word, I start to slip downhill and find myself discouraged or depressed. I will also say, it has to be tough in the winter for you…winter in cold places can bring on depression so I hope you get some light or get to walk or be outside for refreshment. If anything, just bundle up and take a walk. Look at each leaf or tree or blade of grass and remember God created it all and keeps it in perfect working order. This is called “natural revelation”…God reveals to us His care, control, and comfort through nature…just as He cares for the birds of the air, how much more he cares for you. (I believe that’s a reference from Matthew’s gospel but I didn’t have time to look it up). How much He loves you Sandra and is carrying for you through this season is wonderful. Trusting in His care for you, my friend. Colleen

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen, I will call it sharing time, lol, as if I was a few desks away and sharing my daily calendar, “January 28″, ” God’s Will, With all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body,whether by life or by death, For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. “Philippians 1:20:21 “It did not matter to Paul whether he was locked up or free, Whatever God wanted to do with the apostle Paul was all right,for his heart and mind were set on one thing: God’s will for him. Paul knew that God ,not man, held the keys to his prison doors.” wow another great synchronicity of our discussion,and how Great He is no matter what it will be, life or be it death, (of the heart,soul or eternal rest)or any struggle,etc.
      I wanted to share.
      I also wanted to say it is set as far as I know for Sat carpenter bed rest will have his son inlaw be guided to seal up project of trim exterior here….if not I have his contracter that provides much work for him that has said he will work something out to help out.
      I am going to drive to Swan Lake for a walk, quite chilly but sunshine enormous rays bright and warm.
      Have a truly warm and day of peace and joy.Looking forward to hearing of your creative project(s) up and coming, your little lit tree and how sweet Febuary will bring notes on your tree of His Love,and may you find comfort and rest and peace and joy in the process of gathering and celebrating your little tree.
      Enjoy,
      Much Love
      Sandra

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen. I know you will be receiving multiple posts upon your return. I wanted share in my “natural revelation”bringing so much more than a walk today.I even thought tomorrow I intend take phone to take a photo …walking by the rear of park where keep swans that need protection as new borns or other reason. There were 5 young swans no longer babies but young. I was told they keep for one full year in small area that replicates park with water and land but secure from predators. It was so beautiful to stand and listen to them speak the sounds they do in communicating to each other…and then I bumped literally into a pup golden reddish hue of a lab dog…no pets are allowed although they must have let this canine trainer into park and she just beginning training this pup for special needs owner….that is a dream of my own to find a way to receive a special needs dog….well she let this pup lick me and spend time with me as she claimed this dog was shy but she really liked me so it was good for being close socializing..even though she let dog do things like licking and all over me as a precious one year old dog and she at end then said to dog lets go in now for what is training and dog initially walked seriously until she just wanted enjoy me again in playful character…canine trainer said it was really good for her because she liked me and not shy ..she said the dog could tell I was a dog lover….so I was thrilled and delighted and do fulfilled too.
      I am going follow up with another organization training special need dogs where before I had such a huge need locate a place to live I had inquired to walk the dogs being trained and I even had a call saying I could attend a training before walk them…well this woman told me they leave now the dogs off at a local prison for weekdays prisoners help train them and are looking for volunteers for weekend to take care dogs. I will followup and see .good for dogs and me too to have this kind interaction without actually having a dog right now.I will keep you posted on that.
      have a really good evening.I do hope all you mentioned in adapting to changes happening with Jon is progressing smoothly and well for both and all family.
      Sandra

      • Sandra,
        I have heard of this training with the prisoners. It’s a fantastic work being done. It’s great for them as they feel there is something positive to give and the dogs need the training so it’s a win-win. I’m so glad you are checking it out. The walk sounds wonderful, peaceful, restful, and simply serene. Thrilled you were able to enjoy God’s paintings and creativity through nature. Much love, Colleen

    • Sand

      Hello Colleen, I hope that you are well this week and Jon and your family as well. I had not connected and hoping all good by you. I do know you have multiple notes from me, I apologize if so many to read upon your return. I did want to update you that I did contact where i had put in an application last year before housing became so unstable, and had to put aside any thought of dog walking. I did speak to same woman who I had a year ago,and she happy to put me in for next upcoming training where i will learn how to care for better the dogs in training,and either start as walking one time a week,or go right to receiving a dog in need of pupsitting which may be better for less travel of one time a week with distance to drive weekly may come to be more than I can committ to, pupsitting usually would be if a trainer is not available on a weekend /going away, or if dog has had surgery and need a place away from other dogs in training, I can take the dog for this nite/weekend or i guess little respite of time needed. This is wonderful as dog will need a calm warm heart to care for he/she, and with my Reiki I can also help with this dog healing and comfort. I will keep you posted and when a training comes up again. It is about 50 minutes away but we both will benefit from this expereince.
      This is the website,
      http://paals.org/paals-pupsitters

      Best wishes for a good day,
      Sandra

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen, I had not connected with you in some time, my concern for you and your family and that you are all well is my hope. I am hoping that all is simply busy for you and you will return well and rested.
      With best regards for you and your family,
      Sandra

      • Sandra,
        I feel so cared for with your note here. I’m sorry for my lack of quick response. I’ve been thinking of you and would love to hear an update. Now that I’ve read most of your notes and replied, how are you? What has come of the home repairs, the dog interests, you own healing, and your reading…not to mention hobbies that are fantastic? I can’t wait to get all caught up. I trust the Lord continues to carry you and lead you in all wisdom and diligence. Colleen

        • Sandra

          Hello Colleen, I am so happy to know that you were okay and to have connected. I know you have so many directions that literally I believe you are needed and I was hopeful that all was simply okay and you were receiving much needed rest from a very busy end of year and New Year beginning. I hope you are enjoying your February tree, I will be removing my Christmas tree this weeekend, lol, yes still here with lights so comforting. I seem to be in panick mode today and all need rest and hand up and over to our Lord for it is not going to help me to panick, simply for the added debt I did not desire here from house repairs and tooth/dental repair. I am in hope that the little insurance i do have for dental works will surprise me with a return of monies paid out. I am going to need take a much slower route to repairs,and get some debt paid down now. It is troubling me for when I was renting, rent was higher than my mortgage,and I truly believed that getting that amount lower in budget would bring me savings, maybe not intially with all repairs but I pray by September be able to get back into better financial swing of balance and gain. It is my home is only thing I can tell myself and an investment. I am also sad about Whitney Houston daughter, I can understand her pain and suffering and wanting to be near her mother,and it saddened me that she felt so alone. I know it is almost crazy that I can have such compassion and empathy from someone I do not even know,but I cried twice this morning with how she needed to be with her mother and even if she does awaken, she is with her mother for this time she not awake, I believe wholeheartedly there is comfort there for her during this time,and God is allowing that connection ,and ultimately His will what will occur after that.

          I also wanted to let you know that I so much appreciate and enjoy that Jon is so intuitive, and he knows things before any other has an awareness, that is so wonderful and I know he must feel very special and good about his gift and sharing with you and family what he “knows” spriitually .

          Have a really wonderful day, Spring is upon us so soon, and Thank you for all your encouragement and support with all your thoughts and wishes. I will keep you posted on some good news and hobbies that will arise, I am rushing to seal up house right now so not as many hobbies just starting,yet picking out color of house i will paint is fun hobby, will keep you posted. In meantime i need get kitchen sealed up and cabinets last caulking and paint inside cabinets so can put things away, and I am going to take a walk today to help me calm and find that peace and knowing God has provided and Will continue to provide.

          I will keep you posted of any pupsitting training in forecast, my inquiry had just missed the last training for volunteer so I not certain the next will be right away.
          It is all in His timing and I am okay with that.

          I will be looking for Patsy Clairmont interview on your blog soon!Thank you for connecting.SO glad you okay! and well.
          I have to say my note was not there and Hallalujah I copied and pasted,so Thankful I did so today. and I also wanted to add that i saw on television i think name was Sharon Ibson? I know you will know who I am speaking of as she wonderful wonderful wonderful amazing concert guitarist,and her biography is a dream! Her music so ever soothing and peaceful.what a dream! She above and beyond if for any reason you had not known who I speak of,although I believe you will know her.

          Much Love and Blessings for you and your family.

          Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I’m so sorry it has taken so long to reply. My health has not been great so I’ve been to some doctors and getting things checked out which always causes a backlog for work. I’m so sorry. I love to hear about your February tree…that is wonderful and I hope is has kept you feeling loved. Sometimes finances are hard to track because of the unexpected things that come up. So I’m thrilled to hear you are feeling calm and not panicking. It’s a huge challenge for me not to feel nervous about paying bills…even though we stick to our budget, there is an underlying worry for reasons I have not figured out yet so you are NOT alone in that. It’s very touching to know how empathic you are. To be moved over something like Houston’s daughter reveals a very sensitive, needs to be protected, spirit. It is SO rare which means God is going to work through you in unimaginable ways….very cool. And, it also means you are easily penetrable…the enemy can use hurts and past stuff to tempt you to fear or be filled with worry or anxiety. Another reason to stay in HIS word all the time. And you are which is revealed by how much you have grown and how confident you are becoming. So GREAT! I can’t wait for spring either…wonderful season of new growth. I will look at your other notes as well. Have a blessed day. Colleen

        • Sandra

          Hello Colleen I am hoping that you are well. 72 degrees today…I have not been as mentally and wholeheardedly peaceful and with innermost joy as had been ecperiencuecperiencing. I did view patsy Clairemont interview…appeared beforr me as meant to be. I so much loom forward to meetong someone by will of God as my mate for remainder of life who whowholeheartedly accepts faith and as Patsy spoke her and her gracious husband met and meet in middle with every effort to be so real honest “vulnerable”striving for what is healthy God conscious relationship together as a unit..no fighting that it is not the way and no refusing change TOGETHER.
          I did want to apologize if I expressed any thought or too much as I have a tendency ..I am hopeful that I did not offend or press your space.
          haVe a Blessed day
          Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You have nothing to apologize for….not sure what you were concerned about but you are a dear sweetie through and through. I’m thrilled you watched the interview…she came from nothing to where GOD placed her today. So there is reason to be full of hope. Like we have discussed before, sometimes our waiting is because God is preparing others for the right time in His plan. I pray that you will find one who will support you and love you and be your ‘team mate’ … you will appreciate that so much. But as you wait, God is still fleshing out some of the old challenges and worries, filling you more and more with Himself every time I hear from you. You are a golden treasure, a beautiful woman God is continuing to grow on the inside and out. I hope you find some rest…there will be days when peace is not as full and that is discouraging. I have them too…part of being human I believe which makes us run to Him all the more. You are loved and cherished! Colleen

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen.I have flooding tears of relief . I know that you have said no need to apologize however I have need to for I have let go of the few relations of contact that we have talked about and I may be magnyfying a need to connect with you. I know I am hugely Blesseand grateful that you are so real and true and connect so well.so Thank you. And Thank you for your continued kind thoughts of me.There is something different happening with me right now that maybe old but have not felt maybe long enough that it feels new but crying crocodile tears as if I lost so many. The glory is I see the shining Star of His shining light and showing me to reach up and touch and hang omto it…and that my new friend is God.taking me exactly to where He wants. I did ask Hom as Patsy did what now and He has told me to clean and break down to one room at a time. I felt so overwhelmed with out focus and was not able to follow through yesterday …so scattered because so much so many places from still open boxes of move and so much not having its place yet and simply mentally needing His help restore to see and function to His direction. I know He will provide. I will keep you posted and I am so very happy that I had not said anything that changed our connecting.
            Have a great afternoon and I will view Patsy intetview again too and keep you posted on volunteer training too For special needs dog care.
            With wholehearted gratitude
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, How are you today? I hope doing well. Last evening I opened Bible as I seemed to hear a calling to Lamentations? When I began reading late in bed with flashlight.lol. hard to see too well,but it was becoming more frustrating for me than feeling of comfort as it was not clear why I was being drawn to read,as if there was no awareness of ah,that is what being exactly drawn to. I will go back and read more to see if that is truly where i was being led?
            continuing to clean with caulking and will continue paint more inside cabinets so get some kitchen things away where out of sight in cabinet. The interior of cabinets are filthy and have been a process since moved in,and with arm tendonitis/tennis elbow? i keep icing twice per day and had left all this for a bit, but God is calling upon me to focus on this cleaning up what will help me long term clearer space. I do still have leak in ceiling,I know God will provide.I do not want to continue prayer for same item as I heard Christian radio say all need say is once and God hears,it is all in His timing and for me to continue to ask/pray for same thing is showing a doubt in my heart for His work .
            Have a good afternoon
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Sounds like you are hard at work! Make sure to take time to walk or get out…the fresh air will do you some good…at least it seems to when we work so hard on stuff like you are doing. And, in reading on autoimmune and other health issues, it’s important to wear a mask if possible, open windows, and get some fresh air flowing. About going back to God for things…I have a different outlook on that. There are some things I take to the Lord over and over…not because I doubt but because it releases my worry and increases my intimacy with Him. He understands our fragile human condition, tells us to come to him as children-with a child-like heart-and never puts a limit on that. Like with Jon, he sometimes asks me the same thing over and over and over and over…if it’s a worry, anxious heart, something he forgets, whatever…I love that he is honest and pure enough to say “I need help with this”. In other words, he trusts that I am going to help him through. Just is the same with Jesus, He helps us through when we cannot do it ourselves. I also have learned when I don’t run to my Lord, then I can quickly get stuck worrying, fretting, and doubting which he commands us not to do…”Do not worry or be afraid” as He writes in Matthew and elsewhere. You can choose what you think is best for your heart but I don’t think it’s doubting God’s capability or you wouldn’t be running to Him in the first place. Pray is so often for us…He already knows our needs but when we return to His feet and cling, we come to know Him more. Finally, it may be good to know what you were seeking when you opened scripture. Lamentations is the book of Lament…of sorrow per say. Jeremiah was a prophet at the time and due to the parallels in the book of Jeremiah and Lamentations, most scholars believe Jeremiah who wrote Lamentations. Just 5 chapters in length, he expresses anguish, grief, great sorrow over how the people refused to turn in their wicked ways and stay on the path of destruction. In my New Living translation, one writer says “Those in anguish can plead before God (1:20-22), God fulfills justice (2:17) and in the midst of utter misery and sorrow, if we seek the Lord, we can experience mercy. It’s debated how long Jeremiah was the prophet….somewhere between 40-48 years…without one convert. Year after year after year the people maintained their wicked ways…it was awful yet Jeremiah was faithful to stay the course. While I don’t know what discouragement or frustration you felt, it seems the theme of heartbreak and sorrow fits what you are enduring. Those you love continually choose another path in spite of their ability to turn from their ways and follow Jesus. There is tremendous discouragement to be the ONLY one-like Jeremiah-who follows God’s path. I don’t know if that resonates with you and what the Lord was leading you towards, but perhaps this is helpful and even comforting to you today. Stay the course, God has his loving hands wrapped around you in that soft blanket of love and will see you through. Much Love, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, wow, yes the thoughts you have shared regarding Lamentations and Jeremiah (I cannot believe once again I had forgotten his character in Bible and all his courage with determination to keep going on his path) yes it all makes perfect sense to me now. I was becoming uncomfortable for I followed to calling to read,although because the grief and sorrow was so identical and strong within my own core, I was beginning to become angry that this was how I was feeling within, it was one of those moments I missed the message completely for my own anguish did fester more with reading the same feelings, although amazing that I have been contemplating the thought of mercy,even for a liscence plate.lol. mrcme (mercyme)
            lol. I have contemplating this word and wanted in heart to look up the meaning and really absorb it.and then here I was called to Lamentations,and what you have in your note regarding mercy right in His word in Lamentation verse you have shared
            “Those in anguish can plead before God (1:20-22), God fulfills justice (2:17) and in the midst of utter misery and sorrow, if we seek the Lord, we can experience mercy.
            So this was for me why I am being called to Lamentations ,because this is so much a match for how I am feeling,yes total heartbreak fits what I am enduring. I guess I could not read much more of another experiencing that level of intensity, maybe seeking more Psalm reading for poetry,but this is where I was called ,as I do believe God was leading me towards, and there is still more for me to read in Lamentations where it may pop out to me His truth in Leading me there. ALthough I am resonating more toward He may want me to not run from this core sorrow, as I have been feelign quite anxious and anguish,and yes ,I have been stirred to run far away, and this weekend before He told me to clean organize,He had been saying to Be still and quiet…and maybe i listened a little but became frustrated in another moment and then He delivered calling to Lamentations..stay the course as look at Jerimiah, so many years, so so many years.incredible how heartbroken he must have been although the threads of joy I do believe he kept connecting in our Lord, and I so much love the joy and peace as I have had that and it will come again.
            I am glad you have shared also the thought of continue to pray. I will continue forward with my full heart and truest self pouring out my prayers as before,and know they are more for me and that this does not mean God believes I am doubting Him and His work.that is a good thing as I have prayed alot of multiple prayers…..repeatedly. I love that Jon has you Colleen, he is so very fortunate for he can trust you are there and you are amazing. He is a special young man for sure shining of the love that surrounds him. awesome to hear always.
            Today I had a spot of time I lost it, this happens when overwhlemed,if too much comes to me or some things or speaking goes too fast I sort of explode. And I screamed at a telephone representative from Health insurance, I could not process how there are penalties for years back where I was being told montly charge for lapse in “perscription drug coverage”…well I was transferred around,and already mentally collapsed,and it became too much information and too fast and I lost it. I yelled slow down and just got carried away in anguish and emotionally could not process any more, this has happened since my breakdown years back, i cannot take too much stimulation,whether music,noise, someone talking too fast or drivers too fast ,too much stimulation especially when I am feeling the way i am right now. Well none of this is true about lapse in insurance, and I kept saying I was sickened by this action for those who truly maybe lost a job and did not have insurance,that this kind of thing is just wrong that the individual then would need pay monthly charge,and for how long who knows. I unfortunately was in a very unstalbe condition to have recieved this letter and responded and then transferred so many times,and then told that I need clean up there error by calling another number to obtain a discrepency form and write letter stating there was no lapse at all. My heart goes to those who are less fortunate and where there is a lapse, I still not happy to hear this is allowed where for me individual need have the right to choose insurance or not for themselves and knowing their financial situation, etc. there may be a reason for a lapse that need be addressed to me better. I have no control over this however if I could write a letter to the source that institutes this in govt, I surely would like to give them my opinion ,but these things are too big for one little me to impact,so no control over that one. Accept and move on. I am grateful that it was an error for me.
            Bigger issue is I called dr. and informed her I feeling like I was breaking down mentally and emotionally and I wanted to inform her for my appt next week that we can work on releasing the anger from all my sorrow,anguish,grief,heartbreaks,and work on ways to help me cope better .
            It did rain until this morning and overcast I did go out to pick up some things needed and yes I do look forward to more of outdoors nature walk,fresh air and sunshine will suit me so very well ,maybe tomorrow will get back out there for this
            Thank you for connecting Colleen,
            and for reminding me of God loving hands wrapping around me with that soft blanket of love and that He will see me through.
            May you have a good and restful evening.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I have been there so many times you cannot imagine. Of course you lost it…just the hassle of insurance issues drive me totally nuts. And when you get passed from person to person to person and already feel you are being treated unfairly, then the fact that you are not heard just blows the top off it all. Now it is a great idea to ask how to handle the anger stuff. Maybe punching the bed or a pillow…we have a boxing thing and sometime put on some boxing gloves and pound away. Plus you have so much you are dealing with…being extremely careful to get things done, not make mistakes, probably acutely self monitoring…these raise the anxiety level on everything. I think it may be good to ask your therapist about the best way to be less harsh on yourself. It’s a typical response to be highly aware at all times when one has had the background you have had; brain chemistry adapts but it affects our adrenal and endocrine system and can eventually lead to compromises in your physical body. I still have to work on being less anxious, less self doubting, more at peace with the day even if I didn’t get all I wanted to get done completed. Meditation, stretching, yoga, all these practices are wonderfully peaceful and healing to you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Plus, when you center your focus, you harness your imagination and it doesn’t run wild with all the “should have” and “ought to have”…. you can just be. About your scripture reading, there is no rule to where you should read or we would all be sunk. Follow where God’s spirit leads and if there is a time when it makes no sense, perhaps it’s to be tucked away in your heart for a later time to figure out. You don’t have to figure it out all at once and not every reading will bring some great meaning. I have asked the Lord to direct me to a passage and it has made no sense…I have felt totally frustrated as in trying to hear His leading we are easily angered and self blaming if we don’t have some huge awakening. So let it be. Just say “Lord, I don’t understand and maybe I didn’t hear you right but thank you for your word which is truth that I can stand firmly upon”. Commentaries help as well. The information I got for Lamentations came from several commentaries…some on Biblehub and some on Bible gateway. Either way, you are in His word and that is always a great place to be. Just let yourself relax knowing it happens to us all. You are not going crazy but you may be a bit hard on yourself so know it’s okay to not understand. I hope you have a wonderful weekend…that you rest and find peace in what you are doing or in just being in your home. I’m sure its coming together so beautifully! You may not realize but you are such a blessing to me and to my heart. Maybe to others who may pass by and read some of these words as well…we never know. Trusting in God’s mercy for you my friend. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I can say Happy Valentines Day to you and your loved ones today. I know you will be treated with the greatest thoughtfulness and greatest hearts shared today in the warmth of your home and those loving ones who surround you there.
            I first that my intuition was telling me something was missing from your sharing thoughts and connecting ,I am sorry that it is some health concerns that you are having. I am so glad that shared this with me,as my intuition was telling me there was a shift ,and at first yes I was not sure I said something ,and you had clearly expressed I had not. I did know there was something. Please know that I will keep you in my prayer.
            The thoughts that you share are all and always so understanding,and that you accepted my outburst so gracefully, your character always amazes me,and your being ever so humble always too. I was ashamed and posted my frustration with medical insurance telephone call and how I became so overstimulated….after I had popped in that moment, tears just flowed down my face and the customer service agent seemed surprised,although tried to comfort me further before transfering me last time to next person where call i finally was able to conclude.
            Yes all the cortisol, hormone waves with all the house and stress here have effected me first when had divorce and then soon after lost my dog some years back,and then i was back in balance until home finding issue,and then with repairs now seemingly gained some weight and I am positive it is all out of balance and cortisol increase with adrenal etc pumping out. I even have missed some menses due to this issue of stress and hormone/endocrine imbalance,so I look so forward to getting this all back into balance with remedies of meditation/stretching and diet as I always keep at doing whole foods and need so much bring back to balance. I had begun my meditation and then stopped,and stretching too, I was so good at all of this until I found myself without for too long with house taking the energy away with stress. I agree with you I need center my focus, and all your thoughts related to this. ANd to be easier on myself, yes my therapist has talked with me on this continuously,she is always gently and in a warm way talking with me how to be easier on myself without critism,etc, and even has provided what to say to myself through these times. Time goes by and it seems okay and i guess put aside and then when it popps again, it is not first thing at hand for me to have thought of. I know I need write down a panick book literally to pick up for these remeinders.
            I do want to go back and read the posts again, and share my thoughts on reading too.
            Right now I am having a pretty bad day I would say. I feel like yes all you said about being so sensitive and need to work harder to protect myself need find what that is, maybe reading Bible before start day? rather than at end? This insight on your part truly touched me spiritually for your incredible insight sees so well,and as to so precisely by connecting of who I am and what i seem to face by challenges ,that i believe are with this thought at its core for me.
            Today it is so simple for someone to share a special thought of me or show genuine love and/or a rose, something so special to express to me, another year even though I can see the Light of God that someone is waiting right there and suddenly going to knock on my door and surprise in such a fantastic way, but nothing there,nothing here for this day. I was going to treat myself to something small like roses at Whole FOods for i think 12.00 a dozen but 50 minutes away. I made the mistake of saying okay to Reiki Master to join me to return some tile samples I had here, and he did not even say Happy Valentines day,and of all things asked me to drive. lol. SO much for the delicate sensitive thoughts I dream of to exist even with someone I believe is some kind of friend. I have an issue with driving a man,I beleive it is because my xhusband always had me drive him, no matter where we went, I am really old fashioned lady really,I simply like a man if going out especially Valentines day, I guess I am not the pro woman movement. ANyway, my car ended up acting up, and it need to go be serviced for transmission issue, I am going to be most hopeful that the clutch just need to be adjusted as it is a 2010. I got a clutch for purpose of saving money although I do not care for driving 5 speed at all. For me today yes I keep saying that was my big mistake with car buying at divorce time, it really would have benefited me get what comfortable for not much more really over life time of car taht i could have fincanced then and it would have not been that much more in payment. But I did get 5 speed. ANd it is reving high, so now tomorrow or monday i need bring to dealership for service and leave there I am told,therefore need pick up rental car. This is a costly repair if internal transmission clutch issue unless simple adjustment i am told. I am going to be hopeful and bring to our Lord for He has in past changed outcome for me in incredible ways, like with septic,no problem when checked,and some other things like a/c unit smell of burning motor or belt and the service did not find anythign wrong after thoroughly looking over and it has been working since. SO I am going to rest my complete faith in our Lord on this .I am not able to go drive until I get rental car so I am here Valentines Day afternoon going to stay.
            I have no understanding, as I am not supposed to with any of this.
            I will let you know how all this works out. If I bring car tomorrow and rental location can follow me to dealer and leave car at dealer even though closed sunday can leave off, then I still can technically get with rental vehcile to my therapist appt monday. If not i will need reschedule with my therapist .
            Take good care this weekend and I do look forward to connecting again soon.
            Wholeheartedly,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You are truly amazing…to have the intuition to know something was distracting my attention. TRUST YOUR INTUITION! It is an incredible gift that few have….perhaps 1% of the population. And I am so thrilled to know you trusted your gut and did not worry that it was about you. Incredible growth there…when have you ever been free enough to know you were not the problem but someone was struggling and you were simply waiting to hear back. That says so much about your inner strength. Yes, this past week was very difficult. I learned my whole back is a train wreck…bone on bone in my neck and lumbar region; scoliosis has intensified and I wasn’t able to drive for two days as my sciatic nerve was in an uproar. So, I hung on but didn’t get to what I love most…connecting with others like you and those on my Facebook page who so faithfully support and care. I go to the chiropractor for the next nine weeks, 3 times a week and then we will know if surgery is required. This is the life my family lives in reality…my father was in a car accident one month ago and fractured a rib and had huge bruising down his leg. He is okay but that too was a distraction. So, you were right on my sweet friend…many challenges but we are strong through Christ and our many weaknesses. You have to trust your gut…it’s so similar to Jon’s in that you both seem to know beyond the visual to the unseen…something that must keep you connected to the Lord. It’s a very powerful gift but the enemy can distract you in many ways. Like today for example….the longings you feel, naturally so, to be loved. The “friend” who called on the very day that celebrates love used you for a ride but did not say a word about thankfulness or your gifts. Love always thinks of the other, speaks to the other and uplifts the other…obviously this was not the case today. I am so sorry you were used in that way…today and in the past. You are not “old fashioned”, you are simple a woman to be respected. Christ calls the church His bride and men are to represent the church to their wives…so it is in serving that they show love. His word is timeless which makes us not ‘old fashioned’ but right on with God’s truth. Very few men are taught this today; and very few women know this is the way God intended love to be…so much of society as twisted life and relationships to fit one’s own needs rather than the others. You are not old fashioned, but very different from today’s culture. My dad says that many who lead or follow closely to Christ feel alone quite often because society today has ‘lost its way’ and is drifting out to a huge secular mentality. So being alone is not unusual but draws us to cling to our Lord just as you are doing. You may not see the results of your devotion in this life, but know that God see’s and know’s you intimately and your heavenly home will be beautiful. I’m so sorry the “friend” left you to feel alone; I’m also very glad there was no pressure put upon you for more…no demands as there has been in the past. That shows he knows you have set limits that cannot be crossed….excellent!!! Oh Sandra, if only you could have someone hold you and tell you this will pass…this season of feeling alone and lost in some ways but found in many other ways. I believe you will find Spring to be new birth for you in many ways. I don’t know how or when but I do believe this year is going to be positive and encouraging to you….maybe in little bursts or small ways, but to you and me…those will be huge. Love you friend and know I am sending huge hugs to surround you with His love and joy. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I am so sorry that you are having the difficult time with the condition of spinal scoliosis and having the sciatica inflamed with that annoying chronic severe discomfort and feeling it is keeping you away from doing what it is you love to do and really doing much of anything for lack of comfortable position to find peace and settling. I will say I embrace your situation with loving prayer for this path with chiropracter, at God’s will. there be relief in short time. It is for me truly remarkable how insightful you are and still amazing clarity and focus in our connection even with the degree of discomfort I know that you are experiencing. I am sorry as well your Dad had been hit so hard that his rib was injured, I am thankful to hear he is recovering and no head and/or other organ related injuries. I am certain it was very traumatic for being in accident is a shock,especially when hit so hard with injury.
            It is crazy that you both are suffering with these very physical bone/nerve issues, the level of pain is shared.
            The insight with my intuition and Jon’s too is incredible along with you Colleen and only 1% gosh! I have heard your Dad speak online about this too. It is astonishing to me always and heartbreaking most of all.
            I often do believe that those like myself and Jon too with special needs share a depth of insight beyond and that is what others usually not aware of, these spiritual gifts, and we usually have further insight than the average individual knows of themselves. I by no means a genious but there are levels of genious in special needs that are remarkable. I get in some trouble with my intuition alone as I see so much in someone and often the individual will argue that none of which I share is true,often i see it come later whether a growth or happening. I keep much to myself for this reason and try to ask God to Bless this person knowing that there is something I need wait on and have intuition, and the information too bombards me. I have to say I think that has gotten better , I am not sure why although I have noticed that I more “centered” maybe in confidence by the Lord work that this information in detail that would suck me up in a room no longer to my knowledge sucks me up as debilitating as it had. It may be that I have so much happening with house,etc,that I have not been as clear to absorb what around me and increased focus on God and myself
            .before I would suddenly fall into seeing and receiving layer after layer of someone near me and my taking that on like a sponge. Wow,that may be an area of boundary that is working for I do not absorb to this extent at least right now! how about that if this is true. So I am delighted taht you have shared with me what you have in depth with me and understand and share how I need protect myself. That is something I continue to work to do. Like this morning even a chimney man that was last conversation by telephone asked me to call him in 2-3 weeks as he overloaded with work, he did say how do i feel about a sunday and I said ok. well he left voicmail yesterday wanted to come out and another this morning and arrogant that if i do not call him back he will not call me again,and when i called to say there must have been a miscommunication as I heard he was not going call me i will call in 2-3 weeks to see when he able to come out. He was actually nasty, saying he left more than two messages and it is the 21st century why i do not have my phone with me, and he asked for a working number, and very invasive and aggressive I thought. so I think I am going to look at another contracter. I said I appreicate his trying to reach me to come out before this week very cold temps and possibly ice to see if he could seal up chimney and also heating bill skyrocketed,so he said he had a red star beside name. That was not impression he gave me first conversation,that he was over loaded,I was to call him, so not same man on phone this morning wanting to argue why i did not pick up my phone and get his voicmails. It was not professional to me. I am not sure about this contracter.
            with the Reiki friend,yes he has still clear motive but not as pressing ,for example he started coming by without calling again,like last nite,suddenly wanted to know if i was okay and when I did not receive text of he could comfort me through this with car issue, he popped by .I did answer door but he ended up creating a blame me game of saying when I say he does not undestand for me to expalin why it was the worst Valentines day, he blamed me for being all about me and walked off saying do not call me to help me. That is how he behaves,and why it was my mistake to let him along,especially when he asked for me to drive and all the other lacking heartful ways I would have appreciated for Valentines Day kind of day.Interesting.and I cried so much last nite to God, I just kept asking why, I know it is not for me to understand but I cried so hard and long and I could not hear him for my being so upset,and I know He knows and was with me. I will continue to focus on boundaries and I think I was not happy with myself too deep within for I let myself be used for riding with me . He is munipulitive person taht I need not trust for his motives are clear, but I get the helping vibe and guess thought oh I can just go in car nothing more. Then he kept pressing me coming over two nites ,nite before Valentines and last nite for shrimp .That is where I keep saying no thank you.but he continues to ask. So not completely understanding me or ignoring my saying I am not comfortable with that!
            Thank you so much for connecting and sharing your incredible insightful understanding thoughts and letting me know what has been happening by you for I knew there was a change in frequency in our connecting.I am thinking of you there and wishing for a comfortable solution /natural remedy for your pain.and will be keeping you in my prayer here.
            With Gratitude, With Love and a Hug of His Love for you as well,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You need not apologize to rude, disrespectful, demanding people. The chimney man, the Reiki person….both have treated you with more disrespect than one would treat a dog. If a dog cries, most humane people stop and respect the animals cry for help. But here we are, both offering less respect that one would to an animal is unacceptable. I’m so sorry the chimney person was rude and accusatory. Quite frankly, those who want buisness realize they customer are essentially their boss, they work for those they serve. To be told “to call” is not a service directed person. Any service company ought to remember your name, send follow up notifications, and keep track of their customers. I would never speak to this person again and find one who knows how to serve. You are in charge, you own the place and they are to serve you. Like a pastor…they SERVE the congragation…they call, pray with, care for…it’s not the other way around. The same goes for the “Reiki” person who, in my opinion has lost the right to be called a man. Any respectful man would respect your boundaries, would not show up unannounced and then be upset when you speak the truth of your boundary he has chosen to break repeatedly. My only concern is why you keep answering the door. If you have set the boundary, don’t answer the phone or door. He MUST learn you mean what you say and that is final. Obviously, he is somewhat narcissistic in his thought processes because he doesn’t care or hear what you say. So I would step it up a bit and totally avoid the door and phone. Add locks to the door if needed, call the police if necessary, but you will have to take drastic measures as the typical ones have done nothing to stop his unacceptable behavior. And, it throws you for a loop…understandable so. He gets to that longing part of you, causes you to question yourself, and you don’t need that. You need strong, empowering people who say, yes, you are on the right track….stick to your word and don’t give in. For those who ‘do not hear’, that rule is ever more necessary…simply never break a rule you have set. In so doing, perhaps he will get the message at some point that you will not budge. I know I am speaking strongly but this has gone on for too long. You have stated your bottom line repeatedly, it has been disrespected repeatedly, so it means you raise the bar until you are respected. You are to be treated far better than either of these two men. No guilt, no remorse; just simply let your yes be yes, and your no be no. You are strong enough to do this…I know there is a spirit of confidence in you and that you can follow through. I’m praying for the best outcome here…that is, one in which you are respected and valued. Your friend, Colleen

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen. Good morning to you there in Texas. I do hope you find comfort in chiropractic care this week.
            This is exactly how I have been feeling, the Love for myself has grown in Christ Love and Loving me so as He does, that I am seeking those who do support and encourage and respect and value me so as I am a genuine individual .I agree with what your thoughts are and I did stop to a great degree responding to text,email,and yesterday as well I did not respond to his emails. There are those times that I do feel so disconnected that I thought I could have done this simple day out ,but I knew as soon as he asked me to drive and some emails he wrote the evening before with no good respect of me that I needed to find me at my core to say no I am not up to going today and I would have known how to respect and love myself in little things I could have done isolated from those who are hurtful and as you have said yes narcisitic and/or dominating/munipulitive and blame me for what they are not owning.
            I am grateful beyond words that you can imagine from me and from your experience and understanding that you are one of the biggest advocate friendships I have developed and you are so important and forever special to my heart and soul of wellness. I am most appreciative of your kind thoughts that I am meaningful to you in friendship too! Thank you for being so kind and open to encourage and support me through this process of growth.
            I did make appointment for car to be test driven tomorrow and then if I need rent the car as the dealer suggested I would ,then it is not so many days where weekday not weekend day that it would not be looked at and today dealer was not certain could get time ,just would fit me in somewhere and I would not be able to wait.so instead wasted money on rental when they cannot look at car, at least tomorrow i am positive they can look for test drive and see if need keep car there,car rental beside the dealership so will tentative pick up after my appt. My dr./therapist was able to fit me into a cancelation next week instead of today as i needed cancel with her. So I am truly glad for she too is amazing support to help me stay this course. She has also stated same as you Colleen ,last visit with her she had and time before told me just delete all texts and emails. It is a process and these types of people I am learning know how to munipulate, my dr. calls them master munipulators and those who do this are not my friend, a friend she told me will not treat me this way.
            Thank you for truly caring about me Colleen. This weekend was not what I had wanted nor anticipated to come to me, both friend and this chimney contracter, wow, the enemy coming at me I suppose this all was. I keep reaching to the shining star I envision in God embrace of the brightest Light and Love for me,and even when just holding on through these circumstances/situations that are less than positive, my arm still extends to His Love and even if I cannot hear His guidance, the holding on to Him and knowing what character is loving by His work of me is expanding. And this is what i hope and pray for to come to my door, those that do Serve as you have stated in the most unconditional positive God conscious respectful positive way.
            I will keep you posted these next few days,
            Thank you so very much for connecting about this,and I will stay the course and truly keep working at myself to protect and not let anyone use me. I apologized to the little girl in me this morning, saying I am new at this,I know i have not been good at protecting and not letting those use me in past, I am in the process of learning so please forgive me if I misstep in my learning, I am here for you and I love you so wholeheartedly that I am here now and learning to protect you and not let anyone use you again. My dr. told me this is helpful to say to vulnerable self,in her words that were similar to what i have stated here by memory of her concept. She did not include the learning part and misstep, those were my added thoughts by this weekend I felt like I misstep by opening door ,letting friend drive with me when i did not want to be in someone space that is so disrespectful of me especially on a day that I wanted to celebrate me and treat me to truest of love whether of self or someone coming my way to truly appreciate and acknowledge who I am.
            Have a comfortable day Colleen, I know you have so much reading at your side if not able to drive,and so many apps and good pleasurable God conscious activities ,whether you are up to it to work on book, I do hope no matter what that the distraction of pain and discomfort do let you do these things that you love.
            Best Regards with so much Love to bring in His work of me,
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I wanted to say as well Thank you so much for the encouraging thoughts. I am going to keep belieiving,and your thoughts always are so filled with loving kindness encouraging me so. I know yesterday I truly believed someone was going to surprise me as someone new that noticed me or just someone that was going surprise me at my very own door with flowers or inspiring gesture of thoughtfulness and say I see who you are and you are so special lady I wanted to notice. This I truly believed as I have in past minds eye see it happening,and then nobody arrives. at least not yet. So today I am going to Thank God for the frustration and grief because in this process He is creating the image of the new person who will step into my life and His Light with me. It is the description you have shared again as a vehicle of His work, and the image that is before me of those that are not His real Love, and working the image of Real and Truest of Love so I will know when that which arrives just before me. I will rest my anguish aside for He is at work. That is what i need believe and all the rest will come I need trust in Him for my dreams to be so true and beyond what i ever imagined with His grace.
            I wanted to share that thought this morning. and also that I did stop calling the friend I speak of for help. I am even reluctant to receive help he offers, however, some of the help he says will save me money may add to aggravation later when he turns on me saying things that are mind twisting, but I have needed to use my discretion of when that is okay and try to balance what i will and able to accept in help. I even state only if you are doing it to truly help me not for any other reason.
            The other thought I wanted to share was I am open to what thoughts you have had and/or guidance in specific reading for protection of enemy due to my sensitivity/intuition/awareness seeing further . Some place maybe you share with Jon to specifically focus in Bible and to help protect. If you are okay with sharing with me what your thoughts are for me with this, I am open to listen what more i can do to help protect myself.
            Thank you, and Have a restful day, hoping you find a comfortable position to rest most of all.
            With Love and Kindness to embrace you,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            First, it is easy to fall into some unrealistic expectations or ‘dreaming’ of the perfect valentines day when many of those in reality have been less than ideal, And, society does not help…construed us to believe every relationship is perfect every love is full of bliss, that couples are always in love and never fuss…all of which couldn’t be further from the truth. Real love contains up and down periods of time, and a constant choice to keep growing together. So the expectation you may have had was more illusion that realistic which is vital to keep in check. With those who missed being celebrated as children, we can often fantasize about the ideal as we don’t know what is typical having survived such a horrendous background. Just a thought. I ‘m thrilled to know you are recogizing the use of this ‘friend’ so to speak. Has he ever submitted you with bids of other contractors as to compare that his really are the best? And, if others are a few dollars more, they don’t come with strings attached which is most compromising to you as an individual. Good job in letting this go. Finally, I don’t have a specific scripture to point you to related to your gifts except that of putting on full armor of God… and to meditate on God’s word all through the day. The Lord used scripture to counter Satan’s attacks in the dessert, I believe the word of God and the power He gives us is plenty and extremely powerful. You are on the right track. Much love, Collen

          • Sandra

            Hello Cilleen,
            I wanted to just express this thought, as good example of when I ask my friend for help in past. I need get my car to dealership about 45 minutes away, if break down i have car insurance road service,that is not a problem. However, the dealership told me when i drop it off it will not be a wait,but a drop off of vehicle for them to diagnose this visit. so i need a rental car. I checked and found although lowest rate next to dealership it is still costly to me for per day. I would love to be able to ask to be taken to dealership,pick up some groceries and then be taken back home ,if I could ask this friend to help it would help me financially greatly. I have hestitated now with issues that have been more stressful for me. I am placing my Faith in our Lord that He is watching and He knows how to help me,and all will be okay whatever He provides.
            Have a good evening,
            I will do all I can to rest my heart and mind with this and keep you posted how all has turned out here.
            Thank you for being there,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            This is an excellent example of how he uses you. You do have a reasonable need but you must not call on him or you will communicate your boundaries as stated do not mean anything when you have a need. I would ask if the dealership has anyway to get you home, if they offer rental cars, or if you could wait for the time they fix the car. Another thing I may do is see if there as any public transportation near you where you could ride that. And, another is to ask a neighbor for help. There must be ways you do not default to this person as if you do, plan to be taken advantage of at some point. Any break in your stated boundaries will communicate to a manipulator there is a way around the rules. You must not give in. I’ll try to think of other ways you could get help. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen.exploring meaning mercy and merciful online bible guides and came across a verse of Bible I wish to keep at my side always, Psalm 69:16.goodnite and glad I read this before bed. best regards
            Sandra

            Subject: Re: Comment on The Source of Hope and Strength

          • Sandra,
            It is a beautiful verse. Always seek additional commentaries when looking at a verse…these are available on Biblehub and Gateway Bible. They will help you understand what was happening in the process and around the setting. I hope this helps. If we don’t use a verse in context text, it’s easy to ‘proof text’ which means to use a verse out of it’s context to prove a point which is often very off the real meaning of the verse. So you are wise to look into the verse and passage. I hope it provides encouragement to you. Colleen

  • Sandra,
    This is wonderful news…things are moving along. Yes, there is so much healing in animal therapies of all kinds. For autism, there is equine, dolphin, dog, and various pet therapies that have proven to be extremely healing. Funny, dogs cannot say a word but there essence ‘gets’ the bigger picture when they are with a person. They just know. I think it’s spectacular that so much can change and be healed without a word spoken…God works in so many ways we can’t imagine. Sometimes Jon will “know” something is up in my spirit or in our home just by intuition; his is incredibly powerful. So keep up the pursuit and I pray it is a good experience for you and I KNOW it will be for the animal you are with. Blessings to you and all you give. Colleen

  • Sandra,
    I am so delighted to hear you enjoyed her interview! I knew you would. She is also extremely sensitive and those who are seem to have life touch them deeply. What a rare and wonderful quality. I think as you encounter new things like these tears, they may feel new because you have had to bury them for so long. In that way they are old but new because you were always on the watch for danger and never had time or was given permission to feel and talk about your feelings in truth. When the truth is surfacing, and you notice it is so different than how you had to live for years, then it’s overwhelming. I’m sure you feel very overwhelmed. I’m wondering if you have any symptoms of ADD…I have it really bad and some of the symptoms include feeling overwhelmed, not being able to categorize tasks, keep track of tasks, procrastination because it’s “too big”, and scattered thinking. It’s not a good or bad thing, it’s just a reality that one has to learn how to live with and teach oneself to schedule, monitor, ask for help, and have a planner. If you want more into on it, I have sites and links. You may not because some symptoms of being abused are very similar to ADD symptoms….in fact, when it comes to labels, I try to stay away from them and just examine the symptoms and make a plan. I would love to hear if you watch Patsy’s interview again what moves you the most. She is very real, authentic, and says it like it is. Love that. My suggestion is to keep allowing yourself to grieve and don’t try to make sense of it all the time. Some grief is called “complicated grief”…it’s when we have had many losses and sorting through it all is complicated. Sometimes it’s good to write or journal or simply say I need a good cry and give yourself space to cry. All that opens up space for love and God’s presence to fill you up. I am so very proud of you and happy for you…I hope you do sense a feeling of relief at times. Feeling like you don’t have to gain acceptance, live by someone else’s agenda, wonder if you will be safe….all that make for a happy heart. You are a blessing in my life. Great to connect with you again. Colleen

  • Sandra,
    I agree with your therapist…any and every way you can protect yourself from this person is vital to your growth. You MUST not give in regardless…if you can ask the car dealership or the rental dealership for grace in lowering price, they may but you must not do anything to lower your self to his level. Would you allow an animal to be treated this way? No. I’m glad your therapist and I are in unified agreement and whatever it takes, you must do it. God will provide for your needs in some way. Much love, colleen

    • Sandra

      Hello COlleen, do I wish I had your tech people here to help advise me! I hope that you are doing okay with appts set for spine issue, I am thinking of you and hoping you are finding comfort with treatments.
      I am making every last effort to download a video from my cell phone of house and projecrts to then be able to forward video to Fix it & Finish it free room renovation entry, they are going to be coming to Charleston and COlumbia SC and I was provided an entry simply by seeing show for first time on regular basic channels of tv and I emailed them to inquire if their renovations are free or what is fee? And they sent me this information with entry link that they coming to my area. Wow! I have been working on this attempt of video to email for 48 hours. I even traveled down to my computer repair individual as I cannot seem to get video to transfer. He downloaded VLC some software to view.well comes up now on computer but audio scratchy and cannot download to email attachment.I so much would like to submit entry completed with video so maybe i can possibly win free renovation of a room. I am using so much energy, I am praying for this to work
      I will keep you posted.
      Sandra

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen
      I could not be more discouraged .I made every possible attempt download video and tried multiple times to attach as file but did not cooperate.I emailed entry without video pleading they accept with attached photi s explaining my attempts including trip to computer repair to help. I requested a confirmation that entry was accepted as is and have not heard back at this time. I may see who in community…ex:walmart walgreens to see if anyone can download video from phone and put on flashdrive for me to attach to an email as attachment via their computer? The enemy certainly wants weaken me with this here.I simply do not get it at all.
      best regards
      Sandra

    • Sandra

      Hello Colleen, hope that you are well. I think I finally have given up here at least for this day. I am so crushed emotionally and even spiritually. I just believing that really people on this Earth truly do not care about God and/or any other human being but for themselves. I am feeling hurt I think that this life will not pick up for me in an amazing way. I have nobody I can rely on in Earth form, God is surrounding me I can sense His light and only thing keeping a glimpse of me going. I just do not get the pain I need endure here with no help coming my way and with that to come to me someone who truly cares about me before me here,someone to treat me as I have always wanted so much to be treated with unconditonal amazing love and grace. I observe silently those that seem like they trying to get one over on me. So many people on this Earth in Sheep clothing . I am going to attempt one more time to get video to Fix it &Finish It ,someone gracious at Walmart electronics/wireless said she will try to forward from my phone this video. I had called Samsung maker of phone last evening and they could not help either. I am simply very discouraged by all.
      Much Love
      Sandra

      • Sandra,
        I know you have written several times but I’ve been delayed in my response. I wanted to reply to the most recent first because you are desperate. I want you to not think about what has not happened but what has come your way as long as I have known you. You don’t need to make a list, just walk or sit and think about the ways the Lord has provided…not what you always expected or wanted but no one is entitled to that on this earth. We are really entitled to die, but because Christ left the comfort of His heavenly home, came here to be mocked, persecuted, rejected by some in his family, beaten and abused in every way, then killed on behalf of you and me…you DO have some things to live for. He provided you a place to lay your head with the Reiki friend. While he may not be a friend at this point, God provided for you through that person….your needs were met. And then the ladies at the bookstore, the coffee shop, neighbors, people who meet you and find you astounding have crossed your path time and time again. Your therapist has opened her doors for you as you can afford, you have reached out to me and I so thoroughly believe in you; there is a warm place to lay your head and enough to get by with for now. Remember Moses in front of the burning bush…God did not tell him about how He would solve the plagues, part the seas, he just said “GO”…it’s the next right thing. God did not make it always comfortable, in fact, we are not promised earthly comfort from Christ, we are promised His presence in our discomfort. For 40 years, God did provide food for those released from slavery….it was manna, day in and day out…the same thing and they hated it after a while but He was faithful to provide. And in Deuteronomy 8:2 the Lord says “I led you all the way through the wilderness these 40 years…to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep my commands. Sandra, it’s when we are bone weary, out of our own resources, exhausted with life and all it’s crappy messes that God and only God remains faithful. For whatever reason, you are where you are….a good place, in fact a great place compared to where you were two years ago…one year ago. You think differently, you have developed confidence, strength, resiliency, determination, and ways to manage like you never would have before. To just give up now because you are tired would be like giving up running a marathon on the last mile. I don’t know where God is leading you…often He takes us to the bare bones, down to nothing but HIM…so our truest character is revealed. THIS IS your time…not when the help shows up and things are fixed…it’s when you have no help and stuff is falling apart…can HE trust Sandra with His plan? Only you can answer that. There were seasons where the Lord couldn’t trust me, I faltered, I gave up hope; but other’s did not give up believing for me and helping me along. So it is with you right now…I am believing for you that there is hope ahead. What is the option…to turn back and fall into old patterns….you were running from that and it led you to misery if I remember correctly. So hang on, my sweetest friend…hang on and be still. Don’t expect anything to be done or fixed; expect God to sit with you as you cry and scream and wish He would hurry up and cry some more. Then, the dust will settle and you will look back in humble amazement that it really was God who brought you through. This is what Paul was speaking of in II Corinthians…he felt the sentence of death, beaten, shipwrecked, at the end of all hope…so that he would know how to comfort others in such conditions and that God’s work would be seen. Few will know how to comfort those who come behind you; lost and afraid. They will need help; and you will have that to give but you have to be given it first. That is what happens when we sit THROUGH the messes. You can at least take one more breath….then the next….then we’ll see. That’s all He asks of us. You are a treasure….stick with me and with Jesus, Sandra. He is our only hope. I promise. Colleen
        Colleen Swindoll-Thompsone
        Insight for Living Ministries
        Special Needs-Director
        CThompson@insight.org
        972-473-5016 (w)
        469-400-2968 (c)
        PUBLIC NOTICE: All communication is private and confidential, only to be viewed by the recipient. Any changes, signatures, alterations in forms or communicated material is subject to legal action.

        • Sandra

          Hello Colleen.Thank you for reaching out to me. I really am grateful I want you to be sure to know this. I began to cry as I read through all thoughts and encouragement. I needed to hear all of what you have expressed and confirmed about Jesus, slaves being fed, etc.I so needed this reminder to weep some of what feefs like a griefstricken heart and soul. I was beginning to believe that old patterns had me feeling more physically well. I do feel I am looking the part of pain and dispair more than I had three yeats back. Stress has kept my woman cycle 70 days without natural mense. I know it is from stresss. I am going try yogi as in past I loved qi gong.I have begun stretching. I guess this lack of knowing how to make a video for home renovation entry felt like I was racing for gold medal just sitting 5 feet before me but no matter how hard I tried to reach for it I was being literally held back from any good fair full chanxe. I asked how could this be. This entry is what would have imagined could help me so terifically if I won …the help that could be. I did put through entry not complete as intended but to get something in for casting. Tomoorow someone in library said bring in my phone and he will help me download or upload the video I intended initially and if he is able help I will resubmit entry with thst video of room and why I believe I am candidate.I apologize for such despair.however I am beyond grateful you are there and have so encouraged me even during a time that there are challenges by you too. I thought of you and your Dad today…..his rib fracture unexpectedly and your spinal discomfort . Life is really hard at times. I thought that the greatest gift is you have each other in a relationship I have never had known.the way it is reluable and so amazingly strong.I will keep praying here.as I noted in previous post I can see God Light and Love even when it feels so tough onEarth. Thank you for great thoughts that I will ponder over saturday and again be still. Thank you with all of my heart Colleen
          take care and I look forward to connecting with you soon
          I am going look for a pillow I have seen in past with phrase on it I love you to the moon and back so every time at home reminded how much I have love.
          With wholeheated gratitude
          goodnite
          Sandra

          • Sandra,
            There will be times when you cycle back down, feeling like you are in the exact same place you were when you began to change. The reality is, you hit a new level of growth or depth which often ‘feels like’ an old place. The truth is, you would never reach these new levels without going through those before. Much of growing up on the inside is similar in process to growing up on the outside…you can’t be 30 unless you have been 28, 29, so on. There are season’s as we grow physically, so there are season’s as we grow in every other way too. And, you will learn as you grow older, life is hard, it’s not what you expected or dreamed of; especially when you lived through such hardships, it was easy for you to imagine a life free of such pain. In those imaginations, life didn’t have pain and was really not an accurate picture or reality. So when you learn that reality isn’t what you dreamed it could be, it’s a double hit…adjusting to life’s challenges, accepting ‘what is’, resolving internal conflicts of wishing for more…all of this is complicated and hard when we have been deeply wounded. Again, this is why many don’t really grow up on the inside. They prefer to live in the illusion that life will be or can be ____, always yearning for something that will never come about and missing what God has for them in the moment. Being aware…awake…in life is vital because we need to see God’s hand in our lives and if we are always wishing for different or numbing or coping in unhealthy ways, we miss all God does offer us each day. Also, you have come so very far, worked so very hard that when something that seems simple doesn’t work….it pulls us all that pain you felt in trying so hard to be loved yet nothing worked. All your best efforts didn’t lead to what you longed for the most….love…so when you try hard to accomplish something and that falls through, a swell of emotions crashes in on you. One of the hardest parts of life is emotional balance…learning to live with some conflicts, challenges, disappointments, irritations…and not letting them take you under. I still have to work on this in some areas of my life. For example, I will try to figure out something technical (and I am NOT technical AT ALL…creatives do not typically do well with technical things), only to find hours have passed and the problem still exists or is worse. Yes, that is where we need others to help. And please know, there have been many seasons where no support was near….this is when I grew closest to Christ because He was ALL I had. Sandra, He promises to be enough and HE is enough. He longs for you to run to Him…when you feel defeated, let down, wounded, forgotten…whatever…experience the human void and let Him speak to you. That may be through someone’s words, a card, a verse, or through nature, a bird, a flower…you will notice because you are awakening to life. I’m sorry you felt so defeated and I’m glad you reached out. When you hit a wall, stop before getting too discouraged and ask the Lord what it is that He would have you do. He will provide…sometimes not as we can see immediately but HE will faithfully carry you through. Much love and care for you my sweet and cherished friend. Colleen
            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson
            Insight for Living Ministries
            Special Needs-Director
            CThompson@insight.org
            972-473-5016 (w)
            469-400-2968 (c)
            PUBLIC NOTICE: All communication is private and confidential, only to be viewed by the recipient. Any changes, signatures, alterations in forms or communicated material is subject to legal action.

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, Thank you for your most genuine thoughts and speaking of me so kindly, I find comfort in your thoughts shared. One of the greatest characteristic of knowing in you Colleen that I cherish and love so much is how you speak so easily to our Lord, when you speak with Him and how you guide Jon to speak and ask Him “what it is that He would have me do”. That is the greatest gift to hear and know that you have greatest ease in knowing how to do this with such open heart and such amazing clarity to listen.So much Light and Love there.
            Thank you for sharing your wisdom and as always such examples that are hard but clear and real. I appreciate once again your great understanding of what I am experiencing and as well the “creatives do not typically do well with technical things”. I felt even worse as the computer repair person i took computer too for help said I “should” be able to do this, and asked how my house was coming along as he came to work on computer once here and saw the work in progress. He said to me “shame on you” when I claimed it was still ongoing work in progress,not all fixed up yet as he was inquiring. I am supposed to go to library,and honestly I have not .I instead have rested all weekend,phone off,and maybe depressed a bit but I will either go down to library this afternoon or tomorrow as person there to help both days .I did submit video ,but not more than 20 seconds which is just so short i am uncertain that Fix It &Finish It casting will accept? I will reenter with longer video if Librarian /Tech person can help with larger video from my phone take to computer in library with ease .
            It does really hurt this reality of life Colleen. I so much wish I could have lived better all the years I felt physically better, not sure what that means but yet a subtle thought. I as you have stated was not living in truth and in reality. it is really crazy what this transformation process does on chemistry and in turn emotionally and physically. I know i can not wait to “feel better when this or that” although I need to focus on my clarity of hope and focus on being in God’s hand through this as it is right here and right now,not getting overwhelmed with dreams and things wishing for. This is really tough,and I so much truly look forward to emotional and spiritual balance and physical will follow, with greatest intention of soon,I know God will when in His timing. Maybe this is my learning for the day, in this very moment live what is true,with God hand in our Lives, not wait until all is as I dream,for that is not reality and I will not be living today? That is very interesting .See all he has for me in this moment of this day. incredible gratitude for one I can see automatically is your thoughts in this very connection Colleen. Thank you! As you even stated yesterday thoughts that not make a list but see where I am today and all He has provided over the previous years of struggle during this opening to heal inner self along with painful waiting for it to show its end with healthy relations and more balance,peace and joy more days than crippling painful sorrow and despair.My focus /goal I will make every effort to remind myself what He is providing and what He has during these harder times. He has provided by your exact thoughts here for my understanding and growth for what it is He would have me do I believe.
            I am so happy that we connected and I cherish your understanding and friendship to reach out to me today. I know that you have alot going on by you and i hope that you are having a comfortable day and with greater ease with each passing day.
            Thank you so much for your note, it is exactly what I did need to hear and to reconnect with my inner core and not try to escape the discomfort but to embrace that this is where God has me in life right now for some reason and greater purpose. I so much looking forward to emotional balance. I also need pray on letting go and not forcing what God has another path intended for me.this will ease up much of my frustration of where it hurting.
            Have a truly Blessed afternoon.
            With Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Well, first of all, I felt like hitting the guy who spoke to you in such a rude way. I know hitting is wrong but my flesh struggles when other’s are not treated with respect and you were definitely NOT treated respectfully. I don’t know why he felt the need to say what he did, but it was said and it shows his lack of maturity and relational understanding. It may help when someone speaks to you in such a way to reply with “I’m not really sure how to take what you said but it sure sounded rude….help me understand what you meant”…if you want to explore it. Or you can simply say I don’t prefer to work with you any longer and then walk away. What you are learning is how to stand up for yourself respectfully…not to lash out or fight or cower down but to speak the truth with wisdom. This takes a ton of practice. Anytime someone says something to you that causes you to feel put down, and you find it worth your time to address, then pause, listen to your gut, and speak from the “I” place…”If I heard you correctly, what you said felt _____”; or “I find it difficult to understand what you said since you have no idea how I spend my time”; or however you would put words to what you feel. If it’s an ongoing project with someone, then you may have to address it. If it’s a one time occurrence, I would let it go. I have learned this from the many comments people have made about my son…those who don’t know he is different or think they know how I should parent him. People can be terribly rude and unforgivng; I used to let it fester but found that only caused my soul to be bitter and angry. So I’ve had to let go and remind myself that even Christ who was perfect in every way was treated horribly. He understands us. I too understand how this process takes a toll on your entire being…physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually….I get it. My current health issues and back issues are a result of not taking care of myself and loads of stress. And yes, I didn’t begin to “wake up” until I was in my late 30’s, early 40’s. But, if you think that you are now 50, you have (Lord willing) years in front of you that can be revolutionary to others you meet who have been wounded and need help. You may want to think about going back to school…or taking on line classes and getting involved in a lay counseling program at your church or getting involved with community support groups. Your gift of intuition and tender understanding is remarkable…use it to help others. God isn’t limited to our time so it really doesn’t matter our physical age, it’s our relationship with Him that spills over and touches others. Finally, I still fight days when I am discouraged or have a void of some kind inside. I’m asking the Lord to help me understand where it comes from or if it’s just part of the human condition….we are in a place we were not created for and that is a big bummer. Until heaven, we cling to Him and believe He is working. Sometimes having several hobbies helps time pass…I know you love to decorate and paint, there are all kinds of things you could pick up should you be interested. Just know you are not the only one who feels lonely at times or is disappointed with life. I understand. You are doing so much…think of how far you have come with the house, the work with things unexpected, car issues….oh my gosh…most would have given up but you haven’t. So that speaks to your maturity and character. It’s an honor always to write and connect. Colleen
            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson
            Insight for Living Ministries
            Special Needs-Director
            CThompson@insight.org
            972-473-5016 (w)
            469-400-2968 (c)
            PUBLIC NOTICE: All communication is private and confidential, only to be viewed by the recipient. Any changes, signatures, alterations in forms or communicated material is subject to legal action.

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, Thank again for sharing so many good and real thoughts,some by experience with Jon and as well how stress is so not good on our whole being. I know when I can get a good walk in, perhaps it will energize my existance again to explore those lovely ideas for distracting my attention like hobbies,etc. I wanted to express how much I appreciate your understanding and sharing what you have today. The crazy thing that I seem to fall into with for example the computer repair individual is I reply from my heart and I stated simply that I can only do what I can do and if I am not able to complete all projects all at once, then that is what I have for now, I stated in a very accepting this is my situation right now. And I left it like that, he seemed to hush up,however I do continue to hear the “should be ashamed” phrase repeatedly replaying in my head.That was why I wanted to mention it here as it did hurt the way that I was talked to. And he never really had charged before to just take a look at computer to be sure no virus, not until he knew and took computer to work on to remove a virus he charges. This time he had also charged 20.00 to simply check and found no virus. I did pick up on feeling taken advantage of that day as his norm is not to do that, and the way he looked at me and said 20.00 will pay for his lunch made me feel that he was taking advantage. I certainly want to pay someone for services, it just was this day seemed different in a disrespectful way,as you stated as well . I honestly did not go to library to work on resource there to help with video for I did not want to reopen that not knowing as much as some others,and not wanting to feel embarrassed or ashamed in front of too many people at library. Tomorrow I will find courage and maybe weather will permit a really good walk too. It saddens Colleen that my character people look at as maybe weak and open invitaiton to try take advantage or be disrespectful….example, the chimney guy on telephone, this computer repair man, and the tile store where I found the carpenter that does some work for me, well his boss is married and I know he is being a little munipulitve, keeps saying he is at work after 10pm if I want to call him, he keeps subtley adding to a conversation that it is always good to see me or talk to me……and even last time i was there to pick up a sample, he went on to say how he lives close by and can help me with diy projects in guiding me to help save some money….I just can feel the sheep clothing but a motive behind his eyes,and I am not imagining this, it is the way I pick up actions /body and expressions that are not true. and know where he is going with this. I do not trust this person at all.
            he owns the carpet and tile store and I am simply lessening my interaction there and found another tile store i actually liked the tile for bathroom and will have for when can get to that project for floor is bad in there through subfloor and i can feel drafty air ,and want that sealed up well and finished. I am hoping the attorney finds communication with the previous owner as it has been some time now and he still not able to receive a return correspondence,and I know the previous owner brushing off. I knew the character of previous owners,again when they met me, it changed how I felt them treat me. This is alot why I simply stay to self,isolate alot,for I do not have a person to back me up and people honestly see me as weak i think or different perhaps for I am different than many in regard I appear what i am, and that is a genuine honest caring hearted individual. I cannot pretend what i am not.
            I am working to suround myself around those more of God conscious caring healthy friendship and waiting for this to present to me by God will.
            I do very much resonate with that thought of counselor? Before i began feeling down here, I believe it was timing of hearing of the Bobbi Houston drowning? and understanding her despair too well. I had thought maybe people that are finding he/she giving up, maybe there is a hotline of a God conscious organization where I can help by letting he/she know not alone and encourage to stay the course ,Encourage,and be able to then have different individuals that the person can talk to that are more versed in the Lord work and word? That would be pretty cool. There maybe an idea here Colleen that I can learn as I am healed and can help someone else through .Thank you.
            In meantime, I need be very cautious and listen to what i am hearing. And keep some of what you have said in mind to not need give any explanation but to respond in more firm way. It does hurt.
            Thank you for corresponding with me today Colleen, I will keep you in thought and prayer with your spine, and overall your whole wellbeing be so very Blessed and comfort come your way.
            Thank you so much for understanding and being so insightful and protective of me too. I appreciate that very much my friend.
            Have a good evening.
            With Love and a special Friendship enveloped by Him.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            There are needs everywhere because there are hurting people everywhere. So begin to pray as I will about where God would have you connect. Yes, what may feel like rude boundaries are actually healthy boundaries…I have a friend who has been verbally and psychologically abused for years. She is beginning to establish boundaries and asked me to see if one was too harsh. It was totally appropriate….but to her, it seemed too strong. We need others to help us learn what is healthy so feel free to send anything you need to have reviewed. God always uses those who are surrendered….you are and there are amazing things ahead. It may help you to know many of the spiritual leaders in times past struggled with huge depression; especially following a great work in which God used them. The enemy is always at work trying to distract us; let’s not let a powerless enemy in God’s economy distract us from the work God is calling us to. Blessings, Colleen
            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson
            Insight for Living Ministries
            Special Needs-Director
            CThompson@insight.org
            972-473-5016 (w)
            469-400-2968 (c)
            PUBLIC NOTICE: All communication is private and confidential, only to be viewed by the recipient. Any changes, signatures, alterations in forms or communicated material is subject to legal action.

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen. I wanted to say Thank you for connecting with me especially when may be an effort from the spinal discomfort weighing on your being. I wanted be sure you were aware tonite of how much you are recognized and inspire me as you are truly an amazing woman. I am grateful for your connection and the thoughts that we share. Thank you do much for sharing the friend experience with boundaries that are healthy yet feel harsh because of how we had been conditioned to believe .I am thankful I have you to share and discuss these experiences and continue learn what is healthy in my growth. i do realize my response to rudeness is too passive and there is a boundary issue for how I react to look more closely for my health.
            Thank you so very much for comfort.
            Thank you for sharing the thoughts re depression. It reminds me of the book I read by your recommendation….I cannot think right now but it was those great work during depression…..living through dark nights/seasons??? I will remember name as I know you will know too.I will too be forever changed and focus my prayer as you have offered for where God is calling. Does insight for living or Joni organization have an online course?
            I also wanted to share that I read the beginning of Job in Bible tonite accepting me being in God hand as I wait for what is next. I for first time had understood why Job was tested. I never was able understand why God allowed Satan thoughts untill now I completely understood the “test” for Job did not know despair and to know despair what is your truest character that is at your very core will show who you really are with nothing exterior.
            this now I understand .
            I sit here I must say listening to the rain leak in the ceiling..tap tap tap ..that is one project I know priority this week.
            i look forward to connecting again this week.
            have a restful and peaceful evening.I imagine sleeping may be most unsettled with your spinal discomfort.may you find the most comfirtable position for grearest rest.
            With gratitude
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            It may have been the work from St. John of the Cross titled “The Dark Night of The Soul”….but then again, there are several writers who address our deeper soul issues. I know God is at work; sometimes His work appears like failures or being forgotten but the needs created actually draw us to Him. I noted your other notes and will reply next. Colleen
            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson
            Insight for Living Ministries
            Special Needs-Director
            CThompson@insight.org
            972-473-5016 (w)
            469-400-2968 (c)
            PUBLIC NOTICE: All communication is private and confidential, only to be viewed by the recipient. Any changes, signatures, alterations in forms or communicated material is subject to legal action.

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I wanted to update you , I did get to Library ,the Librarian took a little over an hour to be sure i had video transfered from cell phone to library laptop and upload to utube to then forward to fix it & finish it casting for free renovation entry. I arrived home and the reply from fix it & finish it is casting is through for season 1 and I was encouraged to hold onto email and information for season 2(I am not sure when this is ,however I will be sure to look for it and what project at hand at this time)
            I was so hoping,but I realize God has an entirely different plan for me with this, I do wonder what that will be in regards to my home ? I did contact roofer and someone coming out to look tomorrow with intention to remedy if quote fair compared to a few others I intend bring out?
            Thank you again for all of your unwaivering support,comforting thoughts and encouragement with wisdom and genuine care of my wellbeing.
            I did get a walk today,although overcast from overcast of rain from over nite and morning,and temps raw chilly changing again to be cooler by nightfall. It did not help a headache but I was able to appreciate God beautiful creation in nature for this time,and glad i was able to excercise.
            Best regards,Have a good evening,stay warm if you too getting cooler temps .
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            This is the part of God’s work that is so exciting. I’m thrilled to know you were able to get the work loaded and into the system….let’s see what happens. And as a reminder, it may be that God has led you to this place not for the home issues but for those you will reach as you work on the home issues. It’s all about relationships always…what leads us to them is secondary. Just a thought to offer hope if indeed the home takes more time than you desire. And yes, the perseverance in it all is hard but good in developing character. Stay the course my dear…you are one winner! Colleen
            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson
            Insight for Living Ministries
            Special Needs-Director
            CThompson@insight.org
            972-473-5016 (w)
            469-400-2968 (c)
            PUBLIC NOTICE: All communication is private and confidential, only to be viewed by the recipient. Any changes, signatures, alterations in forms or communicated material is subject to legal action.

          • Sandra

            “Progress is impossible without Change, & those who cannot change their minds Cannot change anything” George Bernard Shaw
            Hello Colleen, I believe this I may have copied and pasted from your blog or facebook page,even though I am not on facebook, I recall reading alot of your quotes there in months back while visiting online. Colleen, I was having some difficulty mentally and emotionally . I am leaning into our Lord and connected with Him here as I know wholeheartedly He is with me,and i even felt His warmth from blanket enveloping me just after having such chills and migraine,and tears flooding my eyes and the fight in my mind of thinking Robin Williams knew what was easiest way of suicide,terible thought,but yes by suffocation he had correct. I know I will not do this,this is the old pattern of thinking and I am making every attempt to change that thought and lean into our Lord and it is working,although I am desparate to believe that i truly am that close to other side of where I have made so many efforts and changes,and I just need that glimpse of Faith that it is the truth that i am so close to the other side, for I do not wish to feel sorry for myself,there are so many others that struggle greater for many many reasons. I simply want to believe that all is coming to me in great ways just around the corner. That the changes I am making are going to heal and take a new path in the brightest way. I apologize for being so down and out . I do have dr appt this week which is a blessing and I will do all I can in that hour to make a difference of how hard it seems to weigh on me and/or what is happening with me with this changing mind and what more i can do to keep leaning into the Light and love of God.
            I am so sorry if this sounds so miserable and old patterns, I do not know what is happening alhtough all I can say is I can see our Lord enveloping me as I keep pushing enemy out of my mind and He ,our Lord ,our God into my very heart and soul pulling Him in so tightly and securely fastened to let no bad thought arise,belieivng in Him and His work. I do feel better now that i have gotten beyond this by writing you. So I know where my heart and soul rest this evening, in His hand only. I will be able to do this with Him so close and as you have always said lean in harder into His hand and heart and embrace,and that is truly what I have just done in this hour. SO now I can say I am so proud of me for conquering this by walking with Him through this tough hour. I am okay and tomorrow is going to be a bright bright day, I have full faith!!!
            Thank you for listening and keeping me in your prayers of where God has me connecting, in Him and where else will this be.
            Thank you Colleen for listening
            With Great love and knowing God envelopes our friendship with His love and care.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I forgot to write back about this note…I LOVE the quote and am using it on my facebook page today. Thank you so much!!! In regards to the other issues, I think some of the things I suggested in my note earlier will be of help. A good physical exam and blood work will tell you a lot about what is going on physically. You may also need to request a thyroid test….many women have thyroid issues and if you feel sleepy all the time, low energy, emotional ups and downs, that may be needing attention. Let me know what you find out. Colleen

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen, I love that you Loved the quote and posted it today on your own facebook page. that is wonderful to know you enjoyed so much and shared today on your page. I have a dull headache,I did want to respond to your thoughts. So many good thoughts that you have shared. I do take probiotics,mercola and flora brand ,so actually two and sometimes double up on flora as I know how hard my gut feels hit and know that my sensitivity to others actions especially through my endocrine system on fight or flight ,with very little intermissions of pause and calm the past few years. Sometimes I wonder i may have forced my leaving apartment and said I am going to make this happen and maybe God wanted for me to stay there the time ? I cannot go back ,at some point I do believe some of all this will make sense. I am in need of an annual lab work. I did have an appt on hold for endocrine screening. I am aware of this cycle and it is truly the flight and fight ,excercise /walking helps me enormously and I truly need do that,like today it is so raw cold out with the icy mix we had here for first time this winter this morning. I meditated a bit and I am going to stretch and do some easy movements inside. But it is the actual walking outdoors at park that is best for me. I know hate is strong word although i do hate that the park is now further from my home, so a good 15-20 miles, to walk in this neighborhood area i live is just not the same and two dead ends where it feels very confining compared to other places I could just get up and out of neighbrohood and walk miles and not feel like on top of neighbors back and forth on dead ends,as not any sidewalks on connecting road and not safe to walk there ,too narrow road.
            I did find it interesting with your thoughts of nutruients/minerals,and what able to absorb. I am the same where some things I absorb better, i just ordered mercola.com (dr mercola) magnesium as my reading and how this nutrient I cannot specifically recall now but it gets depleted with the “flight and fight” syndrome i will call it. This is why I also know i gain more weight as these hormones all gush out and i am left with i think it is too much cortosol which then wreaks havoc on endocrine system. This I know I can work on to bring back naturally into balance with breathing,meditation, and i even want to be regular again at qigong /yoga stretching.
            If I can do the one thing that you mention that is imperitive which is not fear anymore,knowing God has and continues to provide, I so much could rest better and if I could have more time to breathe in between the stuff coming my way,and the ups and downs i feel in healing/changing, so much looking forward to the balance emotionally,and as a whole so I pick back up the physical wellness too.
            FInancially insecure with repairs and what I have undertaken here I often can see my vision of it being developed into my own truest of spaces and then on other side i wonder if i bit off more than i could chew? Only God knows this. I want to believe wholeheartedly that He wants me to be here and well and have ability to bring house to a home ,I continue to ask for His provision.
            I am going to for certain read Hannah today,and 1 Samuel 3. I am so happy that you shared this with me and I will let you know my thoughts.
            Thank you Colleen,and I am glad you are at work today I think anyway, that you were able to drive and that you may be feeling more energy and comfort. That is my hope for you there. Stay warm too. I know these winter temps are like my emotions these days, ups and downs, almost 70 sunday was and today wet raw and cold. I so much look forward to more balance with all, and welcoming sunshine of Spring with regular walks in Gods sweetest gifts in nature to be found. I wish this for you soon as well. I know here the cherry trees are just beginning to blossom,not the yoshino but the standard tiny pinkish flowering ones,so the rest will come soon is promising to me too.
            I will be keeping you posted.
            Thank you for connecting today and sharing how much you enjoyed the quote too.
            With Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I love “Mama Bear Secret to Changing the World”. wow, how remarkable and Thank you for sharing. Those are the moments for me that are most meaningful, those are such the moments Jon being seen for who he is at his core self,his character and being noticed, appreciated and acknowledged for all he is in truest character and his gifts he brings to a social circle, how great. what a great example He will lead in truth and honesty and through Jon, how great is this. and I know “Mama Bear” along with “Papa Bear” too and “Grandparent Bear” too unconditional love is a huge part of his being able to shine so well from the heart and soul ,the “foundation” is strong in the Lord and what love is. How remarkable for me to read and know .
            Thank you for sharing your story here.
            Have a great day
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I wanted to share with you that I did read 1 Samuel 3 yesterday and Hannah, and it resonated in a few different ways. That I have heard God speak to me and how i enjoy being in the space to be able to hear Him and clarity of what He is speaking,and wanting this to return. I also resonated with Hannah in her yearning for a child and the sorrow of not receiving,interesting I also resonated with how she was encouraged to love the only son like her own. The greatest connection I had was with this core of self where that would have been exactly what i would have said to her to encourage her so deeply. Interesting reading. I will go back and read more of Samuel .I beleive Hannah was that short section of 1 Samuel?

            I also wanted to say that I meditated while awakening this morning as feeling mentally struggling still.and I was able to find the peace with God speaking to me ever so clearly I heard and so soothing and grateful for this moment. He took my hand and asked me to come with Him,and called me His loving daughter. As I meditated on compassion, gratitude, then working on joy and peace came, with His word speaking to me very clearly and soothing me over my entire being for this very moment.”Peace I give you” resonated from his speaking to me. and I felt better immediately.
            Have a good morning. I do look forward to connecting again soon.
            Thank you for being you and being here. I would love to hear how Jon has developed in his social group, this is very inspiring for me to hear about ,and I am so glad for Jon and you as well to find this was so intended for amazing connections.take good care today.
            Sandra

            John 14:27New International Version (NIV)

            27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

          • Sandra,
            This note is fantastic…I’m so touched, delighted, encouraged, warmed by the knowledge that our Lord was present in a very real way for you. He was your peace just as he promises. I know you are questioning some of your decisions as the house has been overwhelming with needs and things to fix. But there, in the midst of it all, God showed up and love you through. That is so wonderful. I have no doubt that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. The home may have many challenges but that does not mean it was the wrong decision. From what I can see, the issues have brought you closer to the Lord, more aware of your strengths, of others who use your gifts for their own selfish needs, and a growing resiliency is evident. I so believe in you and in all that is happening in your life. My prayer is that you will find encouragement as only the Lord can give. Blessings to you on this evening…I hope you are warm and safe and at peace. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Colleen, Hello. Oh my goodness I am so calmed by what God has delivered to me here. First I had dr appt this am, as leaving the heating air conditioner service had not responded to my inquire of unit not working properly and had to leave for appt. I was frustrated and called service and woman answering for company was rude…yep, she was very rude to me. Anyways, I needed to go to appt and was crying some on way and when arrived dr asked how i was doing and I sobbed and sobbed so many crocodile tears of what she described i looked really sad and when we talked it was my anger that i did not want to feel, but as we talked she helped me so much, that the issue with resisting angry feelings escalates my anger and how i need to sit with and accept and embrace my angry and be “curious” which is my favorite word she uses with such ease of examining what anger from and say ok, and sit with it and hold it,hold me. So session was remarkably helpful for me. Even though I still cried such sadness as sat in car outside her office for a while and felt so scattered, I just sat as tears flowed down my face. She had also said that “critical” side of me that says i “should not” feel ashamed or angry or whatever feeling I try to resist is crazy making for me and wanting me to pull out my hair, so many validations and so much I learned. I will add more as i recall, overall I know you understand and alot of which we have spoken about. It is remarkable that the anger will lessen too if i do not resist my truly feeling it,amazing.
            Well, then the afternoon I thought was going to be same with contracters……..wow. no , i had on way to dr called one contracter who referred roofer and roofer did not call to say he was not coming here yesterday as stated initially,and the contracter I asked if who he referred is reliable…well, it ended up unbelievable. The roofer was most thorough and apologized for not being able to be here yesterday,there was a truck off road in ditch with ice and he said he needed to call me and did not , so when he saw my leak he as well saw why i was so pressing and understood by track record and extent of leak why i was uncertain he too would be showing up. He did, and he will email me a quote and he even took photos of rotten wood in ceiling, which leak he stated was since previous owner put on new roof in 2012, flashing was not installed correctly and shingles are not correct shingles for where roof comes down to meet front porch roof,and he claimed paper not good sealing paper that seals nails when hammered into shingles. I believe he is the one who will repair as he had such integrity as we talked and he even gave me his heating /a/c person that works for a company and also on side solo. As he spoke with me and saw no furntiture and all projects exisiting he said call him on private hire,he is the best he said and does his a/c heating work, and i did call him, he charged me only 40.00 where other service that was rude was going to charge 90,00 and they did not even call me to schedule. This person was out within hour i called him. He looked over house and agreed the walls need insulation, and he is going refer me to some other person he knows to help too with some of the insulation needed and at affordable cost, and only what needed he said. I know God has delivered! He looked over unit and he said all looks good, it is more the insulation lacking and alot of air leaking out windows and walls he saw and that is what i did know by living here truth to this already. Well, he is really great,and said that the instance where fan gets stuck on in colder temps he cannot see unless happening, so even if at nite he said call him and let him know. He may not be able to come right out as lives on other side of town but if not able to come out and see, he will have me do a few things on thermasstat to work through on phone issue that keeps happening. He said it really may be the thermastat(one from a securiy company he too not fond on in heating cooling profession) .He was so kind to me, he said without any condition noticed at all, that do not buy a thermastat from Lowes, he will either meet me in town at a professional heating cooling place and/or pick up one that works with heat pump.
            Right now I think I am going to sleep very well tonite. What a long unbelievable day, one that i never expected to end with such a glimpse of hope and encouragement of that these few contracters really truly saw me for who I am and what situation at hand and did not take advangtage but only reach out to help in an affordable conscious and step by step what is it that need first way!
            With God Grace an amazing day.
            I need remember this day always, He has provided when yes I literally was ready pull my hair out. I did find Hannah reading a connection and keep going back to her character in Bible.
            With a full heart ,
            Sandra

          • Sandra….OH MY GOSH!!!!! This is incredible! I know it’s been a few day since you wrote so I don’t know what has happened since; but don’t loose heart. In all these things, the Lord is bringing you to meet others, to connect with many you would have never met…in that, there is purpose. I know you feel drained, exhausted, and yes angry that does need to be validated and cared for…and in the midst of all that, you have so much energy and care to offer it’s amazing. I’m thrilled that your counselor drew out of you the real you…the lovely, lonely, encouraging, empty, hopeful and hopeless…all that is part of you to embrace. When you do, you are free. You are free to let it go, you are free to stuff it and know it will come back…but you are free to choose. I see you making incredible choices…one’s that are hard such as looking at yourself and accepting what you don’t prefer as well as embracing what you do affirm as good and strong. All of you Sandra, all of you is wonderful, loved, and created by our God. It is an honor to walk along side you and watch God’s transforming work in your life. May you be blessed and filled with love and hope. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I hope that you are finding the comfort to move freely and able to enjoy those activities that you love and with driving to your office easier for you this week.,and driving Jon too to where he may need.
            I wanted to share something I heard from a local Minister as I listened and viewed by television this morning. Did you ever hear about the Camel story? See if i can repeat as closely as heard this!
            A baby camel asked his mother mama, why do we have the three knobs for feet? Mama told the baby camel those are for when we are walking across the desert that we will not sink in the sand. The baby camel said okay. Then the baby camel asked mama why do we have long eyelashes. Mama told the baby camel that the long eyelashes are to keep the sand out of our eyes as we walk across the desert. The baby camel said okay mama.
            The baby camel then asked, and why mama do we have these bumps on our backs. The mama took a long breathe and told the baby camel those are to store fat so we do not need to drink or eat while we are walking across the desert. The baby camel said okay mama. Then the baby camel said i have one more question. If these are all things we have for walking through the desert, then why are we at the Bronx Zoo? The Minister stated that it is when we are in the wilderness that we are able to know who we are. He compared the “wilderness” to experiences of challenge as well, and finding the comfort and trust in our Lord, knowing that these times are all to bring us to who we are.
            I thought interesting and wanted to share, I am sure you probably have heard this and lol, maybe even I do not tell it as well as you would have communicated.
            I continue waiting on repair quote for leak in roof,going to be a rainy week, I figure it is not in my control and has been this way a long time the roofer said and inspector needed pick this up as some other issues he told me. The heating a/c person met me in town and helped me choose a thermastat, of what he had made recommendations what will work with my unit /heat pump unit. It seems the thermastat may help overall but the issue seems like continues,he will probably come back this week to look into more when symptom occurs because the actual unit looks good. It may be a wiring issue? he need see while doing what it does. He did not charge to install thermastat and has been very kind to walk me through selecting and how to work it as programmable.
            Have a great day.
            With a full heart
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I have not heard that story and absolutely love it!!! How true it is…when in the wilderness, we question, we wrestle, we continue to walk through what makes no sense…but we can because of Jesus. I love the analogy…I love that the baby camel never hesitated in asking all the questions he/she had. I love that yes, the mother was at time tired of answering but faithfully answered…just as our Lord is with us. When we take on the understanding that we are His child…that a childlike character and nature is what He adores…then we are free to ask and question and know HE IS WITH US. There is nothing we can do to push Him away…through all you are enduring, He is with you. This is such a delightful reminder and one I needed to hear tonight. In the midst of rain and storms and awful home repairs, I pray you are warm and at peace, resting in the arms of our Savior. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hi there Colleen.wanted share something amazing that I know you may already be aware and I know you will love. have you heard the Libera boy group sing…cd called “Angels song”
            I have heard and seen on etv special and I had not ever heard anything like Libera.I came to tears the first song sung as I felt like a glimpse of heaven..(i seem to flood tears lately for these positive experinces)how I envision “home”and what our Lord has in stOre when we do go home to Him.
            have a restful and comfortable evening
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Oh my…I have not heard that but music moves my soul like nothing else. So as you expressed your experience, there was a tender warmth that I felt, knowing God brought that to you. Let the tears flow…for where ever they may come, they need to be expressed and released. I’m so proud for you. Much love to you, Colleen

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen. I missed you too.I so much hope you are feeling better and you are settled and comfortable this evening and week.thank you as always all your kind enciuraging thoughts…you really are an amazing woman!
            I so much look forward to your having heard this boy choir I speak of and if able view a dvd live performance I know you will resonate. The minister too of camel story took message of this time in the wilderness just as you have described my house and how it has taken me closer to our Lord…the minister expressed this is the time we become close to Jesus. I am so inspired for how you as well believe I am right where I need be in this house and yes meeting new contracters has been interesting as such decent character in both who here. I even kept crying with gratitude after heating contracter left and did not charge for installation thermostat….I had to share a thank you to him by text simply so he knew how generousity and kindness reach out and give so much hope as did with me…even if one moment of a month or year I had such an amazing emotion.and I think too my awareness if self and how loving here in demolition like space and how my having been struggling really to bring myself and house together as healing and with intention for balance. …I realized so much by this contracter ackniwledgement and my dr appt having helped me release much emotion. I wanted to leave you with something my dr offered me to recite and exactly what you expressed in your thoughts here…..what synchronicity ….called “with love”uncertain author.she said she learned in a retreat/lecture attended?”I can acknowledge my feelings without being overtaken by them
            I can hold my heart lovingly and nurturingly
            I can be Free”.I will remember this month end of month appt to ask her who author.
            i also wanted to share something that may help you….so far i believe only three nites tsken but all nites slept well. It is magnesium threonate by mercola (dr. Mercola website mercola.com) he also has numerous articles on health and wellness..some re autism and foods etc help with add and so much more. I think you will enjiy his articles.
            it is so good to connect and hear from you .
            thank you for sharing your heartfelt thoughts and graceful way
            it going be a rainy week here…i will keep you posted on roofer repair quote and when repair final…
            and the trees ready be fed thus water of Spring rains to begin showing life to buds.our Lordproviding all In its exact time.time moving so quickly
            much love Colleen
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Colleen, I am so over the top happy, thrilled, joyous, and ever so proud of you! I see your book was published! The email by Insight for Living forwarded info on your book. How incredible and fablulous ,I love the cover ,what I know of you, it depicts the image of you juggling independence in your work and motherhood. The photos are beautiful, Jon is precious and beautiful young man, and you are simply beautiful as well. I can see the love that shines from your heart and it truly is incredible gift you have,and give so naturally to Jon, to your family ,to all those surrounding you, me here on your blog feels this “friendship” that is trusted because of who you are, ever so loving from His work.
            Take care today and I look forward to reading your book when I get a copy in hand.
            Best wishes for joyous celebration, may there be comfort with your back so focus truly on this amazing accomplishment today!
            With Loving Friendship,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You are so kind…and yes, the team I work with was incredible. We sat down and discussed the real concept of what I was trying to say…you hit it right on the head! Juggling the pieces of life and it can be messy, not always so happy about it, having to check emotions and frustrations, choosing to find humor and hope in the midst of life falling by the way side. I had experienced a flat tire only a week before so I threw that in there for a great starting place. I work with such incredibly gifted people and am so thankful for them. What is very funny is that just today I watched the video. They did one amazing job! It’s not my style to watch my stuff…it seems so self serving and self focused to me….so I didn’t take time until today. Well, when I saw Jon and his huge smile, remembering how hot it was that day and what a trooper he is every day, I just exploded with joy. Again, what a team! So thank you and I will pass along to those who are really the ones who put it together a big thank you to them as well. I do hope you find it encouraging and full of inspiration; you exude such qualities so this is for you! Have a blessed afternoon. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I wanted to update you as well with roof leak. It is going cost 650.00 ,this roofer was so thorough and said he asked his guys how much they would do for me,and he was not going to make any money ,only his guys will get paid to help me with cost. He also had referred me to direct contact of an individual working with heating and air co., but he gave me direct number to keep costs down as this heating person works on side as well by self. And the heating person as I noted some thoughts was so helpful, charging me half cost the first time he came out, like 40.00 and then met me in town to pick up thermastat he recommended for my unit and then installed and said do not worry about it in cost for his installation. So I intend to go with this roofer, his co. been around like 30 or more years,and seems he has integrity and wanting to help as able. He said leak there for long while, he thought since previous owner had roof replaced from hail storm in 2012,and the flashing not put on correctly and the wrong type shingle for this area leakingand the paper beneath shingle not type where nail hammered seals so no moisture can get in. This quote also included removing and replacing the rotten wood in roof from leak, he showed me photos he had taken. It will include completely new flashign around chimney and reshingle /repaper with sealing paper in this over 4′ area of needed replace. I remember back last fall I was told flashing is about 500.00 from someone that told me this, so I am guessing it is fair price for all that is included and by someone reputable. I am going to have a long summer/fall of paying down debt of repairs that have accumulated. I know God is providing those that are coming to me here,and conscious of my situation and really trying to help where able. I know I am Blessed with these individuals being presented and I know God will continue to provide as I need.
            Have a great day, enjoy your day as an author of your new book!
            Best wishes for your celebration!
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            That is an amazing price for what is being done…we had to replace our roof this year due to damage and it was a lot more costly….I am thrilled you found help and hopefully someone you can trust. Let me know how things come along. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I know you are busy ,hope you are well and feeling joy of comfort and happy with book coming out! and I am sure all the positive feedback that you will be recieivng.
            I am surely confused.and asked myself why did i get another roofer opinion? I have the one I mentioned and I realized the times I have had bumps and taken advantage of is when I did not get at least three valid professional opinions,so I did call on another reputable roofer to come by today and take a look at leak, bummer he said something completely different in regard to photos of rotten wood the other roofer showed me that he took with camera, this roofer did not mention rotten wood nor take note of that, he mentioned flashing “may” be bad and he cannot tell unless break all down and take wood off chimney. the other roofer told me all flashing needed be replaced. This second roofer said he need come back when rain and see where rain going in attic,and it may be as simple as a crack in wood on chimney……this is all entirely different than first roofer. So now I am going to need the third opinion to bring in a good match to one of these first roofers to help me know who to hire. The second opinion did not give price as all seems dependent on him removing this and/or that and seeing during rain, which we are going to have more rain now this week a few days in row. Not good for leak but good to be working toward a solution.
            I will pray to God that the very best suited roofer that can identify where leak from to repair and thorough ,and affordable. I know He will provide. Maybe he is sending this roofer to show me that the other was replacing flashing and multiple shingles and that is way more than second opinion stated, or at least until he can see flashing and identify? I will keep you posted.
            Have a really good evening of rest.
            With a full Heart,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I would consider the first opinion better than the second. If the roofer gave you a firm offer, that is always better to go with than someone showing up and then adding on changes as they go along. You could get stuck with a huge bill that way. You should have a document in hand with a firm offer, no exceptions, before accepting any work to be done. I bet it is discouraging but this is really what we had to do as well. We went on a search. There may be a search you can do for roofers in your area. Usually, communities have web sites or you can do a search for a local roofer and check out their rating, what they do, reviews, so on. I suggest that as it is what we did and were very pleased. But yes, it does take time so I hope you are not too discouraged. Hang in there friend. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen.hoping you okay thisvweek. Just sharing a good example my dr was correct in Reiki friend no good friend .he is an individual I resorted to ask God intervene and prayer to bless this very warped broken individual. I have kept more distance for being continously drawn into what was his continous calculating every conversation I guess for control but hurtful tone or jab in all context that I not responding to anything I chose not to. Well he lessened text and even providing me a number he had of roofer.then tonight he must have been drinking and texted me it is a full moon…I need be scared…very scared. Now I beginning see a truth of someone so destructive in pattern.what i believe someone so out of touch with what is real …a narcisist .someone who I do not want know I let be what I believed was a friend..this is no friend of God conscious love .I am told by my dr all I can do is continue control myself .cannot control anyone else behavior. so I prayed and found myself reading Romans 12:2 and through Romans 12. Have a good evening.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I am so sorry to hear you were frightened. I would suggest you delete his number and block him from calling or texting and all forms of communication. I don’t know if you have verbally requested that he not call or communicate with you but it is very important that you feel safe. Anything that threatens your growth will be a step backwards. Reason being, our minds have a way of taking a threat and running with it. When that happens, we can come up with all kinds of thoughts that are meaningless but the enemy uses as a distraction. So my suggestion to you is that you communicate what you want and need. I would write this and not talk to this person. You get too thrown off with the manipulation, understandably so. Write that you need to stop all forms of communication, that you are in a place where all contact is not healing to you and therefore, it must stop. You can kindly end by saying thank you for respecting my requests and I wish you the best. Then end it. From there, I suggest deleting and blocking all ways he can connect with you. Make sure to keep the note as it is always good to have things in writing. If he should continue to contact you, that is called harrassment and you can call the police. You don’t want to resort to that but there is no excuse for any behavior that violates your request. It’s like a red light…we are not asked if we feel like stopping or want to stop or just run the because we can…running any red light at any time results in a ticket if the officer is present. The same is true for your being. Put up a RED light and if it is ever run, you have protective services you can call for help. I just think it’s gone on long enough and hope you will pursue cutting all ties for now. This is a huge step but one you must take if it’s this threatening. Please let me know what comes of this. Your dear friend, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, It is good to read all your thoughts,and Thank you for such kind thoughts of me too. It is really gentle and kind the way you communicate and I so much look forward to reading your book. I love that for you and I love the story of flat tire, not because you were stuck somewhere unexpectedly on hold until had someone or a towing service to your rescue but how God works in ways we would never imagine as it became the “vehicle” in more than one use of meaning for your book cover! I simply love the cover illustration as is that not the way it is, truly the content in all of your work in writing this book. It happened as it was supposed to ,to depict exactly what you were illustrating in words,poof, now via visual illustration, to include yet the final visual of a “flat tire” . I look forward to reading, I will be getting a copy ordered this weekend. And I was joyous in heart to hear you speak of how you looked all over and a feeling of joy and gratitude overcame you, Jon photo and recalling how amazing he and your team were in compiling, patience, and bringing all together as a team.
            Thank you so much Colleen for all the comfort and supportive guidance with this other issue at hand,and roof leak professional roofer search. First the roof ,I am going the distance to call more than three for opinions/quotes. The first I had mentioned, I hesitated for he would not follow through twice I gave him my email as I asked for quote he stated for me,and he did not . I even offered to pick up quote. The other red flag was that with my research online, it says to aske about the guarantee of work ,and he became defensive and reacted as if I was asking too much and from yet a conversation from another professional I liked(who will not be available for one month), he educated me further stating what to look for if I could not wait for his service, and he specifically stated ask about a guarantee and be certain all in writing. So God I know presented this individual to validate what was before me. I agree wholeheartedly that nothing in writing ,and no direction is not good. I was told that for this six foot area of roof where leak,that it can be approached in steps for sometimes a leak need to be found ,and the first contracter was going to rip all flashing and 6 foot section without knowledge of what truly beneath and maybe too much before identifiying leak. At least that is what i am learning by several consults and one specifically I wish was available but too much work and one month, I may try to hold out, as already been since last summer a leak unresolved.
            And yes Colleen, I am so sorry as well to be learning this very side of someone that I trusted me and my life and so much vulnerability in healing with, and I never imagined he would be as cruel to someone when I began working on myself in his care of Reiki, he even had told me I have the biggest heart . It is very sad for me to know this individual knows every hurt I have experienced and to take full advantage of bringing to me threats to fear and intimidation in calculating a play of me, I have no words , no words left to expand. I honestly will call the police if he harrasses me,and just tell them to go visit him to wake him up that he cannot do this type of thing. And I am 100% postiive he will back off with any “authority ” that may open up what he hides from his professional and personal life interactions, he would want to remain very hidden of truth.
            I did connect with the woman I know via email,and she channeled Reiki over me and my house last nite and I know that she never cared for this individual,not knowing him personally but my having spoken of him,and she is very intuitive with energy too, so I am glad I connected with her. She as well told me he up to no good and that I have won,and the Light always wins! God is my focus,and to warn all bad to stay out . She said I have grown a Leap with awareness. I believe by reaching out, the support is essential for me to hear. I have let relationships in that have not been healthy and was too accepting of from what I came from and compromised perceptions especially with what to allow in authority over me. I am still processing all this that is occuring the past few days and I am realizing even more to the extent of this healing of accepting too much believing that we all are broken and at each core of humans there is hope. I have had a pattern of regardless of self, thought I would help open someone to see by example what I thought love is, by this very acceptance. But there I learned boundaries of changing proportions and now to keep working on this area ,and understand better how to protect myself from those that are more damaged and damaging to me than I would have imagined the case.
            I hope i did not babble on, I am working through this process of change,and as you mentioned in a previous post that you have a friend who comes to you and she too may have thought a boundary too harsh, it was in validation she needed to know was it harsh or was it not. And it had not been in instance you had discussed with her. That was on my mind when I came to you with this. I need to feel able to react more strongly. I will be praying for guidance and work through this process . I keep turning to Romans 12:2-and 12 overall, the message to not travel with decietful and evil people, and the part where it states pray for those individuals. I seem to sit with all and will remain as silent as able and pray for those individuals,and steer clear from any interaction that not of God consciousness ,at least all for now, I will have radar up to be watchful of who is in sheep clothing. I hate that for me,but there seems to be a flood of people watching and calculating when meet someone like me with vulnerability.
            That is the saddest part for me. I understand by my dr. , that we can live freely yet be conscious/aware of those who seek for those vulnerable.
            I hope that you are finding this end of week a delight of book coming out and good moments to unfold for your weekend. I do hope that your spine and back are in greater comfort overall.
            Thank you for connecting,and Thank you so much for enjoying our friendship and our sharing. Our connection and knowing you as a friend of God grace Colleen is very meaningful to me.
            With Gratitude and with a full heart,
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I am thinking of you and your book today, looking so forward to reading. I know I will resonate with your content, the juggling life as moving forward and those delays and things like oh, then a flat tire. I smile as I am relating so well and not laughing joyously but the yes, that is exactly how it is…. that is why I love the visual intended, it speaks volumes and I know the book is going to be a delightful pleasure filled with fluid skillful writing and very real understanding ,with scripture in each dialogue/chapter to reflect and support these wilderness examples. I am excited to receive and read your book with just thought of knowing you and how well you are with communicating in grace, compassion,and so very thorough with wisdom. I will read knowing and visualizing our Lord blanket around my back in warmth.
            I did sit with Bible last evening before bedtime and just now I read through Psalms again, 51 and forward. and then I read some of “Boundaries” book,and opened to exactly what God intended for me to be reminded. “There is no fear in Love”, “Perfect Love Drives out fear”, John 4:18. and this chapter in Boundaries continues that one cannot terrorize and be loved at same time. Interesting. I will read more later today.
            Have a wonderful, warm if those chilly temps made it to you down there,and I know it is warming up this week ,with Spring rains too, alot of blossoming of tree buds and flowering tree buds,so enjoy all that this day and weekend offers in those moments,and with how He intends for you to comfort you.
            With Great Love,
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I had to say I cried those crocodile tears this morning, my heart hurting so teribly. I was letting go of who I thought i had trusted for nearly ten years with my soul work and believing in this one individual I believed was my friend. I then Thanked God for bringing me to see all He has,as thinking back I had been praying to see all truths, for probably a good solid year,and I have seen the truth of family and now the one individual I entrusted so much ,if something were to happen to me even to be my emergency contact and the steps I would wish to take. I pray for this individual. I always believed God was using me to help him, as that was one of my prayers for several years now that I am His ,take me ,use me. Only God knows if He has done this and in which instance of my life is He working and in the lives of others that He is working behind the scenes as well, He only knows.
            In the meantime, I will focus on cleaning /unpacking/repairs,etc of my house . I did venture to the Christian book store yesterday. The gals I speak to there were thrilled and thanked me for the little pieces of costume jewelry i had collected by gift to me that i had not ever worn ,or free gift offer from store i had shopped. I was so happy that one placed an angel pin in her car, and the other gal just loved the necklace and bracelet and I was happy as exactly what i intended, to pass on to those who would find joy in each piece where for me they sat in boxes never worn. While there i did have a coupon for a discount and was seeking a verse on wood for my front porch to place ontop of a crate upside down as table (I still need mail the photos i have from porch at Christmas, just little tokens of my Christmas that I told you I would mail….I just need get them downloaded from flashdrive at store and mail you to see what I created ever so simple and small,but my space i enjoyed for Christmas)…..I did find the greatest earthy wood block with scripture, at least the Psalm was interpreted on this unique piece and I thought how perfect for my porch especially at this time of wanting only Love to enter. Psalm 26:8 (the piece of wood has printed/stamped “Almighty God of Love Be Welcome in This Place”) the true Psalm as i know you would be aware is

            Psalm 26:8 Psalm 26:8New International Version (NIV)

            8 Lord, I love the house where you live,
            the place where your glory dwells.

            I thought how beautiful is that! It sits on my front covered porch on little vintage crate table . I can see every time i walk to car and back home,and it is the welcoming verse to all who will enter.
            Have a especially good day
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            My heart just broke when I read your words…words expressing anguish and sorrow I wish you didn’t have to endure. When we grow to a place of seeing beyond the wall of a hill to the valley and mountains in the distance, our perspective changes. Meaning, you have been climbing such a vast mountain, the only thing possible has been to survive and see just the next step. However, in your growth, you have come actually to the top of a mountain and you are seeing there is so much more to life than what you have experienced. Yes, there were people who helped you climb to where you are….such as your ‘friend’ who appears to be not such a great friend at this juncture. This does not mean you chose badly, it means you were given a wonderful traveling companion along the rocky, unsteady climb for a purpose…he provided shelter, food, a place of safety…three must have’s for where you were at the time. But you are at a juncture….a transition in your development and his support is no longer needed…it would be like telling you to go back to where you came from which would be crazy. For the period you needed him, God provided. So it’s not “all bad”…in fact, he was a blessing at that time. Now you are on the top of one mountain, looking far beyond to the beauty that is ahead. Yes, there will be other valley’s and God will provide when you are in those places. But for now, your friend has chosen not to travel with you and THAT is the grief you are feeling. Sandra, I have endured the most incredible support and incredible losses of dear friends…those who were there for a purpose at a specific time of need. OH how I wanted to hand on to them for life…but that was not God’s plan. So letting go meant being all alone for a period of time and yes, I wept hard…often…and deeply. This is where you are. But to turn back now would be to go backwards in your growth. It’s such a painful yet beautiful place. There is so much ahead that you cannot see now. Just a s you cannot see the tiny budding flower from miles away, when you come to it, it is a beautiful thing to behold. So it is as you step forward…not alone but feeling that way…I understand. So weep when you need to, let the sorrow of saying good by to what you wanted or loved come out. That is cleansing. Some you will meet will be in this very place and you will be able to hold their hands and urge them to move forward as I am able to here. You can and will but give yourself time. Submerge yourself in God’s truth, in perhaps some hobbies that bring you joy, and in a good schedule. I just interviewed the founder of Grace Alliance Mental Health Network out of Waco, Texas…I urge you to look up their site. Search the name and you will find Joe Padilla and perhaps Matt Stanford who assisted in their beginning. Joe is the founder and CEO…their free works are over the top amazing. Begin to incorporate some of those “First Steps”…little by little you will come to see there is beauty and joy ahead; letting go as you are is part of this process. I wish there were an easy way to go through this but the fact is, you must go through it to get to the other side. And you will in due time. Thank you for the honor of letting me walk this path with you and I will pray that God’s grace abounds around and within you. Your dear friend, Colleen

            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson
            From my IPhone

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, Thank you for your kind hearted thoughts,and understanding. I think my stomach physically hurts right now for all the grief and house repairs,and contracters not showing up,and the attorney dragging his feet for a year now on following through on contact of previous owner. I am going to need call him and/or stop into his office to see if he has been like most others in dragging feet for not wanting to help me? We agreed he would do at very little cost,and he has not followed through with any contact of previous owner,stating he was not able to locate him on Military base. a few weeks back he said he did not know what else to do. I suggested a Certified letter addressed to me and it would find its way to him as mail would be forwarded still. He agreed, I never heard back. Then I found the information of previous owner in Korea and the attorney wrote me back email that this information was greatly helpful, and then soon after I found the home address they now live and i still ahve nothing reported from attorney. I need followup with him as to next step. as he as well was going to add the leak as not disclosed during purchase. I am beginning wonder , again my patience and acceptance of these individuals that go beyond standard of what anybody else would believe acceptable nor accept. Here I am it always seems so different. I apologize for my frustration, I know I have alot on my plate,and I realize all this waiting is for a Higher Purpose. It does not feel good at all when it hurts so much.
            The positive part of all is last nite I did enjoy so very much reading Psalms, specifically landing my heart and soul on Psalm 27:14. It was so comforting. Then today and someone that helped me move from fire dept stopped by to help me bring in a small antique settee that i had taken to have cleaned by a carpet store a few weeks back. I got someone to place in car from store and then wanted her to help me bring it out of car for I trust her to help like this. She helped me move when moving into house. She exclaimed I bought a lemon…not in nasty way but seeing what is going on here, she said it is. I guess the frustration comes out as others think “what are you going replace floor with” meaning it is plywood right now,what happened and what are you going replace. I then walked her through pointing out the roof leak and a year and three contracters later ,it still leaks and now the individual she recommended she was shocked he did not show up the other day and no call. So I decided to go with the roofer that I thought most thorough on phone and professional and he is not going to be available for one month as so busy and not enough trained employees with his business at time…so I will hold out and call I told him as it is already a year with leak and a month more will not matter i do not think. It is supposed to rain all week ? I still will manage to wait. And then this gal from fire dept(chief of fire dept) walked around around and understood the process more clearly of I have been attempting,even with attorney and contracters to work through and manage and hire, I cannot control what someone else does or does not do, i can only keep doing what i am doing and God will ultimately provide when it is time for whatever reason it is. Most people do not understand this is a huge piece of all that goes on, and i get sucked up in a tornado of their own shock and dismay. It all is simply not easy.
            I am going to read more of Bible tonite. I absolutely Love my sign on front porch, “Almighty God Love welcome here in this Place”
            Thank you for listening,again I am sorry if I hurting and frustrated today.
            WIth a Grateful heart for your understanding, and care.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You never have to apologize for your feelings. Ever. How you feel is how you feel…it just is…I have no expectations placed on you because I care for you, not just when you feel according to some rule I establish as that would be self focused. I care for all of you regardless of how you ever feel or think or act or believe. I am disheartened by the issues with the home too. You have worked with more effort than anyone I know to settle in a home. You worked tirelessly to find a place of peace and rest and now this has become a constant source of terrible discouragement. I am discouraged and yes, a bit angry, at the way you have been treated. I will say, sometimes contractors will run from something they think they could be sued for…meaning, if the home is in such dyer need and they attempt to fix it and it gets worse or is not fixed, some people would sue them…wanting to blame them for another’s horrible work and now misleading to you. I hope that makes sense. I have no idea why this place seems to unfold one problem after another but I will say you are enduring it with much grace. I think I would have burned the place to shreds by now; but you being so full of hope and grace and incredibly industrious, are able to carry on. I am amazed at your endurance even in this time of great loss. I know part of the home things weigh heavier due to your inner sorrow…to be quite honest, I think most would curl up and call it quits on life but God is somehow filling you with the ability to press on. May He continue to sustain you as you take this day moment by moment. In His care, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I am so sorry, I know that you understand. I am sorry for I did read your beautiful thoughful and kind note and I did absorb all the goodness that you shared so kindly. I am sorry that I just am so caught up in this hurt here that i did not reply to what it was that you so gracefully expressed. I so much want to believe I am on the top of the mountain. I so much want to believe it is a stone throw away to the most beautiful flower opening in Spring. I am sorry Colleen if i am so sad right now that i cannot respond. I am crying and feel so hurt within.
            All I can say is I am sorry I did not respond yet to your beautiful note of wonderful truest of true and real thoughts expressed to help me here. They are helping and I will believe.
            Thank you for your care of me
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            When we are wounded, we cannot see how far we have come. That is why we need support and love. When I offered the Grace Alliance link, it was because they have three free resources for those in the healing process. The “Daily Steps” PDF outlines how we can grow and what we can pay attention to in ourselves that may need help. Such as, if we need more sleep, more vitamins, to exercise, establish a routine, and more. As you put those into practice…maybe walking for five minutes a day the first week, then the second week for 10 min…after five or six months, you are able to exercise and reap the benefits of it-the release of anti depression neural chemicals released when we exercise. But, most of us can’t just get up and run five miles but we can start with walking for five minutes. That is what Patsy Clairmont and I talked about in our interview as well. It took her two years to just get out of bed, move about her home, and feel comfortable connecting with other people. So you are WAY a head of the game. Sandra, I think I have a pretty clear understanding of how your mind was ‘programed’ or set to believe as a child. You were required to live and be and feel and think as other’s told you to…you have just started-in recent years-to recognize that all you were taught was about how OTHER’S demanded you live and feel and think and believe in order to be loved. Just as our environment can be toxic, people can be toxic…their ways of being can eventually kill our souls, cause us to be so deeply wounded we cannot function and cannot know or hear God’s voice until someone comes along and begins a ‘detox’ process if you will. As you connect with those who are healing, we also help remove the toxic ways of being so you can begin to function as a healthy person once again. You are in a ‘detox’ process; one that will take a while before you begin to feel good. Just like our bodies become used to what is damaging, the detox process at first feels awful. Slowly we begin to feel better, our minds clear, and we begin to function and focus on what is good, positive, right, healing. Sandra, I believe God kept the core of you protected as you were raised…somehow, the purity, goodness, tenderness, and gentleness you have was kept in God’s safekeeping in spite of being treated very badly and enduring very painful things. He has a purpose…it may not be to minister to tons of people or to be in front of a crowd…society tends to have us believe purpose means we have something to show for our relationship with God which is measurable….well that is a bunch of crap if I may be so bold. The truth is, we were created to be in relationship with God and His first purpose for us all is to know Him, love Him, and be in His arms intimately and safely. That is not measurable, it is meaningful. So, what you and I do, what you and your therapist do…we identify what is toxic and then put in what is healthy…consider me like a big ol’ vitamin. God’s word of course is a MULTI-VITAMIN and then some!!!!! = ) Toxic thinking says you have to make sure everyone is happy and pleased; healthy thinking is you are to treat others with kindness and respect…as long as they are not hurting you. If people hurt you, healthy behavior says…it’s time to remove myself from whatever is hurting me without worry or concern for how they feel…their feelings are theirs to own. I’m sorry this is so long…but you are in a real tough spot. There’s a lot of grief in you coming out…I’m sure feeling the loss of your friend, questioning why you chose him as a friend (because that was the best thinking you had at the time and God used your ‘best’ to bring you through…it was God who brought you through, not really your friend). But it’s that loss, family loss, bewildered thinking, questioning of yourself, the house, and more of the house and dumb people who don’t keep their word. You are in a rough, hard place. All to say…you don’t have to take care of me, my feelings, or worry how I will take something you say. I’m great with you…however you show up…I’m great with it. By the way, so it God. Just sit and rest in knowing you are free to be today. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Thank you Colleen for being okay with me. God has provided such an amazing connection between us that is what He has provided that I ever so needed ,such an unconditional care you share of me and others, I truly see His work and Light in who you are Colleen. It may be taking longer to go walk,i did not this weekend go out but yesterday and today i am back walking,even if it is beyond many crocodile tears flooding my face and into afternoon, I still have made it there and during it may feel like a push but I find it is what i so much needed to absorb His beauty in silence of trees, buds blooming,breaths i take, and I even had begun sprinting off and on that i have been contemplating for a few years now, I began at park in intervals during my walk. I sometimes feel as though I am going fall over,but i continue on knowing it is good for me to do this. I am so grateful that you are a “Multi Vitamin” as the last thing i truly would want is to become physically ill with so much loss I have been experiencing on top of grief and on top of what feels like more grief, I always have made the priority of taking good care on top of list. Yes a struggle, I relate very well to where Patsy was in her time of pain, I love how she as well created the comfort of people coming to her on her porch….that is such a joy in me to know of her coming into such stability and sharing her joy she found in our Lord. I wanted to express these thoughts with you.

            I then have a neighbor couple retired military and I am finding very nosey, i am uncertain what to make of them yet, but it is always I see you doing this and see people on my roof looking,and what are you doing? I am not feeling as tender to let them in as they do not feel that connection with he or his wife,at least at this time. I am a very independent person and I may put up some mediterranean thin tall cypress .It may sound cold but I need my prvacy when walk out my door and want to dig in dirt not seeking company by them,there does not seem to be anything in common and I do not care for nosey people,always looking for answers and being continuously observed not my style of comfort. And Colleen, I did reply to that friend one email that expressed his sister who raised him for his mother died age 8 and his father alcoholic soon died but he was in care of older brother ,taken out of state as oldest was military,then later left outside apartment nobody and nothing there without knowing they moved when came home from school one day,and then found out later they just did not tell him,and then lived with his older sister. Well I tell you this for his sister/guardian as mother is dying, she has stage three cancer of trachea,and already has lung cancer,not treatable at this time,so about three months to live. I simply said I was sorry to hear and it will not be an easy time,to speak with her as much now as able. He replied he glad i alive,had not heard from me and thank you…..I cannot control the lack of sensitivity of me and how and why I am remaining with stiff boundary, his cold narcisitic nature that i have identified, however I did reply as I do know he has a very strong tie with his sister/mother guardian,all he has known to take care of him. I will continue to keep very strong boundary ,not to see him or have conversation for he will use me and be as inappropriate as in past,offensive,abusive tongue,cruel and lacking the care and love of me. This I speak only the truth. And I will not allow. God knows the truth.
            I will as well read through this healing process. The daily steps and see if can copy and look at for structure of my days while getting beyond. I was stuck mostly this morning with is it me, what am I doing oh Lord to be maybe subconsciously playing the repeated pattern of no shows, no calls from contracters, house issues , people that do not respect and care of a decent loyal loving caring heart most tender and real. There is one person I will focus on today that has seen me for all I am and all that God knows of me more, but you Colleen see me for who I am,and I am most grateful. I honestly and truly am happy as tears flow that you and I connect for me what is real and true ,respectful and honest care .

            I am going to leave computer as I am babbling now,and will get myself together without tears to walk. I am also going to go away a few days again end of month, to soak in Hot Springs again, where i can just be,and feel the hot water soaking and grieve so much and ultimately to restore me to come back to take care of my house and me again . It is on sale special two nites for 99.00, and 20.00 food coupon for restaurant below inn stay at. It has been where i have resorted to to get away from all the pulling of my soul,where i can cry and be silent in soak,and kind of like a nest…literally the area is in a vortex,called a nest,and it certainly feels just like a nest i was caught in, most say once you go there ,get caught in the nest/vortex, most do not want to leave. So I am going, I will find all your thoughts most helpful to read over again later.

            In meantime i keep repeating “Your Grace Finds Me”.I saw that on something at Christian book store and I resonate at my core that is so comforting to me, i do not recall the verse it was interpreted by? Maybe you will know, I googled biblehub but nothing specific as “Your Grace Finds Me” coming up. And I will read Psalms this evening again.

            Thank you so very much Colleen for accepting me with an embrace I feel of warmth over your written thoughts and caring about me.

            With a full heart for your care,and His work in our connection. How Great is He in His work!

            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Oh Colleen, I am not sure why when I say no, people just do not hear me. I told the 80 year old gardener/landscaper who has helped last summer and fall with leaves I did not need him until I tell him this year, by telephone…. I find him having been here yesterday after i returned home and then today he shows up outside and says he wanted to come back as did not finsih yesterday.he said it will look better with all leaves gone and he insisted on trimming down some vines off trees. I reaffirmed that i said I really did say I did not need him. I let him know. he still said I know , it will look alot better he said . Here i am again, not what I asked, he outside .
            And do not ask me how it led me to agree to his cutting down the vines I have wanted off oak trees and now he also going to cut down small tree i have wanted. So just maybe last evening my thinking of buying or renting or asking someone for their chain saw, just maybe this is how God provided, it is strangely coincidental,at first not what i asked of him,then he claiming with chain saw in truck that he wanted to come back and finish and cut these down and I had not mentioned on my mind before today.
            I do need correct the boundary of not needing him monthly here,and eventually i want to take care of my own property when have equipment later,but I am not sure anymore espcially today when I so much felt he did not listen and then was seeking to do what was on my mind just last nite,and wondering how i would have picked up a chain saw on my own, I even thought to ask to borrow if gal from fire dept had one,just last nite on my mind.
            I am not sure if at all I am making any sense today Colleen, I know you udnerstand and I know that there is much in this note that is concerning for boundary of when i say no, and then staying firm in that, but I do not understand where it took me with what i had so much intended to figure a way to do on my own?
            Many Blessings, I need to get a walk as I am truly mixed up today.
            Much Love and Grace your way always,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            My first thought relates to the man’s age…at 80, I’m wondering if there may be some mental issues that interfered with his comprehension, memory, or understanding of your boundary. Since I’ve never interacted with this person, I have no idea how to evaluate the situation since he did offer the help you with things you have wanted done. My second thought is that the Old Testament is full of prophecies related to the Lord’s coming; yet when he came as a baby, it was not at all the way any expected. While I agree that you do want to make sure he is not running over you so to speak, I would consider a couple of these things before putting him in the same category as the other “friend” who is quite aware and still refuses to respect your words. It’s just my gut feeling…I don’t know if he is lonely, struggles with dementia, is someone the Lord brought along to help….or if he’s purposefully refusing to respect your request. However, part of growth is learning to balance what “feels like” one thing but is very different from what really is. I know this isn’t much help but I am just going with my gut. Let me know what you think. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Colleen, also the 80 year old gardener as well mentioned the neighbor i spoke of in past,last year he commented when i moved in on how this neighbor was deceitful and took advantage of his gardening ,mowing his property when he did not realize it was not the joining property he worked on,and he said that neighbor never thanked him or said anything, until he figured out on his own…….as he does the property work that connects my property and this other neighbor,no real fences,countryside land , I wish make a clear boundary of shrub/tree this summer was intention. It turns out, he does not speak with him,and advised me not to let this neighbor as neighbor suggested yesterday to do my leaves when he gets his riding mower out after a trip he and wife taking.I was wondering why is he offering,what is this guy motive? as I do get the instinct he not honest intentions. I am going with what I know by gut with this neighbor and by the gardener.
            I guess i will still need find a way no matter needed tree trimming or not,if i say no need to do leaves in yard to older regular gardener,then I need that heard. But how did it end up he was following through in end to do as I was anticipating to find someone with chain saw or buy one for me? I am so confused today
            I will go walk now
            Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            This is a hard situation that I don’t know enough about to comment. If the gardener has mentioned concern, it may be worth it to respect that. But, I also don’t know the people or am privy to seeing their non verbal communication which is vital. Has the neighbor bothered you by intruding on your property or just with the noise? You can always call law enforcement if the noise exceeds your community’s legal guidelines. I have to refrain on saying more before knowing more information. You friend, Colleen

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen.unfortunately I am not able to care as it is not acknowledged nor respected by the friend I thought would for such a sensitive issue. The dr jeckle mr hyde come back no matter what.it may be time for me to ask he not communicate for these reasons of disrespect. just one email of kindness shared he says thabk you and then get another email accusation of why do I reply to any email…this individual has no real clue or idea how abusive he is. I will resort to my pattern prior to his mother going to die 3-10 mo expectancy with degree of cancer and age..before that email I had not replied to any ….what oh Lord my God is wrong with so mamy people on this Earth.so destructive of such pure generosity of a soul. I am not to judge .only He will be the judge Of all of us…please oh Lord send me more open and not destructive of truest loving care is my continued prayer…thank you for helping me during a tough few days of so much .and i thought i had spoken too harsh earlier until tonite….. i keep praying God remove all evil.
            goodnite
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I finally was over firm and angry enough to say Stay off my property if not invited. This individual has been emailing since this morning with his issue of usual behavior of demand and concern for only his twisted munipulative need to come here,and used a dishonest reason as his usual as he cleaning out and throwing out things in his office and i had until 12n to pick up or he throw out, this is his usual attention seeking behavoir, and he noted at end he gladly drop off on my porch if i let him know. Well I thought carefully as i knew i was stuck either way, if i did not say throw out whatever it was he speaking of i have no idea, and then of course he writes that he will leave on my front porch for me to choose to throw away. That is where i finally wrote email saying I said NO, I mean No and His disrespect of NO is unwelcome here. ANd then I texted that Do not come on my property without being invited. I hate to need to do this, as He twisted and flip floppy in nature of aggressiveness, verbally mostly. If He is not man enough to say I would like to see you and say Hi, without dragging me into this episode that he sucks all joy for the moments of his crazy making , then I want be as far from this person as possible. He of course wrote his usual negative reply in email for when i look in the mirror I am selfish. That Is propably the funniest thing if someone truly knows WHO I AM. That is why I want to be far from this individual.
            I know this is so much energy in this note, I hate to have to react so strongly, but I truly Need to be listened to! And of course he texted back stating do you want me to trash the crystal healing piece you lent me too
            I did not reply as I already stated NO. to whatever it was he speaking of, and these things mean nothing to me..THINGS MEAN NOTHING TO ME.
            I am obviously angry. Once again I wanted to enjoy my own space today in rest and I need be concerned who will just show up if outside and not invited nor want to see, and my noisy neighbor watching everything I do.
            I am obviously angry and I will accept this feeling .now ended up probably go to park to walk again,when I was going to take break today and absorb my own nature and clean on porch and caulk ….just try to be still in a Spring warm breeze at home,also hoping to hear from Roofer .
            I wanted to let you know this is why I have not blocked numbers as I need keep this individual off property best way i can. I do have hope still in God work for this individual, I surely know he has some huge challenges loosing sister who was his mother guardian, and this will be hard for him as he never cried with his own mother loss, he never grieved and holds it all inside for his father mean and told him men do not cry. I surely wanted with all my heart Colleen to show kindness and compassion to this person to help open to heal, I listened endlessly, and still accused of being everything I am not. and trying to keep me from who I am is probably the worst injury.
            I am open to examine God work whatever this may be.
            With Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            It is scenes like this that let us know this is a person who is not to be trusted. If there are pieces you need to get, you may need to ask someone else to help you get them. Or, you may have to let whatever this person has of yours go. Your mental and emotional condition is far more important than what this person does to you so quickly. Again, I’m a little behind on your notes but my suggestion is to cut off and block all forms of contact no matter what. It always gets worse with people like this before it gets better. Their behavior intensifies because they hate loosing control. So stand strong, force yourself to rest in God’s word, and be comforted in the truth that He is with you. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, i know you will have multiple emails to read. I sit here and ask what happened to my life? are all those who wish for the way it used to be , am i missing something ? it is you and my dr. that truly see the changes in me for the very good . Not a family member or friend would say I am so good, they all would say with sadness and some resentment that they wish for those times again.
            I sit with this tonite. I will not be my worst critic,just knowing that joy is on the other side closer to God .
            I will keep you posted. I did walk downtown,and I will need determine how to put up some kind of shrub fencing and/or privacy setting between neighbors, i simply do not wish for uninvited entry and being questioning what i have going on as if always window on me and my house from their house. I will remedy this Spring/Summer for certain. If it was maybe a different chemistry, someone more trustworthy maybe i would feel differntly?
            I will need a remedy to be able to feel freedom in my own space.I will need help in what to say if i need set this boundary verbally so i do not offend anyone?
            Have a good evening
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Without question, I am here to help. I know you are struggling and doubting your direction. That happens to us all, Sandra…we feel alone, isolated, wondering “how everyone’s family seems so normal and ours is a mess?”….so to speak. The truth is that no one has the “ideal” or “perfect” family…no one. It is common for those who have struggled to survive an intensely rough childhood to idealize what family life looks like; to imagine it far better than is really possible. Because reality as a child was so hard, you probably lived in your mind…wishing or imagining life with less pain. However, those imaginations can often lead us as adults to disappointed expectations because an imaginary life is never the reality of life. It’s somewhere in between. Learning to live in reality, tolerate pain, lower expectations but still believe God is working all things together for a greater good than we can imagine is hard to put together. It sounds like you are dealing with this struggle. We all struggle to settle with life as it is, not as we expected, wanted, or thought it could be. That is why the apostle Paul wrote on longing for heaven…because in heaven there will not be pain and brokenness and sin…we will be without hurt, in a totally different condition. Until then, we have to adjust, to learn to trust, to live with neighbors we sometimes don’t prefer, with house issues that continue to fall apart, with family members that don’t always welcome our presence, with people that walk away, with hurt that isn’t resolvable until eternity. We have no control over other; we do have control and a responsibility in how we respond to our circumstances and people in them. I encourage you not to worry about ‘what if the neighbor…’ or ‘what if my mother or father or …..’; keep your focus and thoughts in today. Spring will come and God will show you what to do when the time comes. Until then, remember what James 4:13-15: Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” Sandra, my hope is that you will pull your thoughts back onto today, the present…to fill your thoughts with truths that come from scripture. Ps. 119 is long but talks about how a person can keep his way pure…Ps 1 speaks of those who are wise vs. those who are unwise…put your mind and heart into His word because that is where you will begin to develop the habit of focus and containment. You are on the right path, you are doing incredible, and yes, you are feeling the effects of change that are hard. I care dearly and love you. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, Thank you for your thoughts today, I checked and here you were. I have showered and lyed down to rest all day today. a blanket like the Lords wrapped around my neck and back and body and I have focused all morning and day on a vision of me standing on the very beginning a the path and i am all Light of God through me and He is showing me the future steps forward,all i see is a path but i saw myself finally take one step on this empty path into the horizon and knowing by the energy that it was a celebration to be going this direction He guides me, and I threw arms up in imagination on this path and celebrated what I have come to. Yes my imagination is where i lived for years, I would sit outside houses when young on cold winter nite and see lights on and a family sitting together and imagine the warmth of togetherness and connection,and I had always kept pictures from magazines of dream house, dream images. That is where I am concerned i guess, that is where the doubt i think is creeping in, for nothing,not even me is perfect. I thought back to my divorce,and it became pretty ugly before divorce, I could not get my husband to listen to my needs,as a pattern of choices of relations i suppose, and for example he was staying home as he never wanted me or him to go to my family out of state, although at that time i did not realize what he had been saying and now know he was really correct and protective about that issue with me, but his mother was going to visit him while i away and bringing her dog. His mother had absolutely no boundaries and I specifically requested firmly that the dog that wet in her house be off furniture and kept in crate while in house. I came home and dog had wet multiple places on jute rug and regular carpeting and dog was on her on sofa . I was really livid and these arguments grew between us as he ignored me and there was no response from him that he cared or was sorry . He simply did not listen where he did not want to. or finding it challenging and not to stand up for me. It became pretty ugly with these accumulated issues,and he would call me a martyr? condemning. And COlleen I really need to determine am I in the right ? I know my dr and you are so very supportive and on the exact same encouragement and what is healthy for me. I guess yes I have questions that my reaction that i need address , have I simply chosen those who do not respect me and my needs requested as I am told, and /or is it real that those relations of respect and honestly,simply what we have and my dr and i share without living in one space obviously,but is this real. I have to believe yes, that it is real and that I am doing all I can to follow His guidance through those that do care as you and my dr.and that I am doing all to take care of myself to get there. yes, All I have focused on is in His care today,and where it is like with Him. That is safest and calmest and truest place I know right now where yes I am finding peaceful comfort. It is quiet. I have phone off. And rained today, believe will remain indoors and quiet. I will read the Psalm 119 and i think it was Psalm 1 you have mentioned.
            I will keep aligned and on course, I see too much ahead to go backwards. I can only learn how to keep a relationship now and healthy and well need be from start two parties that are as much committed to meeting each other need as possible. Nothing perfect but I need keep cautious eye out that type of person that will be with me and stay with me into Eternal Rest.
            Have a good day Colleen, hoping you having a good restful day.
            With gratitude for your kind caring and loving embrace through this. How incredible you will recall this moment when i am able to get beyond and achieve whole wellness in His arms. I beleive you will be able to celebrate as I will arrive to that place, I wholeheartedly believe this with Faith.
            Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            This is a wonderful note. Yes, I do believe connecting to reality is vital to your growth. The hard part is learning what is really right…what “normal” looks like. I will tell you, there is no one pattern for normal. There is you, God’s creation, and the world around you for a purpose. You are intuitive, thoughtful, giving, affirming, graceful, gifted, creative, able, concerned for the welfare of others, and more. All these qualities will make you sensitive to others and you will tend to gravitate to help when it may not be the wisest thing to do. So before you jump into something, stop and ask the Lord if it is wise and right for you. He made you, He knows you and promises to guide you. That is what I had to do…to ask the Lord to show me the way. Books also help…the boundaries book is fabulous, and there are others that I can look up for you or simply you can look at my Facebook page where I have listed a ton of books I’ve read. So you are on the right track my dear and loving friend. Stay warm, inside, wrapped in that lovely blanket, maybe light a candle and just rest. In His loving arms, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello there Colleen, First Thank you for your incredible kindness to connect today knowing of my difficulty finding my way here. I have read all of your thoughts,and yes to so much of what you have expressed, yes to that I sit and say to myself that is all I truly want to do wholeheartedly is care and love someone, nurture and to be able to receive will be what i imagine as whole to me.For me it seems so simple, natural,maybe too simply as what we have spoken about my being the pleaser and caring for those who are abusive and harsh and not of same respect of me although rather an entitlement of my care andloving heart.My therapist always tells me that is why I i am in therapy to learn how to take care of my vulnerable self,nobody had taught me,and exactly how you perceive is what was real for me. I think too I am having the difficulty of the void of now anyone but me to care for,and that I am working on and through,as God may have me solo on the beginning of this renewed and new path so I see only Him and me ,to care for just me now to heal and grow. not selfish,not uncaring, not anything bad of a person,but what is necessary for me to learn wholeheartedly and finally how to care for me at this juncture before I can relate to the healthier boundaries and red flags that may present themselves early on in new relations.
            All of your thoughts shared are so real and true. I will be asking the Lord if it is wise and right for me, and if I have no answer and He continues to say Be Still,I will follow Him. I may even pick up the Boundaries book on bed today and be validated in what is so real and what I am experiencing is real. I will look at your facebook as I can go online even without facebook account and see your page and what listed i think. yes, that I am not turning back to old patterns Colleen, I have come too far,and am going to continue process where I am at and bring myself forward. There is no way I can go back now for I have seen too much to understand that knowing would be damaging by my awareness of yes the “feeling” in this instance of knowing what i have achieved in strength and the strength for me now is God presence within me, His work and that is too powerful and my Savior, My King of my heart and Soul so I could not ever do that to Him,knowing all this work to mold me and strengthen my soul,and to do as well to me would be now a No way! sense .
            I am so grateful for your warmest thoughts with amazing kindness, care and loving grace always. I will use that soft blanket here and follow through with the candle too. It is going to be cozy and of His embrace. I am going to rest and I hope you are well and find the time to be restored this weekend,for you have helped me and I know you help so many. And another day please let me know how Jon group is going? I would love to know,
            Thank you so much COlleen,
            and yes your book is on its way too, very happy to know this is soon here.
            Thank you
            With a full heart of Gratitude
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            The way of life is often an ebb and flow…we see growth, then get a set back, then find our footing…it’s just the reality of life. I’m glad you are hearing a congruent message between your therapist and me; that is often confirmation of God’s work. Another thing I thought of…in caring for your self…sometimes God removes every barrier, ever distraction, every dependence for us to finally see His full and true nature. It feels so lonely at times but in looking back, I can see those seasons as life changing. So just press through with your blanket, candle, maybe soft music, and enjoy….yes, it’s okay to enjoy you and your time in quietness. I can imagine the gift of time to myself and feel some wishful thinking creeping in…I long for a few moments of time to think of what I need or would like. Such moments are so rare for caregivers; but they are also valued all the more. So enjoy my friend. Enjoy the grace of God who has brought you to a place of silence, peace, calm, having to care for no one, accepting love without condition, and soak it in. May the Lord bring you His comfort tonight. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen,Thank you for your connecting to my heart and soul with real and true comfort by truth and honesty. the ebb and flow seemed easier somehow years back, maybe I thought anyway. Yesterday i needed to run an errand that could not wait for i drink reverse osmosis water and when out i need get the Geiser/Spring water and could not believe i was all out. SO ran out, seems minor issue and someting i just accustomed to doing,no floride etc of public water. So I was out and driving down road sun had just come out from rainy day,and it was actually a ride that felt took me past the neighborhood i lived in with x husband and a side of town i no longer frequent,and it was as if i could see the years of me ,torn and broken teribly,and honestly it was as if the devil had taken me all these years and thrown me around and controled me to be under a misbelief that i was on the right path. My x husband and I may have had troubles that we were not mature in development enough to heal,and he may have not been of my Faith, but he had a deeper heart that would never hurt a soul with mere motive.He may not have had the connection to truest of love,but he provided me with a home. I always stated the love and spiritual connection was more important than the material and I knew I was going to by choice have a different lifestyle. I realize he did have a tremendous heart that although the distant heart in relation,as he could be cold to intimacy that his defensiveness did not help us grow together,unable to reach deeply to connect due to rock solid wall, even with that I do miss the part of the relation that I have had knowing he would not have any evil intention/motive in his actions. He may have ignored me alot but the glimpse into that part of him was a gift that not many people have I have encountered these years on my own.
            I am not sure what all that is, but it sure seemed like a valid and real awareness, those i trusted most openly after my divorce were not of the Higher Good of God. I came out of the divorce believing so much different for me, and I am not yet sure where to place all that. I actually read your thoughts of would like some of the moments of quiet and rest that are not always at hand for you there,and I thought I had been somewhat a caregiver for my blind dog at end of his life, and honestly Colleen, i can relate to the demands of who needs you for care,never to the degree of a child,although the needing assist and be there 24-7 to care i do understand this dependence. I also strangely miss some of being needed,as you say even with this the ebb and flow i suppose of things.
            Today I awakened with the same blanket embraced around neck ,shoulders ,self and felt so comfortable and not wanting to leave the embrace of His blanket around me. alot of house items to do are placed aside for now, as I simply will find my way to them as I restore self. I did read Psalm 119 and I wanted to share two sections that I particulary resonated and when I went back to read again today,I could not locate and will read again, I enjoyed the entire Psalm and am happy that you recommended the reading . I am going to stay present, and find my way today,if it means rest I will and the rest will come to bring my life back together.
            Thank you for being a confirmation of God’s work and being there to showing His loving care exists here on Earth,by His deliverance.
            With Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            As you move through these levels of change, you will pass by places of the past and view them with new and different eyes. You couldn’t see them then as you do now; that would be impossible. However, as you have opened your soul to change, you have probably softened and the memories will be present in very different ways. That is so normal. There may be a ‘missing’ of what was because again, you are seeing through very different eyes…more mature, more developed, less defended, less of the false self you cultivated in order to survive. It does not mean you are at fault for relationships or a marriage that didn’t work; you did the best you could at the time. So write, journal, just be silent when you pass through those places of quiet memories and thank the Lord for His faithfulness to pull you through all you endured. May you be warm and blessed tonight. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, with my thoughts just shared, I can now have the perception to realize that the foundation in the Lord with developmental healing in His care are essential for living life ebb and flow.
            Have a Blessed day,
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I wanted to say Thank you so very much this weekend for connecting with me. I know I have so many issues and I know that you always say do not be sorry, ashamed,etc. I did want to apologize if in any way that I cannot manage well my ebb and flow, downs mostly that I do struggle at these times of challenge of being disconnected from so many even though they were dysfunctional relations,they were my only connections. I am considering going to a Pure Ministry Church a bit away from House,maybe an hour and half or try one up street that is historical area of my county and I think generally may be a grounded feeling in this Church? It will take some encouragement to place myself amongst others,not knowing who I can trust feeling vulnerable. I also wanted to say Thank you for reminding me of the Boundaries book. I just somehow someway dug deep within myself to do something even though i was starting out scattered and discouraged and disinterested in doing anything again today. The sun today shining brightly I got beyond that disinterest and stepped outside finally and it took to me, i sat and read Boundaries a short while,and YES YES YES the answers were validated so clearly. Controllers, aggressive and manupulitive and the Compliant ones! yep. and My favorite of all reminder of John 4:18 . I will be reading more. In meantime I did begin inspiring self again to pick up a chore and do something outside ,caulk around door and windows,and maybe more? I had a list and now energy is beginning to flow knowing all that is in learning and new awareness,and that I need very much keep on top of what I have had as old patterns,and That is why I wanted to say Thank you so very much. I know you and as well my dr. are so much guiding me to healthy relations and equipped with knowledge and wisdom and unconditionally caring for my best interest. Thank You Colleen for being there to help me when i sway and find such uncertainty, yet know God is leading but needing the reminder of what is healhty and what is not when foggy.
            Thank you so much
            With a Whole Grateful Heart
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Yes, one of the things that will save you from a negative, downward spiral is going back to foundational resources that have empowered you…scripture, Boundaries, other books and behaviors that have helped you move forward. I’m thrilled this time has passed; that you have survived a bit of a setback and yet come through with success. Let this be a reminder that no matter what you go through, the Lord will indeed carry you through. I hate setbacks…or what feels like setbacks…but they are part of the journey. I would say they make it impossible to press through without the Lord and strong support. You have both so you will come through. I so believe in you! Colleen

          • Sandra

            Thank you for your strong support Colleen, you are an integral part of my growth, by the most amazing care of encouragement and love,with wisdom and grace always. I so wished as well my dr appt was sooner, but it is still a few weeks away, actually i think the end of next week now. I need to say I am at a place without completly understanding wherre i am in this process ,meaning that the understanding of where i have been for years now? mentally and emotionally . I know it will come to me,and yes, i will journal for sure today, i had not in over a year and it is that kind of moment in time that is seemingly a big part of my growth,going by old neighborhood and that feeling I had that where have I been all this time? i had a thought that moment do people say or ask themselves what happened to me? in a way that all was sucked out of me, that is where i am not yet filled with understanding of is it good or not so great? I guess healing can be viewed different ways. hardship,pain,endurance, during /passing through this season or phase can be the most painful process.
            I was glad as well to turn the pages of BOundaries,as well as the Scripture I just love sited in book,and reading Psalms too.I wanted to site some I read here, and will do this today when book in hand…. I am going to later today read more . I will say the one thing I miss greatly is the whirlpool baths we always had during marriage,each house always had a great tub . That is where i found myself for hours on end before bed reading and meditating believe it or not. That is one of the luxuries i had reminded myself so much missed.
            I seem to be dreaming more and sleeping more soundly? I have been takign the magnesium supplement and not sure that or simply needed alot of rest .
            Have a greatly Blessed day Colleen,
            I look forward to connecting soon.
            With a healing heart,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I see you have sent a couple of notes. I will read through them and connect after. I hope this has been a good week and you are feeling better. Lovingly, Colleen

          • Sandra

            The Lord, His warmth of blanket embracing me, His presence of leading me forward, and your caring guidance through His work with support and grace and love has followed through for me and with me.Thank you so very much.
            With Heartfelt Gratitude,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You are welcome. It is an honor to walk through this passage with you. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I wanted to share what i was thinking from earlier thoughts of what i had read in Boundaries. I had skipped a little ahead in book scanning over and was reading “Resistance to Boundaries” ,some of which was Proverbs 1919 which i will read further in Bible, in book mention is of saying “no” and those who have not learned to respect others’ freedom. I went back and specifically cannot locate what i truly wanted to share,essentially it was alot to do with me and not taking the anger inside myself, do not respond automatically to the anger of others, and what i need practice is “do not allow the angry person to get you angry.Keep a loving stance while “speaking the truth in love.” “Developing Healthy Boundaries”Dr. Cloud and Dr.Townsend, pg 248.
            I found it. this is what i had wanted to share most of all.
            “If guilt works on you, recognize that this is your problem and not theirs. Realize whre the real problem is : inside. Then you will be able to deal with the outside correctly, with love and limits.If you continue to blame other people for “making” you feel guilty,they will have power over you, and you are saying that you will onlly feel good when they stop doing that. You are giving them control over your life. Stop blaming other people.” “Developing Healthy Boundaries”, Dr Cloud and Dr Townsend, pg 251..
            And Matt 20:15, “The Bible says that we are to give and not be self-centered. It does not say that we have to give whatever anyone wants from us. We are in control of our giving. “”Developing Boundaries”,Dr. Cloud and Dr.Townsend, pg 250.
            I will process all and will work on what is inside of me most of all. I wish to bring what i have shared to my dr appt and discuss as well.
            Today is lovely Spring weather, I am hoping for the sense of the Lightness to bring me out of some of the grief deep sadness of loss at my core self. Mostly for just the contact of friend where had moments that were like a friend sharing what doing,how day going, but I need remember the other parts that have not served me well and go along with the whole of a person interaction. I will focus on what the Lord wants me to do with me.
            Have a terific day, hoping you can capture some of the lovely Spring weather,lots in bloom.
            Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I love that you are continuing to read the boundaries work and study truth for growth. I just spoke with another friend about that book and said it was such a ‘cornerstone’ reference for healthy boundaries. I’m glad to know you are still enjoying it. Graciously, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, it appears to be a day i received your book in timing and the Bible and Boundaries book necessary to embrace for foundation and security,and comfort and grace. Colleen, I was ready to throw in the towel, completely throw it in. the contracter/roofer that came out end of last week still I have not seen quote and with temps increasingly warmer this week,the musty mildew odor from where roof into ceiling has leaked increases with it. I waited until today and placed a voicemail just now with roofer to verify he had email correct. The last few days i have missed the friend I had in the friend who has not been a friend? I miss knowing how all doing with his life and his family and the hardest part is he was the only individual that I could receive a genuine hug regardless of all of his issues, if i cried , he held me and i need step out of that unconscious “feeling” and realize that it may have always been a pricetag or condition to that one hug ,tormenting my emotions with when other times disrespectful and expectations beyond what I was willing to provide. So I prayed and I continued to ask the Lord to please connect with me. I begged Him to bring me His connection and fill me up with His embrace of Love, Joy,serenity and Peace, i have had a glimpse of and am seeking so teribly at this time. There is an enormous struggle to remain in consciousness of what is real and true with how I was treated in this relation and to slip into what may have comforted for a moment or hour,may have jeopardized my moving toward those who will be presented to me in unconditional God conscious caring loving way. and if I contact him first that will say I accept how he has been treating me,and that I cannot do for me and my very precious heart and soul need be respected and treated different. So when I received your book just now , I was thrilled it arrived when I truly will need. God provided at this very moment. and better yet, I have to say I thought let me open it up and see what page it brings me to, it landed directly at the first page of the Chapter “When You’re the One in Need of Care”, And I read the first few pages,and first inspired by hey you were at the exact place i seem to be today,this very moment,and wanting to say all this rubush, gratitude list toss,toss,toss, toss all for it will not change anything for me as I am miserable in process anyway. And here your writing your experience saved my moment of giving up and tossing the towel in for a hug of someone with skin here on Earth, and to have lost a friend who could provide this along with professional and highly skilled Massage and Reiki,a true expert that I truly have needed to help me along here right now. My dr appt next week, but these types of touch therapy and somoene who truly knows how to balance a body mind as whole, it is a terible loss in these aspects of resource. Yes there are more people out there, he truly i saw from living in many states up and down east coast of USA that he truly the best i had known to date. and charge only 60.00 for all clients,all work being done. very thorough and acted in behalf as my complete practioner,as it is all in this work that balance brings good health,so before go into the physical illness,etc, this work is what preventative healthcare practioner for me.Reading these pages of your book, I also wanted to say I was inspired Colleen, you were married through some of this despair,and your husband did not leave you. That is a huge comfort in knowing this feeling miserable and seeing cup less than half full even in the messyness of all happening at the time you were making every attempt to get beyond and see the cup so full, overfloweth, that you were and remain married to the same individual. so comforting . I was not aware that you had two special needs children from your Dad email newsletter promoting your book that came to my email today. I know you are and have juggled and continue to juggle so very much. Please remember one thing when you may feel the One in Need of Care in even today,in the now, please know that you have more than one to ride with in the skin here on Earth, and although challenging of your time , I am so happy that you have JOn and your children and your husband to be close and to ride through and have a hug ,so many hugs really that is so much I can encourage and be grateful for knowing for you as an inspiration for me. The Hymns remind me of the calendar as well , so glad God provided when you needed, just as this book of yours arriving today, I will find further reading as day provides. I have landed on the third page of this chapter for moment, Giving Our Stress to the Savior.
            I had been broken down to tears just after opening and seeing God provided and asking Him to please have mercy on my emotional struggle and pain,as if Paul had any contact with skin and for how long? I keep thinking of Him. He made it by His love of God. Thank you for writing your book as I know it is going to help me and help so many others Colleen!
            There is one last thing I wanted to note, before I found your book arrived, I found something online that talked about a closet filled with old stuff,and until we remove the old patterns ,old beliefs from the closet ,there is no room to bring in the new for the old stuff and cluter will wrinkle the new, so it talked about pretty much where i am at,and to manifest removal of these old beliefs so not to recieve much of the same I am. That is probably when I began gettingmore upset and frustrated,then your book arrived! and I cried a while of despair yet knowing God is providing and this is going to have a purpose, that which seems like a lifetime of lonliness,lacking skin contact and being like Paul in Prison really,isolated and confined in this mess of old beliefs,old attraction from old patterns. I wanted to share what i saw online and I have called my dr as well and asked her to help me truly define and write down the old beliefs that creep out of subconscious taking over and keeping me behind with old things in closet. and what I continue to receive. So here I am , open, honest, willing, Thank you for listening Colleen,

            “There’s nothing magical or mysterious here! The tools are grounded
            in scientifically-based techniques that are proven to access the deep
            strength within YOU – the strength and power that creates permanent change and
            RESULTS!
            When you begin to
            CLEAN OUT OLD BELIEFS and programming
            INCREASE YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE AND SELF-ESTEEM
            REMOVE BLOCKS to your success
            GAIN FREEDOM from Fear
            you are SET FREE to
            ATTRACT ABUNDANCE
            MAGNETIZE WEALTH
            FOCUS YOUR FUTURE VISION
            CONNECT WITH INTUITION AND WISDOM
            every day as you live a life that is EASY, EFFORTLESS, JOYFUL,
            PROSPEROUS and FUN! “online email material from the Intenders”2015

            With a full heart and gratitude for seeing a cup half full,

            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            How great is it when you receive something that encourages your soul! I’m so happy you got the book and will pray that every page offers a bit of hope for you. I am wondering one thing about the house…have you thought of pursuing some legal disputes related to the seller and the lack of honesty? It seems you would have been given more info related to the condition of the place before purchasing it…and if not, then was there something kept from reporting I just had that as quick thought…only wondering. More on the other issues later but I wanted to get that question in before going to bed. Much care, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen. It is interesting your asking about this ….it is presently another frustration as the attorney I hired one year ago has dragged feet…he claimed individual nrong military difficult to track down. Just a few weeks back I located ecaxt telephone contact in Korea south. Attorney replied to email saying that is trenendous help.I wrote additional emails with finding house he and his wife purchased so provided that address and as all these delays no update.I have telephoned and left message whether we on same page and whether he truly interested resolution ti these issues. No reply from secretary who claimed she would call me back after speaking with him. then this roofer who normally incredibly reliable with reputation has not formulated quote that I was going forward attorney as update to include bathroom floor bad what hired attorney for and had mention of roof leak and owner claiming repaired..but now wanted include cost of repair due to extent and ckearly not disclosed to me honestly. Attirney I uncertain working with effort as he agrreed I pay 150.00 and to take to court if necessary he may not charge me….I seem not like the delay but I with my entire being hoping it is becayse God leading me to more substamtial reliable quote so we can proceed with greater impact of resolution.this is one reason I have no understanding and like tonite sit here and listen rain of Spring heavier and parts of celing finish beginning fall off in pieces…it a sprayed celing ssad o this particle beginning peel and fall off.I tomoroow hoping roofer reply to my voicemail today…for verify email fir quote ceking and bathroom.Attorney alreadalready haf quote of batroom but with both on one quote better to pursue.and other roofer not available until next month as backup.I dont know Colleen why delays. ..us why I would like break through all blockages I have to bring me what seems to be lacking responses to all things. Thank you for insight.I was going drop into attorney office tomorrow. ..but wanted quote in hand so I may call and or wait for quote. If no contact by phone witj attorney to previous owner enough time passed and I mentioned by email and his secretary we need then proceed with court civil filing.that is where I think tjis juncture need be but need that substantial very reputanble builder roof and bathroom combined quite.goodnite Colleen
            With a full heart
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I’m sorry I haven’t replied sooner…it’s been quite a week. I’m sure you can say the same. How is it going with the attorney and all the home repairs? Since you did ask about the delays, my first thought was perhaps the question isn’t “why” but “for what purpose”. I have learned that when I continue to get frustrated, my eyes are looking in a direction that isn’t necessarily bad, but not in the direction Christ has for me to see. If I turn my head, just like looking at nature, the view changes….meaning, when we turn in just a little different way, sometimes things open up that we couldn’t see because our focus was pointed in a different place. It takes time to think and turn…it’s not easy because we work so hard on honoring the Lord with out direction that it can seem like a delay when really, He’s waiting for us to focus on something else. I would ask Him what He wants you to see…not the delay but ask that He open the eyes of your heart so you come to see His presence in what is happening. I noticed you wrote again but I wanted to reply to this note. All my love, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I have thought of you and honestly I thought that i may have replied too abrupt with my aggitated self the last communication we had, and I know you know that all is about me,and it probably was as frustrated as my thoughts needed to be expressed. Your thoughts here are probably the greatest wisdom directed to exactly what i need be asking our Lord, and your graceful way of communicating landed my understanding very well. I thank you for this generous thought. I hope that you as well are okay with what it is that has kept you.
            I had dr appt today, so happy about that. I have had a good weekend with help of the older woman I have spoken of in past that does not live near me,maybe 50 minutes west. but i had corresponded via email for a request of her helping me with channeling distant Reiki, and she did, in fact it was probably the most soft gentle good intention Reiki I had felt in such a very long time. And Angels were all around me, I know this.I can see them and feel the most beautiful energy that i had not ever felt in my own house here. In fact, I felt a temendous clearing and I have continued some meditaitons that I found and that are very helpful for me in extracting negative energy and fear that accumulated,a female voice walking through each step to clear away and let go of any parent or sibling fear based relationship from my past and removing the fear and then sending them love after i am no longer attached for letting all this go in quiet way…esp with the other male Reiki Friend, as it clears out too any psychic attacks i have felt, and it became a weekend of pure clearing out dysfunctional fear energy and restoring with an amazing soft peaceful energy for me to be able to rest and snuggling with embrace of the Lord blanket around me,and simply peace. Even the squirrels that i thought were mice? disappeared. They may have come in by hole in roof???
            Overall I was released from feeling fear based dysfunctional relations, and when I received an Easter card from the male Reiki friend,it seemed to stir in me an axious feeling again,not full force but just enough that I realize that is not where i need to be with that hold on me,first for his writing was in my being a sense of hard penmanship with sense of anger,blame and resentment in tone of writing? for my not communicating with him,yet it said he was thinking of me and wanted to let me know as then he pushed a comment of denial,that he claims he never held me back in my growth and that He sill has my back. The card felt negative from what and how he wrote.yet i know at some level it hurts to be ignored,even if for a good reason i am staying without communicating with him,and for who he is. I know my dr. tells me to not send him a card and I realize this is not a good idea nor to say thank you for card,yet as of today that struggling with what to do filtered in, I know once i meditate again to what has helped me I will be able to let go.
            In the meantime, I will say I went to attorney face to face, he claims he still on board with me. Although my dr. phrased what i really need to ask him,that is as soon as i get the next contact number of Commander officer in Korea of previous owner,then I go to attorney and say okay, i have provided the contact information what is delay now? And ask what is timeline. She agreed that it may be because i paid him 150.00 for helping me, which technically is about 1000.00 less than the total action if we need take Seller to court, for now simply he keeps saying delay is locating Seller ,and communicating in negotiation by telephone? SO I am going to call some other attorneys to have my back here,just to see out of town attorney interested in helping. When i started most wanted to charge 1500.00 and for full taking to court and they said the repairs which I still waiting for most accurate quote with roof, i hope to get tomorrow, but bathroom floor and roof leak may be smaller than what the attorneys have said it is worth for them to help. That is why this one attorney that i have hired is starting out and did agree to help. I will guestimate the repairs may be 2,000.? total. I told my attorney in person that i will give him 1/3 if we settle . It did not seem alot to him? but he said we are on board as agreed?
            And long story of process with roofer, the one reputable individual never provided quote in two weeks now,and did not answer my call with verifying he had my correct email address. The roofer i was waiting on for a month is now free and his fellows came here yesterday while i was not here and claimed they repaired a hole by chimney and some other things. He claimed it is 100.00 for that for them to have come out? The owner i speaking with is coming out tomorrow morning and he will estimate the structural wood repairs,as my carpenter was here end of last week and he told me at least six 4×8′ batten board around chimeny are rotted from leak and need replace. So roofer will look and assess and the ceiling as well.Carpenter did say as well black rot and white mildew growth on wood from view in attic.
            That is pretty much where i ahve been. I may send the Reiki friend a card for Easter and simply say I do not find it best to communicate at this time,and to find the healing work that will work for him as his mother illness progresses and his not in communication with me? I am not cerain yet, i even thought forward a website of http://www.adultchildren.og which i found is a adult children of alcoholics informative webpage that he would be in denial of his issues although I thought as probably the only person to be offering the seed for his life,whether he hides from it or eventually sneaks a peek, just maybe i have touched someones life that has always been not receptive of himself.
            I am going to rest my head, my dr. appt was really alot ,mostly how i will be focusing and learning more about myself “nonrelationally” and wanting to expand my knowledge by researching more in Boundaries book,etc ,or any Christian resource that can find i can work on this in greater detail. I know you sent me an organization a few weeks back, i need look at that information for much was free to explore. I will look at that . There really is nothing Christian based here where i live that is like this organization you have encouraged my looking into. It seems the best of best programs are in Texas! lol. I often say, i may just end up living there someday, and Mr Bush home state too. I always thought he and his wife were so American.
            WIth full heart always,
            so glad we connected.
            Love Sandra

          • My Dear, Precious Sandra,
            I am so sorry not to have written sooner. My back issues and some changes around my home have limited my time…however, my thoughts and prayers for you continue daily. As I read your note again, there was something interesting that happened. In the first part, there is a peaceful energy coming from your words…something that sounded settled or at least rested from the agitation. As you continued and the Reiki issues were brought up, there is a change in your ‘voice’…more anxiety, worry, confusion, mistrust of your own strength…just a change in the tone which is most important to discuss. Reason being, as you begin to establish boundaries, they will feel all ‘wrong’; meaning, you will feel guilty or worried that you are doing something wrong. When in fact, it is exactly what you should be doing but didn’t learn it a long time ago. As a result, you learned how to relate in ways that damaged and hurt you…which is why you landed in such a miserable place a while back. You have grown so much…SO MUCH that I want you to trust your ‘voice’ and your direction. If you indeed told your male friend that you did not want any contact, then you must stick to what you said…regardless. Don’t open letters, don’t answer phone calls, don’t read text messages…you have to cut that relationship off thoroughly or your word will not mean anything to him and he will know he can run over you. That is not you. That is not how healthy relationships go. It will be ever so difficult at first, but as you take this road, you will grow in strength, peace, and confidence. You won’t second guess yourself as this habit develops. You will be able to have your “yes” mean “yes” and “no” mean “no”…and other’s will respect you for that. No one should ever run over another person; that is totally disrespectful. If he has continued to contact you, then he is finding some joy in running over you which is about him, not a good friendship! I so believe in you, in all you have done to grow, in the trials you continue to endure with incredible resiliency, in how you have sought direction and wisdom…you are incredibly rare and God is using you in powerful ways. Beyond what you can imagine. While I hate the continued home interferences, the fact that some are not keeping their word (which is very common), and that you have all that on your plate which is A LOT…you are staying with it and God is growing you. There may be someone along the way in a few years that needs help with home problems and you will be thoroughly equipped to help…who knows…we just have to keep looking up to Jesus who is with us as we carry on. I want you to know how precious you are, how valuable you are, what a treasure you are and that I rejoice in our friendship. I pray you find rest and peace this very moment and will stay in touch as you can. Happy Easter if I don’t hear from you my dear friend. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hi Colleen sorry for mispspellings.hard for me write on cell phone and hand /fingers write with right hand arthritis and stiff also from all repairs I do at house .goodnite
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Never worry about misspellings…I do the exact same thing so I have it pretty well figured out. You are a-okay with me. = ) Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, If I could pass along a smiley icon I would! Thank you again for your kindness.
            With Gratitude,
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen I am aggitated with all at this time.I get in perspective to surrender and I do completely. I give of myself and become bitter for my experience that people generally do not care. Now tonite scratcing in wall as was the other nite…is it mouse? I had heard in attic and now in wall. I have very little left of me to draw upon to change course yet again
            so I sit tight and all will eventually be prprovided.I hate going bed in this way as not likely going be able sleep and of hear scratching on top of it …all I look firward at this time being away end of month in hot spring where only place I literally restore self. only place on earth.
            have a peaceful evening by you more than I have instinct going be here
            Thank you for listening with connection
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I would say I would be so exasperated, frustrated, and agitated I could scream. I’m sure you are there and this is taking you over the edge. It would me too. I never guess your motives or your being surrendered…I don’t question YOU at all. However, life can be so terribly frustrating and this may be a battle on many levels. The enemy would love to hit you hard…and it seems like that is happening; but you will not give up and the enemy will not win. So that’s the bottom line. Go out and scream, hit your pillows or a boxing tool or go for a run or get your anger out because we both know it will defeat you in every way. However, you are not going to be defeated because our Lord Jesus Christ is in you fighting for you. Yes, there have been terribly difficult, awful, frustrating, unexpected challenges…you have been incredibly tolerant and I continue to applaud you. Stay in the fight my dear, precious friend. You are one incredible woman…not going to let you give up now. In HIS Strength, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hi Colleen, I am settling down now. I wanted to say before i close computer down that this morning i did look up Grace Alliance Mental Health Network out of Waco, Texas .I was a little overwhelmed with information so i placed aside to look at for a later time. When I walked earlier ,the walk I prayed and prayed and prayed for a dream of a space connected to my home,like where the rear deck need repair to someday and for our Lord to guide me and help me bring an enclosed area of a heated porch someday so i can use this room for helping others somehow, whether meeting for Hope and encouragement workshop? I was dreaming of so much. I do not feel like this is the time for me to be a leader when I have times of anger and sadness and such hurt, maybe in time the connection to this organization will find me in a better place to be able to facilitate a group of encouragement and hope in the way that Grace Alliance Mental Health Network trains its facilitators. I am not able to think about this at this time. I will definitley go back this week when mind and heart more open and able to absorb better the information that is offered to help me continue to heal . I am grateful for your sharing this interview and look forward to knowing more and viewing your interaction as well. What a great addition to your interviews! I love Texas! It seems that some of the greatest programs originate there!
            And Colleen, I am going to get rest now. I did want to say that I still believe it is okay to keep plywood floor as secondary or last project to finish what to place on top. I am going to keep to my plan /intention and fix leak, get outside gutters up after painted trim when rain gives break for a weeks time to dry,etc, and I would have wanted both complete prior to Spring rain,but it did not happen this way . I am “juggling” i suppose too much and need let God in control of timing of all. I will say that i am going to seal the plywood floor to be protected and can eventually get some rugs to throw down and the walls in living room and kichen truly need insulation,whether they have very little to none i was told that this is necessary and crawl space duct work wrapped from squirrel damage,and then rotted 4×8 boards need replace outside on exterior and then bathroom floor that rotted need desparately be torn up and repaired,new tile ,etc. That is what i ahve wanted attorney to handle and will need contact him tomorrow. I then will look at floor . Leak in living room ceiling need finish before wall insulation as I believe some of the leak has gone down from ceiling where meets walls by this area of fireplace…so all has a process i need follow,ultimately God will provide and guide me what to do next even if not what i intended, i will follow Him
            Have a good evening of rest and comfort by you there.
            With Gratitude for your kind heart and care, with such amazing grace always.
            SandraPS I definitely going enjoy your book! seems like one i would have wanted to pick up from table today and be in hand to read.I am looking forward to this reading.

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, THinking of you, so hoping you are in process of healing toward wellness and are much more comfortable today and forward. I am going to look up this Grace Alliance Mental Health Network today. I am also making a call to volunteer at a soup kitchen. So many thoughts of you here in process. If I was local to where you live, I would learn more of what it is that can be offered, perhaps through Church, maybe food, prepared dinner ? something to help you in your recovery as I am uncertain your being able to do all that accustomed to doing. I am keeping you in thought and prayer . If there is anything i can do to be of service from where i live I would want to do so for your time of healing. I will continue to surround you in His Loving Light in Prayer.
            Love Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I was wondering if you were ever able to connect with the Grace Alliance or look into soup kitchens. Hope there was some helpful information if you did. Blessings, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, yes you were right that there is no way that i can return to who i was as it is in the now present moment of who i am, even if something feels similar, my focus on our Lord will help me get through this and that is the biggest difference in me. I do “feel” like I am developing a flash back, strangely from about 6 years ago when I was receiving Reiki already for about 3 solid years- 3 1/2 years , i began increasing flash backs during this time, many of which were too much for me and I was told by my dr that i recall enough to know what happened on specific instances. Mayo clinic told me my mind will never be like a movie reel of tape but fragmented,which is a big part of why the longterm traumas effected me in functioning, my tape is not one smooth reel, many segments torn out missing information,forgetting pieces of my life journey. I will say I feel strange tonite, although I am and will be okay, knowing the Lord has me here in His hand and keeping me so very close to Him is all I need to know . I am glad i do have dr. appt this week. It may just be strange feeling for I the 6-7 years back was in a very low place and devastated that my standing up to my oldest sister with her denial of who her husband is, began to come at me from her injecting her negative thoughts toward me to her children,and that is beginning i was unvited to weddings and has increased pattern of this since. but during this and just working through awareness that a separation coming knowing a divorce would come a few years later after the one year separation, well, I went into garage and sat in car ready to leave earth with car running and garage door closed, I was sobbing hysterically and all I could think of was abandoning my dog,so i wrote letter that he be taken by a girl i knew and then in car I reached out to the Reiki friend,and that is how he began looking after me,as he talked me out of it, he just did,it took time but he literally got me to listen to him and his experience as retired military showed him a few times where he was not able to talk someone out of doing this,and he as manager had to be called to identify more than one individual that reported to him in military . I know all this is crazy to bring up. Maybe i need leave it all behind me as I will not injure myself ,maybe have a low but I can know to lean into our Lord so much more now at this time of my life which is an incredible Savior feeling, He is my Savior, our Lord, and God and maybe that is the lesson this evening that I do not need fear be alone becasue I am not alone, as much as a flash back may surface, I know it will pass and I fully know what my dr. taught me to use ice cube to awaken me to my sense of ouch ice cold on skin and into present.
            I think I needed to express all this. I do not intend for you to worry,as much as I wanted to share this truth,and please be certain I am leaning into our Lord fully this evening!
            Thank you for listening Colleen.
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            From the beginning of our writing, I’ve known you are first the Lord’s and He promises to care for you. If I am one voice He chooses to use, then what an honor. As you speak of the flashbacks and your mind remembering only segments, that makes perfect sense. Our minds and coping mechanisms are set up to help us survive; trauma to a child is one of the hardest to survive in every way. When there is such ongoing trauma as you have described, one would die if it were not for our brains automatic response to protect. Often, memories do not come back until we are adults…often in a safer environment or when we are asleep…our chemical and alert responses are less defended and what is ‘in there’ often comes up in odd ways. So what you have experienced is so very painful yet also very often the way it comes up. The fact that there was someone to help is a gift…not all people are supposed to be in our lives forever but for a season where God uses them in a very specific way. Finding the balance with this is so hard because we tend to cling to the whole person as our healer rather than the person God used to help us along. I have struggled with letting go of ‘seasonal relationships’ very deeply; finally now I am able to appreciate what God provided then and let go of their absence. It’s all God’s work…we don’t know how He will use others but if HE is our anchor, our foundation, then people, events, and things can come and go without shaking us off our core center. I hope that makes sense. What you are working through is incredible hard and takes much time so be patient. It will require grief as you release what you thought would be a ‘lifetime’ relationship. It will require you to cling to Christ as your everything rather than to those He has used to grow and strengthen you. Eventually, we learn He is our everything…you are on your way there my dear one so stay the course. All my care, Colleen
            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson
            Insight for Living Ministries
            Special Needs-Director
            CThompson@insight.org
            972-473-5016 (w)
            469-400-2968 (c)
            PUBLIC NOTICE: All communication is private and confidential, only to be viewed by the recipient. Any changes, signatures, alterations in forms or communicated material is subject to legal action.

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen.yes the book I read and have is “The dark night of the soul”and yes I thought to pick up a thank you card send to Librarian with letting him as well know of reply casting now on hiatus as I told him I would let hin know if my entry selected for renovation. I was grateful this individual at library so accomodating and patient in helping truly why I want to say thank you by a card. yes it is who I am crossiing paths morw than axtual house repais it does appear so true. I awake this nite and interesting all your thoughts if mind and memory exactly what I have told.in fact I even was guided take vitamin b6 to help me remember dreams..yes about three years back by a holistic dr. Ever since that time I awaken this same time 130 am no matter what time go to sleep. Sometimes I would awaken as feeling had nightmare. Other times feeling unsafe and feeling of being munipulated comes ovee me in way stricken of this feeling come over me of fear. And few other times see a family member uncomfortable seeing and as see I awaken as individual appear in walking into room in munipulating sly expreasiob and way. It is always 130-145 am.the majority of time I awaken with none of what I mention just a very sudden and immediatw awakening for hours then uo when this occurs. I believe there is as you have said some memory in dream. My dr says same that not remembering is how I was able survive. I will keep you postwd this week. Thank you for reaching out to me….I willl be thinking of our Shepard Leadimg His sheep (me) and know this is all intended as part of this season of a closer relationahip with Him and my everything will be my focus
            thank you for connecting tonite
            With gratitude always
            Sandra

  • Sandra,
    Our bodies are totally incredible….I’m amazed that any of us are half way normal…if there is a “normal”. It’s just a suggestion but in recent months, I have begun to learn about sleep and how it affects our bodies. I have also learned about how some bodies don’t synthesize or absorb some vitamins. I don’t absorb vitamin B, struggle with D, and don’t have a good sleep cycle. Interestingly, the brain is the only organ in the body that does not have a ‘trash’ system. Every other organ is able to get rid of waste and what it does not need or use or is harmful…a good filter if we are careful to treat our bodies well. Sleep is the only time our brains are able to “catch up” or work through some of the stuff…when we don’t have good rest, the chemical reactions and transitions are less than optimal. I would suggest a sleep study if there is a center or psychiatrist near you that does that. You can also have your hormone’s checked at a hormone replacement place or even with a primary care physician. Additionally, you may want to look at the national institute of mental health or the Grace Alliance group as there are often ‘research’ studies going on in which people are needed. They don’t usually cost money and can provide incredible care. About the waking, it may be your body’s rhythm to wake at a certain time if your hormones are off. Most who endure the kind of abuse you have endured do struggle with how their chemicals function and work in the body. Sometimes waking is a way God will work to speak to us without interruptions as he did with Samuel in I Samuel 3…what an incredible story!!! I think you would find it so encouraging to read of Hannah, Samuel’s mother, then of God’s calling Samuel to speak for Him. Hannah, so misunderstood, remained faithful and God gave her a son who was used in a most powerful way. So when you wake, there are options…ask the Lord if He is speaking, maybe journal some of the fears or worries and then bring those to the Lord later, and before rest, ask the Lord to help you sleep well. I’m sure your adrenal system is always on high alert which means your endocrine system has a high level of chemical release which can interfere with sleep. So there are many things which could affect sleep. One thing is for sure, you don’t have to live with the fears any longer. It may take years, as I too struggle with deep fears in some areas and have nightmares in sleep…I understand my sweet friend. But God, who knows you and loves you is your good shepherd. He is leading you to rest beside quiet waters and will care for you. He may not take away all the pain, but He will use it to change you, draw you to Him, and to help others. I would go to a good primary care physician if possible and have a full blood and hormone exam and test. Find our where you body may need nutrition or help with any chemical imbalance. Also I would suggest an intestinal supplement. Depression can include chemical imbalance; the body’s chemical’s like seritonin and dopamine are made in the gut. So if we have a healthy intestinal system, many other systems are better off. I’ve said a lot here but I will pray as the Lord leads you to care for your body physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Much love and grace to you my cherished friend. Colleen

  • Sandra,
    It is so good to connect with you! I’ve had quite a week with some changes for my son, health, and the weather. I’m so sorry it’s been a while; I like to reply quickly but I couldn’t this week. You are very aware, very understanding of your body and how it works. I am still learning all this so your note is wonderful to read. You have obviously taken time to care for yourself; something that is difficult for those who have endured much suffering. Often, self care is the last thing on one’s list when they feel worthless; your words here were thoroughly encouraging! I will read your other notes and reply. Thanks for always ending your notes with words of kindness and care. Much grace and peace to you my friend. Colleen

  • Sandra,
    Hello my friend.
    I LOVE the quote…especially the part that says, “I can acknowledge my feelings without being overtaken by them”…that is such a mature, developed skill. Rare is the person that can acknowledge feelings, even feel them within their own boundaries, and yet not allow them to master their life. I read a great book titled “The Lost Virtue of Happiness” years ago by a professor from Talbot Seminary. He went through a very hard season of depression and after coming through, he wrote it with a friend. There is something to be said about caring and handling all of who we are…feelings, intellect, gifts, abilities, strengths, weaknesses, physical constitution, spiritual direction, and more…in a mindful, wise way. I need the Lord to help me do that; what wonderful advise you were given. I hope you are warm during these colder days and that you have been resting well. Thank you as well for the links and health info…yes, I am very interested in all of it. You are a gift to my life, Sandra. I hope I tell you that often. In His hands, Colleen

  • Sandra,
    As I suggested before, I would block every and all forms of communication that this person could possibly have with you. If there is an email, delete it and don’t read it. If there is a text message, delete it. All forms of communication….phone numbers, address information, email addresses….every way he can find you I would block. Once you have said “NO MORE”, blocked him in this way, then I would suggest asking for help from law enforcement. Let’s see what happens from here. Colleen

  • Sandra

    hello Colleen
    I am very uncertain that you wull receive this. I am sorry I have been so unstable with gettong you out card and thoughts for your loss of eho sounds like the most amazing individual and friend. Colleen I cannot connect on my issues knowing what you are experiencing.I will say I did go where I usually feel a nest of placking to restore self away ftpm home although this trip had me wuth emt infividuals today …thinking so ill from dehydration but seemingly reiki friend by email and ems seem believe it anxiety from me severing what feel like final tie to who believed my very real and only friend. And caanot stop devastating crying and I mot home until need drive tomorrow.I am feeling God leaving me wirh Him at this time for I tryly have nobody told lean on in physucal sense another more. I am after sittong in mineral soak left now to deal with what is happening .and how whiwho was my lifeline is now because ng rekeased .I canno speak and I will need believe I be okay with Gods will here and know I will be ok.this has been my only me ans of rescue and gtounding me for 10 years and although not healthy that is who would ground me. I am sorry I cannot write for your grievng a much more genuine loss all seems I need not write so much.lovesandra

    • Sandra,
      I am trying to understand what you are saying here. I can’t figure out if you are in a safe ace or not stable… Please help me understand where you are. Colleen Colleen Swindoll-Thompson
      From my IPhone

      • Sandra

        Hello Colleen.I safe place in hot springs for restorimg and bevame hugely emtionally and physically unstable.I could not walk well and many syptoms that frightened me.I saw emt and they at least saw vitals all ok.sugar a little low for me as I have history but had all been in chack. They wanted be sure too I was not dehydrated from mineral soaking hot spring bath. It appears majoe anxiety with last nite rekeased flooding of tears and feeling as if I lost my only lifeline in reach in friend that I have seen not healthy for me.he was literally my only lifeline in these sityations and emergencys.I have a card for you.and wanted to have it sent by now..
        I coukd use a really good massage yo help clear away all in body.I need drive 4 hours hime today.still a few crokodile tears but will be I think up to driving sekf today even though weak from all happening EnEmotionally.love Sandra

        • Sandra,
          Please know you are in my thoughts today. I am very concerned but I believe you have enough strength to make it. May it be a comfort to you that our Lord lost everyone…His closest friends couldn’t stay awake at His darkest hour, they denied Him and soon after, he was put on the cross. Run to the one who understands you the most. He will never leave you or forsake you. He is with you in your darkest hours and will get you through. Remember that after His darkest hours, there was new life. It is waiting for you too so keep pressing through. I believe in you! Colleen

          • Sandra

            Happy Easter Colleen.thank you for thiughtfulness.tears flooded may eyes as I just had lyed down on bed feeling such lack of understanding and bottomed out Sadness. I read revalstions 1 and hokding that. I awoke hearing Lord speak something I did not gather but he of the skin was what heard.my thoughts have been of you and yours through your loss .love Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Just ready my friend. The Lord years you, knows you, loves you, and is near. Caring for you with a my heart! Colleen

          • Sandra

            Thank You Colleen, I cannot stop my tears . I did awaken with feeling and knowing this entire week that God seemed to remove all those that I did seek support,even if they all via writing, and there I was and am finding I have only Him.
            This morning all I can think is the ministry i listened to this morning said no depression, a day to REJOICE. I am going find a way to bounce myself up as best I can and be so Happy for or Lord’s Day today,and REjoice His loving embrace and knowing He is the One who does know,and that is all I can honestly say today.
            Thank you for connecting with so much happening by you, loss of such a dear soul and friend,and Jon changing living space too. Many Blessings are wished to you and your family today, Happy Easter Colleen
            Love Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You are the first to know I am living in so much pain and a huge surgery is days away. But I KNOW that our redeemer lives… Though we should travel through pain and heartache, HE is our everything. Just light one candle for me, a tiny flame in the dusk and see how it illuminates your soul and home. You shall prevail with the strength that gave Christ the strength to arise from death. His power be in you and with you! Amen! Colleen

          • Sandra

            you are such a dear soul Colleen, truly. I am sorry that you are in so much pain, and I will light one candle for you and in the timy flame I will also if accepted by you channel Reiki for you this evening and for the time of your surgery and healing. I will as well tell you that you have been in my thoughts,and as we seem to continously share synchronicities, I have a small folk decor type candle ,very tiny electric with a single wavy bulb that I do not get much use of,but had in home when married in guest room, and I have been looking for it this week as that was exactly what I intended to send your way and write a note to light this in memory and thought and comfort for your loss of Stu, this is true I promise you. And if i can find this maybe this week, it can be something that you can look forward to after surgery. Please know I will have you in warmest of thought and know that our Lord will embrace you.
            Thank you for such encouragement during a time for yourself you finding His strength. My day is uncomfortable emotionally, wanting to flee in any direction but nowhere to go,and yet needing rest,yet then scattered to find it is like torture with no connection or even purpose it seems that I have made such a mess of my living in being so isolated,yet told still it is all for the very good, so a bit of anger surfacing , in your connection and prayer with encouragement to connect with Him and light this candle, I am Blessed,and grateful.
            Thank you so much for reaching out to share your thoughts, letting me know of your surgery coming up, I will be keeping you in thought and prayer. Please know I will be looking to see an update for that your surgery was completed and your healing is taking place.
            Best wishes and a Heart of Love,
            Sandra

          • My dear Sandra,

          • Sandra

            and regarding sweet prayer, that I have now prayed along with you, i offer as you have,

            You shall prevail with the strength that gave Christ the strength to arise from death. His power be in you and with you! Amen!”

            may the same be with you, peace be with you, Amen.

          • Sandra,
            How sweet you are to send that! Thank you. He will prevail and health will return. And, for you as well…never forget, He will prevail in your life too. Many thanks and blessings to you my dear friend. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, you are so very welcome, i did a few times and I hope that you felt some comfort and/or simply a peaceful wave of quiet to have better ease with discomfort and severe pain. I will continue as you go through this surgery. I will miss your presence Colleen.
            I continue to have awareness with emotional swelling and discomfort, and I had eyes in minds eye of Jesus on Cross, how much pain he endured, How sweet of a soul to wonder at His moment on Cross “how God can you forsake me”. He did not know what was to happen .
            Colleen, I watched part of the program last evening, The new television program of Jesus Christ , perfect moment for Easter as intended. Burkhart? producer. I did not know he is Evangelical,and he and he wife so amazing to listen to ,and to get these programs on television,amazing for a time we believe those walking away from God ,here televised such a powerful program. And it led me again to Texas as it seems these invididuals all come from Texas , from my perspective this Evangelical community seems to thrive and grow by you in Texas. I wish I could be a part,as I sense such an amazing sensitivity to Christ from this perspective and resources, just as you and yoru Dad Ministry.
            I intend over time to envelope myself somewhere like this, more important with individuals like this God conscious approach to living and relations.
            With Much Love and Hope,
            Take good care Colleen, please know I am here and will wait to here how you are.
            I know He will be embracing you completely
            Love Sandra
            ps i did want to let you know last week the email from old “friend” stated he did not understand ,and only if i was “Old Sandra” he would listen. So I finally decided this is the time to reply, I stated the Old Sandra is Dead, she was the incredibly wounded child within me that acted in dysfunction, being compliant with codependency issues and has now her parent helping bring forward into balance and good health, so if this is not accepted as refuse to hear this truth,then not a friend at all. Communication has ended for me, I have released him to Jesus and our Almighty God hands. The strain of what he did provide as a lifeline in emergency and just saying hi to connect are what are most difficult of all for me. Most of all the betrayal of how could someone keep pulling someone so backwards, is cruelest. I just wanted to update as I could not block out emails for this is all i knew for too long,it is a process of letting go in steps for me,i believe i would be able to put an end in this way and eventually God will shine what was planned for me all along in the bigger lesson.
            have a day surrounded by so much Love ,His Love and presence and all those that surround you in skin that are close to help you manage .
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Thank you for sharing about the email. I do understand how hard it is to give up a relationship that was so foundational to you at a period of your life; I have gone through something similar and it feels like part of you is being cut off…that you are really losing something instead of gaining strength. The truth is, you are losing what you thought was a good friend. Perhaps, for a season, he was. But, a good friend does not put conditions on us, a good friend does not relate only on their terms which are disrespectful as you have described his behavior. A good friend is modeled by Jesus…who never brought up the past of anyone He touched. His own disciples had incredibly difficult pasts but He never brought those up in conditional ways…in fact, it was a forgotten history. He walked with them, loved them, and showed them how to live. In every occasion, that was to live by lifting up others, not by bringing up their past or putting conditions on their lives. The one who wrote most of our New Testament was a mass murderer before coming to Christ. I don’t think the modern church would hire Paul because many in the modern church look at someone’s past rather than the redemptive work of God in their lives and how they have changed. This doesn’t mean we just let anyone lead; it means we look with discerning eyes and see the fruit of their labors. For Paul, he was a changed man…never do we read of Christ listing off another’s “wrong doings”. So it is in this life…many who were there for you were indeed helpful and needed. But you are right on in saying the “old Sandra” has passed…she is now under the loving care of one who loves without condition and is not available to be put back into a conditional place. That is what I mean by strong…you said it, you are living proof that one can stand firm on the strength given by Jesus Christ and move forward. Just as Christ did not know what was ahead, so you and I don’t know either. There is a purpose in all of this Sandra. So many people are hurting deeply and you are able to understand like few I have ever met. I do hope you chose to block the rest of your interactions with this person. Since you have sent the boundary, it’s vital for your stability and self respect that you keep the boundary firm. And, since this person finds it okay to run right over you, just like running any and all red lights regardless of the harm it may cause another, this is not okay. We would gasp at one who paid no attention to typical street signs; how much more should we run from those who pay no attention to the care and keeping of our souls. Just my thoughts because I care so much for you and love you. Stay strong. Let me know what you find in stores near you. There is much opportunity…oh, and another way to care is to visit hospitals. The children’s area is always full of parents who are terrified…I have been there myself. Perhaps you can make something from scraps of material….a small bag of lavender or seeds that smell soft….and offer them as a gift. Just an idea. Have a blessed day my dear. Much love, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, Thank you for your incredibly caring and loving thoughts. I know your surgery is coming this week, and I continue to hold you in warmest of thought and care. I did not realize until now how rare you speak of hurting and feeling this pain and sorrow so deeply is a strength and one that is not understood by many. It is Jesus face on the Cross that keeps showing up in my minds eye, the pain He endured is the absolute greatest and I do relate to his pain of betrayal as he questioned at that moment with a passing moment of deepest despair and abandonment,when in fact God was so beside Him for He was risen from the Dead shortly after in the brilliant light of the star He became. That is my very inspiriation to know I understand no matter how hard, what is waiiting right beyond in the brightest Light of Jesus, is our eternal care and love unconditional bliss really. I enjoyed reading your thoughts regarding Paul and how someone past did not reflect the present self ,the redemptive work of God in their lives and how they have changed.
            I did not receive one of your other thoughts,i believe it did not process to be delivered? I know they were wonderful thoghts you have shared. I will remember your thoughts today. I almost did weaken a boundary of saying hello to individual for a glimpse of the beginning we would have lunch and sensing maybe he really is having difficult time with his stating he having a time understanding, maybe it was some honesty in this as asking for closure and before I read your note I was exactly thinking as you mentioned, in rational self thinking of my soul,and would my soul be protected in this time if i met in his office and came back to the uncertainty and probably no, potential for what has been called dirty energy that is not pure for my wellbeing and I going to try to move along this morning and get a good walk and keep focused with boundaries,maybe good day to find time to read book of boundaries too. I wish it were different for I know this firend is hurting at some level but he has not the ability to communicate in mature way and it would be counterproductive for me to even try to make that easier because there is no easier in loss of this kind ,when someone not going to respect a full hearted friendship that exists within me as I had in past for the focus was not balanced for me as receiver was run over for that goodness that now stregthening.
            Please be well Colleen today, my thoughts will be with you.
            I did also really like your idea with lavender sachet idea, I will see where i can touch another with purest of intention.
            Much Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, and you are welcome for what i believe you were referencing in note, the little electric folk art wood candle with authentic wavy flame bulb. Yes as soon as i can locate I will be shipping to you. It i know is in the room i am still unpacking,i saw it, and then tucked away,and then later with thoughts it belongs to you will find again. So as God intends, i will find and deliver.
            So many good thoughts your way Colleen for who you are ,an amazingly gracious briliantly focused individual, all in His glory your Faith in Him is an incredible strength,as I am beginning so much to understand this truth of strength.
            Thank you for being such an inspiriation.
            With Gratitude and a Full Heart,
            Take care, Love Sandra

          • Sandra,
            You are very welcome. It is a joy to know you, care for you, and love you. Colleen

          • Sand

            Hi Colleen.I am so grateful we connected where your thoughts penetrated my thoughts that were unstable this morning.I walked at park and have myself centeted again and your thoughts were exactly aligned with where I need focus.it is not in past where I fell this morning when back then I believed and saw a different person in my friend….it matters today who he is and in the now is not the person that is safe for me to be near so I am back on track with what is reality..real and true and I am blessed this moment knowing Jesus and how somehow i am connected to his very broken Spirit yet to feel his amazing grace as He rose and amazing loving light I feel He shining upon and most within me into my very heart and soul today.
            take good care as you are approaching your surgery
            with Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Oh MY GOODNESS COLLEEN, If you have not gone to surgery yet, this will be i believe so inspirational to you, I have been led to an enormous amazing Blessing, I do not know where to begin accept I have been praying so strongly,and by Angels to deliver through meditations what my needs are to our Lord and OUr God has provided. I kept hearing to go back to a termite inspector that I was supposed to have used in buying this house, and i did not for the home inspector had stated no termite damage,so i pursued the seller termite inspector,once in that process i realized instantlly i had made a mistake for this termite inspector was working only in interest of seller and was his friend in deed, so the termite letter was clear at sale of house,until i moved in and have had all these issues and suddenly i realized the wait in going trhough attorney to seller who ultimately yes is responsbile for he was hiding all undisclosed rotten wood flooring and now chimney ,and even outside i learned today rotten wood on exterior house was to be on termite letter even though water damage. Well, I learned today by this individual amazing Earth Angel by God , that had the most integrity of all my dealings since purchase house, that he will write up all damages in termite report and show costs that i am to look for in reimbursement,and best he gave me the OVERSEER OF ALL TERMITE INSPECTORS AND COMPANIES IN STATE and that all needed be written up in letter so I am to go through contacts he gave at Clemson Ag Department of Pesticide Regulation Sate of SC and file a complaint, NO ATTORNEYS NO FEES , THEy will send out the State Inspector to look at all he has seen and will be noted and State will get on this Termite Inspector that had zero integrity and if the company does not provide funds to fix all then The state wil shut down their company and he said they will not want be shut down so will follow through and pay all repairs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am in total AWE And amazement of God work, this is truly why the delay with attorney and this is amazing.
            Please feel this inspiration and Know that you will be taken care of through your pain of back and surgery and their will be amazing grace for you shining as well.
            Love Sandra

          • Sandra,
            OH MY GOSHHHHHHH!!!!! This is totally over the top amazing.
            I will think on this and remember how your faithfulness paid off during my time of pain. Thank you for sharing. So wonderful…do let me know what happens. Colleen

          • Sandra

            That is in deed the message I intended for you to hear in fullest of clarity before your surgery! I am so glad, yes, how faithfulness and enduring all types of pain, He will always provide what it is you need in its time.
            May you find the surgery brings you much needed rest, and recovery with less pain to no pain as healing .
            Best wishes and looking forward to when we connect again, I will have you in my thoughts and pray for surgery and healing.
            I will let you know how this filing complaint and inspection by State regulation official goes, probably by this time i think you will have returned and healing at home,so all in its timing we will connect again.
            Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            Actually, I don’t have surgery until the end of next week so I’m living with some pain but it’s nothing like many live with on a regular basis. I’ll be here and available to connect without a problem. Never hesitate to send a note. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Colleen, I will add the ultimate of all is that all the quotes that i have been chasing down individually by different contracters and not materializing any, all are all included under this one umbrella of water damage under a termite inspection complaint filing with state, I am overwhelmed with this as coming to head finally after one full year almost of living here and waiting for answer of how i was so wronged and taken advantage of, and how i was to finance the repairs,and who to rely on in integrty ,and here appears one ttermite inspector as an Earth Angel to provide me with all the answers in one meeting and look out for me as if i was one of his own with no condition but a decent human being of greatest integrity and good, that is exactly what i have been praying for only those of highest integrity and love to enter my home and all about the repairs, I wanted to let you know for this is what Hope is, holding on in Faith.
            May you find comfort and peace with your surgery and be still home to read and feel so inspired before your surgery with my story of amazing grace at hand.
            Love Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I am so, so sorry for all that you have endured with this home. I know you prayed with devout diligence only to find it was not as you expected. I am so sorry. And, I also know there are countless people who will encounter the same…liars, misleaders, those out for personal gain…this is life in a broken world. But let’s call to attention this one truth: YOU have endured. You have not given up, run from responsibility, taken it upon yourself to stay at it…do you know how rare that is, Sandra? You have made the choice to stick it out which says so much about your character. I am utterly speechless about how much you have endured and still stay at it…this is a totally rare quality!!!! You have controlled your anger, maintained your diligence, and been faithful. For whatever reason, this is the character that God see’s and is most profoundly proud of. So stay at it. It’s not what you wanted or planned but it is what it is and in that, you remain faithful. So stay at it. Know that I admire your diligence and perseverance. With greatest respect,
            Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hi Colleen, you are still out there,I know you are having surgery just ahead. I am glad that we connected before you have your surgery and that you have this information ,that what feels like the final piece coming together with all this house has endured for me, still the inspection by Clemson Pesticide Regulation to come but my understanding that what is found was supposed to have been on Termite Letter for clearing of house issues of this kind, rotten wood due to water damage in multiple areas, so for me Colleen, this is the silver bullet for me and my soul to continue through this process as let the Overseer of who had the lackign integrity of termite letter due to friendship and biased report, let the Clemson Regulator do the job and inspect for final recovery of what needed to be when purchased house. I do not know how rare my qualities are, i truly do not, however seeing Jesus on the Cross on A.D. television program took me somewhere that there is no going back, I felt His pain, I felt like I was feeling His despair in my emotional time with house,family,etc, those that take you to the final moments of despair, I related and understood how betrayed and at a loss for any more than feeling abandoned at those moments He too endured such pain, and of pain beyond what I would truly not wish even upon an enemy. Brutal severe death on the Cross is so understood. I keep seeing His face and agony and pain,and All I can do is Love HIM. That is a change I see in me that i will never abandon feeling that Love for Him.
            I will keep you posted as well as for our connecting earlier and I read your thoughts that was exactly why you had encouraged me to do soemthing of integrity and love to be received from me, it may not be in a hospital, although I am going to find a way to touch another in a way I know is Love and will be received just as simply as Love. I know I have a volunteer badge for a Military Medical center 50 minutes away, i attempted volunteer once but the individual i reported to and i guess the timing did not mesh,for i felt so under pressure to perform so perfectly. If I simply visit a soldier that has PTSD and need a bright sign of hope,I can always bring a flower of Spring to remind how deliciate that is and precious life is and how maybe can touch a heart and soul. Or I have something else in mind too, I have had in mind a fellow who has a nature connecting camp in preliminary grant stages,and i thought of art for the first time in a very long time, well these individuals will be safe at fishing with disability caring trained individuals at thsi camp,and I thought that would be a great opportunity to be outdoors in nature and bring a very simple task of either qi gong/movement that is simply hands if able to fish can maybe move hands and arms and sense of touch of leaf or grass,and possibly use some medium of art to imprint a leaf on a page. I would simplify as small of task to have the experience of something great in nature become positive energy and light and love for someone in need. I have these thoughts that will inspire another,and I believe that it will be coming together this Spring/summer that i can be of Service in some way with a gift i can give of encouragement ,hope, or inspriation?
            Thank you for connecting,and being so gentle and kind with your thoughts of me and understanding wisdom that you have shared today, this morning exactly what i needed to hear, even knowing you endure with such pain, and preparing for surgery, you are still reaching out to others to provide hope and encouragement and understanding, you too endure with Faith, integrity and wisdom. I guess I am no longer so rare as you are one and same ,probably much more endurance than I is my guess, you are amazing inspiration of Faith always.
            I will have you in my thoughts
            With Gratitude,

          • Sandra,
            It is God who tells us we are unique and made in His image…that is what makes us all so rare. He tells us that there is no one made exactly like us; each person being unique and made with qualities that only God could put in each of us. That is so amazing…our God who is in the heavens cares for each of us because we are made from His hands. No one is like you, no one is like me…how wonderful are His thoughts of us all (Psalm 139). I would encourage you to also check out what is locally available for serving….hospitals, doctor offices, whatever…wherever people go who are in pain of some kind. Ask if you may leave a note of care and someone can pick it up or you can hand it to someone in the hospital. Nothing huge or official, just simple and kind. You local community or city office will have a listing of shelters, homeless places, and recovery units in the area. Just take some notes of encouragement…whatever the Lord puts on your heart. I just know it’s in you to care and you will find a whole new part of you when you reach out. In due time…for now, it seems the house issues are taking over which will be interesting to note how that comes together. Lots happening my dear…God is at work! May you be blessed. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen. Thank you for letting me know when you will have surgery. A week will pass as it already is going to be Wednesday.I will be keeping you in prayer as any pain no matter what degree takes our energy.i am hoping you are able rest during this wait. I wanted say also that I am so comfortable with your thoughts of cards of encouragement or simply little gestures I am suited by our Lord as that is something so unique of myself to do naturally like this but to reach out in service of those in pain that I can make a differemce in a moment will be adding an incredible layer of goodness shaRed .I am going give you update with this soon. Also aslong as I am not niave the roofer thst had his guy temporarily seal leak stopped by earlier evening and called saying he in droveway and if ok wanted check after the rain we had last nite in attic to see if has helped seal…he said he knew I was not going check as he suggested in attic as I really do not like going up there dark and squirrels have been known get in…so here he was to check and we will contInue check as he suspects if it begins leak more that flashing will need replace. He mentioned while here he likes how I am trying do alot of what needs be done even if gradual process..again unexpected but I believe he making effort to help and stay on top of checking so we can diagnose further. I seem to feel things flowing forward slowly with more contracters and help like eaelier today termite consult all seemingly integrity in approach.I am going to wish you good rest with least discomfort. I know you will be out there and I will connect again.
            best wishes for. quiet rest this evening.hoping you are better soon.
            love Sandra

          • Sandra,

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen.I am sad this is anothet thought of yours page is blank…somehow it did not transmit your thoughts.Sandra

          • I will resend in the morning.

            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson
            From my IPhone

          • Here it is…

            Colleen Swindoll-Thompson
            From my IPhone

          • Sandra

            It still blank page….I will check tomorrow.have good nites rest
            thank you trying again.
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen. I sense that you are not yourself with pain that you have expressed.. letting you know that you are in thought and physically with what will find relief with sirgery and over time more strength and having all the unconditional love emotionally with your and your family loss of Stu, I do hope you find all a lighter lighter in your own time..thinking of you
            much love
            Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I wanted to share again this link if you had not listened to or put aside, it is so soothing for meditation only connected to God and His Angel Azrael, specific to connecting with the warmest embrace of our Heart with Love for those we have in loss. I thought of you as it is comforting for me for those I have in loss that are no longer with me on Earth.One of the most beautiful meditations i have come to know.

            http://www.angeltherapy.com/archangel-azrael
            I know you are coming upon what seemed a week that has taken a lifetime to come to, especially when in pain, moments are enough to endure, hours and weeks I do hope that you are managing in the greater good for you in comfort and lapses of good rest with very little pain taking from your energy and heart.
            Thinking of you
            Sandra

          • Sandra,

            I have so missed your connection. Yes, surgery is tomorrow and I will try to check notes as they come in. I pray you are well, at peace, and God is providing you all you need to know He is present.
            In His loving grace, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, Thank you for letting me know , i am sorry that i missed you, it is this hour that you are probably already at hospital preparing for surgery. I wanted to say that i am keeping you in thought and prayer today and through your healing of surgery. I look forward to your return in fullest of health and free of pain with greatest intention for you and your wellness. as well God will provide you all you need in this process, just as you have shared with me, He is present.
            Take care, I miss our connection very much as well.
            With Love and Peace
            Sandra

          • My Dear Sandra,
            You have no idea how much I have missed connecting with you. I have so many questions…how is the house, did you get the right help, how is the boundary issue with Reiki friend, family issues….so many things I care about that affect you. I think there may have been some note you sent more recently so I will look but please know you remain in my thoughts and prayers daily. All my love, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Welcome Back Colleen!!! and please let me know all in good health,that surgery went well. I have missed our connection greatly too. So much to write, for now just answer to your questions, all moving same really, house still waiting for a quote for roof and bathroom from contracter i was set on,then yet another supporsed to contact me and all week last week nothing yet. I do have the complaint in process with Regulation State inspector for all rotten wood including bathroom floor that was not picked up by Termite inspection as i believed since that it was biased as termite inspector for sale of home was friends with Seller, so that is in process and I am hopeful! to hear good news with that soon. Reiki Friend plowed down every boundary a few weeks back,leaving bag of stuff at mailbox, he has wanted to speak to me, see me,etc, i have felt some what sad for he really has missed talking with me and seeing me, but i have kept this boundary. I have replied to a few emails but have kept the boundary . He backed off again for a week, he continues to say he is working on his healing and connection with me will help him heal, and sends me general information like planting bird and butterfly garden material,be careful ticks will be out more than usual this summer,and then he says he misses me, wishes he had a friend to talk to. I have kept the boundary without any communication other than a reply to one or other email. I did decide to forgive his behaviors and him, so it cleared away any area for me in healing. So I did in fact write him an email stating all forgiveness for specific things like not letting me move forward for selfish reasons,forgiveness for his not being capable of being loving of me,and for multiple things i noted and he responded that a day does not go by where he does not think of me, miss me and love me. He never used the word ever in our friendship of being of Love, so that was interesting, he claimed he reading book on Oneness ? I have not beenin contact with family at all, so have kept this boundary solid. there is one brother we text occassionally, he is only one that every once in a while we do speak by phone. He has not pushed any issue with my boundary with parents and others, so far that is good. He has occasionally stated my father asked for me and misses my calls. I do not reply to this text or comment. I have continued my course trying to keep well during process of all. I continue seeing my dr. and the woman i mentioned is friend and she did channel Reiki for me this weekend in person, so we visited at her home and it was good to see her again. I am so glad to connect with you, and please know that you have been in my prayer. I do have a card and I was going to see if I had a return call from your Church, as Insight for Living gave me the number to see if there was an address you would recieve sooner being recovering from surgery and not knowing when you will return to office, so no call yet, and it appears you will be back so I will mail to office. Please know I apologize a little after your recovery now, but I will send card.
            So glad you are well , Take care
            Love Sandra

          • Sandra,
            HELLO FRIEND!!!! Oh it is so good to hear from you! Thanks for catching me up on these things…you sound very good, very strong, wise, determined but following God’s leading. Can there be anything better than that??? What growth, what incredible movement in your soul. I am so proud for you. The work pays off…it is never easy but it gets easier to do what is best as we discipline our hearts and minds to do that. You have been at this for some time now and it’s clear that God has changed you in some magnificent ways. I pray the relationship with your friend stays in a good place. Perhaps your choosing to grow and present boundaries has forced him to examine some of his own behaviors and to pursue growth. That would be great. And I’m thrilled to hear you are still seeing your wise therapist when possible. That is such a good decision. The home stuff continues….oh how I wish it didn’t but just look at how you are able to handle it now compared to how it used to be. You are stronger and able to keep your emotions in check when things are not as comfortable as you would prefer or expected. That is SO rare!!!! I really struggle with that so I admire how you are walking through this calmly. And your family relationships…yes, broken but again, as you have stepped out of the cycle, it has forced them to either grow or stay stuck…either way, you are the free one and in that freedom, you are capable to love and live in more peace than ever. You sound great and it is wonderful to get a little picture of how life is going for you. The surgery was so much harder than I expected…oh my, the recovery has taken a long time. I have to wear a bone-hardening brace for 9 months…2 hours a day but it will take up to 2 years for all this mess to solidify and be as it should. I never knew this was coming. So when you talk about being surprised by something in life, I get it fully. I pray you have a good day and know I am thinking of you often. It’s wonderful to hear from you! Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I miss you and our connection very much the same. I know you will understand as I say this, that God wanted me to be without your blog awhile in the sense of His work, He seemed to disconnect my even good relations for His Higher Purpose in Me and my Divine Purpose all being pulled together, lessening distraction even though such posiitive distraction of our connection and maybe a few others that for life reason became absent. He truly wanted me to zone in further to just me,with the Greater awareness of trust in Him and His presence and be just with me, knowing He is with me on all this. I actually saw a vision of Him placing a crown of thorns upon my very head during this time we have been apart, as if He was saying I understood now what it means to feel His pain and to endure from our heart and soul,to ultimately feel Him being betrayed and know His feelings in this,and what a revelation in the end of His life as He rose again. (by the way one of my favorite readings is now Revelations) As I can see the hardship of coming to this but He has worked incredibly with me through this process and I feel so much closer to Him. I may have been using the blog too often, more dependent on the connection, and even telephone calls to my Dr. around appts, and it has taken me awhile to see but I am more aware than ever how he has helped me identify with Who I am better having this time alone. I realized now also my calles to my dr around appts, some of them I needed to work through the feeling and truly found in talking with her at an appt that some are without intention of the call,and that it was so good,she was so thrilled for me that she said coming to her to ask if she was not okay with all the calls, she claimed that just by my having courage to come to her and ask showed that I am now on to the next level of healing, I have stepped into the next phase of awareness and she acknowledged my working so well on my boundaries. She gave me upon my asking three things to work on until my next appt. One was to ask myself two times a day how I am feeling,paying attention to how i feel when i ask myself this and to feel what I am feeling and how that makes me feel and listen to what i say with that feeling. And one other thing to do is to know I am important and to do somehting nice for me,without added expense/cost, and to make a little sacred space just for me. I have come to the greater awareness Colleen that much of this healing for me is a large part of not being important to anyone, even accepting from history of family relations that did not treat me as special or important, always something more important than me, and now being aware and I continue to not speak with them as I do not believe there will be that kind of change with my family. I did fall into thinking of my mother for Mothers Day, not the same kind of missing her, as I have mourned her,and truly we never had that kind of special relationship where i felt so loved and important,and she is not a kind hearted person but someone very hurtful in this day as she mean lady. Yes she is not aware because everyone around her really is the same of her, and it takes awareness courage and the strength no matter what to make choices for our own health and wellbeing,but awareness is key, self awareness i believe. So there is entirly too much dysfunction for me for the whole family is just too much for me to return to any connection there. I did send her a card in thought of the Blessing in card, that at some level she is a human being who would feel sad if not recognized on Mothers Day. It was a deicison i made and after i thought was that the best thing to do? All I know at that moment it was from my heart thinking of someone who is my biological mother. And knowing it will touch her heart at some level. As I wrote out card, i did think to self oh i know she would look at address and say I am Mrs ——-with my Dad first name and last, not Mrs. with her first name after it as she always so critical,but generally i caught my thought and said in mind that this is what i sent. I will not speak with her if she did call and say thank you, i just cannot go there ever again. I did that repeatedly over my life and it has not served me well but major hurt and disconnect they have from reality . So I am doing really well in these areas of understanding and awarenss, I am far from perfect, although I am thrilled to hear of your kind thoughts of my continued growth and the amazing ways I am feeling God work within me. I am feeling more whole,and certain of who I am and that is of only God work. I am looking closer at what i passionate about,and those moments i find joy. I am really special and to myself so important that I will and am working with dr on taking care of me better. What I have learned most since our regular connection is that I am important to ask me how I am doing,and if you try this or ever have done, it is an amazing feeling,and how it grounds me to self and I automatically could not believe the sweetest most kindest voice of love of my own voice in my head but without thinking, it speaks to me as a dear one,and as if I ever so precious and loved by me,and this has been where God had me in complete solitude to learn that I can take care of me in this way. So very amazing. If you have not ever done in the quiet of your healing, maybe try this and ask yourself quietly how you are feeling. It feels like the embrace of the warm blanket that Jesus wraps around us that we speak of, for me that is the warmth of love and the calm that it brings, it is He that has created for us to sooth while here our very selves with such love. I do feel more disciplined Colleen in my thought. It is really an amazing growth i am aware of within my self.
            I would have hoped those i have disconnected will look deeper at themselves but that is in control by God work, and maybe this friend I have spoken of , maybe he has and I know he has looked deeper by some emails ,and I will not return to that close relationship that we were connected daily ,as he cannot change in the ways that are still harmful to my emotional wellbeing and emotional self. My dr. still encourages me he is not my friend no matter what. I know he has been away because he wrote an email he was to be out of town this weekend and part of week and I will say I felt so free of someone near to my house and in same town that has been holding on so tight even psychically the vibes have been intolerable that i feel his heaviness by his lacking awareness of why i will not speak with him or have him in my life . I could feel the pressure that i had to stay low and clear of him, and that has been removed with him not home this week, wow what an awareness I feel so free to be,and no texts coming in where i am, why will i not respond to him,etc. That is all too with my stating i think best not communicate. So there are still many areas of that individual that have no awareness of boundaries and respect. I have to say I did reply to one of his emails that said does he not have the right to express his feelings of a now distant contact, and I wrote back only in the presence of a licensed Psychologist as mediator as he has no ability to see the truth and reality of how hurtful his behavior and thoughts are emotionally. He still is the best massage and Reiki person I have ever been to, which is wild as he is exceptionally great in his service and knowing of this area of work. I honestly at some point hope to make appt,as my physical being needs this level of work,and i have tried a few others and nobody as good. The trick is to keep solid boundaries and be sure he does not get the idea we fast friends in his idea of friends,which has no healthy boundaries and not enjoyable for me but what he wants in connectiton with me.
            It is an area i continue to work through and still find i become livid at times with his still coming in waves of negative energy,as I am truly doing great internally Colleen. I am coming to terms with all my work and wait with house being clearer and clearer that it has been all planned, and come across a contracter-builder /home inspector and board of home inspectors,by my x husband and someone he worked with when living here, this person recommended the contracter as the most honest and who i needed to have come out. Well the bathroom floor rotten goes into the kitchen,and there are loads of things, he is going to write up and the quote and what he writes will be forwarded to the investigator i mentioned over the termite letter that was biased, the investigator doing the inspection of the termite company,and the quote is part of this process. I truly feel it is moving forward in a good way with all this now documented and in the hands of those that are higher point of the system ,Investigator a State investigator ,and this builder could not have been a better source to have something in wriiting for this to be covered repairs as intended .the builder and his wife were delightful to meet,they acknowledged the wrongfullness i have experienced in the past year with purchase, faulty inspections,and dishonesy,and how for a year been shuffled around through this,and I am so grateful that he and his wife were so aware and thorough and understanding of my situation,and she even reinforced to him that this is something he need to write up for me and quick. So I will keep you informed on this. I believe it is all very good .
            I hope that you have comfort in this process of yours Colleen, 2 years is a long time to heal,especially with the demands i know you feel to be a caregiver at home and get Jon to appts, etc. I am going to believe and know that you are in good hands as your family is seemingly so loving that there will be those extra hands to help with the running that you are normally fulfilling in meeting appts ,etc. I miss you greatly. So I realize this is taking time to heal from,and I hate that for you as I know you have so many outlets that keep you on the move, and connecting with so many, to have this time must be like my solitude God reaching down and wanting this time for you as well. I truly believe this truth,and I know you know wholeheartedly it is all God work in us and for us even if uncomfortable and what seems like such a long time in waiting, I know the bone hardening brace will be somewhat a nuissance after a time, but I know it is what sounds vital to this healing. I have kept you in my thoughts and I truly need to sit down and write you a real letter and send along those Christmas photos that i have compiled and where i was holding and then holding longer in hope to find that little light in memory of Stu. I have not found the nite light and i know i will. I think for now i will send along this little package for you are in the space I guess the timing is as God intended for you will have somehting to go through and find the joy in our connection and things we have spoken of through Christmas in the photos. I really am glad to hear from you and the update of your surgery recovery and I will continue as well to say prayer and keep you in my dearest of thoughts Colleen, if there is ever a special prayer you are in need, I am more than happy to know about and carry out an extra heartfelt word/thought to God for you. Please stay comfortable and gentle most of all on your movements, for it will be a time still. It reminds me of the card i keep in my wallet, “Waiting” “When I am impatient, Lord help me to be calm. When I get discouraged and feel alone, help me to remember that you are with me.”Those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, Isiah 40:31. I believe it is this time that you will find it is a time to renew your strength and knowing it as a gift at a later time. the healing of your daughter leaving house, changes with Jon, lose of Stu and even now the physical recovery of your unexpected surgery and changes with this that present themselves. I know too well that when there are so many changes, we do need the time,and God will provide and maybe this is one of those times He knew the only way for your rest and renewal of strength was some time. I hope it is okay with you that i say all this, I not an expert but it came to my heart to say outloud for you to know you are Heard,and no matter how uncomfortable and disconnected from your usual lifestyle and work, it is okay where you are at this very moment becasue it is all His work and will for you.
            Much Love Colleen and I will be checking to see how you doing as well as connect with you from here. Do look for a card that was sent to your office,maybe they will forward it to you for you from me!
            Happy Mothers Day!!! I am so very fulfilled that we did connect today.
            Love
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            What an incredible note!!! Seriously, I do agree fully with your therapist that you are in a new phase of healing. You do not sound as anxious, fearful, unsteady…you sound very grounded, calm, and able to face what comes as you ask yourself several times a day “what am I feeling”. Sometimes I have to think of life as a car, I am driving, and feelings are in the passenger seats. They do not drive the car but they are certainly in the car and affect the “tone” of the journey. As you evaluate your “cars” condition, as the driver, you choose how much power and control you give to your feelings. None of us would consider allowing them to drive but we do it absentmindedly by just giving them power to step over the seat and take over. It sounds like you are in the drivers seat, managing many moving parts of the journey with wisdom, direction, help, and wise care. This is fantastic. So many never make it to this point Sandra…and they have very typical (if there is a typical) backgrounds. I’m so proud for you and of you. I know many of the things that have happened have not been your preference; but I see the growth and find there has been amazing purpose in it all. So stay the course, travel wisely as you are, and God will continue to guide and use you as HE has planned since the beginning of time. All my love my dear friend. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Colleen I so much wish I could call to let you know I am thinking of you. I do hope you find my note soon. And hoping you will be feelng welland stronger soon. I did mail a card that may be at your office by now and I am hoping it will find irs way to you for a little token of well wishes and a moment of sunshine that it intends bring. I send you my thoughts and prayer to God for your comfort and revovery .
            with best regards and love
            with friendship
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I still cannot drive so I’ll be in the office next week … hopefully! You are so kind to get a card, thank you. I’m healing slowly…it’s been quite a journey but God’s been faithful to remind me He is in charge and at work. Thanks again, Colleen

          • Sandra

            Goodmorning Colleen, I am thinking of you and sending prayer in quiet thought for your wellness this morning. I so hope that you awoke this morning with brighter day and being able to see that when the two years of healing will come there will be a positive reason for what you have endured, it is always hardest to see when we feel this discomfort of what you describe as what where surgery fused what was a mess in there that now need solidify. a joy that yes there will be a positive end result to the surgery,what sounds like a positive result from where you had been to what will come will bring you fusion it seems and lessened pain and discomfort. I gather it will be soon you can move around more freely, just coming out of surgery and learning the time that comes that the discomfort is there yet we soon find it is safe to begin stepping again, embrace yourself exactly where you are today as this next step will come. I am trusting in our Lord that He is with you and taking good care of you,just where it is you are He knows and will lead you forward especially in our times we are rebuilding our strength to endure. These truly are what i have learned the most precious of times as to endure has taken me so much closer unexpectedly to His presence, or it is that some clouds seemed to pass for the moment and I see Him before me like never before,and that He was always there yet in the now larger Light presence just beside me i am aware like no other time. I know you are aware of His presence and know that He is with His ever soft blanket for you to wrap His warmth of blanket around your neck. .
            My thoughts are with you in this process and yes there is nothing better than being led by our Almighty Lord ,our God He will I pray bring you sunshine in your day.
            I look forward to connecting soon
            With Heart warming hello and warmest regards,a special friend wanting to bring you sunshine today.
            Love Sandra

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I am thinking of you, imagining and seemingly much time has passed , with wonder of how you are with having surgery. i am with hope to see a message that will post that you are okay and that still maybe healing but well, maybe even better than before the surgery. If you are able to read and cannot yet share this, just know that my heart is thinking of you.
            I miss our connection Colleen. I am and will be keeping you and your healing in my thoughts and prayer.
            With Love and Peace,
            Sandra

          • Sandra,
            I have missed you like crazy and have been wondering about all that is going on in your life. How are you? How’s the home coming along? Are you finding peace and rest? Oh so many things I want to hear about…this recovery is taking a lot longer than I planned…isn’t that like life itself! Know that you are in my thoughts daily and I pray the Lord is wrapping His arms of love and care around you this day. Blessings and write when you can. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen, I wanted to share from your blog, what you have offered to others in encouragement,may it bring you strength in your recovery from surgery.
            Best regards and Blessings of His warm blanket to wrap around you with His Love,
            Sandra

            “I have prayed the prayer below during such seasons and, today, this is my prayer for you. You may feel invisible to God, but He is near to your soul and listening to you.

            Lord, my heart feels empty. Be gentle with me today for my strength is gone. I’m empty. I plead with you, Lord, to fill my soul with Your strength, which You promise me in Ephesians 3:20. Open my eyes to Your work within me. The trials You have allowed are serving to change my soul, even as my circumstances stay the same. Will You provide strength within to fulfill today’s activity?

            Suffering puts our emotions on a roller coaster; trying to make sense of them is impossible. Because of that, I offer this absolute truth: God is faithful in the midst of your trials. He is providing you with the strength to endure. As the apostle Paul wrote, “God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us” (Ephesians 3:20 MSG, emphasis added).” Colleen Swindoll Thompson, Insight for Living, Special Needs, “A Prayer for Strength”, 2011

          • Sandra,
            It is amazing that prayer crosses generations, populations, and civilizations. While this was in 2011, it is as true today as it was then. How we all need strength, hope, and peace that comes only from our Lord each day. I started this mother’s day with tornado sirens and a fever…not the best way to start a day of celebration but then, I’m sure the Lord woke on many days exhausted as well. So thank you for your note…even though it was written a while ago, it means so much to me today. You are such a special and dear friend. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Hello Colleen. I am so sorry that you awoke not feeling well today. with further concern for safety with a very potential for tornado. I hope that your family was able be all together in one place and have this company along with helping hands. I so much want to reach out to you and let you know I keeping you in close thought and wish I could just say hi. I see the notes that you are reading are not yet caught up to my notes of today.hopefully you will find and read soon knowing I was here today in connection. I will say an extra special prayer tonite for you to feel better.
            I keep thinking of Grace Alliance and seem to have been distracted by house appt with contracter or other issue taking my focus. I truly want to look closer at this .
            I did volunteer soup kitchen…the leader is a wonderful lady. I say she like the black woman on tv series “touched by an angel” just with shorter hair. I found myself too uncomfortable with some individuals that kept eyeing me up in way I did not like. One came to me in kitchen and seemed like drugged and wanted me help with his cell phone and I began helping and then realized he munipulative as he claimed he looking for number of airforce to call and then said he criminal background and then whisper voice said you are cute maybe you can help me get in airforce. I turned away but these individuals who were in kitchen area …some may have been voluteering for work service? By law? But they were smiling and eyeing me during serving meals and with some of the homeless I noticed the same whispers with smiles and glances and I talked to my dr and she thought it sounded it was too much trigger for me. I was feeling could not look anyone in the eye that making me uncomfortable by the energy I only young attractive white woman there.I felt not safe place for what I experienced as if they were checking me out uncomfortably. My dr said something that is less trigger better for me and start small. I can also continue with her to work on in session how to stand taller and not feel like a victim when men gaulking and smiling amongst themseves about me and put shoulders back and not put head down in fear And anxiety. I will be thinking of you and I will let you know how all is here
            best regards and love
            Sandra tomorrow will be better day.

          • Sandra, I think your therapist is exactly correct…it is too much of a trigger for you. I am so impressed that you were brave and tried to make it work; what incredible strength. But, I agree…it’s a trigger you don’t want to mess with at this point. Thanks for letting me know and for making such a wise decision. Colleen

          • Sandra

            Thank you for your continued support. Thank you for always understanding .God will be guiding me what tp try next. There is a purpose somehow some way some where for me that quiet and safe .
            I thought ot is so good to connect now as this is a good sign of your healing moving forward and I will look forward to if next week first time in car and work and how you are doing with this process.
            best regards
            Sandra

          • Sandra
            I’m happy to report I have been out of my house and driving for the past week…at least a few times. So, healing is very slow but it is happening and that is a wonderful thing. Thanks for your encouragement! Colleen

          • Sand

            I am so happy for your encouragement this week in seeing how little steps are showing progress in the direction of renewing strength as God promises always. I know you have so many and so much love surrounding you, I am also glad I was able to be encouraging with thought. All these steps are so healing and yes so wonderful to experience for gives great hope and builds upon the strength toward the next small step. Thank you for letting me know and connecting.
            I am happy to hear this for you.
            Sandra

  • Sandra,
    You are in His good care and it’s easy to forget that when there is so much swirling around in your head. That’s one of the reasons why I expressed a need for you to get out and reach out. It’s good for your spirit and it will definitely be fantastic for others. There is nothing like listening, then being able to share in another’s story…you are put together for this and the Lord will use you in powerful ways. Sometimes we need a little boost to step out so I hope that was helpful. So thrilled you were able to walk….nature clears the mind and reminds us that God is in charge of all things…we just have to rest in Him and hear His love and whispers of hope. Bless you today. Colleen

  • Lil

    Back in 1987 I went through a Nodal event in my life . . . and as I sank to the bottom of the well of despair, Christ was there waiting for me. “Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert” (Isaiah 43:19 NKJV). My life was so dry and arid, and God was promising a new life, and I would know it. I had been a pastor’s wife for 23 years, and through this event, everything changed. Looking back, God still had a plan for MY life, and I do know it. He did make a way for me, and I drink deep from those wells of living water. During that time Colleen, I pulled a lot of strength from your father’s words . . . through his books, and his message on the radio. The greatest lesson I learned at that time was, when God is communing with me, nothing else matters . . . what someone else did, what someone else said, none of it matters. I have His undivided attention. I am His child, and He cares only what I think and whether it’s centered on Him. He cares that I respond, not react. He is my hope, and He wants me to reign in life. Thank you for the ministry you have for those who are hurting. He is doing something new in your life each day that you plant a seed of hope to the weary and worn. May He shower His blessing upon you in a Mighty and Powerful way. Because of His love!

    • Lil,
      What an incredible note! Between the lines, there is a deep well of wisdom that was birthed from incredible pain. I have been there in the pit as well and yes, God does have our undivided attention. I loved how you wrote of knowing HIM alone…no one and nothing else matters except our communion with our heavenly Father. It is bitter sweet in so many ways isn’t it. The losses are hard and unexpected, the future is unknown so we learn that our faith really is trusting in Him who we cannot see but promises to give us new life. How wonderful it is when we see that begin to open. Thank you for sharing your experience…that from pain and deep sorrow, God birthed in you a new purpose and direction. What hope that is for others to know He IS present and at work when all we can see at the time is pain. I so loved reading your words and thank you again for sharing. I plan to pass them along to others in need of this reassurance. You are a treasure. Colleen