Triggers, Traps, and Truth Bombs

This past summer, all my best thinking led to some tearful conversations with my grown son and daughter. Apparently there was a disconnect . . . and it wasn’t on their end, it was on mine.

Mother & Daughter Serious
Image from Photodune.

It all started in May. My stepson finalized wedding plans and got married. My son came home from college to work, save money, and take some classes online. What we didn’t plan on was identity theft, which led to a consuming amount of work and documents galore, no Internet, computers, telephones, or cell phones, and thoroughly rewiring our home.

I admit, I was a little uptight. Okay, I was a little like Squidward from SpongeBob on a very bad day . . . for days . . . which turned into weeks . . . which turned into the whole summer.

To be extremely transparent, all of the chaos played right into areas where I am fragile: mistrust and anxiety connected to past abuse I endured, nightmares, and challenges with attention and focus. Instead of doing what I know I’m supposed to do as a Christian—“let go, let God”—I became obsessed with trying to control everything.

  • My tongue became a laser, firing upon the smallest irritation.
  • My mind-set was focused on perception rather than reality.
  • I stopped laughing, stopped being the typical silly mom and wife, and became the hypersensitive, defensive, demanding, drive-you-nuts kind of person everyone avoids.

So taken with trying to protect myself (as if), I was hurting those I love the most . . . but had no clue because self-focus blinds us to how dreadful and hurtful we can be toward others.

Truth Bombs

My daughter came for a quick visit near the end of summer. Our typical laughter was obviously missing. Surrounded by a house-load of security teams and outdoor cameras, she asked, “Mom, can we go into your room? I need you.” We plopped ourselves on my big bed and within moments her tears began to tumble.

Mom, you’ve always told us to tell you the truth, so I’m going to and don’t know how you will take this. It’s a truth bomb, but I need you to hear me.

It was a bomb of sorts—the kind that blows up our self-centered world if we’re committed to honesty and listening. The kind that clears our blinding, binding perceptions and opens the space for truth to invade. That same week, my son expressed similar emotions about the wall I had put up to keep pain at bay and about his need to relate with the freedom and peace we had established through the years. Hearing is a deliberate decision—so is choosing to change.

Traps and Triggers

Frequently God orchestrates in surprising ways His longing for us to hear and trust Him. Such was the case when, one after the other, a book, a Sunday morning message, and a podcast all mentioned John 10:10:

The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.

God got my attention!

Truth Bomb

Image from Photodune.

Make no mistake, the Enemy is determined to destroy you and to destroy me. A thief literally cares nothing about the wants and needs of others and, instead, causes loss and confusion. It’s the same with the Devil who wants to create chaos and confusion, steal our joy, and distract us from godly focus. If he could, the Devil would rob us of all trust in Christ, plaguing us with doubts about Jesus’ timeless, faithful care over every area of our lives.

We all have triggers . . .

  • Sights
  • Smells
  • Visual images
  • Experiences
  • Expressions

Things that feel like, look like, seem like the same pain we have experienced in the past.

How we respond to those triggers is critical—will we respond with fear or with faith in the One who promises to give us a rich and satisfying life? When we respond with fear, we choose to habitually follow broken, self-focused methods that don’t work and also hurt others.

When we are trapped by self-protection, we make a choice; we believe that our resources, control, and agenda will keep us more secure than God’s sovereign plan. Unless and until we are willing to listen to those who really love us and long for a relationship with us, we will remain trapped in fear.

A truth bomb is essential to responding in faith—let it blow up all the false thinking and self-protecting habits developed due to pain. God can use our pain for a greater purpose if we allow Him to take charge of our lives. Self-protection rejects Christ’s miraculous care over all our lives.

Let Me Hear from You

Have all my problems been solved? No. Will I face identity theft again? Who knows? Is my family more valuable than false beliefs? ABSOLUTELY!

So I’ve been making changes. It’s been hard, uncomfortable, difficult for others, demanding on those I love. But in order to live abundantly in relationship with those I love and with Christ, I’m called to embrace my fragility, release control, seek support, and willingly follow Christ as my Lord and Savior. So are you.

The truth, my friend, will set you free. It doesn’t always solve circumstantial problems, relational irritations, or everyday challenges. The truth grounds us in God’s sovereignty when life is problematic, irritating, or challenging. If you’re running on empty, you may have been robbed.

Instead of allowing the thief to steal, kill, and destroy, turn your life over to the One who is sovereign over all lives committed to following Jesus Christ. I’m calling you to place your trust and all the circumstances you are living in to the One who longs to give you rest—Jesus Christ.

What area of life comes to mind right now that needs to be released? Let’s walk this road together.

You can leave a comment by clicking here.

  • So

    Colleen. I wrote an email miss our conversations and connection. Read your post your email returned email undeliverable. I have not ability as of now go on computer and connect disquis as browser not compatible. I on my phone but need be careful data used. Why is and has the distraction by Devil kept me from being able connect with you!
    I have also distraction at my church which I had been so fulfilled and beginning volunteer app because asked to volunteer by children’s ministry director. She so sweet and likes me and calls us destiny as team but I have a new problem that my main pastor has spoken to me twice in frustrated negative voice tone When I emailed him saying he treating me different than anyone he said he did not know what I talking about. When I emailed back specific instances he never replied and has not sought me out to discuss. I am having difficulty feeling ok self esteem lower and angry and a wedge now with my not wanting be at Church or involved nor to take his fall bible study. I need this resolved and do not know who turn to other than asking God for wisdom and crying and praying why and what am I being asked to do
    As your post states confusion our enemy work
    So much love and I continue pray for you as seeing distraction on your end maybe not receiving my communication reaching out. And what a blessing your family the love in amazing quantity to be able being the truth to you and because of reflection of love you have and have given
    Love So. You know I had to change my name think who I am you will remember me. We traveled with you leading me Jesus Christ and spoken by phone. My house still same issues delayed mold testing set tomorrow so step forward finally

    • Sand,
      Your note is filled with heartache and confusion. I am so very sorry for the ongoing challenges you encounter…so, so sorry. I have been distracted with personal issues and have so missed our connecting. I am thrilled to hear from you! I am honored to walk this path with you, however I am able. It sounds like the pastor has a lot going on; it’s easy to take another’s distance personally when you have endured abuse as you have. One thing I learned in counseling was that abuse causes us to be very self-protective and often, we misinterpret or take personally another’s actions when, in reality, their distance may have nothing at all to do with you. One saying my kids and I have repeated often when it appears someone is being rude or upset with us is to say “Maybe their cat died, maybe they had a flat tire”…who knows. We can’t ever know a thing about another’s life situations unless we are with them 24/7. Only God has that knowledge; so it frees everyone to be who they are, where they are, without judgment. I would guard your thoughts closely, too. It seems the enemy attacks our places of weakness and with how you are put together-being extremely intuitive, the enemy would love to tangle your thoughts with stuff that inhibits you from sustaining a direct focus and mindset on Him alone. I’m learning a lot about how to focus and that our minds have to be in Gods word consistently or our minds will easily drift. There are some excellent books on the mind-I’ve heard but not read Joyce Meyers book titled “The Battlefield of the Mind”…it may be good to check out.
      In all, if you have attempted to clear any assumed distance with your pastor, I would let it go. He ought to be mature enough to know how to communicate any concern if there is any. If he doesn’t, you need to let it go and ask God what He wants you to do each moment. Finally, I’m also learning how important it is to know God’s voice which we hear through His word. I’ve recently been reading much of the New Testament, observing how He reacted, what He promises, and how we can trust Him with our every day lives. His word brings peace, a sustaining hope when our feelings or minds seem confusing and conflicted.
      It is so fantastic to reconnect-you are a precious friend and I’m thrilled to pick up our friendship. Have a great day my dear one. Colleen

      • So

        Hello Colleen
        I am going to simply sit with the joy and enlightenment and enrichment of our friendship reconnecting here on your blog. I am so relieved our communication has been successful Praising our Lord
        I so much would like hear more about your looking at our Lord’s “reactions “in reading New Testament that you have been embracing. I keep reciting psalm 18:2 and in this not my main pastor but associate pastor did pray with me long while back for my peace and he said it is how we react and keep this scripture in prayer for my and my house peace. This associate pastor I did feel compassion and acceptance and he was available. There are these two pastors plus one third retired but member and available as needed
        I want say I had read your latest posting that I do believe God led me search out and find and I am so sorry that you have suffered great pain Colleen of mind I understand and I admire your will to read His word and efforts work for this change of how operate /function as He has so designed . I know you know that I can relate by my own struggles as you mention my heart and confusion are hurting right now through what I expressed in writing. I also wanted say I was able reach out to a very old dear friend from my 20’s and she very faithful to God always and she out last talk said always pray for wisdom. This do true
        I am going look for this book you mention and as I will listen and ever so grateful for your being provided as messenger of God when I had not been able hear Him directly as in what you say let it go with pastor confusion Thank you Colleen
        I look forward containing our connection and friendship I will be keeping you and your family too in my daily prayers.
        With gratitude and heartfelt joy of our connection
        Love Sand

      • So

        Colleen. If you ever offer a class whether online or some way I would want be in your classroom all of which you have shared in this writing for me. What great insight and understanding and wisdom and your seeking the how to live for narrowest to no room for enemy fit in creating confusion
        Thank you! Always
        Sand

      • So

        Hello Colleen. I have been thinking of you hoping you continue get and be well
        I have so much happening still I had the mold testing in my house and Asperigillus mold the main one found. I cannot afford to leave my house. The children’s ministry director I friendly with at church offered me stay with her and her husband and then a few days late something changed where she could not speak of what happening with her she said she would cry if talked about So I know God is testing me or continue want something different for me. It is difficult stay at house waiting for settlement intended for all repairs and then proper mold remediation I hope have more details of what details now with new information with this and contracters quote finally in attorneys hands
        I have listened to you in other regards and seem to be also paying attention and learning my expressive self is maybe putting too much of myself out there and can be feeling this may be cause sense in welcomed or as we talked my mind believes any distance or lacking continued conversation with anyone that maybe I I may be too bubbly and then I remind myself as it may feel hurt of my not accepted I say it not personal and maybe cat died
        I am not speaking of my pastor in this instance , I had been more guarded and left that all alone and not as expressive in thanking for sermon or what I believe my emotional expression of if I cry from a sermon that so touching I no longer share that with certain instances like the one with church we spoke of. something I began noticing around people and I will not focus so much but I do sense I drifted a bit back into isolating from where I do sense this around new people like at church.
        Love Sandra ps I will let you know the results of mold of dr today does mold blood test for me.
        Have a bright weekend. I look forward connecting again with you and getting back to routine reading your blog.

      • So

        Hello Colleen. I need find this book and read. I have been reading the bible and book of Job and Isaiah right now and psalms 30:15 and my leaning on the Lord more and more with this continued hardship with my house. I am out of steam and if the lesson was being too rebellious to God wanting me “rest in quietness ” maybe I fought that quietness and the new finding of multiple toxic molds in my house His only way get my attention? I am very deeply sad. I sit outside my house as often as I there morning and nite for hours until sleep at nite. I had a PTSD explosion with contracter who was from my church and helping my attorney bring together itemized quote and it was a trigger because of sub contracters he sent that wanted charge more and different than what I discussed for an inspection that technically I did not find necessary too for what my attorney needed. Well that contracter said he wants no more to do with me or this matter. Then I learned if the mycotoxin molds. I have literally been reading bible all chances quietude I stopped going church because a few very faithful Christians In My life pointed out this is not how a true Christian would treat me and associate pastor not reply to my email regarding finding of mold and distance to any amxiety I may have from this house issue so I know God wants me somewhere else more supportive and all I could think of was how insight for living and the “special needs ” reframing ministries pastors and you Colleen embraced and encouraged and inspired and shared insight and wisdom only to help me reach the relationship I have today with our Lord and to continue striving for the truth of His word
        Hoping you are well and I value who you are and all you do for others and hoping Jon and your family well too
        Love Sand

        • Sand, while your past may have taught you to believe you were responsible for everything….especially for what may have not worked out or failures. Even if other’s were to be responsible and weren’t, it was your fault. I sense from what you wrote that you may believe God’s silence is connected to some assumed rebellion on your part. That is not how our Savior loves…his love for us is without condition. We may be rebellious but His love never keeps us guessing. If you have been rebellious, I believe you would know because your conscience is so sensitive. In fact, we can make things “all about us” that have NOTHING to do with us but with how God is working somewhere else and calling us to wait. Our Father’s love is perfect, you never have to guess if you have done this or that. He lets us know when we are out of line; by no means do I think you are. I do believe it would be helpful for you to have someone as a support for you….a therapist, mentor, helper, someone who will be with you through this period. I am of course, but someone present is always helpful because when our hearts have been damaged, we don’t always see a situation as it is. I have people in my life who tell me if my perspective is clear or not, and help me view life through a different lens. Sometimes I feel lost for a while because it’s cultivating a new habit but God is faithful to be near as the process unfolds. I can’t think of another thing you can do but to wait, to seek the Lord through his word and prayer, to remember when he has been faithful to you in the past, and believe He will remain faithful. Sometimes what we feel is “God’s silence” is really about Him working ALL THINGS together for a greater good. I don’t know what that looks like for you; I wish I did. I wish I could snap you out of that house that you have worked so hard to maintain but I can’t. And therefore, we will wait and prayerfully hope that the Lord sends His rescue team in due time. I am here to help, listen, care, and remind you that God’s love for you may not always feel loving but it’s perfect love which casts out all fear. So wrap up in a warm blanket and believe by faith that HE is with you this moment. You are so precious. Colleen

          • So

            Thank you again for this insight I did pray this morning hard for His help and to rescue me from unhealthful house situation.
            I will be writing to share his answer as it comes
            I also have dr appt Monday for counseling which I had needed and its been longer wait this month for appt due to the cost. I do so look forward as this too as you mentioned is so helpful to keep me with reality
            With gratitude and peace
            Love Sand

          • Sand, good to know….I was hoping you would have the opportunity for counseling. There can be so much wise support if the counselor is good. In going through some of recent challenges, we have needed extra support from friends and a counselor. Just to hear you can do this, you’ll get through this, look at how much you have grown since this started….that stuff is like a refreshing glass of ice water on a horribly hot day. I also am concerned for your health. Are you taking anything to boost your immune system and have you have blood work done recently? I ask because a couple years ago I got really sick for several months and the blood work revealed some vital info on some health needs. I know it can be costly but just wondering. Let me know how Monday goes, I will be praying my faithful friend. Colleen

          • So

            Thank you so much Colleen. This is so why I seek Christian friends for as you say close to me here. Your thoughts are so incredibly confirming. Not many understood when I kept saying the enemy is back with house. Thank you is not the gratitude I sense right now for your validation of thoughts expressed.
            I am concerned with health also. I have accrued debt I had not prior to purchase if house and all for health. I am taking aryvefic herbs lived repair. Something for emotional support and now with confirmation of toxic molds Asperigillus chaetomium penicillum main three and then air has two others basophils pores and I think one other.
            Since that knowledge I taking vitamin d3 oil drops that I don’t sense any difference as I had with liver repair herbs. And I need again powerful probiotic and just beginning take herbs support immune system and I am told break up fungus if is in body as I cannot imagine in not.
            I just had blood work Wednesday. I go back next Wednesday. I had with this mold IGG test to see for exposure in blood. If positive I will be needing an environmental or infectious disease dr to follow up more labs
            I lost hearing Labor Day and that is back after one week. It took a month for that ent appt and all they now can say is hearing is good and without specimen of any kind cannot culture fur fungus. As you know I had bacterial lung infection last fall and now knowing the toxicity of mold I positive about how I arrived at a lung infection. I just had lungs breathing tested and right now good. I am more allergic to molds than one year ago by allergist testing. I am awaiting an air purifier and again the enemy some reason has blocked that contact. Between two people 50 minutes away were supposed set up place for me pick up and now one has contacted me say ok pick up.
            I do have something I need get another cat scan for 2 black tiny spots on liver. That was actually found on 2013 cat scan but I just read it was there and my primary dr said that would have been the mayo clinic at that time look further to diagnose what these were but they had not so maybe thought only cysts? I will be having that second cat scan done.
            Thank you for your continued prayers. I have always continued pray for you and I am sorry that you had some Health issues that you mention. I hoping they are balanced and well now. I will keep you in my prayers with your health and with gratitude and for blessings
            With love
            Sand

          • Oh my friend, Sand….this is a huge report. I’m sorry I didn’t have a chance to get back to you last week when you wrote a couple more times.
            I am very concerned about your health. You have been in this massive anxious condition for a long, long time. This breaks down the immune system and also affects the liver. The liver is affected by our spiritual and emotional struggles with forgiveness and bitterness, also with trauma so I’m not surprised there is some issue there. However, I do believe the balance is to use both eastern and western medical support. From what I know, I’ve only hear about the holistic side…which is fantastic to continue. But if there is this kind of fungal or internal infection, you need to see a doctor who will prescribe an antibiotic to kill what’s in there. I think it would be wise to pursue a thorough physical, have the scan, and see what they find. Clearly, what you have done so far has helped perhaps, but you need further help since it’s worse, not better. Don’t take this as I’m saying you have failed…..NEVER would I consider that. I think you have been overwhelmingly strong and persevered like few I’ve ever known. And, I think you need to really pursue a western doctor. See what they say and then we go from there. I just had blood work done last week to see if things are level. I use both eastern and western practices and find the combination is very good. Oh my heart goes out to you and I pray right now that peace will fall upon you and God will shelter you from continued pain. May the Lord walk near to you and offer you peace as you lean further on Him. Colleen

      • So

        Colleen
        Wanted communicate repairs need completion before mold in structure where old water damaged are and mold in crawl space and in duct work and in air in house. Attorney has not updated me with repairs and now understand he looking for environmental attorney help me? It is not affordable live outside house. an old Christian friend from state where I grew up many hours away offers my stay with her although refreshing to be back connected with her as we talk in same Faith now and call us sisterhood. I going sit still until I can hear Gods direction
        Love Sandra

        • Sand, Oh how delighted I am to connected with you today. In addition, my heart breaks when I read of your ongoing challenges. I am so, so sorry. Just so sorry that as hard as you have worked, as much as you have endured, as long as you have been patient…it seems this would have ended a while ago. Since it has not, there is a reason that we may or may not ever know. Enduring the long, daily walk of faith can be most pressing and discouraging at times which is why I’m so happy you reached out. Sand, no one can do this life alone…you are one of the most persevering persons I’ve ever met and you have done so much through sheer will power. You amaze me at times actually. Yet, with this friend and her offer…I wonder if that is something to consider, I don’t know. And, I don’t always know if we are to stay quiet or if the Lord wants us to get up and move on in some way…I simply don’t know. You have been so faithful to follow your instincts and faith journey, I’m convinced the enemy is hard at work to discourage you. John 10:10a says: “The thiefs purpose is to steal and kill and destroy”….that is the primal motivation and instinct of the adversary…to wipe out, discourage to the point of distruction…our hope and faith in Christ. What often happens is we DO get tired of enduring, we are exhausted of the ongoing challenges and we must simply go to God and say…I need you, HELP! That was the cry of David on so many occasions in the Psalms. I can’t think of anyone who is seeking Him more than you are, Sand. My hope is that in our interactions, you will have enough air to go on and be filled with a sense of understanding.

          • So

            Hello Colleen I so cherish and treasure our connection. Truly you are the most faithful ,enriching, encouraging inspiring kind loving person I will always remember the power of His Love coming through you and His leading me to you and your blog and friendship. Yes we need each other. I so pray for more supportive faithful Christians surround me and as you say in my daily life near and dear as you have been so fortunate with those being a big part being your very own family The love if sensed in how your blog reads I have this old friendship that yes many hours apart yet we have talked much by telephone and agreed God has reunited us as sisterhood of friendship to encourage and strengthen each other in God and His word and thus focus necsssary have those around that are so dear to be reminders of how is our soul and keeping perspectives healthful and clear. I kept hearing this morning Be still and know that I am God so I yet do not have the exact answer of His direction whether I will be staying for a week or month or some time with this old friend We both are praying for God direction on this. It is good soulful conversation that we know He has delivered to us through His work with our reconnecting after many years passed.
            I wanted to say thank you for your thoughts and encouraging me to continue this very path with house and with my will to trust and keep faith of Gid’s loving faithfulness for me. I have repeated times thought of His warmth of blanket embracing me , something I always have remembered in your guidance with my closer relationship with our Lord and it I feel each time an incredible Love I have become more and more aware and yes to have those to help me keep or maintain persipective of this truth/reality
            I am very Blessed in many ways that I have your friendship and my old friend and I continue pray for more faithful supportive people to be close to me. I will remain focused as difficult it is to step into house for food and shelter for sleep because of the mycotoxins I so know now there but it is still shelter and I need trust completely He has been working behind curtain for timing of this to end or provide exact solution of what will be only He knows.
            Colleen I also wanted to share as you expressed in this blog reading how scripture will appear in a book , a song, suddenly before you is how your sharing verse John 10:10. About 2-3 months back I saw the movie war room and I set up a war room and shouted out the enemy from my house and prayed and wrote out different scripture and prayers and one is John 10-10 I believed I was finished with the enemy regarding my house problens, delays
            I will persevere still. It as you say we need each other remind and support and encourage with compassion most of all Thank you for listening to so much and walking this journey with me for some time , just over 2 1/2 years now.
            It is the small joys of 1.00 hummingbird feeder and these little creations of God that wiz and dive and feed near me while outside my house that for right now keep me connected to the joys God has created here.
            I did cry full tears as I read your notes this morning and I prayed so hard for God answer and direct me healthful living space or what his will is for me to show me so all this comes to better health It took me a little bit and to see what good He has created all around me in friends and nature ,and to hang in there and to hear the reminder of how much He Loves me and will not let me go All this has been uplifting and encouraging for me this morning
            Thank you Colleen
            I cannot express how grateful your presence and your care of me and so many makes all the difference in these challenges we all struggle and endure and in His Faith how we all come together. For His great good and Glory
            So much love and thanks
            Sand

          • Sand, yes, the War Room…what a powerful movie. I will be interviewing Priscilla Shirer-the wife in the movie-in the next few months on prayer and the War Room. I’m not surprised to hear the enemy went to task with you after forming an eternal habit of prayer and praise with the war room. The enemy HATES that…HATES IT because he only focus is to destroy our faith and lives. So, when we are on a quest to grow and trust, we have to expect a storm. I have learned to pray out loud-for anywhere the Lord’s name is mentioned, he cannot tolerate it. I will sometime say, ”Lord, isn’t this amazing…the enemy doesn’t seem to understand that his attempts cause me to run faster TO YOU and not to anything but you, I praise you Lord”. I literally say that out loud, and I speak the names of God out loud..Shalom is one which means peace…a lot around my home. Also, we have to remember-and this is hard but you can do it-that God is outside of our time and space. In scripture, time is referenced two different ways. One is earthly time, the other is eternal time. Humanity is in human, earthly time which is terminal; God is on eternal time which means one hundred years to us is simply a day to God. Therefore, when we pray for something, time here will pass and it ‘feels’ like God isn’t listening when actually, He is doing a masterwork on HIS time. We will never know the countless “why’s” in life, and if God were to reveal them, we probably couldn’t comprehend it all. So we live with mystery and have to settle that in our souls. We have to tell our feelings to settle down, be quiet, and endure. Romans 5:1-5 talks about learning the endurance process. By all means, YOU have and are enduring….incredibly well. It doesn’t ‘feel’ well but think of where you were several years ago to where you are now. It’s hands-down amazing!!!! And what’s also cool is that you are learning to notice what is around you-being present in all things. That is a discipline often never developed when one has lived with so much trauma. So you my dear are doing spectacular. I love connecting and look forward to seeing what God is going to unfold as we wait and trust him. Have a wonderful weekend. Colleen

          • So

            Thank you so Colleen what incredible insight. I am going be shouting out Praise the Lord after am every prayer and during and even before and all that you have said. It is interesting one of my dreams for living space after healthful and where that may be as God’s will , dream to stencil every room one wall with a verse powerful Also interesting yesterday picked up a little dollar plaque with cross saying verse that for me and my house we serve the lord. This is what I shouted with initiation of my own personal war room.
            I am so excited for our connection , your valuable insight and care and for your upcoming work with ministry interview from. the movie but real life person of war room Incredible work that you were guided and ever so molded and crafted to do in his glory.
            Sorry so many posted notes by me.
            Please do enjoy a refreshing and wholesome family weekend if live peace and joy
            Warmest regards
            Love Sand

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            Thank you so much for your thoughtful care and concern and for your prayers. I seem to get myself feeling stronger a few times in this long process yet the fatigue has never uplifted completely and it is a very physical fibromyalgia type fatigue. I have seen dr’s but too many unfamiliar with mold exposure. Even this primary dr I have had blood work to receive results this Wednesday he is very traditional old school without knowledge of mold exposure He did agree I would need go see a infectious disease or environmental or occupational dr There are a few that I call scams that they want you pay large amount monies. I am seeking one that thorough yet under my insurance not like some of these private pay I have learned about. I will let you know how blood work comes back and the cat scan when have over next few weeks
            It does greatly sadden me about the emotional and spiritual challenges that seem come all at one and no letting up or at least not for a good length time and most of all for what I never expected happen to me over time that affected me emotionally so deeply and how I seeing the one thing I always was blessed with in good “physical” health That was my one blessing always throughout my years of life
            I did have dr counseling appt today and expressed my sadness. Lots tears that of concern for me. I am glad I have another visit end of month I continue pray and for God’s timing as you have shared will come.
            I am going be setting up a go find me posting. I decided for I thought 6 months rent average cost for clean safe alternate healthy living space. I simply cannot stay here and going see where God leads with this posting. If not heard it is gofundme.com
            I thought if can help me for six months that a good chunk time and clean quality air may help my immune system restore
            With love
            Sand

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            Hoping you doing well. I am looking forward to your interview with the wife of war room. This I am keeping in mind.
            Blood work back but the dr a very general traditional practice. I had same experience with ent. Disappointing because it cost me money to go. I will need find a toxicologist occupational dr or some dr that knows what fungal is testing need and the importance of getting this test. The mold IGG test two molds came back as exposure very high Now will need find a dr bring all together with understanding of mold what this test means and fungal ID I am concerned yet praying gratitude for God working behind scenes where I cannot see and praise his faithfulness for what he working on for me and all that he miraculously and simultaneously does for all of us do faithfully
            I supposed to have cat scan Monday. I will let you know as I learn more. I was told I went through menapause but I question if from mold one year and hormones showing postmenapaise? Just very curios as toxins and stress can put way off balance I will let you know more as I learn
            Please if I can ask pray for my health and wellness and for attorney appt Thursday and for God to provide rescue and refuge from this situation so I no longer exposed to these terrible toxins
            Friday supposed to have some part of hurricane and I have difficulty staying indoors so will weigh on me to so knowing what in house breathing in further.
            I stI’ll working toward finding alternate place live by maybe someone deployed and need a warm body and I can house sit and offer pay utilities to help both
            Good nite Colleen
            Sandra

          • Sand,
            I am praying for you my dear friend. Please let me know what you find out as you go through the week.
            Caring deeply, praying earnestly, Colleen

          • Sand,
            I’m so sorry you are down and this cycle of illness continues. It is so terribly exhausting! You must be at the very end of your final rope. I so understand…and I’m learning to endure through some things that have me weary as well.
            I am learning several things that I will pass onto you-I hope you are encouraged by these passages I have found wonderfully comforting.
            In the Psalms, there are several chapters call the “wisdom” Psalms. The chapters are: Ps. 1,14,34,37,49,73,78,90,91,111,127131,133, and 139. There are others but for now, stick with these. In them, several themes connect them together. In the ancient Near East, wisdom had to do with the order of life and society; specifically carefully observing our lives and having a most high respect for God. HE is to be our CENTRAL focus…something that is a discipline to cultivate I’m finding since I tend to be a go-getter, problem solver, and independent. I think you are quite that way as well…you are wonderfully determined and not a “victim” who depends on others to do everything for them. These are fantastic qualities for life, they are not so great when we have come to the end of our limits and there seems to be no way out. The wisdom of the Psalms here also has to do with absolute submission and trust I the Lord…Ps. 40:3 talks about that as does 37:4-6. Purity, seeking the Lord, and desiring to see life from a Godly perspective is so important. I’m learning the number one way the enemy gets me off track is by these little daily distractions. Each one may be small but when added to being already exhausted physically or emotionally, having endured something for a long time, the little countless distractions add up to my mind being totally off the Lord and onto solving problems HE alone can solve. We hit our heads against the wall it seems, wondering why things haven’t changed, I totally get that. However, my sense here is that you have done all that is humanly possible to solve the issues and it’s a God-size problem. I have no idea when or how He will step in my friend. I know He will, I wish it was today or last year! However, let’s focus not on any of the physical or living problems if possible and focus on God’s healing touch. You may want to look up passages that speak of finding rest in Christ, His healing work, and remember we can read a few verses but years may have passed before He healed or gave an answer.
            Sand, I long for you to have relief. I can’t imagine pressing on as you have…AMAZING. And, I know the Lord has you; He’s calling you to pray and be still is the sense I get.
            Let me know how the blood work goes and I will continue to pray earnestly for you to find hope and relief.
            I came across the web site of a couple I am interviewing this next year. It’s called “Hope Heals”. For 10 years, they faced horrible physical issues and she became disabled. From their ongoing hardships, they cultivated a ministry that is global. I think their story would encourage you. Their book is also called “Hope Heals”; I read it in about three days. Praying peace and strength over you today my friend. Much love and care, Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen. I will write as my data low until 20th. I wrote and it disappeared. I am so touched by your thoughtful care of me. It brings me tears that you understand me so well and are able share what has been by your own experience finding need see the smallest distractions as wispy clouds rather than a storm only because our body and mind experiencing the exhaustion. I love that you get this and sorry that you know this by heart too. I am beyond grateful for our connection and your sharing all these psalms and the book and the upcoming interview.
            I am going be reading these verses and I have been up and down and during the times I exhausted and literally have said to god if he going to take me in this process then I ok with it because it will be his choice and I as you say submissive to his work in way I exhausted all I was able do. My attorney is ready proceed. I have one more dr appt. an immunology dr. Because antibody igg mold blood test showed exposure elevated abnormal range. Very high and sane molds in house. My allergist said it shows exposure and my body reacting to exposure. I am certain my hormones and last year lung and fever diagnosis all from this and next dr will be able she’d more light on this. My cat scan has been delayed for dr need get preauth and it was taking time. I supposed to learn more tomorrow. I wanted write reply and let you know about my data and I will write more 20th when data returns
            Thank you so much for understanding and carie. It means so much our connection and fellowship with you seeing my spirit and sharing scripture and what we share for encouraging each other too ,a friendship.
            Love Sand

          • Sand, I’m thrilled to hear from you today…oh so delighted. I’m so very sorry to hear the mold continues but also encouraged to know an attorney is willing to move forward on this. The first thing that came to my mind was… “let other’s be your defense, not you”. God is and always will be even if we can’t see it at the time, and now this attorney may provide help. Sometimes the legal system is just and fair, sometimes it’s not…keep in mind that God is the ultimate judge and one day, all things will be made right. My prayer is that you will see justice and healing very soon. I also wanted to tell you about a book a friend got for me. It’s on our physical bodies and spiritual healing. I know studies have proven our bodies suffer when we have suffered injuries to our soul; anger, bitterness, even sorrow can be stored in our organs and body functions. The title is “A More Excellent Way-Spiritual Roots of Disease, Pathways to Wholeness” by Henry Wright. I’ve not read all of it and there may be material I don’t agree with; but what I have read is fantastic. Another friend told me of a pastor named David Tensen who has healing prayers-I think you can access this online. I’ve not checked it out but I trust her judgment and believe there is healing that can happen as we pray and seek the Lord…and if it is His will. Sometimes, the Lord does not heal and we may wrestle with that; knowing He is all good and just and loving means we have to trust His ways in our discomfort as much as in our comfort. So, my sister, I pray for total healing-body, soul, mind, spirit. May the Lord continue to be present with you my friend. So good to hear from you. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen.
            I had just been thinking of you . I surprised myself and now connected to my own router at home for wifi. I am so glad now I can use the phone to connect with you. My mistake I connected disquis to an email that only connected to my phone. So I will make that change so I can access your website both my laptop and phone then
            I am so very grateful for our connection. I am as happy and delighted that we have come to know each other. Truly Gods work as we have expressed and truly a gift Again I in tears by how amazing God has crafted you and your amazing qualities that speak loudly of Jesus loving care and so much a part of you and your amazing work. I had just began listening to pastor fisher interview of anxiety. What a blessing you are to bring all these incredible interviews for helping those that feel left alone but for God presence alone with Him becomes all I know. Yet for the individual I have experienced in you makes a world of difference yes for someone that has been thinking I had a sparkling soul preserved through a silent part of childhood into adulthood but in these recent challenges with so much I hurt for how so much could happen that truly makes me search for my shining soul again. I have been so pod at perseverance and finding joys even if small but so grateful and for His presence that I apologize for any down moment.
            I awoke in middle of nite and I could swear it was Jesus awakening me what I could sense of warmest embrace like the warmth of blanket around us that of your sharing with me and all I have continued find comfort in with His presence always there
            I cannot wait to read the book you have suggested and each out to this pastor for prayer. I have reached out yet seek this understanding of further healing I need. I even began forgive in myself those who have literally done such wrongful things that broke my heart and I cried but for me I knew I needed to say to our Lord. So much to say. I will let you know of this prayer contact as I reach out.
            I wanted to say the cat scan is Monday morning. I am waiting referral for dr immunology. And even though I maxed out on finances I going to see am eye dr because often a lot determined by this evaluation. And I had not gone in very long time and had visual bluriness in odd episodes of not being able refocus. It comes and goes.
            I also have another acupuncture appt I know will help my down spell. I continue read the Bible sometimes for hour or more until I am uplifted by his word. I read Isaiah Hebrews job col. I love Paul writings. I am sorry I cannot recall well yet all I read. I was reading this morning all the psalms through what you shared as suggestion by your experience. I did begin to cry when psalm mentioned life will be prosperous if so what is right. That one verse I cannot know to understand yet in context because as I am a sinner I always acted from my heart so pure and wanting do what right. I do believe our Lord is working on a purpose beyond this point and perhaps prosperous will be a soul of character that rare I do pray for wisdom of how if His will I will begin prosper beyond this time. I know it sounds greedy to ask. I am so blessed in so many ways and will continue reading and being able to view your interviews and your believing I do amazing and how much I know and feel more than a few years back God loving me are some of the most wonderful experiences
            I wanted to say too I saw movie Gods not dead 2. I thought wanted share in movie the father says to daughter of her not feeling close to Jesus as accustomed and father said well you know when in midst of something hard the teacher is silent during the test. I thought that so cool.
            I look forward going through more articles and interviews of your blog Colleen. I am going to also bring twitter into my phone. I know I ancient with all this. I working gradually opening up with these avenues of communication. I look forward to where God taking me. I will be letting you know the health status, my attorney progress as is coming I believe, and the pastor contact for more healing. And this book you mentioned.
            I had mentioned a faithful Christian female friend just about 11hrs away where I grew up and she welcomed me stay with her. The lord Serbs to want bring us together what I sense for prayer and that encouraging support. She is taking care of her 91 ye old mom. I am struggling with it being near a best of hurt where grew up and know God has a message in this also being where my friend lives and the only most welcomed god conscious space open to me. I know God working on something yet I praying for my strength to not resist anything He is working in this prospect even if a visit for a months tine. To be able see without a doubt his guidance and direction in this prospect
            I have counselor appt end of month too will talk this through. I would hate for my soul to be hit by anything known to be commonplace in that neck of the woods geographically near those family who like psalms state have been wicked in ways with me because I spoke the truth and will not live by anyone’s rules destructive I live only by God word and pray that I understand his work and will and what he decides is right for me
            Thank you for accepting this very long note so graciously and being so loving
            I am keeping you and yours in my prayer and grateful for our connection and friendship shared
            I often wish we could sit on the porch of the Christian woman you had interviewed that I cannot recall her name but she had depression and one day was free and saved her marriage too. Now she brings woman to her front porch !!! May I be so free soon with a similar change for peace and joy and able to serve so fully present in Jesus name ,amen
            Much love
            Sand

          • Sand,
            Here again, you continue to pursue such wholeness-it’s amazing. You drive for healing is incredible! My dad preached on persistent faith last week. Matthew 15:21-28 is about a woman whose daughter was horribly possessed by demons. The woman sought out Jesus in spite of going against all the cultural norms and rules, she was persistent to the point of begging for help. It was her persistence in faith that revealed how great her faith was and Jesus honored that by healing her daughter and forcing the demons to leave them alone.
            So often we measure growth, progress, change by this world’s standards, forgetting that God is timeless, unlimited in resources and power. So with you, HE is in you, for you, loving you through these days of pain and heartache. By staying in His holy word, you are cultivating a love and respect for Jesus, hearing his voice which many Christians never get to know because they are not desperate or determined to push through the hard stuff. I so admire your pursuit of healing and knowing the Lord as your shepherd. A couple of passages were mentioned that encourage our persistence and confidence. I pass them along to you here, hoping they will encourage you today. For Persistence: James 5:16, I Thes. 5:17, Humility: Psalms 51:16-17, I Peter 5:5-6, Focus: Matthew 7:7-8, and Confidence: James 1:2-12. Verse 12 in James says: “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
            The Lord is honored to be your heavenly Father and has His loving arms stretched open for you always. Have a blessed day my friend.
            Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen.
            God always amazes us in His timing sending just the kind hearted friend with just the exact something we needed hear or know. I truly had lost hope from being beyond that moment of despair. with a low in past 24 hours it was hurting so deep and so badly for me. I was reluctant to even follow through on my acupuncture visit. The receptionist said come in and talk with acupuncturist and if decide not treatment then it ok he will not charge speak to me. So I did. I was tearful and he said I only used one tissue this visit rather than tissue box so this already another step forward. He also described how I am wanting be in the park and I need walk the path before can be in the park. He sat with me and described that my spirit is there and I have as you are aware Colleen been so hurt and so much in the cauldron at one time now that it going to take more time and that he is confident the steps he wants take to bring me to the park, to be able function and be who I am of my tender spirit and kind heart are at my core. He sees what the pain has twisted my mind ,as he has I think described as torn apart He described my nature to be as yin being water of creek or river flowing around rock and settling in sand but he said I have a boulder in front of me and I need what called yang strength keep working at hammering or I think he said chiseling away and this only way get around it all . To “persevere” is essentially what I need continue and how you have seen and known me longer than this dr in how I have pressed on and a journey of insight how leaning on Jesus is my strength Your dear thoughts and encouragement , and sharing your dad sermon about Matthew scripture and the scripture kindly offered for these areas that I will benefit. Persistence ,humility Confidence , focus are all areas I going press on with. And all the verses of psalms and I looked up the pastor of prayer and book and will be fine knowing through too. It is with a full heart I wish memorize at some point the Bible verses as you have so I will have available to me in my head and to others too for encouragement that I may find another will need too.
            I am so glad that you shared what you have. I do love Jesus Christ as my savior and I can smile ,this nite without tears as accupubcture helped me center today ,a knowing from the depth of my heart and soul with knowing the deep love I have for him and his will for me I am so glad and grateful God is so close to me and that you mention His love and presence beside me and all around in action if His knowing everything about me and what I am challenged I am glad that this woman from Matthew verse saw her daughter released of demons. How amazing how God works and that praise this woman lived knowing her child healed and only by work of our God. I read scripture I think from Psalm or Hebrews? where this praise with Gods rescue after a trial of despair and faith brings tremendous praise . I cannot recall exactly chapter of scripture , I apologize
            As you say we do not know what our will will be by Gods plan and who will be healed in the circumstance
            I am going read and connect with you of what has been shared . I really look forward to reading this scripture and to connect again
            With gratitude and love
            Good nite my dear friend love Sandra

          • So

            Hello Colleen.
            I wrote last thoughts when I was exhausted last evening. I awoke angry for needing dig deep again for to persevere and finding the inner strength with this so called boulder symbolism and being behind it for the length of time have To muster up yet more I did feel anger and then I realized is this or was this accupuncturist reality my truth bomb. Before yesterday I thought I “need” return to the first acupuncturist I had gone to before this man yesterday. The first one was female and I thought my gut intuition saying I need that nurturing approach. I still in fence about this but I awoke thinking maybe this male acupuncturist correct and my truth bomb in that I not need the feminine because I already have this naturally within but to get chipped this boulder I need the strength to push through. I think we all need both. I do believe it not one or other although in truth bombs as you discuss may feel initially awkward. I thinking I am exactly where God intended me with acupuncturist as this one described as I need that big brother and he sees how approach to help me get through by paying attention on journey on path and not focus on instantaneous and finding role in this and strength chip away. And let go old memories with peace
            Have a good bright day Colleen. I have an appt and look forward this evening and tomorrow going through verses and all shared so grateful for
            Love Sand

          • So

            Thank you Colleen again. I love your thoughts and how you share insight. I am fulfilled by how you have described our Lord honored to be my Heavenly Father and His loving arms stretched open for me always. I always envision the warmth of a blanket of His love that you shared back a few years ago with me
            I have been tearful still after acupuncture , some seems be regarding perseverance in that I am grateful for having been crafted by God to have this character yet I am at a time where I feel what this means more than ever, there is a depth I never felt before that hurts to know the meaning of what it is to persevere. I do not know how Paul and other disciples remained so focused I am in a hard place although a sense of celebratory that this is now the very transformation I have truly put my every bit of self into for so many years now. Even though it is feeling the hardest point I will hear my calling , and as accupubcturust said that I have used less tissues as he pointed out during my crying how it effects my body. I think a little different in I think it a release occurring and as we have talked so much about crying relieves and detoxes. I understand what he was saying too and that I need build strength so not maybe just sit and cry tears that maybe not help my mind body spirit . I am so delighted that I have accepted fully Jesus into my heart and soul and want His presence continuously fill my heart soul/spirit and within my life and Living . I do respect Him greatly and His suffering I could never imagine how He was able stand and carry His own cross . The closeness has grown for me and my heart wants only send Him my love for He so loves us. I am grateful for the relationship He has provided with your being close to me in this journey. Thank you for all your care and support along the way and unwavering interest of the best path for me and my wellness as whole.
            I have written down the verses and did look up the pastor of prayer. I have saved on phone a video I am going be able listen to now that have wifi at home and I can add maybe apps you mentioned so long ago to listen to with headset if awaken st nite or just for rest time.
            I did want share too the acupuncturist did say for me to be a friend to me and to be present and pray in each room of my house adding for a safe home space be provided I already have prayer daily through each room and around outside and will add these thoughts.
            I am hoping that you and your family are well and will be able to enjoy a restful fall weekend. I know here in SC the temps will be so far the coolest fall weather this weekend
            I hope you have special time with Jon and I love that your son Austin had written in your blog. I look forward reading more of this post of his written.
            Take care Colleen. Thinking of you and wishing well for you too
            With love Sand

          • Sand, My heart was so touched by your words…your tone…your tender spirit. I picture a beautiful girl in soft clothing, sitting or resting on open grass in a lovely field. For whatever reason, I just hear a softening and a hunger for the Lord and all He’s brought you through (and is bringing you through). When I was growing up, I remember learning the phrase, “I just need a good cry”…the girls in my family would say that and my dad would look so confused and say…how does “good” and “cry” go together? We would laugh because it didn’t make sense to him but totally made sense to us. And yes, the release of grief, toxins, so much is let go when we allow those tears to fall. I know you wonder if you will have a day without tears; I did for periods of my life. Yet, perhaps we need more people who do cry often because it reveals how soft their heart really is. You have a lovely, beautiful soul, Sand; the journey continues to reveal more and more layers of tenderness. It’s also good to remember your personality type is so very rare. Being an intuitive/feeler as you are is only 2% or so of the population. That may have changed since I last researched it but remembering how rare you are also helps you treat yourself with tenderness. Most of the world may not understand you fully because you are so deep; but being understood by the world isn’t really important as much as being understood by our Lord who made you and loves you COMPLETELY. You are His creation-He is with you continually. Nothing will ever change that truth. For whatever reason, these are the words that came to mind as I read your comment here. May the Lord bring you peace and quiet contentment today. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen. Thank you for your incredible insight and amazing attention with such sensitive care and appreciation of me. seeing me as you have. This reminds me of the little girl I knew tucked away deep within my core before life changed for me just prior to my teenage years and i longed for to find again someday. I have had this part of me that I delighted that you see . It is amazing I had collected over past 4 years several images of what you described of woman either sitting in a field of flowers or running free through field of grassy flowers and in clothing soft as you described. And soft tender image as whole. I dreamed of being just as this. I am happy that you see and understand the layers of healing that are peeking away and that so positive what you have experienced through my note. An amazing step of another example how the Lord is working so faithfully in my healing and knows me and wants me to be as He so designed to surface I continue pray for the answer of how He is going use me in purpose and I know it will be His timing for He wants me to be healed as you are observing my heart and soul I trust God completely and thank you for encouraging me to keep knowing His complete Love for me. I find it so shocking only 2% of me. Lol. This is why I feel the way I do but just this weekend what you have said for the first time rang so clear for me. I was reading some of the verses you had suggested and found myself reading James. I apologize for not being able recall exact verse but it is how our trust need be completely in our Lord and not half in the world. For me this verse is so much a bigger meaning for me in how He has wanted my attention and to come to be so aware of this truth and for your remarkable timing to share these precious thoughts and to remember the greater importance of God understanding me as His very creation and for a purpose for sure if I only of 2%. That is just incredible and for me shows even more how God so knows what He doing with me and as He created for a reason here in this world. Thank you so much for sharing incredible insights and sensitivity of me
            I love what you have said regarding “good cry”. That for sure need be a blog. I just love that. I uncertain if I need change acupuncturist. I believe as you and would not want be told stop crying when as you know me to be all for my healing and if tears need release detox etc. then box of tissues accepted.
            Colleen I realize this is incredibly long note. I did want to share from your other post regarding the music. I so finding my way recalling how you spoke to me years back about what able to bring up to listen and I am now able to lye in bed and fall asleep to utube of pastor Henry wright or insight for living or now venture to music. I will look for Shane ? Music. I love music and this wifi has opened up access that is so enriching of my soul as I learning how fill in the isolation of weekend notes or anytime especially bedtime and it brings me great fulfillment and peace to have God filling these gaps of time with really His Glory ,His Love that radiates outward into my Spirit and space that so needs His precense deepen
            Thank you for sharing and really hearing me and who I am and truly walking with me through this growth that God is creating of me
            I did have cat scan this morning. I will let you know results.
            I will be keeping you close in my prayers for you and your family Colleen. Always blessings and gratitude I share for your interest and loving care of me and all you are so amazing with in the same. An incredible example as Jesus love fills you and radiates outward in all the ways and I believe most fruitful.
            I am going read through your thoughts and all shared again and continue softening toward as you say contentment and peace
            Warmest regards for you and your family
            Love Sand

          • Sand, it is an honor to be part of your life and journey in finding Jesus as your anchor of hope, your comforter in times of trouble, your defender in distress, your helper in times of need…your everything for life. Like you, we all are on a journey in knowing and learning to trust Jesus as our Savior. Those who have been hit with life’s hardest or most painful circumstances sometimes have more to sift through and that’s okay. Somedays it’s hard to trust in Jesus when a spirit of fear or doubt begins to surface. I understand. Just know I pray for you regularly and consider it an honor to share life with you. What excites me so much is to know you are growing, you are finding little pieces of light shining through what has been dark for a long time. The Lord has His hands on you my dear friend and He will continue to care for you as His tender lamb. Thank you for trusting me with your heart. I hope you are able to rest and be refreshed through the afternoon. (and yes, I am interested in finding out what the results of your tests are when you have time). Much love and care, Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen.
            Thank you for your prayers, and kindness of me. Your perspective always is helpful often in what may seem simple in your organizational thinking , how it well structured in your writing and how it is of your description of areas Jesus working through us and our lives, how He amazes me working always simultaneously and through interactions ,connections where He uses each of us in His work. I thought again something that you mentioned I had just been thinking of after watching as I fell asleep last nite your interview with Steve Fisher. And here you mention in regards to how fear and doubts can work to distract us. I Love the tool of setting a bible on table and having cards at set time of day or evening when set all cards of any concern or anxiety on table set right beside bible. I knew about the ice cube and have envisioned a basket and envisioned hand placing all worries inside and set aside from me but the setting beside bible for me is so beautiful really, that Jesus is there for us and to be able give all to Him for He already has it all in works and who better and only to hand all to for help and His work I also just listened to a Sunday morning tv sermon from a pastor in Charlottesville Nc. Probably 2 hours from me and televised and what I had taken away from his sermon was how we are all seeds and the biggest delay is “involvement “in the way we are distracted by what or how we want it , faster in timing , in our timing when it will grow if we let it grow as God provides in His timing of the exact amount rain and warmth of sunshine and all in Hos timing.
            Thank you also for sharing the link that is from insight for living archives that I will look at this evening.
            I also wanted to mention so much more about your interview with Steve Fisher. I may need read your blog again and narrow down my thoughts as there is so much insight you have shared from this interview and so much I had not realized or thought about. So when I gather more thought I will post from that blog my thoughts.
            You are one of the shining lights I have seen throughout my challenges I have had. I am grateful. And you always said spring will come in His timing. My being more immersed in His word and all these sermons I can view, beautiful solo or choir as you say music has a way reach deeply , all these ways are shining light to my soul as you are seeing brings me great joy too
            Colleen I did want to ask is Steve work of soul work endeavor something he trains individuals outside ministry that are like me? I just wanted to know if understood his work and training mentioned in your interview because when my spirit and soul are ready by God timing and guidance I would like to be able be used by God with my rare 2% self maybe by encouragement of others who also need a tender sensitive accepting understanding good natured heart . It is just something I would consider if as I believe it would surround me by Christian’s as faithful as you
            There was something else I wantwd say. Your recent writing of blog I had chance read through and I am so sorry that your back had protruding metal and experienced all you had with back. I love that you found someone trustworthy and who is helping by massage work. How amazing is this. I am going be keeping your back as part of prayer for you. I think if you ever have not had hot rock massage the warmth is delightful. I think as we seem have similarities of many ways this may be something you will enjoy as part of this deep tissue work. I love you have someone so good and as I said trustworthy that you can find this most relaxing and restful and it working wonders for your back pain relief
            I have not heard anything regarding the liver cat scan. I called doctors office and I was told by receptionist that I will not be called if all normal. I know results were being sent by Monday afternoon so I believe this is good sign for all was okay. I have an immunologist who reviewing my blood work and will he calling set appt for me. And the blurry vision was to be referred to neuroopthamologist. I will let you know more as I gather this information and results
            Have a good evening. I look forward connecting again soon and sharing more of my thoughts with all these areas that you have shared with me and that I will be exploring and reading
            With love,
            Sand

          • Sand, I’m thrilled you are looking into the resources at Insight for Living. There are an amazing amount of them that will encourage you and inspire you. The one I sent was in the Topical Section called “Healing and Encouragement”, the article title is “How to Trust when you are Troubled”…June 15, 2009. There are a ton of great ones so enjoy your time being filled with truth that leave lasting peace and eternal hope. The PT is doing several types of thraputic processes…she is aligning my spine, unknotting the muscles that are arthritic or damaged, trying to correct a deformity in my cervicle spine, and hopefully helping with a couple other things so surgery isn’t needed. She has mentioned the rocks and a ‘raindrop’ technique that she’s also going to do. If anything, I have most recently learned God has truly made us so “fearfully and wonderfully”; His design is beyond comprehension, and how to be more tender with myself. The stretching exercises are for calming the body and spirit; it’s another reminder that we have a powerful, sovereign, loving shepherd who watches over us with the utmost of love and care. I hope you are able to rest in His presence today. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            I apologize that my phone did not show this note with information until now and I knew your guidance will lead me exactly where to begin as I see here and delighted and grateful for where to set out first with articles. So much fantastic information I am so thrilled to hear this great news of your success or rather God providing you the perfect match with great talent and skill with gifts beyond a standard massage therapist. It is such great news and I hear a calm and peaceful tone in your voice that it is so working for you. How great is God to have sent this individual for your care and as you say so many levels of repair and restore and relax mind body and spirit truly met Just like we speak of all in His timing and better than before. I am very glad for you with this
            I am sure there is tremendous relief for you with this practice in many ways so helpful to your functioning
            Today I thought I had a day that I could feel your prayers for me God heard and He delivered me each and every interaction of those I believed were of the 2% , each interaction today people so kind and open hearted with me. I felt so normal and like one gal from a farm store told me she felt so normal around me because she said most people think she odd or. crazy for taking all animals in as rescue. Squirrels , horses , and often nursing and then they remain beside her or return to her house becoming pet She said I can come by and brush her baby and mother horse as I had inquired with her if she would need this. She as happy as I to connect. She also was told some of the animals were going die like the mother horse and she let the horse lean its upper torso and head in her each day for hours and “just loved” unconditionally and the horse strenghthened and a few years later now had a baby horse. She did this with some other animals. Took a baby duck out of an egg it was unable get out of and nursed it and loved each animal to wellness. Some for years later until old age
            Pretty amazing young gal. I grateful God delivered this connection today and as we spoke of in past I had been seeking be around animals and looking for somewhere I can help brush horses. This will be so good for both and all animals and she and I too
            I will be connecting more as I learn appt and these other areas exploring.
            Thank you again setting me where best fit for me by your insight of me with article category title.
            Good nite Colleen.
            Enjoy your evening and as well in His warm lioving embrace for rest
            Love Sand

          • Sand, This is incredible!!!! My daughter has a way with animals; she is studying to be a vet. But through life, she just was able to connect with them in ways that were amazing. I’m thrilled you will be able to visit and love on those animals. The horses sound fantastic. There is a huge following in the theraputic care industry called equine therapy. When a person rides the horse, the way a horses back is constructed and how the horse walks stimulates several parts of the brain. There are neural transmissions that cross the brain hemispheres, connect with critical regions of the brain that bring healing. Those with PTSD, autism, and other emotionally related struggles have found equine therapy to be miraculous. I don’t know if she would allow you to ride but if you could, oh how wonderful that would be. I’ve taken Jon to many equine sessions; he loves the walk, nature, and getting out. There is something very healing and soothing about God’s creation. To be in nature, to see, smell, look, and just imagine is so calming and healing. It’s a reminder to me that what God created, we only see a tiny dot of it all. Just the earth is only ¼ visible-above water, ¾ is underwater. Can you imagine creating all that and it being below water? Then the galaxies, planets, start…the fact that our God who created all of it loves and treasures you…YOU…that is how valuable you are to Him. You sound very good and I’m delighted to know you had a wonderful interaction with your new friend. What a little “God-hug”. Have a wonderful evening. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            I love that you have been able explore the equine therapy for Jon. I knew of this hearing that good for vets with ptsd and had not been led to exactly where I could experience this as you say as a therapy. Maybe it was just in riding I did not consider this privately and I do believe that my new friend will be open and very accepting and maybe even look at possibilities with this as a healing process in addition to how she is incredibly healing to all animals. As you say loving on them. What an enrichment of the soul to be as your daughter and work as a passion and whole heart for animals. That is probably emotional st times for love so great and tender heart for how we love animals is not always how we see others may treat animals and seeing that can be heartbreaking too. She may want to take all home. I bet there are so many most positive experiences /outcomes as this gal I met in that she is the purest of love for those that others may have given up or had thought no hope. And miracles by God love create vitality and healthful changes.
            I have called her to leave message to call me I look forward to meeting with her and animals. She had already advised me on how to raise ducklings fr eggs come spring.
            I was doing incredibly well until yesterday and today I lost heart again in something. I have an air conditioning tech who has always helped me with cost by paying only parts or a small to no fee. His company lets him do this work on side. I had been asking him to check my evaporator coil to clean because I was advised this can help unit and keep humidity lower with mold issue until all repairs and mold remedy. He finally agreed check but when he did it hard explain here but he first was looking for a tool and his oartner said in another truck. Long story short I then see him cutting through some cover plate to get to coils and then in end used duct tape to seal. I had an inspection prior to asking him to do and inspector said was all open and would clean while open and had not cut. I only did not have him clean because i did not have money and 75.00 versus what I just paid my guy was 40.00 to his assistant. I not feeling good because first I was left again feeling lied to and when I told him I uncomfortable with way done he said it was done correctly. Just another one of those house things. Headache and very down today for I know it was not done correctly. It disturbs my heart but that is what the enemy would want. It just takes my energy away.
            All I could think of was how God provided your massage therapist and how incredible. I wished for this relaxation today to really boost me Acupuncture works on this heart issue but yours sounded so physically and mentally restorative. So incredible. I pray I find someone I can trust too. That unhealthful friend was my massage therapist that where became a very unhealthful relationship and that I would need be ever so certain with my vulnerabilities that I fully have a healthful situation with that.
            I do look so forward and know that being around animals going be amazing. Amd a new tender hearted friend I was up many hours tossing and turning last nite and did listen again to pastor wright. Utube had another video. It was really great. I had not ever known Middle East is where God started and where communicates with us in getting attention.
            I never knew about Gods creation 3/4 beneath water. How incredible and His heart I cannot imagine holding all that which we have not seen. His immense knowing what we have not seen and holding back such an incredible surprise for so long cannot be easy. I will keep this in mind today and find His truth as I read later and explore more with insight for living reading and other song and videos.
            Have a really terrific fall weekend Colleen. I thinking it as pleasant weather by you as here. Thank you again for your incredible kindness always
            Love Sandra

          • Sand,
            I’m sorry it’s been a while since I replied. I’ve not been feeling well so my connections have been longer in coming. How has the equine work been coming? Did you hear back from the person? I so hope that works out for you!
            And, about message therapy…I wish mine was soothing and relaxing but it’s the more painful type that releases toxins and tears muscles apart that have been injured. It’s incredibly painful. However, it may be the reason why my back has not healed as we desired so I’m hopeful. The message therapist is the one I had in the hospital…we loved her and found out later that she is a Christian. I will pray that you are able to find one that is as healing and helpful! I’m also interested in hearing what you were given for the mold/fungus testing results, and where you are feeling the pain of your allergies. I just learned I have some kind of infection in my sinus’ but we’re not sure what it’s about. So, my friend, we keep pressing on. I pray you have had a restful weekend and hope you have come to some resolution for your living situation. Caring much, Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            I wanted to update a few things. The immunologist reviewed health record and lab testing showing abnormal high elevated specific molds exposure and antibody reaction and they referred me to another allergist. Also will see neuroophamologist.
            Maybe all good signs God shielding me ? I waiting liver scan results I requested see so I can see if black markings disappeared. If they had I believe the dr treating me with herbs correct saying the herbs may help If still shows markings because had not heard from dr it would either not be there or cyst confirmation by radiologist ?
            In regard to a note I write concerned with air. condituoning unit coil cleaning. I spoke with a specialist and i found out this by my tech was as he said done correctly. It sounds crazy but to reach coils on side need clean this style unit needed cut to get to.
            I will hope bring good news with my new friend when we connect this week. I left message for her to call me and I will be in area stop by farm store to say hi to her and we can set up the time for me visit as she too was happy about
            I did want add the Church I had been member for less than one year I was not the only one individual to leave There is a problem there that God working out by my leaving. , some other members and I have just learned the delightful Children’s ministry director who loved me and wanted me stay to volunteere beside her has left after relocating just this spring and she and her husband going back to state she moved from. I offered to stay at their house selling until sell so her husband can leave with her and she thought wonderful idea and this may be God ‘a amazing way of helping more than one person simultaneously as He faithfully does. I still have my friend from where I grew up 10-13 hours away who truly wants me to stay or visit her. I waiting for God lead me on these options and possibilities. The other Youth Ministry director has also left church and all just as school began for children at church. By my experience I found limited on love and I am observing the result of God seemingly wanting the attention of those at church. I have found insight for living and other resources on my phone that are working for me and will continue until God shows me the Church where will welcome fully accepting and loving each other with empathy and encouragement and inspiration as in James that I keep going back read says of actions speak louder than words
            Have a great afternoon
            Love Sand

          • So

            Hi Colleen
            I had my dr appt counseling today
            I had not been aware I was disconnected. We did some special breathing technique that gave me a feeling of being safe. I became quiet and peaceful and contained And my homework to practice staying connected until my next visit. And to be aware what part physically feel each emotion and to do breathing exercise into these areas.
            I will let you know about the animals and horse connection that I will be exploring.
            Have a good evening
            Love Sand

          • So

            Hi Colleen
            I had one more update regarding the liver scan. I once again disappointed in the medical arena and why I prefer steer clear medical doctors as they really don’t know
            which raises doubts and they will still have no idea put through testing.
            Essentially the change since last cat scan 2013 is this one suggested fatty infiltration “patchy heterogeneity” on one side not there before and what was reason for this cat scan is same as 2013 “questionable nodular appearance “both without discrete mass As there is a high “suspicion ” of liver nodule or acute liver process further MRI may be useful.
            Just wanted let you know.
            Love Sand

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            I wanted clarify those cat results. Looking further the change from 2013 scan was the “right “lobe was undetermined nodule and lesions and no mention left lobe. 2016 suspicion patchy “right” lobe suspicion of fatty infiltration and further “left “love what appears nodule
            I am going to have current record sent to where had in 2013 scan and let them compare and comment. Back 2013 they never requested anything further
            I have always made every effort take good care eating organic and nothing toxic and exercised through year as consistently
            It is bothersome and I going continue pray for enriching and satisfying life which I am grateful all the ways God is delivering in this and through what seems a detour with house trials and health concerns
            My new friend saw yesterday. We exchanged numbers. Her horse has been more sick this month and seeing vet this am. Someone paid her vet bil few thousand dollars owed so her horse can be seen. Her uncle and her and her family believe will need let go and she says it will be hard yet she said the most remarkable thing. That if God will her horse then must be needed for a child in heaven I will probably meet her with her baby horse she going be training soon. The person that paid her vet bill is asking her as well train all his new horses. It is called something I do not remember. Turn or train ? I will connect again soon let you know how all is
            With Love
            Sand

          • So

            Hello Colleen.
            This horse I mentioned has more time on earth. My new friend will be rechecking 4minths time
            Colleen I have something on my heart that I believe in retrospect that the unhealthful friend was so unhealthful I believe he had demons and I remember speaking to a pastor at insight for living but it is not something in scripture in the way I believe he put some kind curse or demon in me for illness. Because one time I was doing well and when he did not like that he wished I drive off cliff and die. Another time he heard me speaking of being received by Jesus in incredible light and why would he comment that “hearing you speak of all that light and knowing that you are looking to write a burial site in a will just in case you pass, I will take you to look at burial lot and that it was important to me”. It gives me the creeps. I think this person was the most evil of anyone on earth of spiritual warfare trying to keep me from Jesus saving me and keeping from those who suggested this health issue those years back a ways. Please say I just emotional right now and this is not possible. I feel sick to stomach as if want get rid of whatever is in me
            I was told by pastor at insight for living that as long as I strong in our Lord ever so secure in Him that He is my savior. He is the only one waiting for me. Maybe I am just very emotional today and too much time alone with no real answers and maybe acting insecure is why these thoughts returning of my safety
            Love Sand

          • So

            Colleen.
            I began Christian meditation found online this morning. Includes breakdown stillness talking and prayer to God and worship. It will be my early morning and find need learn Christian song and scripture to be able recite from memory will help me
            Thank you suggestion
            Have a good day. I know I have written so much and take your time through my unsteadiness that has taken place
            Warmest regards
            Love San

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            I know I have so much that I have shared and expressed. The Mayo Clinic Florida hepotology group 4 1/2 hours from me has reviewed my record and contacted me to come in 12/27. The evaluation and diagnosis will be 7am and can go up to 5 days outpatient. It crazy my health was to be ready this January was my goal God has entirely different plan. I was in such calm joyous space this am listening to the Christian meditation music video that I like so much and you suggested I seek. With this call to me for setting spot I have been crying such big tears. Is this how my organ only could speak and release to heal? I am very sad today but I keeping Still my positive inner self that my bday is 12/29 and maybe God will bring me good news that day and I will be near a beach or on beach there for my bday.
            Much love and in Jesus name I ask for complete whole healing and at His will be ever so close to me and with me as I do this alone yet with Him and His brilliance and grace bringing me exactly where He wants me to be
            Love Sand

          • Dear Sand,
            Oh my sweet friend…I know this ‘feels’ like a setback of sorts; but, I have to say as I read your words, I’m so incredibly encouraged! For someone to take the time and have the excellent education to help you gives me cause to CELEBRATE! You have needed this for so long…needed someone to care for you in this way and I’m overjoyed that the Lord has provided this for you! I know it’s doesn’t seem encouraging but in the bigger picture, it’s going to be so, so good for you. Just last week I had a huge health set back; it made no sense. However, as the days have unfolded, I’ve met some specialists who are helping with healing my body in ways I didn’t even know it needed help. What started as a shocker and total downer has become a gift…so many things the Lord does seems to work that way. And, tears are part of healing so let them fall…Jesus is catching each one my dear friend…each and every one matters to Him and to me. I’m thrilled you are listening to the music-I’ve been as well and it fills our souls with peace, doesn’t it. Your trust in the Lord continues to grow in profound ways. This time a year or two ago the news you just shared would have hit you very differently…you would have tried to find out what you did wrong, thought the Lord was angry or disappointed with you, would have never considered it as a part of God’s bigger plan which is GOOD for YOU! You have to hear and see just how far you have come my friend…it’s astounding. So, in the midst of it all, I am praising our Father for bringing you into my life, for showing me what it is to endure, to trust, to keep believing in the midst of grief, and to press forward. Thank you for letting me share life with you. I will begin to pray now for this upcoming visit, for the doctors and tests, and for God’s healing hand on your life and heart. Bless you my sweet friend, you are a treasure. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            I think you will always hold the place in my heart as the most amazing woman I have been gifted by God to know. You always are so many steps ahead and your character of Grace filled warmth and care continuously amazes me. Here I wrote so much and you still love me. And I thank you for your unwavering support. I am very sorry to hear you were not feeling well and to that moment of shock. The way you have described this is perfect , how you evolved from that moment into a completely new day with completely renewed perspective. I seem to be experiencing this similar shift from one to another. I could not have grasped as well yet God has your ability to relate and express fluently really like the music you listen to , your words of thought and care touch me deeply in a very positive way. Thank you for your support
            I walked and I feel the prayer out there as a calmer more peaceful state right now. Interestingly one of your posts shared scripture for focus and I am going to be reading As well as the glorious Christian meditation music. I just do not want to leave the space this creates for me. It is time and space I melt into listening and seem want to live in these moments into a day if could I will celebrate that God has arranged this exact appt in December because He knew what I needed for my care. My bday is dec 29 and I think no matter the cost I am going to attach even if it is camping around my appt and bday in a warm part of Florida probably west coast away from Mayo on east side. Not too crazy if drive just temps are milder on west coast side. I am going to look at and restore myself around appt. Right now I had not been treated for fungus. Lifespa.com dr had suggested vitamin d oil and herbs but the herbs were too sweet. There are very few drs and allergists who are educated with my exposure and reaction I am hopeful the Mayo Clinic dr will be familiar or have a dr there refer within while I am there.
            I thought about your massage after I wrote that I wished had a calming session of restoration. , I realized that as read your blog again how this is not the Confy cozy experience with each word catching your breathe. I understand this. I had scar tissue that was being broken up once and ouch. But yes it did work. I am so over the top happy you have amazing drs and therapists working with you showing you relief and ways opening new doors of working for you that will help you so greatly cope with these changes. I am keeping you always in prayer too
            Enjoy your music Colleen. I see your smile and calming peace like a warm wave of His liove surround you in these moments
            Enjoy and thank you for listening and for your amazing suooort
            And for incredible insight for a refreshing perspective and encouragement
            With love
            Sand

          • So

            Hello Colleen.
            I Thank you !
            I am not quite where you have come in your process after a shock update regarding your health. Thank you for saying all you have that I know comes from your heart consistently through Jesus Christ intentions for us all
            May you find rest this weekend
            Love Sand

          • Sand,
            The seizure was a total shock…never expected, never considered…just a total shock. The gift of it all was in realizing we all live one last breath between this life and eternal life. I’ve evaluated what does really matter, what is important, what are my values supported by my actions, what does God want me to do with the time He allows me to have on earth. These questions come typically when we are faced with life-threatening issues and this felt like one of them. We are slowly on the mend; my mind isn’t working a max speed but enough to keep pressing on. Regardless of what He allows…in our health, body, mind, soul, so on…we are to hear His voice and follow Him. We are still learning a LOT but for now, that’s where life has us. How are you these days? Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            You are so very kind. I will never forget the tender genuine kindness you have shown me so graciously and warmly inviting me into your heart to ask how I am doing
            I did read your thoughts again and first wanted to say I had not known of this new illness that have been experiencing. I am going to add this to my prayer for you Jon and your family. The physical distraction is new for me as my distraction had always been emotional or mental My heart is processing as it seems you may be doing the same way. The truth and what truly matters in each moment of each day. I had just begun waking up thanking God for waking me to a beautiful day he has created. I am uncertain I can say I fully understand for where He taking me with this although if it is a quarter or even a fraction of what you have offered even so many where if I could offer just a fraction or one person what you have for me I will feel complete and whole and that purpose I yearn for understanding will be fulfilled. I do hope He has that to show me still in this earthly life in His time. I also started thinking things I want to do and even maybe this physical issue may be a force to not have me idle waiting but to live my life. I have great difficulty in this. I as you know am alone and I continuously ask our Lord to show me how to live . And to live fully.
            I am concerned right now with not able get off mind something not right with an organ inside me ,someone that has always been physically well and what the result will be at Mayo and at sane time moving forward as if I am going to outlive all this and maybe even camp in an island in Florida after my appt there. I normally would be concerned with safety and this time if I find an inexpensive tent I may just go do this over my bday and new year
            I can only be true to who I am and who God designed me. I want to continue smile and radiate outward warmth and love and encourage someone that may be wherever God places me to have received encouragement from me
            I guess I am living each day asking God what he wants of me and learning to live and trust and listen carefully and continue live myself in any healing
            warmest regards my dear friend Colleen
            Thank you for being you
            Love Sand

          • So

            Thinking of you and hoping you were with family when this occurred. And that you did not fall hard. I am concerned for you with this and had thought if there is gratitude in this that you would have been with your husband and that you had not fallen hard on head nor your delicate bone structure
            I also wanted say yesterday I was feeling best I had spiritually in long while. and there it was a distraction of surprise of something and I practiced to remain focused and continuing carry out what I was doing It hurt in my heart a bit for distraction from what had not experienced in long while that spiritual bliss and i would have found it lasting longer before another distraction disconnects the moment or day
            Have a good evening and weekend. I finding it hard to believe next week thanksgiving. Another year I will be alone , I will look how I can serve like last year purchased warm food snd handed out to homeless
            Love Sand

          • Sand,
            I was wondering how you were doing with the holidays approaching…it’s such a hard time for so many people and I know it is for you. However, there are some great books to read, things to draw because God has gifted you as an artist, and your creativity is amazing. On thing Jon and I are doing is making table cup holders for his gifts to our family members. It’s so easy and fun. Pick out some pretty paper or whatever you like, add ‘mod-podge’ which is a type of sealing glue, let them dry and bingo, there ya have it.
            I’m promise I will be praying for you as you move toward the days ahead….that you will have peace, comfort, and confidence that God is with you at every moment. All my love, dear friend!
            Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen.
            Happy Thanksgiving and I am hopeful your day was special surrounded by lots love
            I found myself struggling with a few woman friends that I began realize because I do not do as each wants see by their “own understanding”not simply God loving me with acceptance the path to Mayo Clinic is obviously God dirrection. One friend has not spoken to me because maybe she disappointed or just controlling because she wanted me stay in her state with her not far from where I grew up and she put down doctors near me that her state has more holistic and many judges not of God nor support of me. So this bothersome although I grateful this thanksgiving for God providing me awareness of those intentions and manipulation of those who want what they want see for me rather than letting go and letting God lead me in my path destined for me. It is surprising to me how many people are like this and not as compassionate and encouraging and supportive I thought if you this thanksgiving as the friend I now hold in my heart by greatest example and pray for God to deliver me more close friends as you have shared in friendship with me
            I had a distraction the night before. That unhealthy old person that showed not to be my friend still sending unwelcome card and this time I called deputy. She agreed that if I said no over two years now that I do not want connection clearly by also blocking my number and email that having things left at my mailbox and cards put me to no choice I will find Monday nite when I call deputy if she left her number on his cell or did she just call and no answer. If she had not left voicemail I am going to ask her to contact for tell him. She agreed when say no anything I need be respected. It was a positive step for me and my confidence to speak with deputy although again not what I wanted to spend my time and energy with once again.
            My day was not as good servant nor playful as I hoped for. I seemed to not have found socks thinking of giving out and not organized in head to hear where God had been sending me. I reached out to a military young man who I know his aunt passed and asked if he was alone and if wanted come sit outside with me and not heard from him. He may be with family due to his loss. I don’t know him well but wanted extend company for him if he was alone because his family across country No real appetite for food. I have not been eatting a lot I have had soups mostly. I believe part of digestion issue
            A great surprise was a woman I do not know well gave me an air purifier new never used. So I was so grateful for this gift , a beyond kind surprise yesterday I learned was gifted not a loan to me use. How grateful I feel. The intention was purely not wanting anything in return but saying permanent for me and not a loan and hope it makes my life easier. What a good intention and soul that God must have seen I needed see.
            Today I will get good walk and reboot to routine
            Have a good day and weekend
            Love San

          • Sand,
            Ok, while you feel this may have been a setback with regards to a not so lovely Thanksgiving; I am praising you and the Lord right now for this massive step in healing!!!!!! Way to go! For you to believe you are worth standing up for, then following through with it all is HUGE…Totally HUGE! We have to believe something before we can act on it so your actions reveal tons of growth in how you are seeing yourself, how you are setting appropriate boundaries, and how you are not operating out of fear but confidence. I’m so proud for you!
            I’m also sorry it did upset your holiday…these things always do cause disruption in many ways-maybe why your not up to eating as much. But, I do hope you are able to celebrate your growth and the magnificent steps you are taking now. I pray you are able to rest, walk, and breathe in God’s comfort and direction. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen. I have just read your thoughts from this post and I am beyond grateful that the Lord directed me well and for an awe inspiring growth and awareness that I may have felt something stronger within me and had not truly known this exactly was so amazing for me. I am so grateful and for your thoughts if celebration for and with me in this journey step. It is super too that you and my dr /counselor I saw yesterday really have such a care and your loving care of me speaks so directly to my heart. I am so taken for the support and even have been so praying the Lord surround me with more faithful and accepting lovely souls as yours has been to and with me. You really are most increredible.
            My dr too walked me through that I must “work through ” the anger before I can say truthfully that I forgive and anything other just would not be giving myself the correct process and to let myself be angry has not been accepted and to allow that will help me. She also has new practices with this we are working through. I. now see a beautiful inner child with head against my heart in my arms and in a little bungee like sack and she continues stay right in my arms in sack against my heart as image I see and my love increasing now for her. The new practices are working with some steps like a pendulum talk to inner child each morning and ask how she is and what she needs from me and to “pendulate “between times I anxious and going back to this vulnerability -inner child and seeing how each feels When go back and read notes from dr I can probably explain more clearly.
            I am thrilled to say I did contact deputy again yesterday to follow up and be sure she left a voicemail for the unhealthy friend and it was confirmed that she did so I was so very relieved. Whether he calls her back or not , my or my Great Abba father has mission accomplished
            I continue say prayer for you and Jon and your family
            Hoping your thanksgiving so fulfilling in every way you would dream it to have been
            Love Sand

          • Sand,
            Doing some of the work that takes us back to childhood pain can be some of the hardest, most painful of all. Here you are in the midst of ongoing challenges and are courageous enough to take that on as well…I’m amazed. I see you wrote a couple more times so I’ll get on to those notes but wanted you to know I will be praying for you on this path. The enemy loves to hit us hard when we are vulnerable and addressing these things; my prayer will be for the Lord to guard your heart and mind, to bring comfort and presence as you press on. Have a wonderful day. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            Thank you for your prayer it means so much what you will pray for me and that you do so with great care. And the way that you had mentioned before reading my other thoughts regarding vulnerability. I am grateful for your insight. You understand the dimensions of all this I experiencing sometimes before I know what it means. I can now say I am beginning understand vulnerability now that I am connecting to my own. I am concerned as Mayo appt closer. I just don’t know yet what it going be. I am set for a liver transplant “pre visit “. I inquired and the dept. says it required and routine before I see the dr in this dept. maybe that all it will be a routine.
            Thank you for connecting and I will read through again to be sure I had not missed anything. I did want to say I for first time understand the psalms being of every emotion. I know somewhere in previous connections that you probably gave this insight and then suddenly I have become aware Right now exactly where bible has led me psalms , proverbs as you had mentioned yesterday as suggestions. And these have been exactly where I have rested
            Have a good evening. Best regards with Jon and his skin. And learning what works for him I will be keeping in prayer. May you both have good rest this evening and nite
            With warmest regards
            Love Sand

          • So

            Colleen I feel so terrific and comforted by your celebration and suooort of my following God footsteps and at least leaning on him what his guidance is and I am so beyond relieved I got his direction correct with my actions take care of me , just as how he would see it as his child
            I wanted to restate the new practice I mentioned. Reading my notes it is when I feel agitated to notice my agitation and go to where I sensing it is in body physically and what does that feel like and take a deep breathe and and then notice what happens to the sensation and then move from anxious to the image of my inner child or as I visualizing a beautiful baby in my arms and then motice what that feels like and pendulate between these two practicing from anxiety to vilnerability taking care of myself. My dr said with what I have done over thanksgiving was all being connected to my vulnerability This is all really amazing to me. I am as I said grateful I am so glad to becoming aware by our connection , your experience and knowledge and caring love with all this along with my dr care of me. And of His presence so with me ,surrounding me in this and our exchanges
            Enjoy your afternoon
            Love Sand

          • Sand,
            What is totally amazing is that I did not read this note before replying to the last one…and we’ve said almost the exact same thing. The value of taking care of yourself, being aware of your vulnerabilities, and working on breathing/self awareness skills is fantastic.
            Stay at it sweet friend. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Collleen
            I did forget to say that I did do something God guided me to in serving with good intention this Thanksgiving. On drive home after picking up some items the night before thanksgiving a teacher was live call on the Christian radio Hisradio and she was homeless for thansgiving calling in for prayer. I was debunk and beside myself that did not have the radio contact number at hand so a half hour drive listened two or three others called in saying she could come for meal and joining their families and another a house vacant. Well as soon as I got home I looked up number and called and said I had been without a home for rough time and I understand I asked if we can contribute even 10.oo each maybe raise a few hotel nites or even a week for this woman. The radio host said I do good hearted and gave me this gals number. I called her and spoke to her. She is a teacher and her work does not know she has been homeless living in her car for two months. She was going see about the vacant house for one nite. She was asked call back radio station Monday to let know how she is doing and said she will call me to maybe when to listen and if the station does offer the raising money I can contribute to whole group people.
            I am glad in some way I was able to touch one life in need on Thanksgiving in the way I believe every day we need be so compassionate toward each other. I am hopeful without having the ability give this woman a place she needs desperately that at least a warmth of my soul to carry her through next hour
            With love
            Sand

          • Sand,
            OH MY GOSH!!!!!! This is incredible! You are so giving, empathetic, generous, and kind hearted! Do you know how many people would just turn the dial or keep driving and never think of connecting with this woman. I have often been driving and thought of doing the same; most of the time it’s my responsibilities with Jon that keep us from doing more. Just as Christ says in II Corinthians 1 through the apostle Paul, we are comforted by God and with the comfort He gives us, so we are able to give to another. That’s exactly what you did…comforted another from the comfort you have received and I’m honored to have walked this road with you. Keep it up, Sand, the Lord is using you in mighty ways! Colleen

          • So

            The biggest gift and joy this Thanksgiving is God showing me the way and your most kind heartwarming friendship he has delivered me. I can only think of few who have cheered me as you have and beyond anyone I have known to do so. I am so grateful for your generosity and caring I could not imagine turning a dial on someone. I am thankful most of all for as you expressed God is using me in these precious and valuable ways of the heart
            With love
            Sand

          • Sand,
            This is how the body of Christ is supposed to function….to build one another up, to bring hope and help to those in need, to love and comfort the broken hearted, to put our arms around those suffering, to sing and rejoice with those who are filled with joy, and to love without condition. How I wish more Christians could focus on these fundamentals; it’s such an honor to know you have felt this care in our friendship. Have a lovely day my friend, Colleen

          • So

            Thank You Colleen for your beautiful thoughts. Yes I agree from my heart all you have expressed. I will be thinking of you and Jon and sending so much love The Christian music meditation I have been listening says something as idea to add to individual pray and I have added it when sending you prayer and others too , that I ask our Lord to send an invisible hug to each of you I just love that because to feel that love from Jesus is most warm and his presence is known most loving. This I add to my prayers. We seem resonate so well on the concept of compassion I just texted the radio station again. This time the radio asked for those wanting to make a precious little boy who has rare autumnune disease and 80 surgeries that he hardly can smile but he has wished for Christmas cards in his Christmas list. I am in tears Colleen. This precious child need not suffer so terribly I love our Lord , I just hurt for those suffering like this precious child I am going send this boy a card as he had wished for receiving cards and if can find a fiddle he also had on list. If you ever look up Hisradio.com. They have radio all over different cities and on website you can read this little boys wish and His story of struggle.
            I am thanking God for our connection in His work for our special and dear friendship
            Love Sand

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            My heart is so full and I believe through your speaking to me about care for Jon for some time and how hospitals have families in need of compassionate hearts that maybe this is exactly where God leading. And what a beautiful God to bring me for this time answer to my prayer how to be able give within my means this Christmas and I asked this morning for Him to show me how to give to children this Christmas and this he is answering. Whether prayer of compassion and relief for Jon or for Brayden’s wish of Christmas cards I had recently heard God leading me to a children’s hospital to see what maybe there for me. The other children’s hospital volunteer work did not seem where God leading me. There were snags that the volunteer dept assigning me to adult kidney dialysis patients area and the distance of just an hour led to issues for the to reading which needed next day reading so I just thought something else will be clearly God work for me and lead me more directly to it that I know it right where he guiding me be to serve
            Much love
            Sand

          • So

            Colleen.
            I needed to make a correction. This little 6 year old wishing for Christmas cards loves mail and the mailman. It does say he smiles, I am thankful his spirit is filled with love and these little gifts of hope like a mailman bringing a letter or card.
            I will be getting a card right out to him
            He is going to have more mail than a celebratory
            With love
            Sand

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            Something incredible came to my awareness that I know I knew subconsciously. I am processing a forgiveness for my oldest sister who is married to a predator and turned around all her bitterness for her own choices and circumstances in denial onto me. She did same to my middle sister young girlfriend when my sister went to then my older sister as teenager what happened. My greater awareness needs to heal because the deep hurt in my liver. Greater than any other hurt is this older sister turning all her anger and pinning others including me in way she created wicked gossip and lies to her children , my precious nieces and nephew about me that all are false. I was the most loyal to protect my own family and my beautiful nieces and their children. My sister did not like it and as Satan rules her she has made attempts to kill and destroy me through these ways of Satan holding over her. This I ask please pray for my oldest sister as I pray to God too for her healing and our Lord impressing His great live and light on this individual. She is the one individual I need healing of forgiveness I praying our Lord doing all to guide me in His truth and liove with gentle direction
            I need to voice my truth in some way , I know God will be leading me and if it a book write or working with an organization to help others ?
            I do have counseling tomorrow
            With love Sand

          • Sand,
            Forgiveness is one of the hardest attitudes to have and actions to take as a human being. Because we long for justice and were originally created to have perfect justice (in a world w/o sin), when things are unjust or we are very hurt it’s a massive challenge to growth. I’ve been reading a lot on how our bodies heal, the liver, organs, and spiritual/emotional trauma. There are connections with it all and you are on the right track in your thinking. I will pray for you as I too am praying to release some things the enemy would love for us to hang on to. But, the enemy isn’t going to win so we are going to walk confidently through this path and live in freedom.
            I’ll be anxious to hear how your therapy appointment goes tomorrow too. With love, Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen.
            This is so wonderful I love that we are traveling almost like a synchronicity of some ways like healing physically and that being connected to emotional. And it so amazing to me. You are miles ahead in many ways and we meet from the heart and soul and have such a similarity that work in process. I hope you find the other posting of my thoughts where I mentioned my dr appt and how she was also cheering me with being connected to my vulnerability and taking my frustration and anger at that moment Thanksgiving and directly using it constructively to take best care of me. She was thrilled as well. She called if I recall correctly forgiveness as working through, accepting the emotion of anger and without resistance or devaluing this as I can then work through healing the anger first. There are so many thoughts of forgiveness and after my dr perspective I can relate in some of those I do need address the anger within me before it could be genuine from the heart in forgiveness. I do believe also this can be done spiritually and very powerful healing. I do look forward working through what I need to to come to exactly God timing in His bringing me to that point of those I will find I can then forgive
            It is wonderful to connect with you today and on this topic. I had listened a long while back to your mom and dad cd on forgiveness. Perhaps God delivered her that exact timing for in person and for I know the loss of her mother in law if i renbemer correctly came shortly after. There is great truth in all of this
            Love Sand

          • Sand,
            I did read the report from your time with the doc and yes, you are on the right track. I also want to mention this form of health and wellness I learned about from a great therapist in Colorado. He told me about “Lymphatic Drainage”; a form of messaging the neck and lymph glands to excrete any toxic build up from past illnesses, surgeries, and allergies. Look it up on your computer and I think you will find it interesting. I also found that when I had my seizure, there was a large sinus infection deep inside my head which is why I wasn’t feel the symptoms. So, I’m looking into all kinds of cleansing things that will help and perhaps help you as well.
            You are doing fantastic. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen.
            After I walked I read your thoughts and could not wait to get home where wifi so I could reply as I wanted. God is aligning us in similar journey with these thoughts and remedies. I found it amazing that what you have shared first the dr I mentioned dr douillard lifespa.com is from Colorado also. he emphasizes this lymphatic drainage for exactly detoxing old memory that toxins stored in brain as you have exactly described . I use dr douillard “Nasya oil” and he just had a video special with another dr he spoke about this core of most all illness I wondered if who you mention is who he interviewed recently. this nasya oil is droplets into nostrils and tilt head back to cleanse and detoxify sinus and emotional memory and lymphatic pathways through these sinus areas of face head pathways. I do this each nite. The unhealthy friend had been doing lymphatic massage until I became more aware of the unhealthy relationship. I will say he was very good at lymphatic massage but no way would I return after October 2015 last time. The massage had been working until summer 2015 when all began stagnant in digestion and lymph. Because I then had fever and what said to be bacteria pneumonia but I question because chest X-ray normal but I was coughing up terrible very deep infection and blood. That was one of the worst things so far. So after that i went the acupuncture route. That somehow works amazing ways in clearing the blockage lymphatically. The stagnation was relieved
            I am going read your other thoughts shared too. I am going to be keeping Jon in prayer and you and your family. One thing dr douillard speaks of is turmeric paste. His newsletter is filled with amazing remedies and for immune system. He even adds “ghee”. I have done his suggestions teaspoon melted ghee each morning during the reboot digestion idea of cleanse each season. This really helped me He has all kinds of digestion recommendations in his site. And free videos training the importance of digestion. It is amazing that we are amidst these similar issues and yes can share with each other
            I will be thinking of you
            With love
            Sand

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            I was wanting to share more with you regarding the emotion behind physical issues. From the information I shared earlier I had a chance talk with the health coach that created list and she said the liver also a filter of what is good for us and what is not. And she did agree the anger need be healed to get back into balance The fact of what good for me and not good for me is so where or what I have been living the past years now learning to take care of myself.
            Also learning what sense of “safe ” -and opposite and what that triggers for me.
            I also wanted let you know the gal with horses texted me other day about something else I have put the idea out there. If she does not invite me join and possibly ride her horse (a) I will look to see where God leads me for the equine therapy idea but maybe someone open to sliding scale cost or I can brush the horses in return for being able ride or be near then
            Have a good rest weekend
            Love Sand

          • Sand,
            Always remember that every event, every experience, every moment of our lives-when lived under the authority of God-is never wasted. The tools for coping now will be of necessity for future things which only our heavenly Father knows. So whatever comes of the equine therapy, doctor visits, wise council you have pursued will never be wasted if your heart is set on Christ and doing what is right. I see you depend upon Him more than ever; this path is sure to bring you to His strength and will. Stay the course my dear friend. You are doing wonderfully. Colleen

          • So

            Thank you again Colleen for your insight and encouragement. I continue find the meditations of Christian faith ever so peaceful. I did get word that Mayo Clinic scheduled my blood work and MRI for first day after I see dr. There are also three horses I see at end of dead end I live on. Maybe our Lord will lead me ask these neighbors who I do not yet know if I can help brush their horses ? I do believe my new friend with horses will develop.
            Colleen I had not known about your seizure. I am very sorry that is something that you experienced and how frightening out of nowhere. I think I recall your saying Jon had exoerienced seizures in past. I hoping there is not something that maybe had been both exposed to. As I have learned with mold it can be very difficult pinpoint these experiences cause and I do know that you are so sensitive like me and very aware of your surroundings
            The inspiration you show me and others that you continue gracefully living life. I am praying for this quality and as you shared in other thoughts how or what to be asking God to answer for me. I had just begun to begin asking God what does He want me to do today. I am working through this
            I will read your thoughts again
            Love Sand

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            I wanted share what for me feels like a milestone I am working with a true Native American healing coach. She is amazing and understands the emotional related to body as whole. We had one consult by telephone working on forgiveness and I briefly connected with her again about cold sore I had not had in long while. I know that you will be amazed by this information as I have been. It is remarkably accurate of my current self work and need. Cold sore meaning is not wanting to face the world ,problems , situations , etc. it can also mean not wanting speak up related to the Heart She guided me say to the cold sore “I love myself I release beliefs from the past that kept me from living my life to the fullest . I am now confident and will easily and lovingly speak up and to thank my cold sore for reminding me this.
            She also guided me say to myself , inner child that it is safe now and that I would like to play more
            This is incredible work for me.
            Also I landed in proverbs 3:5,6 and further yesterday. I know it all Gods have guiding me
            I am hoping you are feeling well today and that you and your family be close for the fall weekend and upcoming Thanksgiving holiday
            With Love
            Sand

          • Sand, Oh my gosh, this is incredible news! Jon has had a horribly painful cold sore on his mouth for a couple weeks….I can’t believe you have had one as well and found healing. I’m going to use this process with him tonight as we are also pursuing some alternative healing paths. So happy that you are becoming FREE, playful, and released from all that has been embedded in your spirit. May the Lord continue to lead you as He has faithfully done for so long. Have a wonderful afternoon my dear! Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen. My first automatic thought was that you are a delightful God sent friend . I continuously have this in my heart like a song
            As I know you have a love for music you can understand what I am saying with this
            I am grateful. Is it amazing how I have this terrible and yes one of largest cold sores that Jon is experiencing and what we share useful for each of us and all. God is working continuously. This cold sore I could literally feel the nerve in face -cheek and chin -like a tingling firey sting and pain to touch even though cold sore on bottom lip. This one looks like it going take a good few weeks heal The emotional is so on target with where God leading me and I am so very grateful for your friendship and prayer Colleen. Prayer I can literally feel like a blanket of warmth of Jesus embrace me. This Native American young woman is from Arizona and moving to Colorado next week. she is very tuned into the emotional and organs effected , I continue to talk to these body parts and organs asking what each wants to say or for example she mentioned my speaking up. That now I am confident and will easily and lovingly speak up. I continue ask our Lord to show me and through Him what each organ or pain is wanting me to hear of His directing me through all of this. I am feeling blessed believe it or not kind of like you mentioned a few weeks back that there was the shock and a wave of that and then an inspiration and awareness of other ways doctors could help you. I am beginning to see this issue with liver all connected and cold sore all part of a greater healing that I am about to encounter. Whatever it all will mean or where it will take me I learning live in the moment as you also have experienced. It is the journey of daily motion action ,and my spirit seems back in track that this will play out exactly how God wishes. I do have to say I feel a little embarrassed when found myself saying going Mayo Clinic for this liver change on ct scan because I see as emotional and as if maybe that what is what I need speak up about? I just been mostly quiet about it. As you say holidays approaching and I pretty much spend then alone as you know the family remains as has and I continue now from distance work on forgiveness that speaks to the God conscious spirit or higher spirit rather physically in person. At least for now. The work need still be done in me that I can feel strong enough for what the physical presence may bring me with any family near. Thank you Colleen for being so sensitive and thoughtful and kind with me. I can never tell you how much your care has meant to me
            I will also keep you and your family and Jon in my prayers.
            I think when the Mayo Clinic is behind me and my camping idea after that I am going look at a white English setter with the slightest speckle of liver color. The front of I think called gun and Garden this month magazine has exactly the color English setter I wish for. And I am asking God show me exactly where he wants me where I can feel passionate and a joy in waking each morning to contribute and what talents he is showing me. Thank you for remembering I am an artist. I had stopped drawing again. I will dapple in this this weekend and holidays. And also I love your art project with Jon. So special. I used to pick up old wallpaper books from paint stores or designers for elderly I worked with for card making project , this somehow reminded me of this as place setting little cards with cup holder. Or cut out to decorate cup holder.
            I wanted to also share I am doing the samaritans purse. Placing wrap around shoebox and msiling stuffed animal and blanket and little things for small child. I wish to touch someone with something like this locally also and find for thanjsgiving someone I can offer warm food from a store called earthfare. Last year I purchased and drove around there and gave to a woman homeless. She seemed very grateful. I like doing this way for those that may not be near a soup kitchen.
            I will be thinking if you. And I am so happy we connected. I will be connecting again before thanksgiving. .
            With love
            Sand

          • So

            Hi Colleen I thought to myself what feverish feeling and the awkward part of cold sore and heart went to Jon. I am going say an extra prayer for him too
            I know that he is in the very best of company , you and together with Jesus to healing embrace
            Warm wishes for a good evening together
            Love Sand

          • Sand, Thank you so much…it has taken a long, long time to heal this time. We are dealing with skin issues right now which is part of the whole gut and digestive issues. I know you totally get that. Thanks so much for your prayers! I pray you had a very blessed, peaceful, quiet, and delightful Thanksgiving. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen.
            I will continue as I have prayers and specifically too for these digestive and skin symptoms.
            I thought about how challenging even cold sore is and can be messy and “don’t touch that be patient kind of healing ” it needs so I absolutely do understand and the challenges in process
            I will continue positive prayer for these issues and overall gratitude and blessings for you and Jon and your family as I include too your animals , pets
            I find the greatest of dr that has been working with me via telephone consult and computer for digestion and emotions . He speaks educationally of digestion core of all including skin and it’s greatest importance get it going well. He has so many very informative videos on his website. It is lifespa com. Dr Douillard. For me I found the education he offers priceless. Maybe there is something that you may find helpful in this process by this information.
            Love Sand

          • Sand,
            This is so helpful! Thank you. There is so much we don’t know about the body…it always reinforces the truth that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (as Ps. 139 says). Thank you for praying for Jon’s skin issues. It seems he’s having a real flair up so we’re looking into home remidies such as honey, egg whites, cinnamon (which kills bacteria and viruses), papaya, alo vera…tone of stuff.
            I’ll also check out the doctor you mentioned…sounds great. Thanks sweet friend. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            I awoke this morning restless 445 am and glad new wifi took me to play the iTunes video I saved of Pastor Henry Wright and video sermon of “God hears prayers of Babylon” I am speechless It was so beautiful singing and how scripture was connected by Pastor Wright from reading to reading genesis to Jeremiah to revelation and how it is Babylon to come out of us What a spiritual inspiration and for me theological education of understanding and the dynamic of Gods speaking to us as He has through Bible knowledge of scripture that I now aware Hos readings even more advanced than I could imagine and know at my just a beginner I wanted share with you I recalled your sharing a year or so back how you came to a place of research and had all bibllical readings and theological books open on the floor.. I imagined how your brilliance and focus God provided to explore must have been incredible insight and great fulfillment and maybe even at a time or turning point kind of like I am. To be so open and ready to consume every part and word of Jesus in the way I think character of perserverence of heart of love wide open for Him thanks for pastor wright prayer. And he prays Lord save me. I am going connect see where leads me online. I was so fulfilled this morning listening at end I fell asleep so soundly and with peace Thank you for this suggestion. I will share more as I read the scriptures and Matthew regarding this woman perseverance
            Warmest regards
            Love Sand

          • Sand, Music is the language of my soul…oh how it means so much to me. Often, when I have no words for something, I will listen to quiet music. If you have wi-fi now, you can also get on You Tube (just use your search engine) and on You Tube, put in “Christian Meditation Music”. There are long playlists-some are for sleep, some just worship. I typically write to that actually because there is a quietness of soul with worship music. How cool that you were able to hear that sermon and also rest. I’m excited to hear a refreshed tone in your words. You are persevering…amazing girl! Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen.
            I wanted say I remember how much you have love for hymns. By our similarities and sensitivities I am thinking I find what you have shared of music , sounds , prayer and prayer meditations all as soothing to my soul. I look forward sharing my experience as I evolve further with literally filling me and my surroundings and life with Gods word and song. So refreshing.
            I was looking Saturday nite for your Dad sermon with Matthew 15:21-28 scripture of woman who persevered for her daughter be free of demons. I could not locate. Is this sermon one I can access from insight for living ? website
            I look forward listening to what God opens my soul to and relaxes and restores with peace and contentment and rest as if no storm around me. That is incredible to me
            Warmth to you and yours this fall evening. Much love
            Sand

          • Sand, My apologies….I didn’t make that clear. No, it isn’t one we have available yet since he preached it so recently. I’m sure it will be in the future but that specific one isn’t. I did find an article that may bring comfort to you…it’s in our “article library”…you may want to look at several actually but here’s one for starters. (http://insight.org/resources/article-library/individual/how-to-trust-when-you're-troubled). I pray you are encouraged today my dear friend. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            I could not open link to article. What was name and or topic as I will go into article archive and do a search for same as what you have started me with if this article and connection to idea of your dad sermon
            Have a good day
            Love Sand

          • Sand, I think I put it in a previous note. The section on Encouragement and Healing is so good-all of them are actually. So happy you can connect as it’s a fabulous way to be filled with the truth. Blessings, Colleen

          • So

            Colleen. I could not find a post I just made and realized a word error. If you receive and see where I said the new wifi adding new dimension to my relationship with God filling my spirit and finding peaceful contentment and rest in His word and song I wrote these ways are filling “gaps” of “nights” not notes as wrote. His presence is creating a warmth like the warm blanket around my neck during what had been gaps of lonely hours at night hours and weekend evenings for me.
            Just wanted be sure what I wrote will be clear as intended
            Have a good evening
            Love Sand

          • Sand, I did receive the other comment and will reply. I’m thrilled the music, wifi connection, and comfort from the Lord is being felt in so many ways. This is wonderful news, a delightful answer to our continued prayer. Have a lovely afternoon. Colleen.

          • So

            Hi Colleen. I had one other thought I would have wanted be more clear say from last post on Pastor wright “God hears prayers in Babylon ” he covers all we speak of Gods timing and even in illness this is Babylon and how my understanding when we hurting that this is God already there crafting us and has already called us to Him and how He there with us I wish I knew name of hymns. “Worthy is the Lamb” so peaceful within and who is singing I really emjoyed his skill God gave him of expression to touch deeply vibrations of song in His Glory
            Have a really restorative weekend filled with restful and joyous moments with your family

          • Sand, I am so glad you added a note here. I was going to mention Shane and Shane, they are a worship group and have a CD on Psalm 23. There music is very soothing. There are also guided meditation lists on You Tube so if you need some help with prayer or just need direction, that’s there too. I pray our gracious Father places just the right sounds into your heart and mind as you find rest for your soul. Have a very lovely afternoon. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            I have had silence a few days where I felt so isolated and concern created anxiety sadness and anger. Today this morning after what actually was another good nites sleep was restorative and early am I listened to the Christian meditation that creates a calm and presence of Jesus warmth throughout my body mind and spirit. As if through my bloodstream He circulates warmth and love and peaceful calm. Then I listened all morning as the end of meditation allows time after steps to listen and suddenly I was directed to a website of a gal practitioner I have read blog and was directed to a huge answer. She lists the physical ailments and what spiritually creating each. The most detailed list I had read yet. Liver is “resisting change”. I know it is known for anger too yet this fit me so well. Digestive was feeling nourished and cancer is “deep hurt”. So many , anxiety is refusing to live in the present sn expression of fear as we know this. ,bowel irregularities not wanting let go and/or feeling stuck in a particular situation. I am elated for God directing me to something concrete today. I hear Hin is so reassuring. And guidance delighted. It is all true as I had mentioned my alimony ends this January and with house and my healing off track of where” I “intended myself is not where God has me in process. I wanted be ready fly this January with definite purpose and no fear taking step out I yesterday withdrew some money from an ira. The invester acted as if he resisted my doing so. It a small amount so I could be assured more months healing esoevially with visits for heart end of year now. All resisting change seems validated. I wanted say to invester God has me in this withdrawal and it is just money on earth. and it is what I have and what will help me continue recover for greater strength will come I would like God continue guide me in this process and today I wanted share that He is working ever so closely in me today with greater awareness. These are the areas I need help with. How can I move forward in greatest ease and trust without resisting change and what will He show me is a natural fit in way I will be strengthened by His work to then serve His purpose by design for me. Something I have been praying for long time now and understand it is in His timing and all I can do is follow through on my end with support until He answers that prayer in His timing , when he will know I am ready not by my doing or forcing
            Thinking of you today Colleen and ever so grateful that you are my friend and
            Walking with me through Jesus Christ
            Love Sand

          • Sand,
            As I read your comment, a central theme kept coming to mind. I believe (and see how your gut responds to this) that the Lord has equipped you with so many ‘healing’ tools because of the healing He has done in you. Had you chosen to shortcut the passage of deep pain, the tools and disciplines you have cultivated would not be present. But, He has allowed you to remain in the thick of things for a reason…I believe it is to equip you for touching lives that others would not care to help. You have a depth that few people have; a resource that will connect with other very broken, needy people. Because of this gift, the enemy will do whatever he possibly can to get you off course. The distractions of health, home, and mental struggles all relate to getting you ‘off track’; focusing on your care rather than the care of others. You have been and continue to be so wise is observing your personal needs and are addressing them so well. And, I believe there is a balance somewhere in there between addressing your needs and the needs of others. We will always have needs, always have pain, always have unmet expectations; that is our longing for Christ and eternity. But while we are on this earth, God longs for us to touch others lives with the care and concern that Christ has shown us. So my encouragement to you is to ask the Lord for Devine wisdom…”Lord, what is it that you want me to attend to TODAY…for today is all we are given. Listen to His soft, gently, leading voice of wisdom…sometimes not audible but comes through feeling tired (then wait for Him to restore you); sometimes through anger (ask Him to help you forgive; sometimes through depression and discouragement (ask Him to lift your spirits on the wings of eagles; and so on. As you cultivate an ear for His leading, I believe the other things will slowly dissipate and you will have clarity of thought like never before. All that comes as we cultivate an ear for God’s voice. Just slow down, pray in quietness, and see where He leads. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            You are so bright. Brilliant
            Thank you for your thoughtful insight.
            It is making more sense as I was praying to do mission trip and it did not come together. It maybe just was not meant to be in Gods timing yet for me or just another distraction to keep my focus on me. I will learn to balance better as I God shows me how to live forward
            I have to share something with you . Tonite I had a visit by phone with a gal from Arizona that familiar with healing emotional that is creating the physical issue. She was so incredible tender and very accurate and sensitive. She walked me through my organs and asking each organ question of why there and it led to a process of forgiveness I had to forgive my brother in law. We did it at higher self spiritually my speaking to him looking His higher self in the eyes and taking my power back and then forgiveness and releasing him and forgiving myself for taking this in my liver and for so long holding on. She said once I did this through forgiveness only then my liver issue will clear. I will be very curious now the days forward. She said now go walk in beauty and live life. No fear to go out and live. If there is one prayer I wish God show me how now to live my life. And I believe all like you say will be distraction that I will learn to maintain my focus to continue my path toward our Lord work for me
            Have a good evening Colleen
            Love Sand

          • Sand, You just made a very interesting comment! To say, “I wish God show me how now to live” is one of the wisest prayers! He longs for us to live fully in every moment which is almost impossible to do when there’s been severe trauma as you have endured. I would encourage you to go to His word, the truth about how to live life, and see what He says. That is exactly how He “show’s” us to live-through His word. Psalm 119 (the longest chapter in the Bible), is a fantastic place to start. A couple other books of the Bible are Proverbs in the Old Testament and James in the New Testament. They are similar in tone as the theme is on how a Christian should live day to day. Very practical messages that will take me a lifetime to work on.
            I’m also thrilled to hear about your conversation with the alternative healing therapist. I have heard of this kind of work and studied it a lot recently; there are a lot of healing pieces to this practice. I am very interested in learning what comes of your time and health as a result. You continue to amaze me my friend. Have a wonderful day. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            I treasure you and our connection. I have an appt to go to and will come back finish reading some other thoughts. I did want to say I was amazed your suggestion bring psalm 119,,,,,do you know I was just finding God lead me to that exact Islam just the weekend when I was grappling with some of my forgiveness issues Before Thanksgiving this and over thanksgiving I have been praying the same in despair really asking God please show me better and show me how to live fully and how to live and play each step of the way
            This was incredible throughout weekend I landed exactly on psalm 119. I also had been reading James and then found myself in proverbs where verse of having full faith and trust with all my heart in our Lord So interesting as well you mentioned all these and without my full awareness as your knowledge of these as resourceful and exact guidance of God direction. I also pray with intention know and memorize the verses better as I have not good storage of memory.
            I am going to forward you the website of the alternative healing Native American gal I working with. She I found one of the most thorough as to understanding these emotional needs through physical
            Have a good afternoon Coleen. So glad we connected
            Thank you again for amazing support with ,of and for me in this process of growth
            Love Sand

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            I wanted to express that you are an inspiration for all the outlets that you are sharing that you are learning in your journey of whole health
            I wanted also say i have heard the Lord ask me rest for some time nor. He still seems that is where He wants me. I will continue ask for His guidance of where He will want me to serve as this is the answer I waiting for. As we talked so much His timing is not of ours. If He is asking me to rest there will be a reason He has wanted me wait for the other answer to bring me full balance. I guess that was what I was communicating that yes I understand He would want me to serve , yet I have not heard loud and clear without a doubt what that is yet from Him. So as God wants this for me He has a plan as you have also said that He is preparing me for that big step outward. Yesterday consult for healing I had not realized how much energy was in that process until today. I do feel physically exhausted yet filled with a renewed sense of energy of spirit and understanding myself at deepest level with why the times I had found myself ready move forward , the deeper scar would be a wiring that would instantly communicate “if I go outward I cannot stand be hurt again ” like the childhood circumstance where I was doing something so peaceful as decorating a Christmas tree alone.lwhat happened I have forgiven and I am grateful that God was with me as He removed my soul for that time and now that I getting in touch with I now understand that old automatic synapse that has held me back. It will interesting to me to hear Gods calling in His timing and be able to fully trust and relate to what I have let go to bring me beyond those times all was halted because of fear something would or someone would hurt me again
            I am delighted today for this renewed awareness and just maybe my MRI will miraculously be clear because of my forgiveness process. Or if not that this will be for this purpose, completely letting go this wound for my betterment and God glory of who He designed me to be to shine finally beyond this healing
            Much love
            Sand

          • Sand,
            Oh my….there is a ton of energy that goes into healing. Healing emotionally, physically, spiritually, relationally-in every way you have been on a healing journey for a long time. And, there is no way to measure time when healing is concerned because we encounter roadblocks and setbacks like what you have had to endure with the house. Not just the house but family issues, health issues, relational issues…I seriously don’t know of another person who has endured such a wide variety of challenges! For this reason and many others, I’m so honored to be part of your journey and healing. It’s an honor to see God working in you, to see you stay the course even when everything in you wanted to toss up your hands and give up. You have and are doing all God asks of you. How amazing is that, my dear friend. I pray this entire holiday season is one of peaceful hope; nothing fancy or remarkable, just wonderfully calm and confirming that you are God’s child and His love for you knows no bounds. Do let me know what the MRI results are and the direction your doctors want to take. All my love to you dear one. Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            I am going to wish you the same. The most fulfilling experiences that speak volumes of His presence this holiday season and through Christmas and New Years
            I am grateful for our connection
            I do know I will be connecting before Christmas and I will connect as soon as I learn what course I am being led to address physically in my journey of healing the emotions. It is incredible the variety you mention of my reality I have experienced. Being in it we often tunnel vision to our Lord for he is my destiny and redeemer. My steadfast hold i learn is with Him
            Take care this afternoon and nite and week and warmest regards to you and your family
            With love
            I love your perspective always always refreshing brilliance of insight of Colleen
            With love
            Sand

          • So

            Hello Colleen This was a very special wish for me and for my Christmas experience and my wish will be just as you have wished me
            Thank you so very much
            With love
            Sand

          • So

            Hello Colleen I was thinking of you. i have been fitting anxiousness with my current physical self and what in process bringing concrete information. My records being reviewed by Mayo Clinic Florida where I had that first scan in 2013. They had not pursued any further testing because undetermined yet small wrote off as cyst. There was one nurse in 2011 who suggested but all those around me at time unhealthy friend who channeled reiki said hogwash and nothing wrong with my digestion or liver. I was so harassed which I was reflective these past days and that unhealthy relation was just that unhealthful for me. I coming into my own center and all will come to peak now. My gathering, I never drank heavily and rarely have wine. I used to have socially beer or wine but nothing crazy. Brings me to the digestive dysfunction I have been sorting out since 2011 and eatting what defined non celiac and easily digested for nutrition. The enormous amount of stress during the time you have known me and just prior with divorce and psssung of my dog hit my weakness digestively and a weak liver from baby hospitalized and through childhood so many antibiotics. And all the anger I have given my full focus work on in self healing for years now. All this I can only speculate if a non alcoholic cerosis , the symptoms are of this and of cancer. I won’t know so without certainty I am asking for prayer, healing and please that God will not bring that level of suffering I know we are to be grateful , I would be more grateful for cancer than the other for it would be maybe quicker to pass through. The disease element for me would be probably the worst for me I realize I wrote all out as truth and maybe it helps another in some way. I will let you know as I learn more. The medical field I have found need something full blown develop before treat. That is why 2011 a holistic nurse was aware by ways the medical field did not understand so two visits 2013 and 2015 to Mayo Clinic they said I had fibromyalgia. This is the best fldictirs but why I did all I was able holistically to maintain some functioning. Looking at the symptoms that have increased yet herbs keeping just at bay what is like fluid retention and some other things digestively I do pray this all just is reversible or that it be an incredible miracle of a fix if digestion after these years It is going be Gods will.
            I cannot say subconsciously how I hope I have not self sabotaged for not being able cope with the final anger healing that I personally knew there and have just known I need a tremendous amount love to release the final piece of it. I thought that would have been the church I wanted to experience what was not intended by God to be the place I know he then has pulled me ever so close to His love and drawn me to His attention to lean and absorb the greatest love of all. I told the brother I am in touch with that if it ends being God plan I will run to Him in end
            I apologize if I cannot imagine worst , it is heavy on me right now because I do not quite see how something like this turns around. I can trust and continue my faith as I will no matter what and be so uncertain of what happens when a major organ effected I do believe I am angry right now about that and keep finding my inner drive and our Lords spirit around and within me how to live and trust
            Sand

          • So

            Colleen. There is something I believe good to share that a military young man I met a Michaels craft store. He offered help me after talking a bit whether yard or house odds and ends He was building a lantern and looking for materials. We just talked. I do not usually give out number and he slit younger and I explained because he military snd alone I connect and we have texted. He wanted to stop by my house. I have waited a few days. I cannot imagine it being negarltive because he military here stationed and he rescued a dog and rehabilitated and his mom now has dog as her own. He gave to her with a deployment and it was meant be where it stayed. So I maybe overthinking bringing this soldier here yet I believe I am going to and show him some minor things in yard. He said all I would need is supply materials. I offered food cooked meal or treat to a meal. We may connect this way and we agreed we both enjoyed talking There would be my only hesitation he thought I was pretty and kind, and even though I made clear not romantic date because if age difference and I seeking remarry I would not want bring discomfort of finding out he likes me more than what he says intention keep him busy and enjoy conversation I will pray more before I invite him by to look at some things.
            Have a great day
            Love Sand

          • So

            Colleen. I keep going back read your thoughts. Yes I had to say the Psalms. I have been opening bible to where I believed heard God direction and Psalms I found reading. I pray to remember verses throughout bible for immediate recall and this over time will come as I pray. The verse I found myself reading was Psalm 31 today where I seem have reread a few times before being able move forward in psalms. These are my prayers at moment
            Many Blessings in prayer for you and Jon and your family.
            Love Sand

          • So

            Colleen one other thought was for one year my going Church was enriching me with what I believe God had guided me drive the 50 minutes each Sunday and extra weekday for bible study. I was seeking more strong relations of support there My old friend and believe it or not an insurance adjuster both of Christian Faith and very faithful in reaching out with prayer and encouragement in my situation. Each person said I need a small church of people who understand a verse in acts the insurance adjuster sired saying I need a “home church ” one where those will come to my home and /or comfort me in times that I may experience these triggers and perhaps anxiety from all happening and whatever toxins are creating havoc too on my system emotionally and mentally. My friend encouraged me look up her church and perhaps connect to see how that may work for me. Again I am waiting onGod to guide me further and I believe my dr appt Monday too will help me with reality and persipective as I recall her saying that there is not all or nothing with my church I had been going to. There can be those relations I had not found yet there. I do believe my God instinct is that He wants me somewhere else where I can openly ideal to my pastor and whether local or as I pursued insight for living ministries for the way I am so accepted and encouraged by those that for me is like Our Lord working through each of you there. I will let you know how this God plans out to be. Maybe I put out my insecurities and/or as your blog states how these behaviors can create others to avoid . This blog and your thoughts are incredibly helpful. To have been able come back to even your blog to read and have even a new persipective on how this is so similar and as you say those I need close to me to be so loving and supportive is truly key and continue my trust in God’ s truth and love for me let go let God
            So inspiring to read through again
            May you have a beautiful fall weekend. And also keeping the warmth of his love in blanket around you and yours
            Love Sand

  • Madeline

    Hi Colleen, thank you for these words.

    • You are so welcome. We love talking about the great times but we have to stick together in the hard time, don’t we. Thanks for your note! Colleen

  • Lynda Churchill

    Tears…..I love you precious friend….

    • Lynda, oh my gosh my dear friend. It has been way too long and I’m sorry we’ve not connected. You can see why probably in what was written…what a summer, what a season of God diving deeper into my soul and yanking out junk that needed to go. So healing is happening and I’m knowing God in such a new way; and the valley is never a delightful place to say the least. I love you and hope your health is better. Thank you for sending your number; I would love to connect this weekend. Have a beautiful day.