• So

    Hello Colleen, I have so much to share with you. I am still by my mom, for probably another week. We speak of forgiveness in recent posts. My mom and me had one of those forgiveness conversations that your mom and her mother in law had from that Insight for LIving CD that was your mom forgiveness of mother in law in person. Wow. I did not anticipate the conversation we had but it all came out , the hurt of both sides for the time over past 4 years I needed remove myself from my family for the depth of hurt I could not continue to receive. We talked about it all. God arranged this meeting to happen and I know she heard my side clearly. There was no blame but expression of our hurts that settled into a clean slate now forward, with intention to communicate feelings that are uncomfortable moving forward. It was not a depth of her understanding some things easily, as issues were not clear to her over time, nor attention to some of the issues I have expressed with you, but it is a new start, and her truly listening and hearing my feelings and accepting what I have said, and my accepting her feelings is a true start of working forward with better communication. So much more happening ,a lot of good, and more areas that I so thrilled about. My sister in law approached me and began a conversation I was delighted to open up with her to talk about. It did regard death and my dad and her grappling with the same truth of death that I have come to you and in prayer about with my dad, that he receive and accept Jesus Christ before his passing. She and I spoke about Christian redemption and everlasting life, and in death knowing this truth and not to be afraid as those who are not afraid. My sister in law is in the process of redemption, she has a friend she is speaking to and now opening her heart with me and our new connection speaking of scripture and her growth as a new Christian knowing and seeing Jesus as Savior and Kind. It is a beautiful moment here to be able to see her heart opening in this way and to be a part of sharing scripture and my experience ,to encourage her and to be here to answer what questions she may have been called to come to me for. It is the Grace of God working within my family that yes I never believed I would live to see. My friend here in town I grew up has been also praying for this for me, and I have been praying, as I know you also are praying for me. I do wonder what I am being led to do , as per the purpose, it is so near, the volunteer prayer ministry is to begin when I return home mid June, and I am wondering where and what God has in store for me, so curious. I was looking for those recommendations that you shared to connect to see if any training within a ministry resource that you provided would be available to me, only God knows,and I will be looking over these suggestions and seeing where God is leading me???
    I continue to keep you in my prayer as well. How real and true this quote is for me right now “It’s time to open your arms and welcome those in need—-grace will always draw people to Christ”, (Colleen Swindoll Thompson 5/18/2017) I cannot believe what good is coming along my path, and so grateful to know and understand so “clearly” His work and this quote by you that is as if written for me, and God hand in leading me to read. Thank you for your remarkable insight as always and I know I have said before that I thoroughly enjoy reading your quotes created for your blog.
    Take care this evening and I look forward sharing more, and how I am going with God flow of all, and seeing where He is directing and leading me and am finding greater faith and trust each and every moment of every day even through what is uncomfortable or not exactly what I wanted or would have normally walked through but avoided. It is all in His hands and I wish to be as obedient to what this is and to have the discernment of boundaries etc that are healthful, and taking care of me in the process.
    WIth love and care,
    Sand

  • So

    Hello Colleen,
    Why do I feel less than good today? I know a lot is happening that God has His hand shaping my new life and where I need let Him place me, use me, create me in areas only His will is designed for me. I feel a little sick to stomach today ,a sadness and a little angry from what transpired after a lot of hurt was expressed by me and my mom. I think it is a clearing process although I did have something sit with me as mentioned in previous post that is although my focus need be on my own expression and my mom acceptance, it was a trigger in there with her not being able to see clearly why I had been so angry . I guess the fact that she listened to the emotion and accepted the emotion was what I need focus, yet the fact she thought a note I wrote was nasty in midst of my healing all the hurts, when I stated it was an honest letter in that she kept asking what is wrong with my not calling, my dr had read letter and genuinely said it was filled with wisdom when I wrote a year or so back. It was a very matter of fact letter and yes at that time I was healing hurt and deep deep pain, so it just would have been so much better for her to have said I am sorry that you felt so hurt. I believe this is why I struggle this morning with the after trigger within me of what was powerful expression of what I believed God led to opening up of my mom and me forgiveness of past silence between us., and the confusion with “then why am I feeling frustrated and sick in stomach”. I believed it was good ,esp that I know my mom does think about things and heard me so she may process my emphasis of she has to know how I hurt I was for the reasons of not calling for the time I had, and today I am going to be praying a lot and seeking His guidance and wisdom on all that has transpired. Honestly I do believe it is all very good, it is maybe a natural occurance through this process of healing wounded relationships, and some where there are glimpses of healing yet old patterns of lacking truth and reality still linger through my mom. She seems ok today, so one foot forward and see where God leading me in all this healing.
    I did want to ask if it was comfortable for you to expand on your thought of why you sensed discomfort with the prayer ministry, because I have a lingering gut instinct not about the prayer as much as the director, I had placed on hold the prayer line until I return back home to my own space where I can manage better a quiet environment and have prayer and quiet prior to prepare me for callers and full attention and no distractions for clear focus, and I received a call yesterday from Director wanting to know if I can start this week. I did let her know again that I was to wait until I return and she said that the evening slot may not be available and given to someone else and may not be available , so I simply said I am sure that there will be a time available when I return home that is needed. I sensed from training a sense of attitude I was uncomfortable, and have focused on the prayer and God and keep sensing this stomach sense from the management? I guess I wanted to know if you also had been uncomfortable for a similar reason? it would be helpful for me to know in this process if you are able to comment.
    The other issue today, simply I came to stay with my mom sooner than anticipated because of her cancer surgery and mothers day, and in doing so I needed revise my intention to stay for fathers day, as my dad headstone was to be in and I was supposed stay for his death so recent as support . Now that came here earlier I was to leave the 10th and I have my new counseling 6 month trauma program for my strengthening and healing further and that is 13th and support group that structured and facilitated by my counselor and to go hand in hand, and I was asked today by my sister in law that “I thought you were going to stay until fathers day” , I guess I was feeling pressured, yet I have my life 12-13 hrs away that I need lift off ground, and maybe a sense of guilt that it only one more week. It a hard place to be and I am praying for God guidance and wisdom for what He wants from me and wants me to do .
    Have a truly good day Colleen,
    I am hoping that God has answered any question for you in regard to allergy or cause of symptoms you were experiencing that were keeping you from functioning to your fullest ,and have kept this for you ,the answer from God,, without any doubt it is His answer for you, in my prayers.
    With love and care
    Sand