Either we choose to live in bondage, using every ounce of energy to force down the worry, despair, shame, fear, or denial. Or we choose to allow our displaced grief to surface, so we might deal with it bit by bit.

  • So

    Beautiful Quotation Colleen.Your quote could not be more accurate! and well spoken in what as always so real and true. It immediately provides a total sense of calm validation like a wave of His loving warmth providing us rest and peace. I have not yet read through all your thoughts, I am in midst of getting ready to go to my oldest sister house as we are invited this afternoon.
    I did want to share that my little neice is 5 going on 6, or 5 going on 16, I will share more later time about a different tone I used that may have helped in that I think what you said made total sense about saying her name and “would your mom let you sit on top of the dining table”, so that is what I said and it was a different interaction. I am most grateful for your expertise of child and human development, I knew to call on you immediately with this in my heart to help me. So Thank YOU so very much. I will read through more details later so I can practice more of these interactions.
    I also wanted to share that this is so very interesting, another one of those instances I believe God is working it to be exactly as He wants it. This afternoon dinner is down to me ,my mom ,possibly my middle siister, and middle brother and his wife? I am not certain who else, but I found it interesting how others as my youngest brother and his wife are going to be traveling and preparing to leave, and my oldest brother will not be able to attend either because of travel out of town.My youngest brother is the positive light of relationship for me right now. The others can be negative in mind and heart so for God to be arranging who is going, I believe is another way He is Saying to me “trust in me”. So I more uneasy this gathering but I am doing just this, need trust in Him completely and if anything uncomfortable I remove myself. I for some reason do believe it is all part of the forgiveness of me and my older sister that God is leading this afternoon meal to occur. I will update you this week and so much happening as you say is so quickly and in amazing ways only of God work. I am very glad to hear that you are feeling better with your health issue that had you concerned this winter into Spring. I continue to pray for you and your family with Blessing and Gratitude.
    WIth love and care,
    Sand

    • Sand,
      Amazing…as I was reading, I thought…I bet the arrangement is a “God” thing and He’s wanting her to step out in faith. Your very next line was that very thing. I couldn’t agree more. You HAVE BEEN and CONTINUE to step out in faith which is so great. I would encourage you to see this as just another step in the process God placed you in before your dad passed. Each and every time, even when you have felt uncomfortable or doubtful, God had provided in abundance. I just read a post this morning on asking questions that lead to great discussions. Some of them included… What are you most passionate about these days?…What was the best thing your family has done in the past month?…what do you enjoy most?…how haw this year been different than you thought?…..and the like. Keeping open ended rather than yes and no questions on the table allows you to listen instead of just hear a “yes”, “no” then silence.
      I totally believe it will be great and I’ll be ready to hear how God’s presence was felt through your time together. Colleen

  • So

    Hello Colleen, I wanted to share the update of the gathering yesterday that wow was with new fresh eyes and it still brings me the sense of running fast and far from my oldest sister. There is a level of drama that is so not of the Lord and that of conversations that circle around and focus on vengeance and who at the time is a target of emotional dramatic intensity of each and every breath they speak, so not only my oldest sister but the amazing way she gravitates those that are also angry like my middle brother and his wife and my one neice and another neice that had her husband act so inappropriately as well, it was all over a gracious big bag of clothing that my little brother wife passes along when her children are no longer able to wear due to their fast growth, and my neice receives happily but her husband jumps up and very emotionally says no no more clothing, “stop helping us” and becomes extremely dramatic and wants to text my youngest brother in a negative motion of stop we don’t want your help. I handled it amazingly well, at first I sensed a photo there of the predetor who died, as I have mentioned of my oldest sister husband and I saw a container of ashes that I believe was his, I began getting a little nauseous and then I said within myself that he no longer here in my presence, God took him away, and I talked within myself that I am going to remain in present and stay focused on the Lord and His truth, and I began to relax into my own self and remained in this contained self for the few hours I was there. I did not enjoy but I thought it was God work to lead me there, to have these fresh eyes, I awake this morning that the next time I wish to have other plans. This is not the side of the family that has healed in any way and highly emotional in ways that remind me of when Jesus was on display before the King and all the townspeople having his life decided before the King and people and the drama and how they on high emotions and lack of reality and sensitivity and compassion for others chose his imprisionment for a real murderer to be released. The incredible kaos of the emotions that took place here remind me of this side of the family. There is no word of God as a foundation of thinking, acting, obedience, character, what I can see is out of control emotions that can very easily get out of hand and toxic and speaking continuously of hate and or revenge and what game to play back. The fact that my oldest sister daughter is a social worker and can inflict her poor perception and this type of authority of playing mind games for revenge on others along with my sister in law who was speaking to act this way with her children now turning 21 and older, it is shocking and with fresh set of eyes really remarkably lacking Jesus and how badly can inflict on another esp in a social work setting by my neice to “truly believe in themselves” without God as a guide and direction and foundation and truly believe that each and every one in themselves is right, is a self righteous that I truly do not wish to be around. and have no control of those they impact negatively. All I would be able to do is pray and pray for those that are being counseled as well, wow.
    I will be praying to our Lord as to how He wants me to get around this, as this side of family is the same ,I am just not their current target, or game.
    I am coming from a good place of my own, and I will need to keep my distance from this side of family. I am not sure how to do this yet if it comes up again I am invited, it would fuel a drama probably that I am somehow acting better? I have a party I was invited by my oldest sister son, my nephew and he is same, highly emotional and drama filled, and I was on list to go Saturday and I so am wishing a way to leave maybe sooner so I do not need to attend.
    I wanted to update you.
    I look very forward to reading through your thoughts of your notes for me. Hoping that you will have a restful and Sunday of Peace and pleasant experiences.
    WIth love and care
    Sand

  • So

    Hello Colleen
    I am in awe about the changes in me. I wanted to share with you that I feel excited! with all the drama that I have experienced yesterday .I am a different woman as you said, and amazed by what I am experiencing within, the lightness and energy with my new refreshed eyes being able see the negativity I have, I am a filled with amazing sense of gratitude and I honestly see so differently in that I believe God placed me there at the party with all the drama and negativity and explosive emotions of this side of family to bring me to have said to their comments of what reverse game playing they were culminating, that God wanted me to say have you ever given all to God and pray .My middle brother wife father is a Christian, and I have had conversations with him since my being a saved Christian and he is delightful and has shared experiences that he would not react in revenge as a behavior of what he shared with me, but to wait for example: his other family nephew to find God on his own when having difficulty and that he did not have control over his nephew growth but need let God show him the way, so I am always surprised my husband wife has not been able hear her father devotion to Jesus Christ, being blind to our Lord hand and word. I am sensing I missed this opportunity and why God led me there! I truly believe and sensing this is true. I did say “I prefer to be honest, and speak the truth of how I am feeling, I do not play games” I am feeling incredibly good which is a total shock to me and awe of this new me! I wanted to share because I am being led by God and God alone, and I am so absolutely grateful for what He has crafted in me and of me and all of the wisdom He has honored me with.
    I will be with update as I continue this path of growth.
    With love and care
    Sand

  • So

    Hello Colleen, I am writing again because it is truly amazing the intuition and insight beginning flow through me after sharing my experience yesterday with you at my oldest sister gathering.
    I am seeing something I am pretty certain from behaviors that have not changed, and after seeing my niece’s husband react so emotionally and explosively inappropriate to a bag of clothing for his kids from my youngest brother, the dynamic I picking up on that this may be more of the old munipulations at play with my being invited to this gathering and the truth coming out by his assault of my youngest brother kindess seems clear to me that intuitively or spiritually their game is that they are acting as always have, out of jealousy and because I have been sharing the beautiful positive most loving experiences during my visit with my youngest brother and his kids, as they live near my mom and God has placed me with them most of this visit because the Godly ways he is developing and his family, my youngest brother, his wife in process of exploring Christian redemption, and their family so tender and laughter of purest loving kind shared, and that is probably why I was invited oldest sister, it is beginning show signs of her being unchanged, and the fact her son in law, my neices’ husband reacting to my youngest brother and my recollection today of hearing him exclaim his son hit 3 balls, it may be that this is old behavior and what I wish to stay as clear of as possible. How dark does not like light and does all to interfere with God grace and Love and Light, so I will be absolutely cautious and speak to my middle sister who as well will never be able to trust my oldest sister for the hurt and pain that she has endured for being shunned and outcast and ganged up also for her coming out with her truth of the predeator that died, and her not going to his death bed in support. I am staying aware and staying very close to God and prayer and please continue pray that our Lord continues to surround me with His love and those that genuinely care and love and help that I can see Him in each. I love that I can speak to my youngest brother about Jesus and that he was digging in his yard and there was a little statue of Jesus that appeared from beneath soil, and he and his wife and children and I all spoke as if it were a Blessing and understanding of these little glimpses of His truth surfacing just at those moments unexpected yet he said he had just been reflecting about something that it then appeared out of soil. It was a connection that I desire so much and so grateful that our Lord delivering to me. I am going to continue pray that those that have not been healed and of all the behaviors to hurt and harm others stay far away from the good unfolding within my family, and that the good will eventually overcome all evil. As I do believe God has a plan of this kind as I have seen things within the family dynamic that are truly amazing, awarenesses of those that I am surrounding myself with and truth of His work and goodness unfolding, and we will continue to live by His example and that will be my prayer that we bond together in His LIght and Love and nothing else touch us.
    Have a day of rest peace and joy
    Love and care
    Sand

  • So

    Hello Colleen
    I wanted to come back to write more settled after the new activity of family renewed gatherings this weekend. I was able to read again your thoughts from last week, and I want to say I am sorry for having read incorrectly that you have not been feeling well. I had thought it said you were feeling better until I returned more settled last evening to read. I am always glad to be able to return and read again your thoughts, insights, encouragement, wisdom,etc. I also wanted to apologize for the extremely long post I had that you did reply to, I returned to read that and it was hugely long winded ,my excitement continued without my realizing how long that must have taken for you to read in detail and digest to then respond. and to not be feeling well to do so. I am sorry that your not feeling so well, and I will continue to keep you in my prayer.
    I am grateful for your presence. I appreciate so much all the well thoughts and details that you have shared that truly take a great deal of focus and patience and energy .
    I understand the energy of your quote it took me over 50 years to use all energy on these issues, until the exact time it was lifted and one of the greatest things I do that keeps me grounded is the Christian stillness meditation of dialogue with God, prayer,worship, listen to God and embrace each and every morning. This somehow changed my life in a way that so helpful to focus all on our Lord and rest in Him and His work. It truly amazing to me my relationship that I will not let go.
    I wanted to let you know too that I intend to apply more of what you shared for my little neice.. I had an interesting insight this weekend when the close friend who watches her and is of same culture of her mom and her moms family, and she is very hard and I am not sure of the correct word yet, but maybe boisterous? This may be where some of her character is coming through my little neice. For ex, the woman who watches her came in to drop her off,and usually there is no eye contact and just drops her off, not a warmth sensed, and she says very loudly to my little neice “well, am I going to get a kiss goodbye- you stay with me, sleep with me, fart with me, and you do not say goodbye”. Excuse me for what to me sounds rude to express, she has this loud very strong personality. I know that she and her husband are good people, it is a character side that I am now seeing may filter through my little neice as she develops, and shares much time with this woman, almost like a nanny.
    I know I have written a lot, I will keep this short today. I did want to say that m;y oldest sister called yesterday on my moms phone which I happened ot answer with my mom not being available to pick up, it was my oldest sister and interesting she sounded softer with me, I may have sounded a little taken to have it be her and she was senstivie and asked is everything ok, which I could sense maybe she sensed some distance in my voice and a bit anxiety that I had not felt until realizing some of the negativity is so toxic and wanting to be more distant from this energy. I was gracious and then passed phone along. I do know the healing may be for her that she had me at her home for that gathering .
    I am going to be praying for wisdom for all of this, especially for those that are so ignorant to Jesus existence and arrogant and believe for ex like one of her daughters who has tattoo of a Buddhist temple and enlightenment, and seems to behave as she knows all also behaving rudely with facial expressions as she judges by her face, and as a counselor of psychology I am always appalled how she uses her knowledge in negative way with this side of family that is negative, as I mentioned the vengence and game playing being talked about openly with one another. She is,maybe in her late 20,s, I guess I was the believing in my 20’s that I knew all about life and enlightenment, until I truly became saved did I truly know and see Jesus as the very only source of enlightenment and King over all these other moldalites or what are to me distractions from our one True Source of God, it took me time and I am praying for my wisdom and lack judgement of others and how can I knowing all I know be comfortable with hearing others that seem to be dead of the truth of our Beautiful Lord and King.
    With that I ask for prayer, wisdom and I pray too for those that do not see and know our Lord and that each see and know Him and His truth and I pray too that if God is using me as I believe He is ,that He provide more quickly what I could have said at the party , to pray about everything and to give Thanksgiving , as in scripture, know the verse well and be able to say this verse in bible is …………So I will be focusing on what I can read of His word and become better at having it at hand and pass along to those who are struggling with issues and not seeing and knowing HIm to be able to bring all to Him
    through prayer and supplication.
    Have a good day Colleen, I hope that you feel the warmth of HIs arms embrace you today like the warm blanket over your shoulders, His love to strengthen you and bring you wellness and Peace by His great Love.
    With love and care
    Sand

    • Sand,
      I see you have a couple of updates so I’ll read them carefully but did want to reply to this one now. One of the healthiest ways we can interact with other’s and not be shaken is to know where our foundation is and stay firmly planted there. You know the Lord loves you, is with you and for you, and your security is in Him. Picture your feet being fixed to a solid foundation even if the world is spinning out of control; you remain fixed and strong. That’s our security in Christ. I encourage you to not “read into” other’s non-verbals, tones, expressions that are different, so on. By assuming to guess or know what they mean, you could get way off track as often, we can assume by someone’s tone that they are upset with us, angry, rejecting, what have you. When really, they may be struggling with something that has nothing to do with us. When we are grounded in Christ Jesus as you have become, it allows other’s to be as they are without worrying that it has to do with us. When one has come from such hostility growing up, it’s easy to believe other’s responses are about us…it’s easy to be quite self-focused for protecting ourselves because that’s what you had to do to stay safe growing up. You no longer have to worry about what anyone else thinks or how they behave…unless they are directly rude to you. If that happens, you simple say “I’m sorry I’ve led you to believe it’s okay to treat me that way but it’s not, please do not ______”. You can’t control them, you do control your behavior and responses for sure.
      Basically, the freedom to “be” is all yours. You have that in Christ Jesus who has set us free (Romans 8). I would ask the Lord to protect your heart, keep you from worry, empower you to live freely and securely in Him, and how you can best serve those you are around. When you take the position of a servant rather than protecting yourself from who knows what, Christ will shine through you. I hope that makes sense. You may want to put a verse or some ‘reminder’ (like my rock) in your pocket or somewhere close that reminds you of how much you are loved, treasured, and kept safe by your Lord and shepherd. I pray right now that the power of our Lord would fill you, empower you, give your feet a strong place to stand firm, and be free of worry. In His name I ask these things, Amen.
      All my love, Sand. Colleen

      • So

        Hello Colleen
        Thank you so much as God lifted me completely by His loving hand in speaking through you in response to my spectrum of emotions just this eeejend opening to more areas of family where I am renewed yet still in training how best maintain my growth and foundation in Jesus in old as well as new surroundings
        I know I left a lot thoughts and I am grateful for your patience and kindness
        Thank you for your genuine care and prayer . Scripture is terrific thought. I have been memorizing some and to have handwritten by me to hold is beautiful idea. Numbers 6:24-26 is one of my favorites to recite and in my prayers day for others too. I will look up Isaiah and I think psalms has scripture of our Lord as our rock. Thank you .
        iIt can also help me trigger me to respond in a positive way with scripture in uncomfortable environment maybe to bring awareness to another struggling but not having a foundation in Christ
        I am actually doing well. These few areas and your insight I am going to bring to my 6 month trauma free counseling program designed to help in these areas of residual old patterns so this significant insight
        I thank you also for your other thoughts of excitement and encouragement of the direction I know God leading and to be determined to serve him in Christian counseling ,some capacity I believe He crafting me for
        I continue to pray
        Thank you so much for your insight patience and loving care always
        With love and care
        Sand

        • Sand,
          I’m so glad you have chosen to re-engage with the trauma therapist. That is such an amazing work…to find there is purpose in our pain provides hope and passion for life. Way to be courageous…and I’m not at all surprised that you would choose fantastic growth once again.
          Much loving care, Colleen

      • So

        Hi Colleen
        I wanted say that I have a greater confidence than ever internally from grace and love of God where I see I am not doing anything wrong Honestly the pain and hurt I still hypersensitive is seeing others that have not a relationship with God and the lack of seeing and knowing His great Love That probably is most disturbing part of my new existence when am amongst those who have not healed or been saved. I do best not to judge yet I sense such lack fulfillment and struggles that are behaviors that would be redirected to greater good if of God
        That is what comes to me today.
        If I can ask of you to expand on what you said where ” I would not be so emotionally available ” I was not certain this meaning in your inspiration and encouragement with my growth and God seemingly leading me serve in some Christian capacity to help others , what seems be His direction examine possibilities of Christian counseling
        Have a great day Colleen
        I supposed to head home Sunday into Monday splitting drive
        Not looking forward my house issues but attorney is negotiating with roofer and termite co. I have a gofundme page for mold remediation and seller I filed complaint – seller hired attorney so I am checking to see who will help me as represent me because my attorney sticks to he did not file this seller complaint because he does not feel it an easy win
        Thank you again for all of your patience grace insight encouragemt loving care and prayer
        With love and care
        Sand

        • Sand,
          I am glad you have had a short reprieve from the home issues. Do let me know what happens upon your return. I’m not totally sure which reply it was when I was discussing “emotionally unavailable” with you. However, in general terms, all of us who have endured trauma and not faced it or are running from the pain are in a mode of “escape”…will do anything to not face the trauma for a number of reasons. The result is that when we are trying to avoid something wounding us (unaddressed trauma continues to hurt us without us even realizing it), we use energy to do so. If there’s something I’m afraid of, I will expend energy on avoiding that fear than being fully alive in the present moment. It’s like trying to hold too many spinning plates in the air…eventually they fall. So it is when we are emotionally struggling…the present is also colored by our inner distraction/struggle which causes us to be not fully present. However, because you have and are examining your life, addressing trauma as needed, then you are able to be fully present with others…you are not distracted by something churning inside you. I hope that makes sense….I’m not concerned that you are stuck in any way. Your growth has been miraculous and watching God use you with your family now is absolutely exciting.
          Let me know if you have more questions.
          Much care, Colleen

          • So

            Thank you Colleen. You are always so very wise and insightful
            I very much appreciate your thoughts
            Thank you for this information
            The 6 month trauma counseling program is also free. I stepped into it miraculously God direction an open door and it so well developed that I looking so forward to picking up my second week soon
            This will help me further develop to follow through with my dreams and where God leading me to serve in some capacity Christian counseling
            Have a great day
            I so glad to have connected with you and hoping you are feeling well today
            With love and care
            Sand

      • So

        Thank you my dear friend Colleen
        I had not realized I slipped into some insecurity and worry. Your insight has helped me with awareness. This so helpful as I mentioned I am going bring this into my 6 month trauma counseling that I pick up its second week when I return home next week . It so designed for this reason. Residual triggers I may not be as aware or that are still subconscious old pattern when actually surface in a given situation
        Thank you so much again
        With love and care
        Sand

  • So

    Hello Colleen
    I wanted to be sure I understood the questions open to discussion versus yes and no answers Were these suggestions for my engaging my little neice that is 5 going on 6 this summer ?
    I love how you have walked along side of me and can see God working through trials on so many levels and forgiveness and new doors that he has prepared me and opening
    I need to share something with you that will be for sure shocking to you as the old unhealthy friend I have had police and investigator involved to deter his stalking me. I learned today he emailed my middle brother that I had been close with and maybe 5years ago he connected to this person for his wife health concerns and as I said the old unhealthy friend is very good in his work of holistic care of others — just not aigmed with his true character which is so smooth he contacted my brother and texted him today — all so smooth he had my brother thinking what a nice email. Unfortunately my brother told him my dad passed and I was staying with my mom. This person is not only dick but apparently still stalking me as it not coincidence I have been away from my house for almost one month and suddenly he writes in email to my brother that he was looking through old numbers and wanted see how he was doing. This is a person I have blocked email phone and police wanted me set restraining order but I had police and investigator talk with him instead. I thought it ended with investigator talking to him in January
    I had not mentioned before I left it was Easter I began finding things in yard moved. A big rock not easily lifted and placed in another area of yard in way soul was removed and in a slight hole And I found another week something else obvious moved. This is so bizarre. One deputy believed me and I am going update her tomorrow. Now I certain this person higher likelihood moving things in yard and still stalking me for sure to know I had been away from house and to have contacted brother to see if could find out.
    I will call investigator as well in morning.
    For all those who are stalked my heart goes out to
    With love and care
    Sand

    • Sand,
      Oh my goodness…YES, I hope you did tell the investigator and that they are doing something to help you. Please let me know what they are doing about this situation.
      Always remember, God’s got you no matter who chooses to stalk or trick or do whatever. He is our fortress of safety so run to Him when you feel afraid.
      Peace to you my friend, Colleen