What We Need to Help Us through Trials

When you encounter people who are going through a trial, do you find yourself thinking: I really want to help others who are struggling, but what do they need most?

What We Need to Help Us through Trials
(Photo: By Paul Bica from Toronto. Last rays. CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

As human beings, we all need the following 8 qualities in our lives to help us through our toughest times.

  1. Trust: We need to sense acceptance and value from others without judgment of our behaviors, feelings, reactions, displays of emotion, and lack of functioning; this includes confidential and consistent care through a crisis.
  2. Security: We need nonjudgmental support and confidential, consistent help with the management of our daily responsibilities.
  3. Relational Support: We need the presence of people who are comfortable with silence, who are aware of our needs, and who are both consistent and dependable.
  4. Hope: We need encouragement from other people; their help in locating resources; and their commitment to pray for us. We need their dependable and calming presence amidst our doubts, our coping techniques, our mood swings, our lack of control, and our familial demands. We need to see a ray of hope, a light at the end of the tunnel.
  5. Guidance: We need help developing new skills, healthy coping strategies, self-awareness, problem-solving skills, stress-management techniques, and the capacity to deal well with relational conflicts.
  6. Affirmation of strengths: We need others to possess a positive regard for our personal development and character formation.
  7. Time: We need time to cry, to be mad, to have a pity party, to let go of wishes and dreams, to express hardship and sorrow, and to adjust to our trials.
  8. Discovery of meaning and purpose in life: We need the opportunity to rebuild, restructure, reframe, and release life as it was before our crisis, so that we can live life as it is now.

Next time you encounter someone who is struggling, ask God how He might use you to create a supportive environment where healing can happen.

Let Me Hear from You

Which one has most helped you get through trials?

You can leave a comment by clicking here.

What We Need to Help Us through more Trials

(Photo: By Dennis Jarvis from Halifax, Canada. CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

  • Lori Matthews

    Colleen, I cannot begin to tell you how much Reframing Ministries and the chapel sermons by your dad at DTS have encouraged me. While having a special needs family member is not our situation, our family has gone through a storm the last 6 months that has driven me to my knees (not a bad place to be) and to try to find anything to help endure in my faith. I have watched numerous interviews you have done via you-tube (I found you while scrolling through a video list of Patsy Clairmont and Women of Faith videos), and I read the daily devotional on the IFL web-site every day. The situation is not “fixed” (although there are signs of improvement), but I thank you for the Scriptural principles I have gleaned from each of the interviews that you conduct that help me to “hold on”. The ones that stand out are: 1. God loves me. 2. God has not left me. 3. God will be with me to the end. 4. God is NOT mad at me. (A biggie for a 58 year old raised to believe that if I was “good” God loved me, if things in my life were bad, I had “done something” to make God angry.) 5. God is trustworthy and is perfectly capable of bringing “beauty from ashes” …Isaiah 61:3. Also, the videos are helpful because I tutor children with dyslexia and will be soon be involved in helping to launch a Sensory Reading Program at a small local library in the community where I live. Thank you again for your encouragement and for taking the time to read this lengthy comment.

    • Lori,
      I am incredibly humbled and honored by your note…thank you so much! One of the reason’s we renamed the department “Reframing Ministries” is because ‘Special Needs’ is one of countless circumstances that one never plans to face in life. Whatever the storm…disease, accident, church betrayal, mental health, divorce, loss…whatever it is that God allows has a purpose. It NEVER appears like that when we’re slammed to the ground or have no light in our lives; but as the dust settles and we choose to believe He has a plan, purpose usually begins to surface. For many of us, we tend to believe our behavior dictates God’s goodness (or lack there of) to us. However, it is through the suffering that we learn EXACTLY what you wrote…He loves us regardless, He is with us to the end, He never runs out of patience with us and He is trustworthy. Those are such core foundations on which we must believe or those awful times will wipe us out. I’m so, so thrilled to know you are encouraged by the stories of many who have suffered. He is with you, Lori…right now, right there, loving you, comforting you, and has an incredible plan that will emerge as you continue to trust Him. I would love to know more about your work with LD kids also…I’m always wanting to learn from others.
      Thank you again…connect anytime.
      Colleen

  • So

    Hello Colleen,
    I have been thinking of you and hoping that you and Jon and family have been well this winter. I need to say that you are all of these qualities that I can honestly say firsthand that you have been the only one person who truly “got it” of what my need has been through a trial at so many levels.It was your unconditional care and tender heart of compassion without judgement but meeting me every time where I have been and just being remarkably gentle and kind and caring of me,with genuine solid character.
    I am uncertain of where I am being led in now ,yet a strength of Jesus in my soul that is so refreshing and alive.I can say that it was you that led to show me the example of human experience that I was able to open my heart and soul to Jesus and I am still in process of changing. I am hearing things about myself that may be difficult for me as I continue heal where maybe I need to forgive and not have high expectations, although there is a common thread in my journey that I think I do expect goodness and when I do not see in others the level of compassion and patience it becomes a fight that I cannot let go so easily. For example with house and how I have pursued the truth, not too many I finding to help, or that really can care or see the truth in all I have been doing to make this right. There continue to be discouragements with the house and the attorney who did not communicate but write an email of terminating contract for suddenly not enough time needing prioritize larger cases, although not really doing anything but delay for this year, time God must have some other idea that I have let go of my own understanding and working so much on myself this last month in ways I have been praying every morning now with music mediation of stillness, and ways very internal that I going to be changing more. I could not be more uncertain of where God leading me, but I know I have Jesus holy spirit so alive surrounding me and within me that there I rest. Recently I have not ever had the experience that has changed me,that of truly sensing I was walking within or beside Jesus as he carried his cross or as he was at the cross, an amazing “empathy I think has internalized or become what I understand ,those pains are what I can not imagine yet I have from my own self an undetstanding of how deeply he was hurt.
    There also has been change I notice with an internal removal of old ways being so obvious to me. I continue to struggle with having close relationships and I do all to remind myself that I am so Loved and by Jesus so very much Loved is amazing to relate to this kind of Love.
    I have made most effort again with my search of another attorney when statute of limitation is just coming April 2017. I am praying for an attorney who will take this on contingency and been meeting with so many that I am running out of names to meet with. The one attorney I “wanted” was a team of a male and female attorney. Although they treated me less than I would have “expected”, as if I was somehow a disappointment or disgust? to her,honestly, it was odd and probably why God knew this team not of “integrity” so he had them change in the three weeks reviewing my paperwork from saying they would work on contingency to suddenly too much upfront costs that they would need money up front and me see their dr for 1500.00. I just simply cannot afford, so God knew that and I believe he wants me to come to who he finds of integrity to work with me? Again I need throw out my understanding and that is essentially what I doing, God so is my driver and I just along for this ride, I have kept positive and times of discouragement I have not let get me so low that went beyond a few days, I so need stay my Faith and Trust in God with all of my Heart. Reading passages that again I cannot yet recall but ever so comforting, recently Numbers 6 24:26, 2 Tim 1:12, Luke 23:46 which is probably my favorite now. and exactly where I am in giving my father Lord my spirit into his hands.
    God shined a remarkable miracle that of my physical condition is well. The visit to Mayo was a miracle of miracles of God, that the ct scan was “overread” and the mri was completely clear and I was told by dr that there is a lot they do not know yet of mold exposure, and that the herbal tonic relieved me well of symtoms, and to continue if need use again, and that the symptoms were not driven by the organ of liver, but driver is allergy/immunology, which would be the mold essentilally.
    I miss our connection, and so much I believe going to happen for my better and good with God leading me to rebuild and renew all that I have not heard yet what is the next step but I sense it right here in now .
    With Love
    Sand

    • Sand,
      I have MISSED YOU!!!!!!
      My email was down so I not been able to connect for a bit…but I LOVED getting this note! WOW! WOW! God is at work in your life my dear and it’s clear that He’s got you! I know the frustration of having no help or support and I’m so sorry you are enduring that still with the house. We are facing some of the same things with allergies around here and it’s tough to nail down. What herbs and supplements have you tried? I’m on some that seem to be doing a great job of immune and lymphatic support; Jon and I are on a huge shift in our health protocol. However I can help or support you, let me know.
      Also, the Mayo reading and what you learned there is astounding. I’m thrilled you are in better health than what was originally thought. Such wonderful news.
      Please do stay connected and let me know how I can specifically pray for you. You are one incredible lady!
      Much love and care to you today,
      Colleen