Waiting on God: What to Do When God Does Nothing

An Interview with Wayne Stiles

Regardless of age, income, life experience, intelligence, relationship status, emotional well-being, and spiritual beliefs, we will all encounter one unavoidable, universal experience: waiting. Waiting can be as simple as sitting in traffic or as complicated as waiting for relief from pain. Waiting can be terribly irritating and confusing and seem so unproductive, unnecessary, and untimely.

I am convinced that waiting reveals more about character and human nature, second only to pain and loss. The truth is, some of God’s greatest works can be accomplished when we are forced to wait . . . to depend and to trust that He is at work and His plan is better than we can imagine. In this timely interview with Wayne Stiles, we discuss how God used years of painful waiting in Joseph’s life to change a nation. When your time comes, will you trust that God’s work is being accomplished when it seems He is doing nothing?

Watch the Interview

Interview Questions

  1. What is it about the story of Joseph that inspired you to write this book?
  2. How can I know the desires of my heart are aligned with what God wants for me?
  3. How should I respond when God takes away something wonderful?
  4. How do we wait when we feel so stuck?
  5. Why is it essential to focus more on what we believe that what we feel?
  6. Why is God’s mercy sometimes a long-term proposition?
  7. How can we learn to be at peace with what God provides?
  8. How does Joseph’s story apply to us today?

Let Me Hear from You

Are you waiting on God right now? Have you been asking the question David asked: “How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?” (Psalm 13:1). Have you reached the end of your rope, doubting that God cares about your pain, your loss, your dreams, your needs? Have you tried everything God tells us to do in Scripture, only to feel empty and exhausted . . . perhaps angry or indifferent?

Your feelings are real and so easy to understand because the experience of waiting is hard. For reasons only God knows—and we don’t have a right to have Him explain His ways—God has not forgotten you. In fact, He is doing a work in you that is beyond what you can possibly imagine.

Maybe it’s time to examine your heart and say, “God, I’m willing to trust You even though I don’t understand; I open my heart to You now.” Just think if Joseph had given up; Joseph’s life changed the world. So can yours if you will be willing to wait and trust God. Your story is just as important as Joseph’s; let’s see how God is going to use you as you wait patiently and give your waiting time to Him. I can’t wait to hear how God uses your life. Let’s connect!

About Wayne Stiles

Wayne StilesWayne Stiles received his master of theology in Pastoral Ministries and doctor of ministry in Biblical Geography from Dallas Theological Seminary. In 2005, after serving in the pastorate for 14 years, Wayne joined the staff at Insight for Living Ministries, where he led a team of writers, editors, and pastors as the executive vice president and chief content officer. Wayne currently serves as an adjunct instructor at Dallas Theological Seminary and as a freelance editor and writer. He writes a popular ministry blog that can be found at www.waynestiles.com. Wayne and his wife, Cathy, live in Aubrey, Texas, and have two daughters.

Wayne Stiles Resources

Insight for Living Ministries Resources

Special Needs Ministries

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  • Sand

    Hello Colleen, I hope that you are well. Great interview, nice to get to know Wayne Stiles, author and of the Insight for Living Ministry. I am in a gap. I get Wayne and your interview with him. A vacancy. Tears built up when heard that lose of last bit of hope is taken away. And that that last thread of hope broken can be a good thing. It so hurts,but so real and true and Thank you for sharing this interview .It has taken me to tears for this understanding.Perhaps tears I have been holding onto for a gap of time in waiting these days. I would have loved to hear Joseph having written in these days to hear that lowest point revealed perhaps.No matter what the wait, and the length of time, I too go to God thtese days, Jesus love I feel most understood and embraced,and His presence is all I need these days ,and my inward work to connect with Him and to connect to the highest vibration of His word and His presence in nature and those remarkable ways He is there in majestic way.
    Thank God I have a bed to sleep on off floors behind prison walls. Thank God i can go to park and walk and not be within those walls where Joseph only had circles to walk in. Perhaps we all have had times we seem we are only walking in circles, I will listen out this interview, and look at Wayne Stiles book.
    Have a Blessed Day
    Sandra

    • Sand,
      It is so very comforting to hear from you. Yes, this was one of the hardest questions to answer…what happens when your last thread of hope breaks. Yet, the foundational truth is that spun within that last thread of hope is a human longing or self-comforting way that God is weeding out because our root nature is marred with sin. When most of the threads appear spiritually accurate and selfless, it is easy to believe all our threads are pure. The fact that we are fallen creatures, sinful to our core, means even what may not be humanly visible to us is visible to God. After all, He made us so He knows what each thread of our being contains. For those who are intuitive, feeling, and empathetic, their affect on other’s lives is overwhelming powerful. Thus, so must be the work of God…to weed out any thread that would get in the way of His work. Such knowledge is too high, too great for us to comprehend. So the final word on this is that we trust He knows what He is doing in all things and in all ways. Yes, there is such profound pain in this transforming process; especially when our pasts have been full of pain and wounding. Yet God knows every part of you and knows what you are capable of as well as what He is calling you to become. In that, we keep trusting, keep praying, keep believing; knowing in the final analysis it is our soul that God cares for most. So stay the course my friend…write whenever you need support or just to be heard, and I will listen and walk with you through this painful season. In His grace and mercy, Colleen

      • Sand

        Colleen. It was a few months back I thought of you when I learned the true meaning of a song. I knew you wpuld kmow or enjoy. it was the syory behind “Amaxing Grace”….about forgiveness of oneself, forgive me I do not have the namrs…you may already be aware. It is about a man who followed command in what transpired in holocaust camps. He lived a life strughling forgiveness of homself for what he had carried out. I was tiold he wrote thisvd song
        Goodnite
        Love
        Sandra

        • Sand,
          The story behind the hymn “Amazing Grace” is one of the most beautiful. I’ve attached a link here so you can read about how it was formed. What you must remember is that most great works begin with total human failure. We try so hard to be so much FOR God when all He askes is for us to come to Him in child-like faith…believing and trusting in what He says He will do. Let me know what you think of the story that spurred on the writing of this timeless hymn…one of my very favorites. http://www.christianitytoday.com/ch/131christians/pastorsandpreachers/newton.html All my love, Colleen

          • Sand

            I cannot wait to look at this in morning when open laptop…i am on phone so cannot see as well.I look forward reading tomorow.I knew that you have love for hymns and that was why I thiught of you. This hymn has always been my favorite too although I had never imagined such profound stories of induvidusl life behind what beauty my ears and heart were taken in. So I am delighted that your favorite and thst you shared this link. I will comment after I read. Colleen I know it is not nevessary however I did already pick out somethimg thst has to do with hymns and your name all over it for Christmas….this year. No worries I saw it and have had it in mind and will send along when Christmas approaches. …i so teribly at keeping quiet about these things.
            This connection and your note validate it is most appropriate .
            …today new leaf..I primed second coat in foyer andvfront door prep for painting. I have put off with so many other challenges although I have learned I need cintimue live and do what I am able to create my space around much ekse I have no control with water damage larger areas needimg wotk.what will bring me joy.
            I also am going be sealing the plywood living room floor to live on longer….long story but will need keep lomger so found online stenciled plywood floors when others found themselves in unusual circumstances.
            Many Blessings to unfold
            With love and hope
            Faith Sand
            Ps one other thought wanted share over cooler months and toward holidays I am going hand sew fun little pillows….angels painted on them and animals i can hand paint with fun buttons from.collections or thrifty finds and sewn on by hand and I going give to orphanage that will accept. I thouhjt when without family it is a world so lonely and feel unloved accept of God love we know…the pillow to hold something close and keep and the home sense of handmade brings a sense of love .
            Best regards
            Sandra

          • Sand,
            You are one of the most creative person’s I’ve ever met. What beauty, what glorious ways you reveal God’s nature. I can’t wait to see pictures of what you create if you have time. I think the sewing idea is fabulous! I would love to see any photos you have or are able to take. In His creative and glorious hands, Colleen

          • Sand

            Thank you for your amazing encouragement as always…so dear. I used to be much more creatively fluid and genuinely creative.I do look forward to this project for I know what it means.It takes me a little longer get hands around things …I will take photo or send along one in its time of creation. Thank you for encouring thoughts of kind warm hearted gesture
            With love Sand.

          • Sand

            Colleen. I have a thought make the pillows with an addition of one set have theme of Christmas. Wise men Jesus .Mary.sheep.etc. not sure who would avcrpt or ehat orphanage as it would need be Christian for so many mixed faith today may not accept….buttons box I have out and what thinking is more textural for sense of touch have depth in what can be comforting…..with cut out different fabrics to sew on image angel wings eyc..yellow yarn in maybe braid pulled to side and sewn on all ny hand…thank you for sharing the pleasure of my idea. I wanted to say too over past month I thougt when I do have more mental power …after get througj some house projects of painting etc wanted to see how can leaen sign language to serve somehow. I know Swan Lake here nearby has even a Braille garden…somewhere someone may need help to communicate to someone and if I know sign languahe maybe it will be someone with deFness that I can comfort.
            Many good ideas.I share with you .
            Thank you again for listening with genuine encouragement by care
            Love Sandra

          • Sand,

          • Sand

            Thank you Colleen for being so supportive of my ceeative being. It has helped me fuel further some part of me I believed lost…..oh my. Today a gentle fluid creative generation within surfaced. The thought came like long yrars ago in my late teens early twenties was so ungrounded yet working at advertising company in NYC. I lived just outside ny . One of my very favorite passions was to serve on a creative generating team at lunch at conpant I workded. Today energy was the natural part of self I remember from how it was so much fluidness to that part of me. Well today suddelky generated further idea for pillows……I can see them and idea further was a set that will be animals like lion and each have stiched or fabric cut out word…yes “word” like courage on lion face pillow and hope on maybe another animal I make..and faith…trust etc. So cool.now in its tine I need create what see.
            With love. Enjoy glorious fall season and weather God is providing..hoping dryer weather for you too
            Sandra
            Also interested in emdr….that therapy you mentioned.nobody rhus far in my state or nearby state I see. I left message with my pyschologist to let me know if she knows about or soneone. If under mental health my ins poor..do not use. If medical I will find out by ins co. If xan use ins and help me locate soneone local. I am glad for you and Jon to have access..thank you for sharimg. I did find webite and self training??? I may ask if my dr can learn to help me if nobody local found
            Best regards
            Love Sandra

          • Sand,
            Oh my gosh…what fantastic ideas!!! I love them. You know, I just re-did Jon’s room and put some photo’s on Facebook (although they are not very good). I always go to the remnant pile first because they often have enough of something for pillows at such an inexpensive price. I also get emails from Joanne’s Fabrics, Michaels, and Hobby Lobby…and I look for ideas on Pinterest and Etsy. I’m sure you do the same but your idea is fantastic. I can’t wait to hear how it goes if you do pursue it! You sound good right now…how are you doing overall? So great to connect with you! Colleen

          • Sand

            Thank you for supporting my ideas. I just walked and prayed with gratitide for His bringing me to this creative idea and asking for bringing my hands to creare by kerping my head clear and with clarity and focus as this day. I pray for this. I make effort every day now to continue living and seeking joys .thank you for asking how I am doing.I am sad very deeply yet keeping my choice alive .I have been sleeping better for about one werk. I seem to awaken much later morning which seem to need with fibromyalgia. After proming foyer I guess that was sat or sunday it was. I seemed have hard time regenerating energy. My body tires easiky as it has for years…I will pick up and get either second coat priner or color by this weekend.and gradually fulfill other painting door columns trim floor.etc and brong this “fun”creative priject someway into my mix as I am excited generate and now fulfill the creation. Would it be great have little book if I knew scripture ascwell each stuffed animal have a book story short or with a quote scriptire….like that and I will keep simple and stick to what I initially created first.see where goes.yes I like hobby lobby..it will be a scavenger for deals thrifty yet divine creation. I by no means as talented as you describe with Jons room.I know it is probably amazing and very well done.I may try see on your page although I dont have facebook.often I can see what you post.
            Thank you for sharing and connecting. with love
            Sand

          • Sand,
            I will try to get photos to you somehow of Jon’s room. It’s got many mistakes and holes in it but, it’s what he chose and likes and that makes it just right. I am glad you are taking time to rest…your body will tell you what it needs, keep listening to it. There is no measurement in God’s economy…He created us as unique people with unique abilities and longs for us to relate to Him. That alone is full of hope and peace. It’s always great to connect with you; I see there are several other notes so I will respond accordingly. Much love to you my friend, Colleen

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen, I would love to see photos of your creating Jon individual space. I most of all love the tremendous love that your family holds in greatest respect and care of each other, and to make the effort to create his individual space for I know he smiling from the love most of all that shines through your gifts and talents of helping him communicate who he is and wants to be in his room.
            I love that!
            I wanted to communicate what i have been wishing is the full “treatment center” approach to my PTSD and brain changes , what they are by scan. I say this as I am sensing more and more with heightened awareness how much my brain is unwell.
            What i wanted to communicate was what i undertand so clearly, I do not watch Dr Oz yet it was on before dinner yesterday,and he had a specialist on tv speaking about concussions and how dr’s more and more are idetnitfying with brain traums, and with perscriptions of “Brain Rest”, being like a muscle, it is a muscle. I relate more than anything in the world. This is where I am at at this time. This is what i try to describe to those who may not understand why i need turn off phone for ring is too much for stimulation of brain, and the agitation from overstimulated when my brain knows it is in need of rest. It usually occurs duirng these times of Fibromyalgia and greatest fatigue, even though not a concussion, it is my brain that has been overstretched, with past trauma, so much stretch wanting to heal, the house buying, house issues , work to be done by me at house beyond what my brain can phathom,nites or weeks or months at times no sleep, etc, etc, this is so true . I just love that dr’s are beginning to understand these issues.
            There was a number of days my creativity flared that I know beyond this rest I will have ignited to a new level. I trust, I believe. In meantime yes i need to listen to what my body and mind are in need to keep myself well.
            Best regards, With love,
            Sandra

      • Sand

        Thank you for your compasson and understandimg .as always with wisfom and His Grace
        Loce Sand

    • Sand,

      It is so good to hear from you!!!! I was beginning to get quite worried; hoping you were okay. To hear for you is wonderful; although the tone of your note is sad. Yes, ‘circling the roundhouse’ is so laborious, feels monotonous; but is the foundation of a new life. Everything you learned as a child is being up for question and unlearned…and there is a huge gap in between the letting go and learning a new way of life. However, your awareness, your intuition, your progress…all point to incredible success. In other words, you are resilient and strong; even though it does not feel that way.
      I came across an amazing podcast on narcissism-which I think there are some of your family members who may have some of these traits. It is called “Mental Health News Radio News. I am currently listening to the recording titled “Working with Narcissistic Victims” a discussion with Christine Louise de Cannonville, B.A.: MIACP; MTCI; MPNLP, CMH. CHp. Instead of just listening to the podcasts, look for the feeds. You can download so many helpful titles. It will give you words for your struggles and understanding to what your gut was telling you all along…and continues to speak truth.
      All this to say you are one strong, resilient, persevering individual that God will use…it may take time. Like Joseph, it was years and years from the pit to pinnacle of leadership. He could not have one without the other; the same is true for us all.
      It is so wonderful to connect with you. How is the house, the renovations, and how you are settling in? We have much to connect on! = )
      All my care and God’s grace,

      Colleen

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      • Sand

        Hello Colleen, Thank you for your thoughtfulness of me and well wishes for my whole wellness and growth. I appreciate your care. My life yes has been yes heavy, I find it to focus on bringing back my radiance and sparkle, joy and I work diligently and with some mornings tremendous effort to keep my thoughts of highest point of God and connecting sometimes like plowing through a mountain side to get that moment of calm peaceful tranquility of connection with our Lord and releasing anything that lowering my energy, i right now determined to keep myself from anything mentally heavy and seeking those moments that bring me highest vibration and rid anything that brings me lower.Those things which are light and easy is what i currently seeking. I will keep this link aside for a time I am ready to look.
        Have a great weekend. Thank you for thinking of me. I am in Gods hands completely.all I have is He and I .the house continues delay as I wait for Attorney to review all engineer report this week. All waiting ,and mold odor has been strong without water damage repairs, so I look very forward and have great intention and prayer continously for God and His will that I am ready to receive a miracle of restoration of house and repair all without any further debt to me. I work daily on my intentions and let all else go for my greatest balance for my whole wellness.
        Love Sandra

  • Sand

    one of the greatest comments I thought is not what one feels yet what one believes. keeping steadfast Faith as Joseph believed, knowing wholeheartedly as much as it hurts at our core and where we are in the gap of waiting maybe in silence, even if “feel” forgotten, know above and beyond that feeling He is working behind the scenes always,He is there. even in that last thread of hope, we continue to hold whole Truth and Trust in our Lord completely, our thread of Hope somehow like Joseph carries us in His hands even if cannot see beyond thte circle walking..

    • Sand,
      I return once again to the conflict of our feelings vs. what is true. We can feel something so powerfully that is seems like truth, but it is still only feelings. This is why we must KNOW God’s word purely and concretely…our lives depend upon it. Sometimes I have to ask the Lord if what I am ‘feeling’ is truth or human emotion. You are clearly seeing the difference and I pray the Lord continues to reveal His truth to you. Again, so good to hear from you. Colleen

      • Sand

        Helli Colleen.thank you for kerpimg close on my path. I appreciate your happy to hear me. And ‘that you care in what you say.thank you for lookimg out for me here.thinking of me as you have. I seem to hear this questiom that you ask our Lord and more than I have previously as we have spoken on this topic many times now. I will jot down this question is this truth or my emotions. I seem to be ready look closer at this. In my current readings of self awareness by psychologists type books I also have become aware of somewhat an addction I have had to drama. I would be the last person to think this as I steer far from drama although interestingly I have seen where I have created alot of drama by seeking to be loved.. I have an interedtimg contimuation of my journey. I know that you may sense a change. I working at regaining my sparkle that is truly who I am and I miss that exact quality I know God so created witjin my soul. I have given all over to our Lord what seems like final moment of doing even if i had believed i had in past….this time feels absolute and final as i have nothing else but Him and I wait for Him to show me the next step and wait only by Him and what His will I cintimue to see remarkable end in my minds eye, i cannot seem to loose sight of whay i imagine or dream even if it be in eternal life …to no more painful wretching sorrow and I pray to fill my heart and soul with joy and fun …at His will .Whatever His will I trust Him.and I still believe in the process being about forgiveness ….I heard in your interview as well. Joseph it took many years…yes I continue believe pray alot and maintain a foundation you have seen God building within my heart mind and soul.I have read some of Isaiah …particulatly isaiah 40:31.and that drew me to the chapter.
        I do hope Colleen that you are enjoyimg restoritive and daydream like vacation memories to keep near and good photos to refresh and maybe keep close .best regards and Thank you for traveling close with me on this ever changing path
        With love
        Sand

        • Sand,
          I have recently been studying many aspects of trauma and even though we may not be aware of trauma=like behaviors, they can exist because our wounds are so deep. Have you done any exploration of EMDR therapy? I am finding an amazing correlation between this form of therapy and healing. By observation, you tend to be cognitive…highly functioning in cognition as this was a survival mechanism for you. However, EMDR is not a cognitive process but a neurobiological, brain plasticity process which actually heals the brain. It’s quite new and often used with veterans of war and PTSD; but the results are amazing. I am ever in awe of your honesty; how you evaluate yourself without accusation but with a real desire to grow. That is such a rare quality I can’t begin to explain how that incredible ability will serve you as you continue to pursue3 healing. I’m so proud of you and for you…all my care, Colleen

          • Sand

            Hi Colleen.yes I agree I need something identify with the changes I sensitive that are brain related. I sometomes wish I was veteran to be able have these opportunities brain scam and benefits to look more at damahe of actual brain.
            I know there was a friend yiu had mentioned may know someone in my area of SC that offers this therapy. I think I going to make it a fall projext see who can help.with this therapy.
            Thank you abd I appreciate your studies as so many dall through the cracks if not veteran with ptsd. There are so many cannot afford or find tgere way. And many who fall into wrong programs..usually medication path and mask true healing because unaware of what available or simply not access to the level of programming.
            Thank you for yiur kindness and positive thoughts of me
            With love and appreciation
            Sandra

          • Sand,
            I don’t know what kind of insurance you have but if you get a medical diagnosis from a doctor, you may qualify for treatments of EMDR. I encourage you to check on that as it’s proving to be extremely helpful for Jon. All my love, Colleen

          • Sand

            This would be very good.I glad too for what you say is helping Jon. That is great to hear.
            I will check insurance tomorrow. I have medical and psychological duagnosis. I am happy that you shated this. Thank you
            I will let you know if this true for me
            With love
            Sand

          • Sand,
            I have found several other podcasts related to mental and emotional health as well as hope. There is one on Life, Love, and Family podcast which is an interview with Philip Yancy on why God allows Suffering. I just look up mental health and there are a lot of options. I find when I fill my mind with what is right and true as Philippians 4 speaks of, then life is just more simple…I don’t get so tripped up in my human thinking or feelings and keep God’s truths on my mind. It helps. Hope these are helpful to you my friend. Colleen
            Colleen Swindoll Thompson
            Insight for Living
            Email CThompson@insight.org Phone (972) 473-5016
            Web http://www.insight.org
            Special Needs http://www.insight.org/specialneeds Blog www. insight.org/specialneedsblog
            Facebook http://www.insight.org/specialneedsFB
            Vision http://www.vision195.com

            Insight for Living Ministries
            The Bible-Teaching Ministry of Charles R. Swindoll
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          • Sand

            Colleen, Thank you. I will read Philippians 4 this evening. I wanted to say I will look at these other podcasts when up to that level of thinking/processing again. I am keeping myself in calm way seeking only that which brings me joy right now.
            I will keep this information aside and when ready and its time i willl listen to some.
            I did want to say good news is my Psychologist did return my call and left me voicemail that she is not trained in EMDR yet she knows someone right in the city 45 minutes – one hour from me. She only knew her first name, and where her office was as of last year. I did not see this when I searched local results from the actual website of EMDR, although I am going to check and see what she does, and what reason she is not listed? I know my dr. would not direct me to a shady site, so there must be a good reason.
            The other post did not send, so I did not recieve your other comments shared.
            Again Thank you for being so encouraging and supportive.your asking me how i am doing overall reminded me of a woman, a mother of someone i had dated, she lost her husband and once shared with me that she was asked by a neighbor how she was doing? after her loss, and she fell to curb and wept. Although she did not have the understanding of why someone would ask knowing how she must have been feeling after such loss, I understand and realize that which we need to be acknowledged and weep, today i wanted to do that after our connection and your asking me, yet i held it back and I know what i am feeling inside ,just not wanting to weep today. I am aware it needs to come out, yet i needed time away from weeping, to get in connection with my sparkle, my joy of being me, the one I used to know. ANd my choice has been helping me connect to joy, even if it is beyond what i truly feeling at core self, I have plenty of time for weeping, not much time left in my life for joy. I know i will sit and weep when go to dr in end of Octorber,
            Maybe this EMDR is going to be one of the answers to my prayer, and I am so grateful you shared and by your own family experience . THank You Colleen,and for caring so as you do.
            Have a wonderful evening, these crisp evenings are part of what joyous for me ,hope you enjoying like Patsy? Clairemont, Front Porch, I so wish i had these individuals, like you too, surrounding me as neighbors, I think it would be a good vibraiton to actually be near those who understand and encourgage, care to love and pray,.
            With Love Sand

          • Sand,
            My precious friend…it has been far too long. Yes, EMDR is one of the suggested therapies for PTSD. I also learned of several other’s from my friend’s new book titled “Does My Child Have PTSD? What to Do When Your Child Is Hurting from the Inside Out… I think you would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it since you have had so much trauma in life. When the PTSD is addressed, she said so many other issues are taken care of. If I had another copy, I would send it but please look it up. The therapies she lists in addition to PTSD are DBT-Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (here’s a link for a description) http://ptsdtreatmenthelp.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy-for-managing-ptsd/ , Somatic Trauma Therapy and I would just google it because it’s got many pages referenced. There is also a place you can look up by the url: traumatherapy.us. I know you are tired of tears…but my friend, you have lots of them to shed and Jesus gets it all. Isaiah 53…look it up and know you are loved and understood. Colleen

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen, I will look for the book in time by your friend. I have a stack waiting for me to read, not good lighting or without the luxury of furniture cannot seem find a good reading place here yet. library not as cozy, so have truly in bed to read,and have not been reading there lately. I do want to say Thank you for your kind hearted note, you are a true joy to celebrate in how much you care for me and others, wanting only the best of all good intention, what our Lord has designed at our core to be set forth in motion of truth. I am about the most honest person i am told most ever meet, sometimes it may sound harsh, it is simply hard for me to not speak truth. My insurance is not good for mental health, it will take a miracle by God that i continue to pray for in all areas of my life, where I will have the access to the exact care He intends for me without great cost financially.
            I will look these up
            I did gather some material, so soft to touch and going to make a sheep first, find some wooly like fabric for its wooly coat for tail,maybe ears.and follow through with simple button eyes. I look forward to creating the first one by hand in its time here. I will intend when complete a few to take photo and mail to you to see.
            I love the intention and truest love you have and hold in your family, and for Jon,and how you descirbe his being the focus for his room design. It thrills me to my core being to hear this kind of loving care,and how attentive you are to listen and provide what heartfelt and true for him, of His work, you create and that to me is so very priceless.
            I continue to pray here most of all for miracles to present themselves in all areas of my life and living space,and me. I may reach out and see about a group that helps others with brain trauma,and brain disorder/illnesses to see if maybe the leader can see what access she has to helping me receive a service dog? I am not sure it is practical or for certain as affording a dog was last on my list, however my soul has been yearning for this connection lately. I pet a beautiful Golden Retriever someone had on leash walking at the Farmers Market at organic grocery store about hour away that i go, and they have outdoor Farmers Market,vendors and now concerts fridays that i have gone for a few friday early evening for an hour before dark, and I saw the dog with owner, I asked if could pet. I immediately sensed my bp automatically lower, release of complete tension passed as it always did when had my beautiful English Setter. And with that i sensed a calm that seemingly I have been starving for. I then thought only way i will get another dog is if service dog for helping me function and understanding of my anxiety and help me settling,and not affect the dog healht if were not service dog with my issues. I wish for it to be aware of PTSD. I know i can volunteer, that i attempted and again God did not provide for it was not happening, organization did not have the class, it became too much for me to take volunteer class,then the organization had such hardship of new building it purchased and out of business until raise money on bad building they were sold. My heart can relate to God has some better plan for them and their organization,however God did not guide me there.
            I need to really see if God wants this for me,and if it in truth is best for me,or to get by until my life is more organized. I will see what He has in store for me.
            Thank you for your kindness Colleen, I truly believe what you say to me,and calling me a friend means alot to hear you believe in me. I will look up Isaiah 53. I had been reading Isaiah, I will look up this verse. Thank you for your loving kindness. It does mean so much to know you and who you are.
            With Love,
            Sandra

          • Sand,
            You have a special place in my heart….after so many emails and hearing your story, there’s just a special connection that I value greatly. Can you believe it’s almost time to decorate for the holidays again? I know you do the most creative things and look forward to seeing some pictures of hearing about how you make your home so cozy. SO much to look forward to my friend. You are a precious treasure to me. Have a good week. Oh, what’s the latest on the therapist, your past friend who resists your boundaries…has there been more problems, how is your heart these days? Caring for you so much, Colleen

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen, Thank you for brighening my day with such a pleasure of connecting. and your kind thoughtfulness expressed.
            I will keep you updated on EMDR, now that I know have insurance coverage I am so Blessed and grateful for God miracle in knowing now more access to some services/programs that may be top of line treatments for PTSD and furhter healing/coping/manageing behaviorally .
            I wanted to bring to you one more miracle, God is providing, in ways I have not been connected or connecting with Him in what “feels” like an eternity, or over 6 years time really, I connected with God more in these miracle ways that clearly He heard and provided before i was divoced? strangely that after divorce all has been so tumultous in brain with kaos and my world coming down on and around me. Maybe this is a really good sign on my clearing ? in healing? This is first time in very long time I praying very connected to my heart and soul and He provided only a few weeks after I pray for miracle in all areas of my life. With health insurance and the other was a carpenter i am to meet with tomorrow is coming by, he was referred by a painter that was helpful to me. I have a good sense he is being provided to help in afforddable and accurate means for some of the repairs here of extrior rotten water damaged wood siding. I am getting ready to sand and paint my front porch columns and around windows i can easily manage to reach etc. do what i am able . I will be keeping you aware of this . The odor is probably worst and on my phsycial allergies. I have an allegist appt Oct 16th to document findings, i believe my alelrgy to mold and mildew is bringing this greater affect of water damaged areas on my health,and why my sensititivy so much greater to living in this situation.
            Many Blessings for you and prayed for you and your family,and Jon wellness.
            Much Love and Peace
            Sandra

          • Sand,
            This is a helpful update. I have been wondering about your health/mold/allergies in and through all the house challenges. Do let me know what you find out. Most sincerely, Collen

          • Sand

            Hi Colleen. Thank you for thoughtful care and concern of my health and all your sharing good intention. My allergies to mold and mildew continous really.There are times my face swollen and red bumpy rashes and other times eyes itch swell and I awake middle nite cough and early am sticky eyes and clearing throat of what feels like have breathed in sand. I keep a daily log of allergies odor in house and also my bp.
            I have kept all summer. And bp I have had to me normal readings two times daily in log…it shows an irregular heart beat frequently although I believe it is noticable the times I have yawned or moved during machine taking reading and when retake usually nirmal? I do intend get. Followup .I thonk in dec around my bday I may go back mayp clinic for this followup they have appt on hold for me..and stay extra nite for bday near Florida beach.???
            Otherwise I have been eatting even beyter than before..as you mentioned and I aware our gut micribes ate essential for all health. I using more ghee and some herbs to regilate and keeping eye on bp.
            I can tell my gut doing beyter when nails grow better so I do think I taking better care than did all late spring and summer in atea of eattimg.not skipping meals and foods digestible for me…steamed rather than raw do best fur my digestion. Thank God I believe I well. The allergies may be biggest problem. I know the hystamine reaction is continous and wteaking havoc I trying to keep in balance by eatting even better than before. I believe the weight gain can be from this allergy as I read anout it being symptom of mold toxicity on mercola.
            Com article. I trying counteract with intake andmore care of how.what foods do best. I hope that you are doing well too and with your hydration with all travels and back home in daily routine.i will connect ahain thiscweek
            My best regards with love
            Sand

          • Sand,
            Do you realize what a huge step it is for you to be so aware of your self-care? Most of the time, those who are depressed and struggling with emotional issues lack attention to self-care needs. To read all you are doing for your health says so much about YOU! You are mentally aware of so much; how do you keep up with it all? I’m just very impressed. It took me a long time to address this in myself; and after the surgery last April, I struggled again with self-care issues. Your note here is such an inspiration to me…what a model of honoring the Lord with how He has made you and you are taking care of the one He treasures…YOU! Have a blessed afternoon. I’m so sorry to hear about the allergies too. My kids and I have them; the south and especially the molds and wet season’s can wreck havoc on us. Have you tried using a humidifier with eucalyptus oil? It does wonders for breathing. Just a thought…but you are doing great. So proud of you! Colleen

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen, I see your notes and have read. Thank you again for the kind thoughts of encouragement and support,and believing in me as you do. I wanted to say that there was a moment for me, I recall it was exactly when you had written me to put something on the refrigerator, reminder of “LIfe is Beautiful”, I believe you added it is a beautiful day. I was honestly angry at first that my “feelings” became critical of myself at first,and then believing I was misunderstood for that moment, that life was not beautiful, then something came over me. It was true. I was really depressed and not seeing any joy, my attitude was stuck. This honesty and truth led me to dig deep within to find what I needed to create. It was my first step I recall to use a fun colored nailpolish that day. I still was unhappy but there was now a new pull within me that I was going to dig deeper and keep aligning with something “fun” or joyful for my liking, to “take better care of me” and what so off balance. I love that we have our connection, that i can speak so naturally and open, and truthful no matter what feeling, we can always discuss anything. I understand and relate to those times of change that are shifts that take our body is not ready to catch up with our mind, or vice versa as your surgery was. These are the moments I have learned as well are to listen to what I need at my core. I know there have been so many times that your comforting way has helped me through these times of moments that my mind not caught up with my body, etc. These times I have been giving myself time even when I do not know what is at my core, that this is okay for it must be in its timing and His will for me. I understand this wholeheartedly. I know with this shift I practice daily with great efforts at time to bring me back to the algnment with God and the beauty of life and living and to create what fun or joyful to my heart and soul. even if the smallest taste of a natural vanilla tumeric drink i like, a new lipstick, or makeup,something so small really. I manage to have kept this momentum of effort daily now and I seem to connect after the utube videos on assertiveness with Doreen Virtue, or her meditations of taking care of oneself, connecting with the God and His Angels. It has been helping me align every day to a higher vibration of energy. All of my beginning paint walls where able here and picking up some of house areas that I am able and in its timing, it is an awareness that I realized and that I needed to create the change forward for me, it is quite remarkable really. I have to Thank You really for bringing that thought that one day to me, as it was God will for me to hear that day from you.
            Even after all the years speaking of my dr, even after her stating often that this is what it is all about, learning to take care of myself,and taking better care she will say to me , even with my listening to this all the time, it took me to grasp what or how I can create this for me, this joy, this is where i needed to create,connect,fulfill for me . She often will say nobody else will do as painful as that is, I need to ask me how i am and take care of me at my core.
            I wanted to say also Colleen I love the Euculyptus idea in hummidifier, my first thought is how wonderful ,second thought was what an amazing Mom you must be! to create such a nurturing safe and incredibly soothing environment to your loved ones!!! I believe you are awesome!
            THank you for this thought,and yes all this rain is going to wreak havoc on allergies, fall leaves and the damp leaves,etc. So Thank you!
            Have a great afternoon today Colleen.
            WIth Love
            Sandra

          • Sand,
            I’m so glad you are free to express any emotion without fear. That is a huge trust thing. There is nothing you can say that will push me away from caring because your emotions or feelings are about you…telling me about you is a wonderful gift I hold with honor. It’s interesting that you mention the suggestion to think of something beautiful. It actually came from Jon’s therapist because his life is so hard…so many negatives it’s hard for him to see beauty at all. But, we sat outside and found pictures of things HE thought was beautiful, peaceful, lovely…nature is so calming. We are all in the learning process together; what I may learn, I pass along to others and hopefully, other’s pass things along to me like you do. I so appreciate your willingness to share yourself just as you are. You are a remarkable person! Honestly and truly. And, I love the “little” things you mentioned….nail polish, lipstick, sometimes just taking a deep breath outside…whatever nourishes your soul is a moment with Jesus. So stay at it…love hearing from you today! Colleen

          • Sand

            Colleen, Thank you again. It is your acceptance and truly the Grace that God fills within you that welcome uncondtiionally a trusting care of my and all those who write to you.So Thank You! for having a place to be open and accepted with caring loving support, encouragement, and wisdom to help bring this connection with Him and His work through you and us, His purpose for all of us together. We are in this together.
            I love your mention of where “to think of something beauitful” was discovered to think about and for the way both you with Jon shared in again focusing on what He, as individual self thought beautiful,peaceful,lovely,etc…….yes Nature is one of my favorites to meander and it can be a trace of bark of a tree that captures my interest at my very core self, something of His creation that is remarkable brings me great joy and pleasure to connect with. It is remarkable what brings one joy when on this experience that you have shared from Jon therapist. I relate well with what that means, I get that too well when one cannot see with great ease or at all for a time any beauty. I so get that, we have different worlds, experiences, yet an understanding of what that exact moment(s) challenges to endure or awaken our soul. I remember to have prayed for days, moment by moment to please show me something so great that it awakens my soul , show me something to spark my awakening to His beauty and grace in this world. Maybe your experience and sharing was the answer to that prayer? This has allowed me to learn or tap into what it is to create again, that spark, that sparkle ,what that is sometimes ,and often it takes tremendous will within to endure and accept for me , i guess surrender. Since this time of practicing what I can create for my joy I do sense a new part of me surrendered in a very different way? as if it was part of my maturity? growth in what we have talked about in “taking care, and better care of myself”. and getting that,grasping what that is in my abilities to create for me?
            As you mention we are all in the learning process together. I am so glad that you shared with me this experience, and this practice for it made a difference in my life and being recently. I did want to say too that i have been taking some herbs to support my digestive system from Lifespa.com, and honestly I do believe that which you understand and relate to the digestive system /gut and mind association, it has helped me ,where I see some results that I can connect to both of these practices/changes.
            I thought of you just before reading your note,and I wanted to ask for you soemthing special, when was the last time that you made a pillow for YOU, a personal pillow, with whatever brings you joy to sew onto it,or like the blanket of our Shepherd Lord wrapping around us, soft and cuddly fabrics that embrace wtih which that reminds of our Lord blanket? or just whatever sparkles of you. I would love to hear if an activity you share with Jon or have made one, or able to sew while watching tv together.
            Have a great evening, the sun has just come out after a week of rain here, yet rain clouds reappear for more Fall rain in forecast. hoping your climate/Fall season is bright and with a crisp night on your porch swing with a warm blanket of Jesus Love.
            With Love
            Sandra

          • Sand

            Colleen, I wanted to share another thought. in regards to creating the joys to keep our sparkle within. I think the other thought I had was when I surrendered and finally said “I have all I need”, instead of my looking at I do not have furniture, i have a house, I have one antique settee,lol, it uncomfortable but I have all I need! i have food and shelter, and I do have love, I have Jesus Christ, I have me and God. I have His reassurance that He created me just as I am, to Him I have not one limitation,only gifts He created within me.
            Everything else that most of society have beyond whehter material or luxury are just that, those items that do not need,or perfect luxury of food or shelter beyond a piece of bread or sip of water,and a stable will bring excitement and luxury yet do not need .My perspective in this “attitude” I know that you talked about around same time that you shared “Life is beautiful” technique of thinking, and it helped me to create from my being what I can bring to these needs already being met and provided by God. It somehow released me to see more clearly. an adjustment of sorts I believe and learning to say I have everything, me and God.
            It is interesting when I became aware and accepted this what occured within me to seek out the experience you shared thorugh this time during this growth/new awareness.
            Best regards for a pleasant Fall evneing
            WIth Love
            Sand

          • Sand,
            It is interesting to read this note as the sermon today was on 2 Corinthians 9 and Paul’s exhortation to generosity…sowing much not because we have much but we know God gives in abundance from our giving of what we have to His work. So many in our society see dollar signs when it comes to “giving”; forgetting that the greatest gift God gave us was His own son. It is the heart that matters in what we give far more than any material possession. Why give if we are resentful or expectant? God longs for us to hold all our possessions loosely; to remember we came naked into this world and will leave without one material good. So whatever we have to enjoy, it is by God’s grace. You are right on … you have a roof over your head, enough to eat and drink which is more than many around the world. I have been examining how we could give to those in need…be it sell our home and live on much less in order to provide for the disabled who have needs far in excess of what they can provide. As you said, “life is beautiful”, often more beautiful when we enjoy the moments we are given without expectation or want for more. I love your comment here and it reinforces what I am examining in my own life. God is enough, He promises to provide for us; all of which is plenty for us to enjoy this life we have been given. Many blessings my dear friend, Colleen

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen, I know that you welcome my update, and I would love to share this with you today. I mentioned i have been praying for miracles in all areas of my life where challenges that i cannot easily find my way out of nor see clearly how to resolve easily and affordable, handing all over to God on a moment to moment daily basis not to worry and to have fullest of Trust He will provide.
            A painter had referred me to someone he works with,a Carpenter who was thought to be helpful to me in quality workmanship and affordable for me. I was impressed as he came out today. He is an older man,and he was honest, and can you imagine he built Churches for many many years. When his wife was alive she always insisted when complete that she go with him and together they hang up the Church Bell! Amazing in so many ways. I loved hearing about his life and their bond/connection with one another as it was very special as devoted partners and what an experience to have this shared celebration in creating Church and hanging of the Bell!
            I believe this individaul is part of my prayer being answered. I will see his proposal,although he is very attentive to detail and I believe He is being sent along now to help. He also happened to mention another miracle I stepped into. I found last week an antique consignment store that only takes 20% and I was contemplating my selling some of those items that I had explored selling on Crraigs list until the scamming was uncomfortable for me, so I have been looking since for the right place. Well, this carpenter mentioned he is selling an antique bedroom set he purchased at estate sale at this same consignmnet shop. He knows well the owner, a Pastor of local Church! and this Pastor family works with him. I was told very honest and they will even pick up my items at little to no charge extra. He also stated it was good clientele in this location and items sell quiclkly and usually at 10% over what amount of money we would be seeking. For example his antique queen poster bed set sold for 1800.00 in only a few days.
            Now this is not a small town, how about that! A good word on this brings it forward for me , I believe another way opening up for me to sell those items that have had sit and useful moeny for some repairs. .
            I wanted to share this as these miracles are being presented by God and only His finding that the timing of my prayer is exactly as He desires for me. I prayed from the deepest part of my heart and soul to Him just a few weeks now each morning.
            I will let you know how this goes.One other thougth that I will share is when I first moved into SC about 10 years ago now, i spoke about making a calendar of all the beautiful old Churches on rural roadways that have so much history, i spoke would that not be a beaufiful calendar . Today reminded me of that thought,and with this story how beautiful to be chosen to build them and to add a personal story of history of handwork in making,a story of a couple that shared this happening, and hanging of a Bell! all in a calendar or even a compiled little book,pretty neat thought even if simply a thought that inspiring.
            Thank you for being supportive and encouraging of me.
            Have a good afternoon
            With Love Sand

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen, I have an issue that I am working through today that I wanted to share. As you have known me for some time now, perhaps you know this about me. I have lived with a great insecurity with valueing myself as important as I have so many instances of abandonment issue and other issues that I was never good enough and criticized with just about all I did including how I walked,dressed,spoke,etc. The wound of all family in household too busy for me was common and I seemed to have married and later with divorce accepted other relations that treated me as a bother or that my needs were less important or simply did not matter as much as those others,a tv show,and as their own needs did. I just realized I had not in some time apologized endlessly, I realize that is part of my work of self that naturally I have lessened to say constant apology for simply being and the most basic need of excusing self to go to rest room, I can sense the stronger self in this respect, not seeking permission, working on the guilt that still challenges me . I seem to have blossomed away from this more than I knew I had.
            Anyway, I know you get all this. Well, my challenge has been to not listen to the emotion as we have discussed in our connection , when I may sense a “feeling” similar to abandonment or other experience, to not let that emotion take over and to have clarity and focus on what really transpired in “truth” and where I may have triggered the old expereinces. Today I had received a return voicemail from another EMDR therapist I had contacted to inquire about . She does not take insurance so I would need pay up front and submit my own claimform with intention that it would be reimbursed out of network. I had a concern for my intitial instinct was that this individual did not come across with wisdom,or many years of experience,although it is the majority of her therapy, EMDR. What triggered for me was that she was long winded on my voicemail about her life and to claim she just walked into her office and she will be brief to share information as she is going to pick up her little children and they have a concert and other event this evening,so she does not have alot of time. This I realize is common maybe for many however I do not know her and it did not sit well with who I am and at my stage of development in that why say all of that to bring any sense of less importance to a client? or anybody I am learning. The sensitivity that each of us are important, if too busy do not reply until maybe able to give the time and say then I want to be in a space to give you quality time and I simply not in a space to do that at this time? I just believe if I am going to someone as a Therapist, we are not perfect,yet I would like more sensitivty to this approach .
            Maybe it is my emotion speaking and like last nite with my dr., taking something personal that truly is not about me. Yet I do not think I can pursue this dr, for those two reasons, the lack of real deep insightful wisdom, and my sensing that from initial contact that I would sense my being less important in her presentation of communication and approach.
            I will keep my thoughts clear and remain open althought this is something I have begun to be very cautious of as I have entered too many relations that have been insensitive to this aspect of one being more important than the other, and it reactivates what I developing otherwise in myself.
            Best regards and for pleasant Fall evening.
            WIth Love
            Sandra

          • Sand,
            You touch on something very important to every person’s growth process here. From a therapeutic point of view, this therapist seemed to share far more than I would have been comfortable with; on a voice mail, it seems odd that she would talk about her personal life. A therapist is to be all about the patient/client…not about their life. So I think your gut response is appropriate…not in rejection of you but discomfort in her sharing more than what seems appropriate. You are wise to examine your discomfort but I would not say it is due to any part of you…you did not do or say anything “wrong”…it seems there was too much information sharing on her part and that would cause me to question her boundaries as a therapist. When you are intuitive….and you are highly intuitive…it’s so wise to examine your discomfort and take that to trusted people who know you…exactly like what you did here. Feedback is often needed because intuitive’s will often sense something but not have a category for it until or unless they can process it with one who knows then well. I am very honored to know you would bring this to me for discussion. If anything, I think you are wise to not pursue further connection with her; not because of you but because it appears she lacks the professional awareness and boundaries needed for your care. You are incredible insightful, Sand. I’m so proud for you that your growth has brought you to a place of being able to examine discomfort without taking ownership or believing you are at fault for it. This reveals incredible growth…that you are able to put a situation in it’s own place without placing self value or importance in there as well. That is a huge step, Sand. Thank you for bringing this to our discussion and I hope can see tremendous growth from this conversation. Colleen

          • Sand

            Colleen, I am sharing one day of my daily calendar,”Just a Moment With You God”, by Kay Arthur,
            “Protected By God, I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from where shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Psalm 121: 1-3.).
            Have a pleasant day
            With Love and Peace
            Sandra

          • Sand,
            You have no idea what perfect timing that is…thank you so very much. I am looking to the hills these days! So perfect. You are so gracious to take the time and send me this note. Have a blessed day! Colleen

          • Sand

            Thinking of you often. Glad it came at His exact timing. The other part of the calendar day reads, “Whenever the children of Israel found themselves in trouble, God always reminded them that He was the one who created the world and all that is in it! If He did that——-is there anything He could not do? Of course He could protect them! And He will protect you.”,Kay Arthur,Just A Moment With You, God”.
            also for you Colleen, today enjoy a Blessed day, I know we will connect again soon.
            Love and Peace
            Sandra

          • Sand

            Hi Colleen, oh man, my Psychologist called me sounding annoyed and stating she uncertain that my ins company will reimburse me, that there is a form she would need have filled out prior to visits…..I thought there was a miracle? if this pattern does not break, i uncertain with why the glitches? I did call my insurance company and stated one year back (when really had most vists) and that can submit and no guarantee reimbursement but will be considered for reimbursement, especially when sending in for reimbursement versus dr taking copay. I believe this will be reimbursed honestly if this year reimbursed such a Blessing and forward. I will look at EMDR local help with other therapists listed? I am sorry that my current dr just not understanding me it seems, i uncertain of what is occuring with the growth I sensing and my intuition of how I need a different level or truer understanding of my symptoms? behaviors? and what it seems more essential to my further growth?
            I was getting back on to say yes I am already preparing my porch for Fall decoration, have a small pumpkin, and want to paint some, using off white spray paint and then use a circle stencil on one and tape around the other from top to bottom and where spray paint gold will fill in the cirlces and have lines of gold around tape, and maybe one with sequins glued on from top to bottom in lines for a group of sizes large medium small pumpkin or gourd in mix natural lines and color to mix with my ivory and gold design ones.
            With Love and Peace,
            Sandra

          • Sand

            Hello Colleen, my last thought with dr therapy work, i believe I have found I most comfortable these days with GOd and me, He knows me, He provides what i need, and has guided me to those like yourself that provide what greater than all, a loving caring kind heart that has incredible knowledge and wisdom to encourage looking at for healing. In addition to this, honestly I trust God leading me to other books, having me take the quiet time to go very inward beyond the behaviors but to my soul and trust in what it telling me, what He is telling me through my soul to focus on in terms of what blocked memory i am noticing has been creating possible appearance over these past three years that i can actually see awakening with thoughts dreams,etc, feelings of worry, being manupulated and just awakening before something happens,and then on high alert, and other times with relations that i push myself away maybe this too, these things that I can literally help myself by being clear, keeping my prayer for clarity and focus and keeping quiet mind with whatever is going help me be soulful and sound and clear and quiet and hearing these tidbits of real and true information that will guide me inward to what I need, and how to take care of myself better in regards to what happening. Until I know I have someone truly going to make a difference ,truly be remarkable in other than a supportive ear , I will be helping me as God helps me.
            My dr may wait until my next visit at end of month to provide me with the receipt that i seeking for reimbursement rather than mail me . I hoping she takes the time in generous way to do outside my waiting appt .that would be so helpful and useful for me so much. I will intend that i recieve as God will provide.
            Have a great afternoon Colleen, i guess I left many thoughts today. So glad to hear from you and that we connected.
            Love and Best regards
            Sandra

          • Sand

            Colleen, I did something I am proud of really, I did what i beleived a mature individual would do. I left a voicemail for my dr.and let her know although these are feelings, I am uncertain if just feelings that are not to run from and perhaps that can be worked through as in what a healthy relationship I unfamiliar would do, and something I was intending to bring to discuss in end of OCt appt for what my intuition has been bringing to me has been since summertime that I may need a different approach for my next level of healing?, and that I have sensed a shift in our relationship and I would like to discuss next appt . I sensing I am a bother or that she becomes more frustrated with me and my behavior. If it is the calls I make to leave voicemails that was something she offered when we first began therapy that is okay to call and vent even if do not wish a call back, and if that has changed I accept that and we can discuss. And I will bring to appt this open discussion.
            I do know I did what correct way to deal with this.
            I am also delighted on a much lighter note that I used a 40% coupon at Michaels and got Gingher ? scissors suppoosingly stanless steel? good ones for a little over 10.00 with coupon having been deducted from 19.99 was 8.00 discount. I looked online and it appears that was a good buy
            Talk with you soon
            With love
            Sandra.

          • Sand,
            I can’t believe this but you did exactly what I was going to suggest. It’s never helpful in any relationship to assume; the fact that you were direct, honest, authentic, and open to how your therapist may respond. I think you have cultivated enough ego strength to handle the outcome; knowing you have choices, God directed paths, and He has a plan for you. Regardless of the response, I applaud your courage, your willingness to take a risk, your awareness of opportunities, and your many choices. Way to go my dear, your growth is continuing to amazing me and I’m anxious to hear the outcome. Much grace, Colleen

          • Sand

            Collewn I wanted let you know my dr did telephone me back and she happy to talk with me anout what my feelings mentioned are. And she said monday her busiest day and it little time to take of self to have as muxh time as other times to return calls.as not enough of her on Mondays and when my first voicrmail she needed me clarify what i was rewuesting..then secind message she could not retrieve and third voicenail got cut off so she dud not hear it all and was maybe more short and to the point with very ltlittle tims and maybe what I picking up on. I did call her back let her know that is what I picked up on and thougjt personal about me. I also realized bavk in summetime I did same and we talked about it and it was in no way about me. She saud we can talk about this at my next appt. And dud tell her that I have seen a change im my lecel of awarenesses as if I see I am evenore sensitive and before I was already hypersensitive yet simething changed about me that tjis us even clearer what I sense intuition. As if my healing provided a clearong I noticing to my awareness…the change I believe is me and what I more aware.
            Have a good eveong. It pouring rain again as if dumping water it sounds after all the long dry summer months…..it all coming in what has been one week rain now here..Very heavy at times
            With love
            Sand

          • Sand

            Colleen, I clicked on the link of facebook and yes without being a memeber of facebook i happily explored Jons new room decor by your handy work. It looks terific. I love the corredination of pillow fabric, so “manly” yet trendy too as mix and match differnet patterns. I love the box above the bed. I was not able to see clearly what hanging from it,it is very unique and it reminded me of feathers hanging,or flutes,something made of wood? Very creative,and outside room the black and cognac brown color furniture matches a tv armoire color exactly i have, so funny really exact same furnituture design and coloring.
            I am happy that you were able to share this time with Jon in such a special way.That truly is a special project.
            Thank you for sharing,
            I will let you know if can find my way to EMDR , what a Blessing this would be.
            With Love
            Sandra

          • Sand,
            THANK YOU!!!! It’s amazing what one can do with pieces of furniture around the house, cardboard and fabric, and some pillows. He actually picked the colors and bedding as I wanted him to be the one in charge. You are so sweet for sharing excitement because you also know the amount of work that goes into it. I would love to see photos of things you have done too. Celebrating YOU! Colleen

          • Sand

            God has spoken. i telephoned the EMDR counselor, after reading her webpage i realized i really could not afford anyway as looked like it would be private pay not falling under medical by psych insurance which does not bring me any benefit.
            anyway, long story short, is she left me voicemail very short and abrupt sounding,that she thanked me for calling, she has too much work and not taking anyone new, and good luck to me, sounded very terse.
            I am what God has me off duty of any seeking. My energy is going to be on focus on self care of bringing myself each day to a high vibration and closest to God. And restore my house to bring me as much joy and peace as possible.
            Thank you for information, it is not leading to where i thought it may.
            Have a good evening
            With love
            Sandra

          • Sand,
            I’m thrilled you went with your gut on this…and that there was a closed door. Continue to ask the Lord for His direction. I have found that when I lay silently and rest, I ask for His words and truths to come to mind, every time there is a passage or verse that is comforting or helps whatever I am praying about. You are wise enough to know what to pursue and when to pursue it so way to make a great decision. And, I can’t wait to see what comes of the house. Colleen

  • Sand, One of the greatest gifts I received from my therapist was the opportunity to be heard and to talk things through. It was a foreign concept from where I had been for many years; thus I call it a gift. The fact that your therapist is okay and willing to talk things through is wonderful…so different from what you experienced it’s probably greeted with a bit of fear and hope. I love that you continue to walk into the challenges with honesty and yet tread upon some fear. What true commitment to the path of life. I so believe in you! Way to go! Colleen

    • Sand

      Colleen.I happened to see your notes .so that is what makes a great therapist and how interesting I exactly where you say….talking through these thoughts of feelings. This is foreighn fir me too yet my dr very easily will discuss really amything I have been learning and happily even discuss if I feel angry or unhappy about something as learned over the past 6months. I recall late summer we talked of this type feelimg and as you mention word foreign I looked at her as she was not from this planet and simply quieted with not knowimg this existed with such ease of exoression and bigger than that the acceptance of somethong like angry feelings. This is huge point in my healing I believe. The fact she has this “gift” I am going stay the course. I honestly am learning as I go now and was umcertain if what was such gifts that finding are present .things I becoming aware seems like great growth for me to see in self work. I am so happy with our connection. I grateful for tge understanding we share. Your having been in these same shoes or similar is like an extra special bond. Thank you
      I will keep you posted.at this time my thought is if fond the EMDR therapist. …found one other name left voicemail…if available I will add to the mix I already have in place. I am so glad I listened to what honesty God wanted me follow
      Many Blessings for peaceful evening and rest tonite.thank you for continuing thus path forward with me on this.and all uour encouraging kind thoughts and wisdom
      With love
      Sandra

  • Sand,
    I am over the moon with this news!!! How fantastic! It’s amazing when we start to see our growth, isn’t it. We see it in how we respond differently, choices we make, directions we would have never taken before are illuminated and we follow. Such is the way God works…mysterious and most loving a the same time. I am very interested to know if you are able to get in with the EMDR therapist as well. If not now, then at some point in your growth, I think it would be significantly helpful for you. Until then, you are being led by our Lord as only He can lead. Keep following Him, listening to your ‘gut’, and staying true to YOU. What a magnificent person you are Sand, so wonderfully gifted, rare, gentle, and authentic. It’s an honor to walk this path with you. In His mercy and grace, Colleen

    • Sand

      Thank you again Colleen for your kind treasured thoughts and who you are! I enjoy our connection very much and walking beside me, and with in friendship. I will see where God leads me with the EMDR, and Thank you for being so supportive and encouragin me to follow God and with my gut instincts of what comfort sensing and asking what truth of this is for me, staying the course of being honest and truthful of who I am, as His child, I am going to look back at your note regarding your friend’s book that you thought I would really love to read. And I will let you know where or who God will lead me to for exploring EMDR. I so much know if it will help me, He will direct me to the exact dr/counselor He sees a good fit for my senstivities.
      With Love and Friendship
      Sand

  • Sand,
    What a great question….when was the last time I made something for me? I can’t remember since most of what I sew is for my home or kids. I am challenged by your question because this is an area of work for me…to do some enjoyable things for myself. I love to make wreaths for our door, to sew curtains or make do crafts for seasonal things but I can’t think of a time where I did one just for my enjoyment. So perhaps that is a new goal I can be directed towards…to do something I enjoy just for the enjoyment of it. What a great reminder and thoughtful suggestion…I will ponder it in the weeks ahead. How are you? As we are heading in to the seasonal holiday times…how are you this year as compared to years past? You sound strong and good but just wanted to ask how life is coming along. Appreciate you so much! Colleen

  • Sand

    Hello Colleen, I hope that you are doing well, maybe back at home in your own bed thisweekend. I miss you and our connecting. I needed to write today as i know that you wholeheartedly support,and understand me so well. I am quite sad, I know a tearful cry is coming tonite my way. Clarity sometimes can be overwhelming awarnesses, and I am believing as I speak to our Lord today that I made a big mistake getting the divorce , as my xhusband is a good soul, may not believe in Jesus Christ, and has issues that are important to me in way I would want to be acknowledged before work or business, or his mother, I wanted to be his wife and be albe to rely and trust in him to have my back completely when it was in need. Maybe “expections” got the best of me,and truly this is a greater lesson that was my mistake to have left this marriage. He has a beautiful child now, we communicate here and there ,and he sent me another photo of her and she is a bundle of pure Joy, God light sparkles from her eyes, i know she is greatly loved.
    I am painting my columns and porch cieling and needed to take break to connect with you today. I so much am going cry. How did all this transpire, so much hardship with the house,and not living as some would not ever imagine or understand as they have not had a course of struggle and growth in his/her journey, and I pray for them as God is giving me this opportunity for a good reason to have something that most will never know of within and with His loving relationship and grace at my core most important of all.
    I seem to be more aware of how the accupuncture takes me to greatest heights of energy and imagination and creativity and joy and amazing sense of flying with our Lord greatness within, wanting to Love and be so Loved only really, and i have begun to be so clear that it is my sensitivity that my not being able undestand others envy , jealousy and meaness, truly i have had a week of episodes where I believe those that were hurtful may not have intended and others who did intend to create a disharmony for the good I was experiencing within my heart and soul of such pure energy portryaring outward in sociiety. Today it was actually not this individual intention but i want to share as the most simple thing I was hurt to hear in someones voice that works at the Christian book store. I was surprised and asked Jesus to not let me be judgemental, to let him only do this,and undersand that it is not up to me to judge another. This woman that works there exclaimed as I purchsed Christmas cards and responded to her saying that most do not even send cards anymore, and my repaly was that is very sad to me, what i had not expressed was why, for the reason of Chrismtas taking a back burning to many, and that that was just another symbol of Jesus Christ birth that is disappearing. Her reason for not sending cards anymore,as she cleaimed this after I stated it was sad to me, she boldly and in a strong way stated she does not have the time, she works,and ther eis no time. For me that said she has no time for Jesus. I am sorry if I cannot say this without being hurt or annoyed in lacking udnerstanding for any excuse of not making the time, there is always time for Jesus Birthday and to send a card for His birth is so important as those others claim it is too expensive or any other excuse. There is no pleasant way for me to express my thoughts and “opinion”. I knew that i could share this here and you would greatly understand .
    These little things seem to be part of what we spoke of my being an “impath” and this sometimes is what i am finding when too many eopisodes of others lackingjoy and inspriitaiton in living build and I become drepressed .so I am trying to remain true to who I am and find those I can connect with to celebrate all of life joys in Jesus Christ.
    I did receive a beautiful photo card from my youngest brother and his wife and cthree little cheldren for CHristamas, and that is when I began to experience mixed emotion as to where would my life be if I had remained married, woudl I be in better space? and I realized I was comparting to this photo of card of a “family” and so much life and experience together, to just have photo taken in park together, to be so togehrer. It is my issue I will reflect further. I do know I am gioing to the coloring book ladies group tuesday nite, possibly to a Love Feast tomorrow at a CHurch in Columiba i saw invitation open to public. and I have next thursday a yoga for woman with trauma, all free events to help me get out and keep on track with connecting to find those I can add as supportive freinds.
    WIth loving care, my best to you and your mom and your family today
    Loving care
    Sandlee