• So

    Hello Colleen!
    I love your quotes! I just love this one too. It is a good reminder for me of God’s incredible goodness. I have an interesting few days, I wanted to share one which touches upon a previous conversation, as with Paul and how Satan can be assigned to come into our lives for a greater purpose God has for us. There is a sales person I met in a home furniture store back when I was married, and that was it, he was a salesperson that was in the store, nothing connected us further and he really was not the salesperson that helped us with any purchases, honestly he was cold and really not friendly but seemed aloof and for the sale personality.
    I bumped into this individual, at a recycling county facility, he looked at me and said hello with the brightest lite up eyes and smile that I had not ever seen, and he said what is your name again. He said he no longer works there, he had a stroke and was blind and could not speak or walk and had therapy. He has a shuffle and memory and words are a bit slow, but he said God IS GOOD! amazing testimony. He is a miracle that can see walk talk, and ride his car,etc. That he returned being grateful and filled with honestly the light of Jesus sparkling in his eyes. I have thought about this again and again because it seems I suddenly was running into stories like this, and after our conversation thinking a lot of gratitude for all the Blessings that come even if that is so difficult, there is a Blessing in it. This individual has Jesus now and in a way his spirit is so very BLessed .
    I wanted to update also the attorney had his general contracter come out, they as many who have walked through see how I was so taken on this house sale, and shocked how many colluded in hiding things and not bringing any to my attention. I am hopeful and ask for continued prayer on Charlie ,the attorney I wish to work this now through to end for me, I am awiaitng further contract with him. I will call him tomorrow if have not heard back from him. The contracter was to contact him . The contracter had come out with his daughter and another amazing story she was a health coach who stopped working to work with her dad who had a stroke also, he is older and a little slow and a memory slower too, but he and his daughter were probably the most wonderful team that has walked through my house and she gave me a wealth of knowledge and we talked and talked and she wants me to keep in touch to let her know how all works through. She confirmed the mold creates yeast and my tongue is white from I have confirmed the mold, it has been since living in house. and I had taken a tablet for a obgyn issue related and my tongue began to turn back normal, that was my first incliniation that this is yeast, and now confirming it from the mold exposure. I know really gross but it shows you how much exposure and how toxic my living space truly is.
    I am going to be taking a herbal tonic from the African herbalist that gave me a herbal tonic end of last year that so worked for me then for the symptoms I was having then, all related to the exposure.
    The other attorney I wanted to let you know came back asking for too much money upfront for me to offer, and I found he was sly in asking as it technically was a 40% , but he wanted most upfront based on “if get the higher amount” and if win contingency of 10%, so it with the upfront amount really was 40% Which honestly was double the asking of another attorney that I had previous, and most have average of still less than 40%. I have him on back burner if need revisit and counter his offer that maybe I could meet. I prefer that God showed me that his integrity was not all I would have wanted for someone working with me and he seemed ambivalent as to if other costs came up and that “he wanted to have incentive” of money to work for me that he has given a lot of work away as if he was justifying to ask for money for incentive from me as a bitterness or self centeredness about his proposal. So not sure where my helping his family with the mother in law with dementia stands in all that.
    The other update was my dad I have only heard he know has pneumonia, so I have prayed for his healing and transmutation and that his Spirit be enveloped by Jesus and that he find comfort in knowing Jesus is with him and what strength he needs come from our Lord in healing or what Gods will will be for this season. I so far have been okay with this and sensing my dads spirit at one point was close and uncertain if I was picking up on his passing, and then I seemed I sensed he was not ready and that he will be okay. I continue to not find it in my best health to go there, and will see if I do only if I hear God wanting me to visit privately if it were an end that he was asking for me , and stay away from the famly dynamic of anger and abuse, but all this I say is not any of it certain to come to me as Gods will to act.
    I will let you know how all works though Colleen, I will be keeping you , Jon and yoru family in my prayers as well
    Have a Blessed and pleasant weekend together
    Lvoe Sand

  • So

    Hello COlleen, It me again, I know you have so mnay posts from me, part reason was I was not sure you were receiving what Disquis was saying “on hold”.
    Colleen I did just receive word by text of older brother that my dad is going in for emergency surgery this morning. I have kept him in prayer because over month he was hosptiatlized for bleeding internally somewhere and needed blood, he I learned just got pneumonia and this morning text is he going in for emergency surgery for blood clots in legs. Colleen yesterday as I prayed I saw his spirit so close to leaving, as he was surrounded by light of Jesus and seemed filled with this light, but I know this sounds different but I can see spirit like this and had a conversation with his spririt and he said he was not ready yet. So I said okay and told him not to be afraid if it is time. ANd this morning I get this text , Colleen I do not sense he strong enough yet that has been my prayer that Jesus light and love strenthten no matter what God has in his will for him.
    Please keep my dad in your prayer as I have even though the history has not been all pleasant. And continue pray for God show me the way as I do not wish to go there where such abuse of me and disregard to all my feelings and who I am respectfully a child of God beloved and beautiful
    THank you
    Love Sand

  • So

    Hello Colleen,
    I know God loves me and would not want me to be abused as his spirit is within me and I have been away from that level of treatment to strengthen and heal and will not return . I actually am really good right now having had that spiritual talk with my dad in spirit yesterday and sensing that when I visited several years back when he began illness, I shared a lot of time sitting with him and sensing that was my closure of saying goodbye . I sense my intuition of his not ready yet to leave and this surgery will do as it is supposed to and I have been praying for his healing and that God if his will otherwise that my dad will be go with ease and comfort into his hands for further healing andt to see and know him at that moment and accept him at that moment. I am okay with all of what I have processed.
    Have a Blessed weekend and I will let you know on all fronts how all God brings forth.
    With Love Sand

  • So

    Hello my dear and sweet friend Colleen, You are SO Loved!
    I think and pray for you and JOn and your family each and every day with delight to our Lord for you and great Thanks. I realize so many notes I have left and that on your end must be so difficult to receive such emotion from me.
    I have been continuing pray so deeply today especially today. I was told the other day by brother that my dad did make it through surgery which is a great Blessing. I would not wish on anyone that way to pass, although willing to accept if that was Gods will. I did trust what my intuion was strong that my dad was not yet ready, and this was GOds will afterall surgery..
    .I am thankful for your blog to be open and sharing and for all of the prayers that I have received and for my father and family as well. I had this morning become a powerhouse of prayer because my oldest brother texted me my dad saying he smiling for you, and it was no smile on his face but terrible pain and depth of broken spirit and soul of darkness. Since then I have cried for it is no way to live without knowing Jesus LOVE AND LIGHT and GOODNESS. I realized how Great our Lord has been to me and my faith now a daily embrace and worship of our Lord for his Light Love and goodness. I thought ah, is this what he has been preparing me for, to see my journey of faith and the selection to pass along his Love in someone so failing yet not yet knowing this truth and to pass without it , is the hardest thing for me to accept ,because of what I now know of our Lord. I am sad yet triumphant in my faith and knowingness of our Lords love and eternal life awaiting . I am uncertain what this all means yet, but I did take my oldest brother up on possiblitiy that if this what GOd leading me to read scripture and prayer near my father who is ,someone so broken and bitter, that if this what I supposed to do , the Lord will provide me with his strength and my brother would provide a hotel nearby the hospital that I can be set aside and do what maybe our Lord wants of me to pass along and just maybe give this individual, my dad one final chance to open and have heart and spirit of his soul lifited as it is so intended by God. Or if it will be my very will to stay and pray for someone so broken out of this life and not the will to see and accept beyond the conquering of stubburness and lacking faith and knowledge of what the acceptance of JEsus was and is, and to simply simple accept this fact on my own is heartbreaking,yet grace of God I have lived a journey to open my heart to Jesus and accept and be saved by His presence in my life and into what will be eternal glory with Jesus. I just know that I sense a drive and motivation to spread Jesus word as our Savior to someone who is on the edge of death and not knowing His truth in this life or in the end and what Jesus truly would have wanted for someone to see and know .
    I am open to any thoughts, and know God is working me through this process and all will be as He wishes for me .
    WIth Love , have a day filled with HIs Love,
    Sand

    • Sand,
      This is great news! I can tell you are so happy and excited about the possible opportunity to share Jesus with your dad. Really, you are serving the Lord; regardless of his choices, you are giving so much honor to Christ and to a man who-in human terms-doesn’t deserve it. THIS IS GRACE! So much grace, Sand. I am amazed at your gift of true, sincere, love for our Lord and how you are serving Him. Often, the biggest struggle most of us face is giving grace and unconditional love to those who are closest to us. It’s been said that most treat the grocery person or the mail person better than their family….so sad and often so true. However, I’m reading this thinking…you are doing exactly as Christ calls us to do…give grace and love regardless of how deserving one may be. These are the acts of true life in Christ; obviously it is Christ’s strength coming through your weaknesses of past hurt….it’s such an honor to read this note. I will be praying for whatever the Lord has planned…for you to be strong in Him, for you to be confident and secure in who He has made you, and for you to walk with your head high because you are walking with Jesus wherever you go.
      Thank you for your daily prayers as well. I’ve had some more health issue surface that we are checking out so your prayers are especially appreciated. Please let me know how things come along with your family. Blessings and honor to you my friend, Colleen

      • So

        Hello Colleen
        I am sorry be brief this moment. Brothers informed rushing to hospital as my dad being placed on ventilator with not knowing he make tonite.
        I sitting in library parking lot is why this I will come to and write you note and let you know I am sorry your health has been a concern again I will continue keep you in my prayers
        I not sure God has a different plan for me and what I believed I was being called to do. I many hours away and these current changes may or may not give me ippportunity help my father heart and soul spirit. I have prayed in powerhouse kind of way and I know lord hears me
        I would be saddened know I did not have that chance from that photo will always be strong eyes of dark broken place last saw of my father. Worst than ever saw him really
        Not such a memory I intended or would want beyond all the others
        I was searching for s file this morning and a old book of bible stories fell out of closet and it’s page open to Joseph and image with quote “forgive your brothers “. I so believed again this Gods calling with all this as there are no coincidences.
        I will come back later to continue
        Thank you for your genuine blessings and prayer Colleen. Thank you so much bring you and the work you were called to do so well , I am so appreciative of your kindness and care and concern for me always and your kindest thoughts of me and my journey
        With love
        Sand

      • So

        Colleen
        There was one thing that may change my thought as another reminder of my feelings not being acknowledged and I do not find support near my family. The reminder came when I sitting in car began crying naturally again as bmidfke brother called saying he on way hospital. And my older brother texting me back saying he did read my texts and let him see how dad is right now. And when I say I was crying. He texted keep it together please and talk to me later. This is I know his own insecurity and not wanting himself accept his own emotion with what he rushing to find out may be final moments of father life. If I can keep that in perspective and do our lords work as my dad would be still with us to maybe help him see our lords love and accept him as savior then I would
        I willl be sharing more soon
        With love Sand

      • So

        Colleen
        This was a good example I had just shared. I would rely solely on the Lord for my strength because I do not have any support from my family. All siblings and parents If open to receive have always looked to me yet when I need more support it has been cold and as though I burden to each.
        I will need to talk further with God see where and what “he “is wanting of me. And follow his command as I pray often I want to be obedient just show me how.
        I look forward coming back read again your thoughts expressed and interested in writing more to your insight and what you have shared with me
        With love Sand

  • So

    Colleen if you do receive this message I just wanted to share that I’m driving right now 10 to 13 hours I understand that my dad is screaming help help help and it just is so much clearer that I continue on the path that I thought God was leading me and that was to be by his side and pray as my intuition is correct that he needs God and to see God and know God as his Savior in someway before he passes so that he can go in peace not being as terrified as I am understanding and sensing in my own to an intuition that he is he just has been put on hospice and is getting a morphine drip so I’m hopeful that I will make it if God’s will if not I’m completely OK going to the burial and I know that I will see his spirits and be able to communicate to his spirit with my good intuition this is a hard trip for me but I kept saying we’re hearing in my mind that sometimes you need to go where it is most hard to make the biggest difference so may God bless me on this trip and may God bless my father in his path

    • Sand,
      Clearly, the Lord led you to this place so I will pray in earnest that you are able to focus on your dad and prayer. Christ is with you my friend…He is your safe, loving Father who is with you right now. My prayer… “Lord, will you empower Sand to be who you have created her to be…loving, tender, strong, and so full of desire for her earthly father to know you. Lord, you have this situation in your hands, nothing is surprising to you. Please keep Sand in the palm of your loving hands as she drives and then sees her family. May your Holy Spirit fill her in such a way that she shines like light in the darkness. Please, Lord, keep the enemy far away from this time and may you bless Sand and her family as she takes on this obedient direction. In Jesus name, Amen.

      Sand, please let me know how things go and I will continue to pray. Colleen

      • So

        Hello Colleen.
        I can only update briefly and will need one back
        There is some good in trip I learned the predetor brother in law passed last year. He no longer a threat to me or my family that denied his toxicity.
        The family still has same issues but suddenly the siblings who treated me so badly including the oldest sister married to predestot said new beginning and has been more than ever wanting connection be better. I cautious with all especially her youngest daughter my so called God child who when she learned whatever small info from her mother that was denial and dysfunction she has been analyzing me and playing mind games with me. She young is part of it and not shining of goodness She denies my issues at all by how I have been treated I learned she a social worker and someone said she now psychologist. Which I have difficulty believing and frightening that someone of such lack of care and concern and living wisdom and denying me of any sexual abuse and giving me difficult time playing kind games to analyze me and who laughs at individuals she treats with disabilities just frightens that that can be .
        I give this all to God because of his remarkable ability take all of this and shine goodness upon me in the major life blessings he has just delivered with brother in law removed and for the amazing fact my dad could not speak but I arrived and was the only one by his side over nite as arrived last person for him to see and talked to him and being able see he heard me by his eyebrows a little glimps of a smile and shrug shoulder on my hand and I held his hand and talked about all things sweet touching and humorous that nite and st 735 am he passed with last breath he consciously took by closing his mouth and inhaling gently his nose oxzygeb and then passed. It was as peaceful as I have ever experienced. He did not have a sign of distress nor gasping or difficulty. Just taking his oxygen as he sweats had by nostril as he did not want I end it anytime enjoy using mask. He always complained he wanted becable talk. Just the day before he passed he was talking a little here and there
        Please pray for my courage and confidence
        With love Sand

        • Sand,
          Tears are streaming down my face as I read of your experience. You made it, you listened to God’s direction and now have a memory forever engraved into your heart. I am so, so proud of you. How incredibly amazing.
          When I read of your sister, my thought was to let it go. It’s easy for those of us with PTSD to have triggers-things that remind us of the past but we are not living there so we must get in the present. Triggers can send us spiraling into a huge dark place. You have to mindfully and sometimes out loud say, I’m not going there, I am God’s daughter who is loving me and walking with me, healing me of all things and I will not look back. Who cares what she thinks; in fact, your perception may or may not be what she does think which is why it’s vital to let it all go. Don’t spend a moment thinking of her or the past. Relish in the fact that you were with your father, in grace and peace, full of love and forgiveness…Sand, this is life changing. I urge you to draw or sketch something if you like to draw. Just sit in the present silence and reflect on how God brought all this together. My hope for you is that you don’t allow the enemy to envade your thoughts with negative past stuff but that you call upon your Savior, the light of our lives, and allow Him to fill you with His peace. What a testimony to your character and his hand upon you. I am over the top thrilled for you.
          Also, I am weeping for your loss…I know you wanted a different past but we all wish in some ways for a different past. The pain is what makes us but we don’t stay there. I’m sorry it wasn’t different or better; but who you are is a result of much pain and I think you are beautiful. Your soul is real, refreshing, honest, kind, tender, and faithful. Stay the course my dearest one. In love and kindness, Colleen

          • So

            Hello Colleen
            Thank you for being so much a part of my journey. Thank you for your expression of caring concern and love for me and all I am walking through in life. I treasure you and your friendship for many years now and delighted that together we remain in watching the Lord most amazing work in my life path. What is happening I incredibly grateful and amazed how all areas of my life were not flowing , zero motion for several years and I had listened to Gods direction and seeing his direction by the book of Joseph biblical story opened to that page when book fell out of shelf onto floor to the page how there is evil but for good by God . I apologize if I do not have this scripture from genesis at hand but I know you know well what scripture I referring to. I listened and before gathering or waiting to gather the uncertain information of siblings updates by phone I trusted the only one and only God direction for me. How incredible. I am delighted that you are so encouraging that this is life changing. I so have longed sit and write you and I have so much more share with you that here where I still staying where grew up , here God is presenting me with forming more healthy relationships and incredible opportunities which I will explain further. The relationships forming are old family friend who was a neighbor for years growing up. Her mom and dad passed but I had them at my wedding back when had been married. They were close to my mom and s good positive healthy family. So joe daughter is a little older than me but invited me over and we had coffee and then she just had asked me if I wanted be an assistant to her in a job she has in NYC one day. But quickly the photographers hired another person I was so excited and if she ever offered a permanent job I strongly would consider. She believe it or not makes beds for design photographers. She wanted me assist that day if the photographers had agreed for me to iron for her. Lol. I would leave the state I live in and consider coming back nj just outside NYC God has a plan otherwise he would not be opening all to me here My house in South Carolina I purchased to eventually rent . Another amazing opening while here in nj staying at my mothers still until Monday is I prayed with all my heart to God two days ago and asked my dad to put in a good word if he able for my house to be made right and that I receive in abundance what need to make it all right even if for renting out later time. And very shortly afterward I received an email from the contracter that an attorney I had met with just before leaving for my dad passing , this contracter at first had not communicated with attorney but this day they came to me with excitement that the attorney spoke to her and her dad (contracter ) and reviewed with attorney cost quote and I was told the attorney going be calling me with details of how he is going help me with getting money from seller and insurance and I cried of relief that my prayer was heard and there is finally good news in making this right with now having had only one month until statute limitation. So I will get right on this next week with attorney.
            i can see a difference in my reaction staying with my mom. That is one area I more able let go I would st another time like to have more insight what psychologically really goes on in her head. She can still be negative like I using too much of her water which is very large type jugs and not to eat pears because she saving them for two other family members. Or not making any positive remark about this family friend wanting me assist her in creative work that would do be greatest good for me but instead she makes smirk as if disgusted and says nothing I would love to understand why all my life she showed this disapproval of me , whoever I was friends with , whatever I chose or was excited about. It is something I can see more clearly not at all about me but I would love God shine upon me understanding core issue. With that issue with not my oldest sister but it was with her youngest daughter this trip and four years back when I visited who I her God mother That was who has been playing the games as even after burial at luncheon she stood back and I saw she was staring at my boots in negative way as if my static cling she was trying create discomfort. I promise this true. I decided she in a very negative place right now and for her own reason she taking it out on me. I listening to your helpful insight on letting go and the staying present . I am grateful for your incredible support and encouragement with care and concern and wonderful and most helpful insight . I am practicing. My oldest sister and her one son that had been so negative to me four years back are more than offering open hearts and even now texting me and sensitive to showing love so this is a big change this trip. I am grateful for what God is opening and trusting only Him and his work for whatever direction he is leading me. I am excited for the first time for the graceful loving and forgiveness with my dad passing and literally bringing me to him that I was the one and last one be with him and with me alone with him holding his hands as he passed and all that is flowing positive even my niece negativity God is using me for a reason and I needcstay focused as you say and maintain the present without letting her trigger what I realized is she is treating me how my mother sheaths has disapproval. That is the trigger but I have grown and much more aware and confident even if stings my gut and soul and heart I need stay in the present and be child of God
            I do look forward connecting again soon. I will be home next week and I so hope we can celebrate good news with movement forward with finally a good soul of an attorney and contractors who know what happened with house and my dads passing and want help me because I have had such difficulty will be such a great big huge blessing upon my return. i will as you know be as you always say over the top thrilled and so over the top happy with that result.
            I look so forward connecting again. I look forward hearing how you are and Jon too in this season
            With love and you are so loved Colleen.
            Thank you for so many blessings and love for me
            With love
            Sand

          • Sand,
            This is an amazing update. Perhaps I may say, only God could bring such healing to the many broken family relationships. To find that you alone were present with your dad during his passing is beyond words. An amazing grace to say the least. And, as you are noticing other family behaviors, I find you are not playing into their attempts to control or manipulate…totally fantastic. We cannot ever control another person…their choices, behaviors, beliefs, decisions, attitudes, EVERYTHING is decided by that person. So when they are negative, it may be worth a simple response like… “sounds like that ______ was really _____ (name the feeling you are hearing or seeing….frustrating, irritating, angering, discouraging)…and I’m sorry you are feeling that way. Then allow them to clarify if they are actually feeling what you mentioned or other feelings. You are a mirror to them, not a sponge. You only are responsible for YOU. Since your role was to take care of/absorb the emotional climate of the family, you stepping out of that role is a change for everyone. They may be confused or try to relate as they once did but it doesn’t trigger you like it did before. You don’t have to carry the weight of anyone else’s attitudes or decisions. Just reflect back to them what you observe when it seems appropriate. Sometimes, just being quiet speaks volumes; unlike how you used to try and fix or make things right with everyone. You are, as we say around here, “giving them the gift of themselves”…allowing them to sit with their emotions and life choices but not being responsible for where they are or what happens. This change is absolutely freeing for you.
            What immediately came to mind just now were Paul’s words through his prayer for the Ephesians 1… “I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of Wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you…and his incomparably great power for us who believe.” May the Lord enlighten…meaning instruct, edify, clarify, direct…you in a way that only through knowing the Holy Spirit we can be guided by our Lord Jesus. Your trust and dependence on Him is profound. I wish you could see the growth because I see it so clearly. You would never have made it through this even 1 year ago…I am thoroughly delighted.
            Please stay strong in the Lord and keep me up to date when possible. I am so proud for you and of you!
            Colleen